Bheema Santhi (54 years)

[shankar_g_i]

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Dear All,

My mother got separated from her husband long back for his wrong deeds. In fact she was the one who took care of me & my sister and my ageing paternal grand parents. We (my wife & me) wish to perform bheema shanthi (54th birthday) for her.. whether the same is possible. Please help.. urget advise required

 

[kunjuppu]

dear shankar,

what a wonderful lady, your mother is. not only did she bring you, your sibling up, but taking care of the wayward husband's parents,i think, is the height of nobility.

i understand your eagerness to show outward form of gratitude towards her. please treat my comments as informative and gently. i do not mean any malevolence.

first of all, have you talked to her about it? it is very important, that you do this for her, because she likes it, and not because you want to show off to your relatives and society, what a grateful son you are. that would be defeating the purpose, wouldn't it?

it may be a good idea, to talk to her, about your need to show appreciation. maybe she would like a tour abroad. or a visit to the religious places. either way, spend the maximum, so that she goes top class.

once again, you are one lucky guy to have a mum like that. ensure that she is well taken care of (hopefully you have a spouse who is cooperative). also include your sister as a partner, for what i have found, many a times, a mother daughter can live together, whereas a mil/dil is a difficult proposition.

best wishes...

 

[shankar_g_i]

Thanks for your valuable advise sir... surely will take note of this.. As regards the last para.. sir its funny situation at home .Me & my sister are the ones who more ofter on the other side .. My wife & mom never bear anything negative to each other.

dear shankar,

what a wonderful lady, your mother is. not only did she bring you, your sibling up, but taking care of the wayward husband's parents,i think, is the height of nobility.

i understand your eagerness to show outward form of gratitude towards her. please treat my comments as informative and gently. i do not mean any malevolence.

first of all, have you talked to her about it? it is very important, that you do this for her, because she likes it, and not because you want to show off to your relatives and society, what a grateful son you are. that would be defeating the purpose, wouldn't it?

it may be a good idea, to talk to her, about your need to show appreciation. maybe she would like a tour abroad. or a visit to the religious places. either way, spend the maximum, so that she goes top class.

once again, you are one lucky guy to have a mum like that. ensure that she is well taken care of (hopefully you have a spouse who is cooperative). also include your sister as a partner, for what i have found, many a times, a mother daughter can live together, whereas a mil/dil is a difficult proposition.

best wishes...

 

[sangom]

sankar,

A mother such as yours, definitely deserves to be given the honour of Bhima santhi. I presume your doubt arises, I think, perhaps because the husband is not there. I had one colleague whose father had his mother more or less in the same situation. (There the husband returned when all the 8 or 10 children had been brought up by the mother and the eldest son, my colleague's father, but the son just drove him away, virtually!).

I do not think vadhyars will raise any objection today. Please go ahead. Let me wish your mother and all of you in the family many, many happy and healthy years ahead.

PS.

I am an old man 71. So, I think my wishes are not out of place.

 

[kunjuppu]

thank you sankar for your kind response.

sangom,

i have close relatives, same situation. 4 children and the father, a senior positioned executive in bombay, constantly abusing the wife, mentally and physically, that too tinged with 'religiosity'.

mother with 4 young children left and went to trivandrum, with support of her dad, brought up the kids, who are now, in top notch jobs all over the world.

some years back, mother got a telegram from a palghat village - the man was in dire straits healthwise and needed 24 x 7 care. this came from dad's dayadhis, who wanted to relinquish this odious job, and invoked seetha's morality to the mother.

mom refused to have anything to do with this. oldest son went, arranged help, and paid for it, and soon when the man died, also arranged for 3rd party to cremate the body.

i think, the true parents are those that give love, affection, care and nourishment. it need not come of the blood. just of the heart.

another cousin - same story of abused wife. here the wife accepted the very sick husband back (liver pulped through alcohol intake), tended and nursed him last 6 months of his life. however son refused to do the last rites.

 

[B Suresh Kumar]

Dear Shankar,
The Bheema Shanthi is for the individual seeking good health, remedy from sins etc. You can go ahead and perform the Bheema Shanthi for your mother and she deserves it.
But ensure that your mother is interested in the function as rightly pointed out by Mr Kunjuppu in post 2

 

[Mohaar02]

Dear All,

My mother got separated from her husband long back for his wrong deeds. In fact she was the one who took care of me & my sister and my ageing paternal grand parents. We (my wife & me) wish to perform bheema shanthi (54th birthday) for her.. whether the same is possible. Please help.. urget advise required

Dear shankar ji,
You can go ahead with doing a bheema santhi since it is no way related to the marital status. I just have a difference of opinion on the willingness criteria, because it becomes a duty of a son to perform all these aptha poorthis and shanthis to their parents. Performing the shanthi is a great punya not only to you but also for your mother.

Thanks,
Loga samastha sugino bhavanthu radhe krishna!!

 

[Nara]

....My mother got separated from her husband long back for his wrong deeds. In fact she was the one who took care of me & my sister and my ageing paternal grand parents. We (my wife & me) wish to perform bheema shanthi (54th birthday) for her.. whether the same is possible. Please help.. urget advise required

Dear shankar_g_i, as far as I am aware, this Bheema Shanthi is performed on the 70th birthday, not 54th or even 60th. But I do appreciate your sentiments to honor your mother. One possibility is to take her on a grand vacation and treat her to some of the finer enjoyments of life, whatever it may be that she would enjoy. If she is a religious kind, take her on a pilgrimage with all the comforts you can afford. If she is a connoisseur of fine Carnatic music, get her the best hifi sound system and a great collection of music you can afford.

For each of my sorry suggestion I am sure you and your wife can think of 10 better ones your dear mother will cherish. This is my humble suggestion.

Best regards ....

 

[Mohaar02]

Dear shankar_g_i, as far as I am aware, this Bheema Shanthi is performed on the 70th birthday, not 54th or even 60th. But I do appreciate your sentiments to honor your mother. One possibility is to take her on a grand vacation and treat her to some of the finer enjoyments of life, whatever it may be that she would enjoy. If she is a religious kind, take her on a pilgrimage with all the comforts you can afford. If she is a connoisseur of fine Carnatic music, get her the best hifi sound system and a great collection of music you can afford.

For each of my sorry suggestion I am sure you and your wife can think of 10 better ones your dear mother will cherish. This is my humble suggestion.

Best regards ....

Respected ji,

Shankar ji is talking about bheema santhi which needs to be done on commencement of 55 years. The one that we do on 7o th year is termed as Bheema Ratha santhi..
I just add the list of shanthis that needs to be performed for a human being in their life time
1 . பீமா சாந்தி --------- 55 வது வயது ஆரம்பம்.
2 . உக்ரரத சாந்தி --------- 60 வது வயது ஆரம்பம்.
3 . ஷஷ்டிதமாப்த பூர்த்தி சாந்தி ----- 61 வது வயது ஆரம்பம்
4 . பீமரத சாந்தி ---------- 70 வது வயது ஆரம்பம்
5 . ரத சாந்தி ---------- 72 வது வயது ஆரம்பம்.
6 . விஜய சாந்தி ---------- 78 வது வயது ஆரம்பம்.
7. ப்ரபௌத்ர சாந்தி ---------- பிள்ளைக்கு பிள்ளைக்கு பிள்ளை பிறந்தால்.
8 . சதாபிஷேகம் ---------- 80 வருஷம் 8 மாதம் முடிந்து உத்தராயண வளர்பிறையில்
9 . ம்ருத்யுஞ்சய சாந்தி ---------- 85 வருஷம் முதல் 90 க்குள்
10 . பூர்ணபிஷேகம் ---------- 100 வது வயதில் சுபதினத்தில்.

Thanks,
Radhe Krishna !! Loga Samastha sugino bhavanthu!!

 

[Nara]

....Shankar ji is talking about bheema santhi which needs to be done on commencement of 55 years. The one that we do on 7o th year is termed as Bheema Ratha santhi..

Thanks for the information, I appreciate it.

With so many santhees, the senior years are filled with excitement galore ....

Cheers!