prasad1
Active member
Elephant Beach on India’s Andaman Islands was not where I thought I would have to justify my life choices. Yet, there I was, feet dipped in clear water, staring into the horizon, trying to convince two middle-aged women whom I did not know that the man I was with was indeed my husband. By the fourth day of our vacation on the islands, we had got used to being stared at. But when curious glances turned to quizzical looks, we began to realise that we were considered an oddity: A brown woman with a white man.
“Who is he?” one of the two women asked me as soon as my husband left my side. “My husband,” I replied after a while, snapping out of savouring my first-ever snorkelling session. She then asked me questions about our wedding and everything that had led to it. Then the other woman, who had remained silent until then, asked me for proof.
“Where is your mangal sutra? Where are your bangles?” Her tone reminded me of a teacher scolding an errant student in moral science class. I showed them the fading mehendi on my palms. Why did I do that? I later kicked myself for having misunderstood their questions as friendly banter.
When many Indians see one of their women with a man of a different race, they make assumptions, and offer unsolicited advice. An Indian woman who has got a white man must be enlightened, even by complete strangers. A lawyer whose services I was seeking for a few marriage-related formalities started by giving me a sermon on running a background check on the man I wanted to marry because “you never know how these firangs are.” I didn’t call on her again.
Ketki Pradhan, a French teacher in Pondicherry, told me about the time she was holding her German boyfriend’s hand when a group of men started making vulgar gestures. “One of them grabbed my other hand and held it very tightly for a few seconds, and ran away,” Pradhan recalled. “I was so angry that I shrieked, and we ran after them. At first, he laughed. Then seeing that I was not going to go, he apologised.”
Another time, a group of men sneered as they passed by the young couple: “Hum mein kya kami thi joh iss gore ke saath chali gayi? (what do we lack that you chose this white guy?)”
Such attitudes towards mixed-race couples are just another expression of the intolerance that won’t countenance Hindu women marrying Muslim men. And a mixed-race couple in which one person is black often brings out the worst kind of racism.
A brown woman with a white man brings out the worst in Indians ? Quartz
“Who is he?” one of the two women asked me as soon as my husband left my side. “My husband,” I replied after a while, snapping out of savouring my first-ever snorkelling session. She then asked me questions about our wedding and everything that had led to it. Then the other woman, who had remained silent until then, asked me for proof.
“Where is your mangal sutra? Where are your bangles?” Her tone reminded me of a teacher scolding an errant student in moral science class. I showed them the fading mehendi on my palms. Why did I do that? I later kicked myself for having misunderstood their questions as friendly banter.
When many Indians see one of their women with a man of a different race, they make assumptions, and offer unsolicited advice. An Indian woman who has got a white man must be enlightened, even by complete strangers. A lawyer whose services I was seeking for a few marriage-related formalities started by giving me a sermon on running a background check on the man I wanted to marry because “you never know how these firangs are.” I didn’t call on her again.
Ketki Pradhan, a French teacher in Pondicherry, told me about the time she was holding her German boyfriend’s hand when a group of men started making vulgar gestures. “One of them grabbed my other hand and held it very tightly for a few seconds, and ran away,” Pradhan recalled. “I was so angry that I shrieked, and we ran after them. At first, he laughed. Then seeing that I was not going to go, he apologised.”
Another time, a group of men sneered as they passed by the young couple: “Hum mein kya kami thi joh iss gore ke saath chali gayi? (what do we lack that you chose this white guy?)”
Such attitudes towards mixed-race couples are just another expression of the intolerance that won’t countenance Hindu women marrying Muslim men. And a mixed-race couple in which one person is black often brings out the worst kind of racism.
A brown woman with a white man brings out the worst in Indians ? Quartz
