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Shri Sridhar54,

For doubts like yours there can be two kinds of solutions, one, strictly as per the Dharma Sastras and Grihya Sootras. Here, the answer is very clear : likes, dislikes in this world will not affect matters relating to rituals after death, and if these are not conducted as per the Sastra injunctions, pitru saapam (curse of the manes) may befall the karta and/or his progeny for the next 7 generations. Hence, your friend's wife must participate in all the after-death rituals.

The second kind of answer is that since our people have migrated to different foreign countries and many of them have also become citizens of those countries, we should make do with whatever others of our group (tabras, Vadama Iyers, if you say so) do there. If your friend sincerely feels that his wife's participation in the post-demise rituals will tantamount to disrespect of his parents, let him do those rituals alone. There is no need to consult and get approval from anybody, imho. The essential point to be ensured is that we remember our parents (at least one day in a year) for all the sacrifices they must have done to take care of us till we could stand on our own legs. I will advise my son who is abroad, to remember us (my wife and myself) after our passing away, if he can do that without any dislike or hostility; otherwise let him not do anything.

As the Charvaakas said, we cannot serve a feast to two brahmins in the ground floor of our house and then say that the hunger of our friend sitting in the first floor of the same house would have been satiated by that. Then where is the question of satisfying the hunger and thirst of people who are no more alive and about whom we have really no reliable idea?

Secondly, the different groups of people in this world remember their dead near and dear ones in very many different ways. Are all these erroneous and only our tabra style is the correct one? If so all the rest of the world's population must be suffering pitru saapam, which does not appear to be the case. I have also heard about a very orthodox brahmin who did not do any post-demise ritual (excepting the lighting of the pyre) because his father was a tyrannical person and had been very cruel to the son during his young days.

<blockquote data-quote="sangom" data-source="post: 168933" data-attributes="member: 13168">Shri Sridhar54,For doubts like yours there can be two kinds of solutions, one, strictly as per the Dharma Sastras and Grihya Sootras. Here, the answer is very clear : likes, dislikes in this world will not affect matters relating to rituals after death, and if these are not conducted as per the Sastra injunctions, pitru saapam (curse of the manes) may befall the karta and/or his progeny for the next 7 generations. Hence, your friend&#039;s wife must participate in all the after-death rituals.The second kind of answer is that since our people have migrated to different foreign countries and many of them have also become citizens of those countries, we should make do with whatever others of our group (tabras, Vadama Iyers, if you say so) do there. If your friend sincerely feels that his wife&#039;s participation in the post-demise rituals will tantamount to disrespect of his parents, let him do those rituals alone. There is no need to consult and get approval from anybody, imho. The essential point to be ensured is that we remember our parents (at least one day in a year) for all the sacrifices they must have done to take care of us till we could stand on our own legs. I will advise my son who is abroad, to remember us (my wife and myself) after our passing away, if he can do that without any dislike or hostility; otherwise let him not do anything.As the Charvaakas said, we cannot serve a feast to two brahmins in the ground floor of our house and then say that the hunger of our friend sitting in the first floor of the same house would have been satiated by that. Then where is the question of satisfying the hunger and thirst of people who are no more alive and about whom we have really no reliable idea?Secondly, the different groups of people in this world remember their dead near and dear ones in very many different ways. Are all these erroneous and only our tabra style is the correct one? If so all the rest of the world&#039;s population must be suffering pitru saapam, which does not appear to be the case. I have also heard about a very orthodox brahmin who did not do any post-demise ritual (excepting the lighting of the pyre) because his father was a tyrannical person and had been very cruel to the son during his young days.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="sangom, post: 168933, member: 13168"] [SIZE=3] Shri Sridhar54, For doubts like yours there can be two kinds of solutions, one, strictly as per the Dharma Sastras and Grihya Sootras. Here, the answer is very clear : likes, dislikes in this world will not affect matters relating to rituals after death, and if these are not conducted as per the Sastra injunctions, pitru saapam (curse of the manes) may befall the karta and/or his progeny for the next 7 generations. Hence, your friend's wife [B]must[/B] participate in all the after-death rituals. The second kind of answer is that since our people have migrated to different foreign countries and many of them have also become citizens of those countries, we should make do with whatever others of our group (tabras, Vadama Iyers, if you say so) do there. If your friend sincerely feels that his wife's participation in the post-demise rituals will tantamount to disrespect of his parents, let him do those rituals alone. There is no need to consult and get approval from anybody, imho. The essential point to be ensured is that we remember our parents (at least one day in a year) for all the sacrifices they must have done to take care of us till we could stand on our own legs. I will advise my son who is abroad, to remember us (my wife and myself) after our passing away, if he can do that without any dislike or hostility; otherwise let him not do anything. As the Charvaakas said, we cannot serve a feast to two brahmins in the ground floor of our house and then say that the hunger of our friend sitting in the first floor of the same house would have been satiated by that. Then where is the question of satisfying the hunger and thirst of people who are no more alive and about whom we have really no reliable idea? Secondly, the different groups of people in this world remember their dead near and dear ones in very many different ways. Are all these erroneous and only our tabra style is the correct one? If so all the rest of the world's population must be suffering pitru saapam, which does not appear to be the case. I have also heard about a very orthodox brahmin who did not do any post-demise ritual (excepting the lighting of the pyre) because his father was a tyrannical person and had been very cruel to the son during his young days. [/SIZE] [/QUOTE]

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