Career barrier for Brahmin grooms

[Brahmanyan]

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Today's edition of The New Indian Express, Bangalore carries an interesting news item under the caption
"Career barrier for Brahmin grooms" describing the plight of Brahmin youths of Karnataka in getting suitable
Brahmin girls for marriage.

The same is available in the following URL:
http://newindianexpress.com/states/karnataka/article1319228.ece#

Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[prasad1]

I did not understand the relation between family planning and job opportunities.
The educated people have lesser number of children is an economic fact of life. The educated and rich people want the best for their children, so they know what they can provide and plan family accordingly.

This is true even in the west, without the caste bias.

Globalisation has paved way for a bright career for talented Brahmin youths with lucrative pay package. It is a fact that the community has to accept, he said.

And economic opportunity elsewhere, have made people mobile, and Brahmins in TN do not have the opportunity.
So society is changing, if you are stuck in the mud (old ways) then you are going to be left behind. We all have to adapt.

Horse and buggies are gone, get educated with new technology, or you will be obsolete. No amount of crying is going to turn the clock back.

 

[tbs]

hi
these are the result of modernisation/globalisation....we have to price for everything.....may be sooner or later....these are the

part of ever changing human values/priorities/evolution....

 

[Naina_Marbus]

A salient sentence in the news article cited by Sri Brahmanyan is:

“…..most of the Brahmin girls are highly educated and employed. So, naturally they look for a partner of their standard.”

The crux of the problem lies in the highlighted part. A highly educated and employed man had ( and probably still has) no hesitation to marry a partner of a lower standard. But a highly educated and employed woman will not look to have a partner of a lower standard. This is true irrespective of caste, creed or nationality – yes, even in the West.

 

[கால பைரவன்]

A salient sentence in the news article cited by Sri Brahmanyan is:

“…..most of the Brahmin girls are highly educated and employed. So, naturally they look for a partner of their standard.”

The crux of the problem lies in the highlighted part. A highly educated and employed man had ( and probably still has) no hesitation to marry a partner of a lower standard. But a highly educated and employed woman will not look to have a partner of a lower standard. This is true irrespective of caste, creed or nationality – yes, even in the West.

I do not think you are looking at the whole picture here.

As a corollary to your statement, consider this: women have no problem in getting married to a man of higher standard, whereas men hesitate do that. Do you wonder why?

I think this is a consequence of a patriarchical type society, that have existed for the past several thousand years.

 

[vgane]

Additional issue is that in western countries rich persons beget more children...I know lot of American citizens (whites) who have more than 3 kids ...May be even 4 or 5...But in India even the rich persons except the Muslims have adopted family planning & restricted size to 1 or 2

So it is no surprise that kids of even rich brahmins are finding difficulty in getting married

 

[C RAVI]

A salient sentence in the news article cited by Sri Brahmanyan is:

“…..most of the Brahmin girls are highly educated and employed. So, naturally they look for a partner of their standard.”

The crux of the problem lies in the highlighted part. A highly educated and employed man had ( and probably still has) no hesitation to marry a partner of a lower standard. But a highly educated and employed woman will not look to have a partner of a lower standard. This is true irrespective of caste, creed or nationality – yes, even in the West.

Exactly!!!!

 

[C RAVI]

I do not think you are looking at the whole picture here.

As a corollary to your statement, consider this: women have no problem in getting married to a man of higher standard, whereas men hesitate do that. Do you wonder why?

I think this is a consequence of a patriarchical type society, that have existed for the past several thousand years.

Shri Kalabhairavan,

If that is the case, I fail to understand why all most all of the girls profile in Matrimony sites indicates that, their future husband's earning should be ranging from 10Lac to 1 Crore per anum?

Honestly, in the last 6 years, I have not found even one profile indicating that, the future husband should just be descently employed as the girl is earning very high.

Why?? There are many reasons behind this


1) Its a matter of pride for the girls, that her husband is equally or much highly educated than her and placed much higher in his career lader. Otherwise her friends and the people in her relative and social circle would make fun of her.

2) More the income of the husband, more would be her chance of extravaganza.


3) Husband educated equally or more and earning equally or more than herself would ensure absense of inferiority complex on part of her husband and the resultant clashes.


4) Husband is the head of the family **In The Eyes Of The Society** and that should make true sense. His earning should be sufficiently enough to meet each and every requirements of the family. Wife's income should not be taken into acount and should not be questioned as how and for whom she is spending or occumulating.


5) There is no guarantee if Wife can continue to work after having children. Health may go fragile or she may not be feeling comfortable any more and want to stop working.


6) No guarantee that the low profile husband would willingly and lovinglly cooperate with his career oriented wife and take charge of the household activity much actively, without being carried away by wrong ideas of others and getting his mind corrupted against his wife and household activities.


7) Children should find their father as their Hero in all the aspects. Wife may not have the right attitude and skills or may fail to still project her husband as HERO of their children though husband is having a comparatively low profile.


I have listed out the above not considering the guys who are hesitant to consider high profile girls as per their own understanding or valid reasoning, what ever..

The above is ONLY considering comparatively high profile girls who all are not willing to allow a low profile guy join her hands and lead a family life.

 

[renuka]

Most of the while most woman just want a husband who matches her qualification..for example a professional woman would seek a professional husband.
Way too lesser educated than her or way too higher than her also will pose a problem later cos mindset might be different.

It is not always the income alone that matters.
Similar thinking is very important.
Money can be earned anytime after marriage when both husband and wife provide for the house.

In fact income of mappillai is not even discussed out here for marriage.
It is understood that a professional or a graduate male will be earning within a certain bracket cos out here the pay market scale is quite similar so there is no need to ask a man how much he earns.
The type of job itself will make us know how much he earns.

But what I fail to understand sometimes is, I have seen very highly educated girls do not mind marrying lesser educated guys who are from rich business families.

Money seems to be able to cover up a lack of education but mindset will surely differ and that might pose problems later in life.

 

[renuka]

The above is ONLY considering comparatively high profile girls who all are not willing to allow a low profile guy join her hands and lead a family life.

This is not impossible.
I have seen cases where highly educated girls marrying lesser educated guys but in all cases those guys were good looking.

I know of a doctor who married a male model and he earns lesser to her.
They are happily married.

 

[prasad1]

Additional issue is that in western countries rich persons beget more children...I know lot of American citizens (whites) who have more than 3 kids ...May be even 4 or 5...But in India even the rich persons except the Muslims have adopted family planning & restricted size to 1 or 2

So it is no surprise that kids of even rich brahmins are finding difficulty in getting married

Sir,
You are wrong. The statistics show that white population is decreasing all over the world. The exception you are quoting could be some pockets like Mormons or Catholics who can not use any contraception.

 

[C RAVI]

This is not impossible.
I have seen cases where highly educated girls marrying lesser educated guys but in all cases those guys were good looking.

I know of a doctor who married a male model and he earns lesser to her.
They are happily married.

These are the exceptioins where these girls marry a low profile guy having been attracted with the beauty. And probably they live happily too.

I have come across few such strories in India too where girls have married having attracted by the looks and good physic of the man and then have suffered a lot after couple of years of marriage. Have repented to have married Just because the looks.

Generally in India, all most all the girls are not behind the looks. They are smart enough to evaluate what is worthy for them, in their life long journey with a partner, in a family set up.

 

[sarang]

Boys and girls from families at the two ends of the spectrum - very rich and very poor - normally will not face this kind of problem. Rich families accept girls/ boys from poor families, if they are qualified and have potential (look, family background, qualifications etc.) Poor families make compromises and get their children married without much expectation.

Only the middle class - decently qualified, ambitious, active boys and girls (and their parents too) find it difficult to fix a suitable match.

 

[amala]

The above is ONLY considering comparatively high profile girls who all are not willing to allow a low profile guy join her hands and lead a family life.

So as a guy what about giving us reasons then why low profile guys are not willing to join hands in matrimony with a higher profile girl? So easily giving points about women as man, so how about letting us know about the other side?

 

[amala]

Boys and girls from families at the two ends of the spectrum - very rich and very poor - normally will not face this kind of problem. Rich families accept girls/ boys from poor families, if they are qualified and have potential (look, family background, qualifications etc.) Poor families make compromises and get their children married without much expectation.

Only the middle class - decently qualified, ambitious, active boys and girls (and their parents too) find it difficult to fix a suitable match.

While I agree with the gist of what you have said, I find it unbelievable that rich families have no problems forming alliances with poorer families despite the potential and earnings. One would have thought rich families are the worst (in terms of status and being picky)

 

[renuka]

Generally in India, all most all the girls are not behind the looks. They are smart enough to evaluate what is worthy for them, in their life long journey with a partner, in a family set up.

Hello!!!
I have been seeing matrimonial sites from India too(all castes) and surprised to see many girls specifying husband must be earning this much, this much..GOOD LOOKING and most of the girls say they want to be housewives after marriage.

Yeh Hai India and the rest of the world!

 

[rishikesan]

# 4 # 6 #8 #9
are all by Mr Naina/ Vgane/ & others amply explain the current state of Boys/ Girls Marrying the more
qualified/ more salaried girls depict the situation obtained to-day. One major common point as far as Tamil Brahmins are concerned, I think after marriage & begetting children (except a few ) the couple compromise very well & lead a happy life, by buying properties not only for themselves, but also for the parents. Despite ha
ving chidren & continue the profession, the support of , not only the husband but also the parents of both side co-operate well in their own way.
Rishikesan

,

 

[C RAVI]

So as a guy what about giving us reasons then why low profile guys are not willing to join hands in matrimony with a higher profile girl? So easily giving points about women as man, so how about letting us know about the other side?

When a girl says that -

you are not worthy to be married with your low profile, your salary is lesser than mine and you want to enjoy your life at my cost, your are a looser and not eligible in my eyes and in the eyes of the girls of my standard.....


No Man would consider her as his possible alliance...

A True Man can consider her ONLY and ONLY if the girl still could like him and love him and she needs him for her life.

 

[amala]

wow the list was sure longer for the girls! and point by point too!

 

[C RAVI]

wow the list was sure longer for the girls! and point by point too!

If my single point from the side of Men is not sufficient or does not make any sense, you can well come out with your longer list as why men don't feel like going any where near to the girls who are all holding comparatively higher profile with higher expectations.

 

[Raghy]

Greetings.

There is a girl for every guy. Only the guys are not seeking hard enough. An educated and employed girl in general do look for someone more educated / more earning than herself. But still there are girls who are no so educated and whose profiles are not that advertised. Personally I think a guy should be prepared to marry just a girl for a girl's sake; they can take each others time to get the other to be the way they like! Life is a question of give and take. Alternatively, a guy can marry a very young girl and help her develop the way he likes her to be. He should be prepared to dedicate the time and effort for that.

Personally I don't see any barrier for any grooms.

Cheers!

 

[prasad1]

Greetings.

There is a girl for every guy. Only the guys are not seeking hard enough. An educated and employed girl in general do look for someone more educated / more earning than herself. But still there are girls who are no so educated and whose profiles are not that advertised. Personally I think a guy should be prepared to marry just a girl for a girl's sake; they can take each others time to get the other to be the way they like! Life is a question of give and take. Alternatively, a guy can marry a very young girl and help her develop the way he likes her to be. He should be prepared to dedicate the time and effort for that.

Personally I don't see any barrier for any grooms.

Cheers!

Yes, I agree. Dedication to the relationship is the key.

 

[prasad1]

The number of couples in which the woman has a higher level of university studies than her male partner is growing steadily and in many countries this trend surpasses the opposite situation, which historically has been the predominant, a new study has revealed.
To reach the conclusion, the Centre for Demographic Studies of the Universitat Autonoma de Barcelona (CED-UAB) conducted a research in 56 countries to study the effects an increase in education levels amongst women are having on heterosexual relationship patterns.


The research also sets the bases to delve deeper into the social dimensions this change in model may represent.


The study conducted by Albert Esteve, Joan Garcia-Roman and Inaki Permanyer analyses the effects on couples when there are more women than men with university studies. To do this they gathered data from 138 censuses in 56 countries, dating from 1968 to 2009.


The study concluded that higher education levels in women has a direct effect on union formation. Such is the effect that in countries in which there are more women than men with university studies, the number of couples in which the woman unites “downwards” (with a man with lesser studies) surpasses those who unite “upwards” (with a man with more studies).


Traditionally in heterosexual couples, the dominating pattern existing was the educational hypergamy of the woman, a type of relationship in which the woman marries a man with a higher educational attainment and in which there are important gender differences.


In recent years however, an easier access to education for women is altering this model.


“Given this historical inertia, one could consider that the increase in education amongst women would make forming unions more difficult and raise the number of single women. However, what we see is that the composition of couples adapts quite well to these structural changes and that if these changes take place, sooner or later they will have an effect on the marriage market,” Albert Esteve stated.


If the trends in education continue, prevalence in educational hypergamy will continue to decrease, researchers said.


This scenario suggests that the increase in education level amongst women can have important effects on traditional relationship models and represents a step forward in reaching symmetry when forming relationships.


“It will be interesting to observe whether this change develops into more equality between men and women in other aspects of their life (decision-making, distribution of home tasks, divorce, fertility, etc.)”, Albert Esteve commented.


The study calls for more research - from a wider perspective - on the consequences these changes may have in the distribution of gender roles.


The research was published in Population Development Review, one of the most prestigious journals dedicated to population studies.

 

[tbs]

Greetings.

There is a girl for every guy. Only the guys are not seeking hard enough. An educated and employed girl in general do look for someone more educated / more earning than herself. But still there are girls who are no so educated and whose profiles are not that advertised. Personally I think a guy should be prepared to marry just a girl for a girl's sake; they can take each others time to get the other to be the way they like! Life is a question of give and take. Alternatively, a guy can marry a very young girl and help her develop the way he likes her to be. He should be prepared to dedicate the time and effort for that.

Personally I don't see any barrier for any grooms.

Cheers!

hi raghy sir,
well said....i like it....i agreed fully....especially nice words....Life is a question of give and take. Alternatively, a guy can marry

a very young girl and help her develop the way he likes her to be. He should be prepared to dedicate the time and effort

for that......a really a golden sentence.....
சரியான அம்மாஞ்சி மாதிரி.....பிராமன பசங்க அம்மா புடவையே சுற்றி வர பசங்கள்.....

....ஆனால் எல்லா பெண்களுக்கும் தனி தன்மை உண்டு....

 

[Amirtha]

This is reminding me of the card given by husband to me on our first wedding anniversary. The card said made for each other. My beloved husband strikes the "other" out and wrote “me”. So the card said “made for me”. I was very naive then. Well, he still thinks like that.....but what really happened.... only she knows....LOL

Kind Regards