Namaskaram to all the esteemed Bramhanas,
I am going anonymous with the name of my favorite Lord Govinda as I write this. Forgive me if it is a bit long.
I am an NRI and have been brought up in a western country my whole life. My parents are extremely religious/spiritual and they raised me in the same way (daily ArAdhanA, weekend geetha classes, frequent listening to pravachanas followed by dinner discussions on bramha sUtrAs were a norm growing up). Since I never grew up in India, I un/fortunately (I'm not sure which) never grew up realizing the intricacies of caste, caste politics, and was simply "a proud Hindu" throughout my schooling. My parents were always incredible encouraging and also started me in Sanskrit classes. I requested my parents to start learning the vEdAs and we underwent upanayam and I follow sandhya vandana daily along with studying in one of top notch programs at my country by God's grace. Now, here comes the plot twist.
When I asked of my family's caste/heritage as a young adult, I was informed we were something called balijas. Evidently, a class that were political leaders turned merchants in the vijjayanagara empire. By birth, my gothram was jyanakala and after undergoing upanayanam I had adopted the officiating priest's gotra and pravara. (He obliged after much discussion/testing and had agreed to officiate the ceremony for me as he thought I was fit). I used to think that varnA was based solely on gunA-karmAs but looking through an unbiased view of the sAstrAs, it is becoming clear that it has always been birth-based (even at the time of the tri-mathAchAryas, as per their bhAsyAs). However, this brahminical way of life has literally become second nature. Doing agnihOtrA/samidAdhAna, sandhyA, parisEchanam before meals, strictly eating only sattvik food, daily ArAdhanA to perumAL is something that gives me order and purpose. I am attached to the duties itself. At the same time, I want to be on the side of dharmA and righteousness. I did a lot of research on my last name (which is a VERY uncommon last name, mind you) and there is some heritage with a family of telugu niYogI brAhmins who went into business or vAnijyA (possibly intermixed and corrupted into balijA?). Their gOtra was listed and it seems they were rig vedin brAhmins as well. I also did a lot of extensive research on balijA familial roots and found that the banajiga was a core guild that was started by 500 brahmin swAmi merchants in Ayyavole, Karnataka over a 1000 years ago. Over the years, several people from all four castes came in and strictly speaking because of the failure of vedic samskaras and varna sAnkaryam, the guild turned into a caste that is placed in the sUdra varnA today. I am not here to contend the status of that caste, but strictly speaking, even if I did have the brahminical roots in my ancestors, I am by all means a sUdra for lack of samskAras for seven generations or I am at least of mixed ancestry. I was not aware of maintaining varnA by birth, etc before undergoing upanayanA but having followed the brahminical lifestyle/rituals and reading sanskrit for years now, I am being exposed to the truth that caste has traditionally been birth based.
My question to the elders of this forum: What do I do now? Am I to strip off my poonol and pour lead in my ears for reciting mantrAs? Please note that I have no ulterior motive for this. I am not in love with any brahmin girl nor is there any privilege to being a brahmin in America. In fact, it is probably MUCH more "enjoyable" to live life in a western country without such discipline but this lifestyle is simply a part of who I am now. I personally know of several "brahmin" friends who drink, smoke weed, and eat beef to give you perspective that caste does not really matter here. Also, the gOtrA that was given to me and my father during the upanayana ceremony also matched the one of my (possible) ancestors so there is a possibility that I am actually linked to that rshi. Either way, I have only been using that gOtrA for everything. However, for all purposes, it is a gOtrA that has come from a guru to me so it is not descended male to male descendants. Is this even legal? Am I doing some paapam or committing apachAram by performing someone else's svadharmA? Or am I one of the rAkshasA sUdrAs predicted in bhAgavatha purAna that "dress like a brAhmin" in kali-yugA? I cannot bear to be doing anything against Lord Kannan but at the same time, I promise I have no malintentions and I have nothing but great respect for all the esteemed sages, AchAryas and proper brahmins that have safeguarded our rich culture. My identity and being is literally tied to this lifestyle now and I can't imagine my children not growing up without doing daily sandhyavandanam, etc. Neither do I have relatives in India really, most of us are based in America and me and my entire family have been following this way of life (sandhya vandana, samidadhana, parisechana) for a while now. Please point me in the right direction. I would also like to add that I cannot be told to suddenly start eating meat or eating indiscriminately at restaraunts (we maintain utmost saucham at home and do not share meals with others unless it is prasAdam or they are bhAgavthAs). I am studying medicine now and hope to maintain this lifestyle throughout my life and career by God's grace.
I am going anonymous with the name of my favorite Lord Govinda as I write this. Forgive me if it is a bit long.
I am an NRI and have been brought up in a western country my whole life. My parents are extremely religious/spiritual and they raised me in the same way (daily ArAdhanA, weekend geetha classes, frequent listening to pravachanas followed by dinner discussions on bramha sUtrAs were a norm growing up). Since I never grew up in India, I un/fortunately (I'm not sure which) never grew up realizing the intricacies of caste, caste politics, and was simply "a proud Hindu" throughout my schooling. My parents were always incredible encouraging and also started me in Sanskrit classes. I requested my parents to start learning the vEdAs and we underwent upanayam and I follow sandhya vandana daily along with studying in one of top notch programs at my country by God's grace. Now, here comes the plot twist.
When I asked of my family's caste/heritage as a young adult, I was informed we were something called balijas. Evidently, a class that were political leaders turned merchants in the vijjayanagara empire. By birth, my gothram was jyanakala and after undergoing upanayanam I had adopted the officiating priest's gotra and pravara. (He obliged after much discussion/testing and had agreed to officiate the ceremony for me as he thought I was fit). I used to think that varnA was based solely on gunA-karmAs but looking through an unbiased view of the sAstrAs, it is becoming clear that it has always been birth-based (even at the time of the tri-mathAchAryas, as per their bhAsyAs). However, this brahminical way of life has literally become second nature. Doing agnihOtrA/samidAdhAna, sandhyA, parisEchanam before meals, strictly eating only sattvik food, daily ArAdhanA to perumAL is something that gives me order and purpose. I am attached to the duties itself. At the same time, I want to be on the side of dharmA and righteousness. I did a lot of research on my last name (which is a VERY uncommon last name, mind you) and there is some heritage with a family of telugu niYogI brAhmins who went into business or vAnijyA (possibly intermixed and corrupted into balijA?). Their gOtra was listed and it seems they were rig vedin brAhmins as well. I also did a lot of extensive research on balijA familial roots and found that the banajiga was a core guild that was started by 500 brahmin swAmi merchants in Ayyavole, Karnataka over a 1000 years ago. Over the years, several people from all four castes came in and strictly speaking because of the failure of vedic samskaras and varna sAnkaryam, the guild turned into a caste that is placed in the sUdra varnA today. I am not here to contend the status of that caste, but strictly speaking, even if I did have the brahminical roots in my ancestors, I am by all means a sUdra for lack of samskAras for seven generations or I am at least of mixed ancestry. I was not aware of maintaining varnA by birth, etc before undergoing upanayanA but having followed the brahminical lifestyle/rituals and reading sanskrit for years now, I am being exposed to the truth that caste has traditionally been birth based.
My question to the elders of this forum: What do I do now? Am I to strip off my poonol and pour lead in my ears for reciting mantrAs? Please note that I have no ulterior motive for this. I am not in love with any brahmin girl nor is there any privilege to being a brahmin in America. In fact, it is probably MUCH more "enjoyable" to live life in a western country without such discipline but this lifestyle is simply a part of who I am now. I personally know of several "brahmin" friends who drink, smoke weed, and eat beef to give you perspective that caste does not really matter here. Also, the gOtrA that was given to me and my father during the upanayana ceremony also matched the one of my (possible) ancestors so there is a possibility that I am actually linked to that rshi. Either way, I have only been using that gOtrA for everything. However, for all purposes, it is a gOtrA that has come from a guru to me so it is not descended male to male descendants. Is this even legal? Am I doing some paapam or committing apachAram by performing someone else's svadharmA? Or am I one of the rAkshasA sUdrAs predicted in bhAgavatha purAna that "dress like a brAhmin" in kali-yugA? I cannot bear to be doing anything against Lord Kannan but at the same time, I promise I have no malintentions and I have nothing but great respect for all the esteemed sages, AchAryas and proper brahmins that have safeguarded our rich culture. My identity and being is literally tied to this lifestyle now and I can't imagine my children not growing up without doing daily sandhyavandanam, etc. Neither do I have relatives in India really, most of us are based in America and me and my entire family have been following this way of life (sandhya vandana, samidadhana, parisechana) for a while now. Please point me in the right direction. I would also like to add that I cannot be told to suddenly start eating meat or eating indiscriminately at restaraunts (we maintain utmost saucham at home and do not share meals with others unless it is prasAdam or they are bhAgavthAs). I am studying medicine now and hope to maintain this lifestyle throughout my life and career by God's grace.