Bringing up Kids

[indianassault]

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This is a question that will abundant suggestions. what are the secrets to successful parenting? Not fighting, walk the talk are regular answers but what extra should we do to raise Kids who can think on their own and be righteous ? We already decided we are not going to force a career on the kid or a pre decided course of life, but still we need to have good amount of control on their activities?

 

[renuka]

Dear Assault ji,

I feel there is no such thing as successful parenting...there are only parents.

It is just that when kids follow what we wanted them to follow we praise ourselves and call it successful parenting.

 

[krish44]

learn to leave them alone to discover themselves and not pass on to them the baggages of older generation being carried by you. they will think on their own and if they are not on the right path allow them to find the right path with minimal guidance. pl do not compare your kids with other kids. your kids are always special. give them love and understanding . they will reciprocate. do not be a control freak. do not look at their report cards. do not attend parent teacher meetings . refuse to listen to teachers complaints against your kids . never pull up your children in front of other kids ,teachers. always make yourself available when they want you. give them money for all their needs without too much questioning. allow them to do their own things. try to be an understanding parent.you will get understanding kids.bythe way ,I did not do anything special for my kids. They are wonderful kids and are successful in education and career.

 

[renuka]

learn to leave them alone to discover themselves and not pass on to them the baggages of older generation being carried by you. they will think on their own and if they are not on the right path allow them to find the right path with minimal guidance. pl do not compare your kids with other kids. your kids are always special. give them love and understanding . they will reciprocate. do not be a control freak. do not look at their report cards. do not attend parent teacher meetings . refuse to listen to teachers complaints against your kids . never pull up your children in front of other kids ,teachers. always make yourself available when they want you. give them money for all their needs without too much questioning. allow them to do their own things. try to be an understanding parent.you will get understanding kids.bythe way ,I did not do anything special for my kids. They are wonderful kids and are successful in education and career.

Dear Krishji,

My son's piano teacher at times keeps bugging me that my son is not practicing music as much even though he plays fairly well.The teacher is looking for perfection but I want my son to enjoy music and not think of perfection.

So I usually just smile at the music teacher and never tell her anything. What can anyone tell a person who keeps smiling and never talks? They give up right?

I also never ever attend any Parent Teacher Meetings..I send my husband to take my sons report card(my son is a good student no doubt and well behaved)..the reason I dont go is cos if a mother goes..teachers start blah blah blah and try to get too personal..send a guy that too a 6 foot tall one..no one would talk much and work is done faster!LOL

I too never compare my son to other kids..no 2 kids are the same.

I like kids to be kids..let them enjoy being young and not too much pressure on them.

I have friends who send their kids for swimming lessons and make them compete even at state level..they also play football to play at state level..they never let their kids do anything for leisure.

I never force my son in anything...he did not like his Carnatic music class and wanted to quit and I said fine..quit..at least he is interested in piano.

So let kids chose what they want to do( as long its not illegal) and what they want to be.

When they know we are there to understand them they usually grow up to be fine.

 

[sravna]

The best way to raise a kid is to prepare him for facing the external world. The most challenging task an adult could possibly face is to be himself. In many circumstances it is not possible because of the pressures that he may have to face and thus not be himself. So even though many would say it is necessary to let a child be independent, I would it is necessary to let him be himself because the former makes sense only if the latter is true.

The best way to do this is to increase his moral strength right from early childhood and at the same time making him aware of the realities of the world so that he knows not only what to expect from people but also how to effectively react to them.

Even career is secondary. If he is himself he will do exactly the best thing possible for self and be happy as an adult.

 

[sarang]

What is corporate mantra? Invest in training. All newcomers are trained in the company's mission, philosophy and in the specific area of work too. Good parents, like good employers must instill values they treasure, expose them to family traditions and practices. What the kids do when they face hostile and luring world is another matter.

 

[prasad1]

I agree with the views expressed by Sarangji, and Sravanaji.
We as parents have obligation to do the best we can do for our children. If we abdicate the responsibilities of parenting the child still might turn out ok.

I have an employee her 15 years old boy is in trouble, he is going throe the legal system, the mother is worried sick and spending all her hard earned money, were as her 11 year old daughter is a model child.
So her two children are two ends of the spectrum inspite of her same parenting skills. So we can not claim success or failure of our children, but we have to nurture our children the best we can.

 

[krish44]

I agree with the views expressed by Sarangji, and Sravanaji.
We as parents have obligation to do the best we can do for our children. If we abdicate the responsibilities of parenting the child still might turn out ok.

I have an employee her 15 years old boy is in trouble, he is going throe the legal system, the mother is worried sick and spending all her hard earned money, were as her 11 year old daughter is a model child.
So her two children are two ends of the spectrum inspite of her same parenting skills. So we can not claim success or failure of our children, but we have to nurture our children the best we can.

prasadji I agree with the line we have to nurture our children
there are many dysfunctional families.like the poor family you have quoted as example.her parenting skills may be open to question
but overguiding them and passing on to them our unfilled ambitions,hopes and aspirations and making their life miserable is a common mistake of most parents. hence it would be a good idea to keep a safe distance from them and giving guidance when they ask or is absolutely necessary is a good option. children should discover what they want and enjoy their childhood. we should be enablers alone

 

[krish44]

What is corporate mantra? Invest in training. All newcomers are trained in the company's mission, philosophy and in the specific area of work too. Good parents, like good employers must instill values they treasure, expose them to family traditions and practices. What the kids do when they face hostile and luring world is another matter.

corporate mantra is with the objective of maximising profit and corporate greed. it is not for welfare of any employee. to compare parenting with corporates interest is not wise. to inculcate that people in the world are are hostile and tempt one with so called evil is passing on our so called wisdom This is to be totally avoided.family traditions and practices are crosses we have carried . why should next generation carry them . let them be free birds and fly and create their own nest without our prejudices ,hates and lead a good life with values which are relevant to them

 

[krish44]

The best way to raise a kid is to prepare him for facing the external world. The most challenging task an adult could possibly face is to be himself. In many circumstances it is not possible because of the pressures that he may have to face and thus not be himself. So even though many would say it is necessary to let a child be independent, I would it is necessary to let him be himself because the former makes sense only if the latter is true.

The best way to do this is to increase his moral strength right from early childhood and at the same time making him aware of the realities of the world so that he knows not only what to expect from people but also how to effectively react to them.

Even career is secondary. If he is himself he will do exactly the best thing possible for self and be happy as an adult.

I agree that the kid has to be both independent and be himself. I do not subscribe to the view that realities of the world are such that child requires to barricade himself from the world with moral strength. world is a wonderful place populated by human and other species. kids can easily integrate with them and have a pleasant journey thru life