A good measure of kindness

[V.Balasubramani]

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A good measure ofkindness

We’re all so busy running the race that we forget why and what we are going to do when we reach the finish line, or what we become in the process.

Isn’t education all aboutstudents growing into concerned citizens?

It’s somewhathackneyed to comment on the approach of the year’s end, but I’ll do it anyway.This is my last column for the year, and that’s enough reason to remark uponit, don’t you think? It is also the 51st instalment of the Backpacker’s Guideand the rucksack continues to surprise me with its contents. One of thepleasures of writing a column is getting to hear from readers, and theseresponses and comments feed into new ideas to write about.

In response to thelast fortnight’s column, many people wrote in with examples of how they hadbeen able to either stand up for certain ideals or intervene in the system andforce positive change. However, these brave people seem to be the exceptionrather than the norm, and I’m sure many of us have been in situations where wehave stood by feeling helpless and unable to do anything.

While some of this hasto do with how we are socialised — in the home and among our peers — a goodchunk of it might also have to do with how we are educated. Even a cursory lookat the adjectives that are used to sell educational institutions of every huewill reveal a dominance of words that relate to the idea of competence. Schoolsand colleges build skills, provide knowledge, make young people market ready,create leaders and achievers, people who can stay ahead of the race.

We’re all so busyrunning the race that we forget why and what we are going to do when we reachthe finish line, or what we become in the process.

Read more at: A good measure of kindness - The Hindu

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[renuka]

We’re all so busyrunning the race that we forget why and what we are going to do when we reachthe finish line, or what we become in the process.

Read more at: A good measure of kindness - The Hindu

Why worry too much about events that had not occurred?

So the best is live for the moment and try not to focus too much on the future and ruin the present.

Everyone is always concerned about the future or even the after-life.

Why worry what we become when our existence is ever changing? Are we the same say what we were 20 years back? So do we have a fixed destination and fixed behavior? I dont think so.

Therefore why worry of the finish line? Is there a finish line?

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Doctor Mam,

This is the crux of the issue:

“It’s not very fashionable these days to talk about human values. I’m not getting into a morality lecture here but it strikes me that in all this selling of education as competence-building, we lose sight of that other major task of education—of humanity-building.

In fact, most parents focus almost entirely on academic achievement during the school and college going years, and show little or no interest in whether the young person is also growing to be a caring community member or concerned citizen. We all assume that this aspect of personality evolves naturally — but does it, really?"

Do you think our Educational Institutions or parents pay any importance to this subject which is also vital ?

 

[renuka]

Doctor Mam,

This is the crux of the issue is :

“It’s not very fashionable these days to talk about human values. I’m not getting into a morality lecture here but it strikes me that in all this selling of education as competence-building, we lose sight of that other major task of education—of humanity-building.

In fact, most parents focus almost entirely on academic achievement during the school and college going years, and show little or no interest in whether the young person is also growing to be a caring community member or concerned citizen. We all assume that this aspect of personality evolves naturally — but does it, really?"

Do you think our Educational Institutions or parents pay any importance to this subject which is also vital ?

Dear Sir,

Schools out here too have a subject called Moral and Human Values and many students score high in that subject and are an exact opposite of what they are taught!LOL

I remember growing up and being taught some values but I finally decided to be myself which at times is unconventional.

From my personal experience I feel this so called instillation of values either creates a fake society or a holier than thou society and no one really cares for anyone....its just outward show.

We also can not force anyone to be caring. Each person is wired differently.

Instead children should be taught Law and Order and about criminal offences.

When it comes to being caring and loving..I dont think that can be taught by anyone.

That can only be "learnt" by experiences and time.

Some just dont have it to be caring and loving and I am not saying they are wrong...each person is different.

 

[krish44]

Dear Sir,

Schools out here too have a subject called Moral and Human Values and many students score high in that subject and are an exact opposite of what they are taught!LOL

I remember growing up and being taught some values but I finally decided to be myself which at times is unconventional.

From my personal experience I feel this so called instillation of values either creates a fake society or a holier than thou society and no one really cares for anyone....its just outward show.

We also can not force anyone to be caring. Each person is wired differently.

Instead children should be taught Law and Order and about criminal offences.

When it comes to being caring and loving..I dont think that can be taught by anyone.

That can only be "learnt" by experiences and time.

Some just dont have it to be caring and loving and I am not saying they are wrong...each person is different.

I have a book to recommend for reading renukaji along with you post#2

saul bellow-the author and the book 'sieze the day''

it is about a person with unsatisfactory relationship with wife,parent ,friends and in conflict with living ,dubbed a

failure and developing a philosophy of seizing and living the day. does it strike a chord?

A reasonable way of living for many lies in living each day as well as possible without thinking of incidents of the

past, no undue fear of the future and be happy in the present.

 

[sravna]

Dear Renuka,

You tend to miss the fact that your present happiness depends on how you plan to live the future. If you do not worry about the future you may well have to worry in the present.

 

[krish44]

sravnaji

my quarrel with the planners is they all the time overplan for the future thinking of all bizarre scenarios and work

themselves up. they deny themselves all that is required for good living, become worrying and depressing individuals and drive themselves crazy thinking of the future.

Most carry also the burden of their past failed lives , their petty hatred, poor inter personal relationship with

spouse,parents,children,friends and drive themselves into a corner unable to enjoy the present

 

[sravna]

Dear Krish Ji,

You make a valid point. As with anything else there has to be a balance. Enjoy the present but don't get addicted to instant happiness. Plan for the future but do not think you can account for all the eventualities because you cannot. So as you say do not overplan. Reflect on the past as it helps you to correct your mistakes but don't let it spoil the enjoyment in the present.

So if you plan for the future in the right way and learn from the mistakes of the past you will have the right enjoyment in the present

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

You tend to miss the fact that your present happiness depends on how you plan to live the future. If you do not worry about the future you may well have to worry in the present.

Dear Sravna,

To be frank I seldom worry for the future..something that does not go too well with many people.

Present is always what we have but that does not mean I do not do my duties..I do it well still.

Coming to worry..I seldom acutely worry cos I know worry does not solve problems.

I rather try to solve problems instead of spending time and energy in worry.

I will give you a simple example..some last week there were strong winds that I felt must have displaced my house roof tiles and the ceiling of the bed-room started to leak.

So I called a person to repair it and he placed the tiles back and the leak stopped..then he said it was a temporary measure and I need to do some repairs on my roof or it will leak again.

From my personal experience I have noted most repair guys tend to exaggerate..so I told the repair man I will observe the ceiling for the next 2 weeks ..if it leaks again I will call him back.

Now this did not go too well with my mum who said "why wait till there is another leak..get it repaired right away..what if it leaks again?"

So you see till now there is no leak..if there is a leak I will get it repaired that's all.

I am not planning to jump into action right away too much worried about the future.

Another example is there is a rumor that in the near future doctors in Msia will not be able to dispense medicine and only see patients like how it is in India where patient has to purchase medication from the pharmacy.

Many doctors here are getting worked up and this is discussed left right centre at meetings on how to prevent this so that our income wont be affected.

For me when any friend calls me to discuss this I tell them "Why worry when its only a rumor and not yet confirmed when..when its confirmed than I might start to give it a thought"

So you see Sravna..why burden ourselves with worry of things that are yet to unfold?

I feel we always only have the present..past is gone and who cares about the past..future never comes becos future is always only the present on fast forward.

So live well in the present and face everything that comes our way and dont waste energy on worry.

 

[Raji Ram]

Kindness is learnt and can't be induced! A teacher from a popular school told me that students doze off in the Moral Science

classes. Children learn from their parents and other family members; and later on from friends. Only if their environment has

people with good values, they will learn. It is not connected to education at all.

 

[renuka]

So if you plan for the future in the right way and learn from the mistakes of the past you will have the right enjoyment in the present

Dear Sravna,

Past is past..why should it count anymore?

BTW why is there always over emphasis on enjoyment?

Can we really define enjoyment?

I dont think we can.

 

[renuka]

I feel human beings need not be too "good" cos that would be down right boring.

Its not easy to hang around a too good to be true crowd.

We do not need to hang around criminals either but we should just have the right blend of being NORMAL that is neither being a Saint nor a Sinner.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

I would like to share the following article which stresses the significance on teaching kindness in schools - quite self explanatory:

Why Teaching Kindness in Schools Is Essential to Reduce Bullying

Phrases like "random acts of kindness" and "pay it forward" have become popular terms in modern society. Perhaps this could be best explained by those who have identified a deficiency in their lives that can only be fulfilled by altruism.

It seems that we just can't get enough of those addictive, feel-good emotions -- and with good reason. Scientific studies prove that kindness has many physical, emotional, and mental health benefits. And children need a healthy dose of the warm-and-fuzzies to thrive as healthy, happy, well-rounded individuals.

Patty O'Grady, PhD, an expert in neuroscience, emotional learning, and positive psychology, specializes in education. She reports:

Kindness changes the brain by the experience of kindness. Children and adolescents do not learn kindness by only thinking about it and talking about it. Kindness is best learned by feeling it so that they can reproduce it.

A great number of benefits have been reported to support teaching kindness in schools, best summed up by the following.

Read more at: Why Teaching Kindness in Schools Is Essential to Reduce Bullying | Edutopia

 

[krish44]

I feel human beings need not be too "good" cos that would be down right boring.

Its not easy to hang around a too good to be true crowd.

We do not need to hang around criminals either but we should just have the right blend of being NORMAL that is neither being a Saint nor a Sinner.

It is difficult to be normal . people are saintly and not so saintly depending on the circumstances or the moment.

Intelligent beings due to various reasons show different facets of their personality depending on need of the

moment.lol

 

[renuka]

Intelligent beings due to various reasons show different facets of their personality depending on need of the

moment.lol

This is what I call NORMAL.

 

[Vaagmi]

i feel human beings need not be too "good" cos that would be down right boring.
Its not easy to hang around a too good to be true crowd.
We do not need to hang around criminals either but we should just have the right blend of being normal that is neither being a saint nor a sinner.

மனிதன் பாதி மிருகம் பாதி.....................lol.

 

[renuka]

மனிதன் பாதி மிருகம் பாதி.....................lol.

Kadavul paathi,
Mirigam paathi,
Kalandhu seitha,
Kalavai naan,

 

[sravna]

Dear Renuka,

Really too good persons are real fun. They have the capability to react according to the situations and so are many in one. They can project themselves as saint, sinner or a normal person. Definitely not boring.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

Really too good persons are real fun. They have the capability to react according to the situations and so are many in one. They can project themselves as saint, sinner or a normal person. Definitely not boring.

Dear Sravna,

If you can do that and project yourself as a saint,sinner or normal person than you can be my best friend forever!LOL


But so far you are always a saint..I have yet to see your sinner side!

So how are you planning to sin?LOL

 

[sravna]

Dear Renuka,

I appear as a sinner to those who desperately want me to sin. But my saintly side appears at the right moment. It is a win win situation because they still think I am a sinner though I know the truth.

So it depends on how you interpret what I say or do. If you have always seen me as a saint only the good side appears to you. Try to think in a perverted way. You will see the sinner side.

So Renu, do you think I can be your best friend?

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

I appear as a sinner to those who desperately want me to sin. But my saintly side appears at the right moment. It is a win win situation because they still think I am a sinner though I know the truth.

So it depends on how you interpret what I say or do. If you have always seen me as a saint only the good side appears to you. Try to think in a perverted way. You will see the sinner side.

So Renu, do you think I can be your best friend?

Dear Sravna,


I think its like this....you will be a partner in sin..leading on and inviting others to interpret even a virtue as sin but just at the right moment you will become a saint and leave everyone high and dry!LOL


There is a Punjabi word to describe this situation but I cant type it cos it sounds a bit suggestive!LOL

BTW Sravna.....what if you fail to transform into a saint at the right moment?
Then you would sin?

If you answer this...then you will be my best friend forever!LOL

 

[sravna]

Dear Sravna,


I think its like this....you will be a partner in sin..leading on and inviting others to interpret even a virtue as sin but just at the right moment you will become a saint and leave everyone high and dry!LOL


There is a Punjabi word to describe this situation but I cant type it cos it sounds a bit suggestive!LOL

BTW Sravna.....what if you fail to transform into a saint at the right moment?
Then you would sin?

If you answer this...then you will be my best friend forever!LOL

Dear Renuka,

Sinning is only the effect and the cause is what reveals itself at the right moment. So will I sin?

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

Sinning is only the effect and the cause is what reveals itself at the right moment. So will I sin?

Dear Sravna,


To have an effect there need to be a cause.

So if the effect is sin can the cause be virtue?


To the question "will I sin?"..my question to you is "Do you want to?"LOL

 

[sravna]

Dear Renuka,I am saying the reverse. If the cause is a virtue can the effect be really a sin? That also answers your question whether I want to sin

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,I am saying the reverse. If the cause is a virtue can the effect be really a sin? That also answers your question whether I want to sin

yes...if the cause is a virtue the effect can be a sin!
Thats no doubt about that.

So now I know that you really want to sin!LOL