prasad1
Active member
Many years ago I was travelling on an assignment for the BBC. I boarded an overnight train, found my berth and began to settle down for my journey. The man sitting opposite me struck up a conversation asking where I was travelling, what part of India I was from, what I did.
Then he asked me: "What does your husband do?"
I had not even told him that I was married. I was offended - it didn't matter to him that I was a journalist and was travelling for work.
I was just a woman and a woman to India's patriarchal mindset is inconsequential unless she is seen as someone's daughter or sister or wife.
It was not the first time I was asked this question, nor was it the last. A number of my friends complain they are regularly asked this by acquaintances, just minutes old.
So I decided to stop men on the streets of Delhi and pop this question to them: "What does your wife do?" It was a totally non-scientific experiment borne out of curiosity - and perhaps some over-sensitivity.
.................................
Jagdish Singh Kaira says the question is "an ice-breaker" and "it's not so personal that I would get annoyed". His wife is a college student and he says he often gets asked by friends and members of his extended family if he is married although no-one has ever asked him what his wife does.
"Women get asked about their husbands because in India people think that a woman has to be married. Indians can't accept that a woman is not married," he says.
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Mr Mishra says he has never been questioned about his wife's work, and admits that "my wife gets asked all the time about me".
"But I think she doesn't mind. I guess she would be annoyed if I was not successful, I think people mind talking about their spouse when they are in unhappy marriages," he says.
...........
When I asked the question of Dr Vijay Goel, sitting next to me on a Delhi Metro train, he seemed very upset, but then he agreed to speak to us.
"Who are you? Why are you asking me this question? You have no business asking me this question," he said.
When I pointed it out to him that I've been asked that question many times, he said it was "okay for men to ask you this question if they've been talking to you for about half an hour".
..................................
A question for Indian men: What does your wife do? - BBC News
I have been guilty of asking this question, but after getting to know the person a little more.
Then he asked me: "What does your husband do?"
I had not even told him that I was married. I was offended - it didn't matter to him that I was a journalist and was travelling for work.
I was just a woman and a woman to India's patriarchal mindset is inconsequential unless she is seen as someone's daughter or sister or wife.
It was not the first time I was asked this question, nor was it the last. A number of my friends complain they are regularly asked this by acquaintances, just minutes old.
So I decided to stop men on the streets of Delhi and pop this question to them: "What does your wife do?" It was a totally non-scientific experiment borne out of curiosity - and perhaps some over-sensitivity.
.................................
Jagdish Singh Kaira says the question is "an ice-breaker" and "it's not so personal that I would get annoyed". His wife is a college student and he says he often gets asked by friends and members of his extended family if he is married although no-one has ever asked him what his wife does.
"Women get asked about their husbands because in India people think that a woman has to be married. Indians can't accept that a woman is not married," he says.
.....................................
Mr Mishra says he has never been questioned about his wife's work, and admits that "my wife gets asked all the time about me".
"But I think she doesn't mind. I guess she would be annoyed if I was not successful, I think people mind talking about their spouse when they are in unhappy marriages," he says.
...........
When I asked the question of Dr Vijay Goel, sitting next to me on a Delhi Metro train, he seemed very upset, but then he agreed to speak to us.
"Who are you? Why are you asking me this question? You have no business asking me this question," he said.
When I pointed it out to him that I've been asked that question many times, he said it was "okay for men to ask you this question if they've been talking to you for about half an hour".
..................................
A question for Indian men: What does your wife do? - BBC News
I have been guilty of asking this question, but after getting to know the person a little more.
