The act of explaining to the son or daughter or other close relatives about the good nature and help rendered by the deceased and give condolences to them is called Enquiring about the grief. When some one dies his/her jeevan will remain for ten days from the day of death at the place where aparakarmas are being performed.
During all the ten days the jeevan will remain invisible and in a very subtle form,listening to the words spoken by the visitors ,making the enquiries and observing all the events at the place. That is why it is necessary during those ten days to enquire about the grief and recall the good deeds and help rendered by the deceased soul to others.
These acts makes the jeevan of the deceased happy. gossip should be avoided. should not talk ill of the deceased.during these ten days. Our sastras says all the friends of the deceased must also come and those helped by the deceased should visit the house to enquire grief.
It is best to make the enquiries on the day of death, and remain close to the bereaved and assisting them.If this is not possible, one can visit the house on even days except monday, tuesday and friday., even the monday is an even day thanjavur dist. people will avoid going to the deceased house.
If the husband dies while the wife is alive , the obsequies enquiry should not be made on tuesdays and fridays. and ladies should go there after consuming some food and tieing one manjal in the saree thalapu. On the first day and on the 10th day all can go to enquire. there is no restriction. On the first day you may go for enquiry till the body of the deceased is still on that house. you should not go on the first day after the body left the house.
On the first day, those making enquiry should leave the house before the karma is started for the body. If they cannot leave before karma starts , they should leave the place only after the karmas are finished and the body leaves to the cremation ground. One should not leave the place in the middle.
Those who proceed to the cremation ground on the first day should remain there, till the karmas are finished. Some custom suggests that people should also visit the next day for sanchayanam. People who visits the the house of the deceased for condolences should to the extent possible not come in close contact with those of the house avoid bodily contact.
Friends and relatives except close relatives who are visiting the house for condolence should not consume any food or drink in the first ten days. even though it is brought from outside and outsiders are serving you. Those who don't follow these restrictions may not derive the full benefit of their pujas,japams, homas etc;
After making condolences and before entering one's own house ,the person should bathe head to toe in the rear of the house or in the river or pond. In addition the person should again wet his feet before entering the house.
When one travels to another town or city for condolences, he/she should first to go to friend or relative's house , then visit the house of the deceased for condolence. After the visit, he/she must return to the friend/ relative's house again, have a bath and then return to the dwelling place.
If one happens to go directly to the deceased's house for condolence , then he/she must not visit any house on his return but straight return to the dwelling house. Our maharishis with their foresight and considering the welfare of the people have shown restrictions, they are bound to derive the maximum benefit of the good deeds one does in his/her life time.
