For your wife!

[vgane]

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[yesmohan]

Now a days, many marriages are happened only after sacrificing the parents.

 

[vgane]

Read this catch 22
[h=1]Catch 22: Caught between mother and wife[/h]In the first half of a two-part series, clinical psychologist Salma Prabhu advises men on how to keep mother and wife happy

There must be a grain of truth in all those anti-marriage jokes men crack. If you're caught between the woman who raised you and the woman you have to spend your life with, you can pry yourself from between the rock and a hard place using diplomacy. Before cracking open a box of butter, pay attention to the advice clinical psychologist Salma Prabhu has to give on balancing the two important women in your life.

Understanding ties
Mother:
The mother is the first woman a man comes in contact with. A boy worships his mother until he weans himself away in adolescence. "A hen eagle makes her nest out of thorns and prickly material so that the chicks don't get too comfortable and fly away soon," says Prabhu. It's commendable parenting technique because if a man is unable to take decisions alone it reflects upon the mother. Such a relationship could become overly protective and hamper growth. A mother credits herself with your creation and now has to share you with someone younger and prettier. She wants to see you happy and fulfilled, but she does feel pangs of jealousy too.

Wife:
Your partner in crime and life, you both are going to raise children together, send them off into their own lives and grow old together. The foundation for this relationship is set before marriage by getting to know each other very well. A wife feels like she has left her parents, friends, old life and sometimes country to be a part of yours and thus has high expectations.

Prepare the ground
Respect is the most vital element in balancing both these relationships. Your mother loves you unconditionally and will ignore disrespectful behaviour, but a wife has expectations and cannot forgive transgressions. This is the key to ensure that both women have equally important, and separate, roles to play in your life.

- Before marriage, spend time to get to know your wife-to-be better. Take interest in her work and friends. - Ensure that your mother has no reason to feel insecure because of the new woman in your life. Continue traditions such as hugging her before going to work, taking her out for ice-cream, or simply talking about your day when you get home.
- Take your mother's advice and help in making your wife feel comfortable in her new home. This will make her feel involved in your life. The wife will see your mother as a pleasant facilitator and not an enemy.
- The kitchen is a common war ground, but it need not be. If your mother likes cooking something for you, let her. Encourage your wife to prepare something that she is good at.
- Do not praise the one's cooking in front of the other. Appreciate and thank each one of them separately. Even if it's a small gesture like getting flowers, buy them for both women.
- Appreciate your alone time with your mother and set it into a routine. Have dinner with her when your wife is having a girls' night out. » Do not talk about one to the other when you are alone. Listen to them equally, but badmouthing them will give the other the license to do the same and feed the animosity.
- Do not exchange what one has said about the other. If you find the complaint logical, do some research and nip it in the bud in your own manner.
- It will be of great value to say 'I love you' to both of them frequently.
- Never lose your temper at one in front of the other.
- When both of them are arguing, encourage them to communicate and deal with it in their own way. Step into it only if it gets aggressive and you feel you are capable of dealing with it.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/...tween-mother-and-wife/articleshow/7733976.cms

 

[krish44]

Balancing wife and mother. ugh.

what a job for boy!

It is not worth a marriage if it is a daily routine to be a buffer between irreconcilable elements.

People get married to be happy.

If it is to play middle man between warring females , it is not worth it.

Keeping a distance from DILs makes more sense.

Of course , how much such a thing is feasible.

 

[krish44]

It is not worth getting married if it means balancing wife and mother.

It is wise for parents to stay far away from married children if it is economically feasible.

Living with daughters/DIL if they are working leads to parental abuse often.

There is the emotional hook which ties parents to children.

 

[tbs]

hi

to achieve something...we have to sacrifice something.....in olden days....many sacrifised their wife for th sake of mother....

now a days....these things reversed...balance required..but its hard in reality....

 

[krish44]

Some girls also a have a father fixation.

They have a way of comparing their husbands with their father and tell them to learn from their father how to take care of her.

Fathers have a hang up about daughters and pray that they do not turn out to be like their wives.

 

[GANESH65]

India is a country where family bondage is valued much higher than anything else. Unlike western culture most Indian house hold prefer joint family and we do take care our parents at their old age. Marriage for an Indian girl is like migrating to an entirely new environment and she needs time to adjust and need to do a lot of adjustments to get accustomed with the new atmosphere. Men also have to contribute their part by giving equal and deserved importance to each relationships like Mother/Father, Brother/Sister and wife. His responsibility with every one of them is different and if the same is understood well and is taken care of with all spirits I don't see any problem arising.

 

[renuka]

Some girls also a have a father fixation.

They have a way of comparing their husbands with their father and tell them to learn from their father how to take care of her.

Fathers have a hang up about daughters and pray that they do not turn out to be like their wives.

A father fixation too is unhealthy.

A healthy mind does not compare parents with spouses...its only unsound minds that do this.

Coming to daughters becoming like their mothers...its not entirely true...at times my mum wonders how come I never inherited anything from her..physically or mentally!LOL

 

[krish44]

Daughter becoming like mother , It is one great fear fathers have.

In fact when I do match making for relations, First I size up the mother of the girl.

I mostly decide to not go near girls whose mothers do not have desirable traits.

Conversely if mother is smart, I add the girl to my family.

The last match I had settled for my cousins son , I did it as I found the girls mother very down to earth and sensible. She was a working woman , an officer in a govt

company. I suppose if the daughter is half as good as her mother, she should be a good addition to my family.lol

 

[vgane]

Daughter becoming like mother , It is one great fear fathers have.

In fact when I do match making for relations, First I size up the mother of the girl.

I mostly decide to not go near girls whose mothers do not have desirable traits.

Conversely if mother is smart, I add the girl to my family.

The last match I had settled for my cousins son , I did it as I found the girls mother very down to earth and sensible. She was a working woman , an officer in a govt

company. I suppose if the daughter is half as good as her mother, she should be a good addition to my family.lol

If you have to choose a boy whom will you get in touch-Father, Mother of the boy?

No, go & interact with the boy for an hour...You will get to know him

 

[V.Balasubramani]

In-Laws Disrespected Her Father For Being A Sweeper, Daughter Chooses Father’s Dignity Over Marriage

Seeing your parent’s smiling face and making them feel proud of you is definitely one of the greatest sources of happiness. Situations like this, make one realise that no one can love you more than your family. This girl chose to fight stand for her father’s honour and let go the man she wanted to marry. The girl’s would be in-laws had demanded dowry from her family, which her father readily accepted. But when they disrespected the girl’s father and asked him not to visit his daughter after her marriage because he was a sweeper, the girl did not take a moment to break her relationship with the man she had loved for the past five years. Akash, a photographer narrates a heart-touching story on Facebook.

Read more at: http://thelogicalindian.com/my-stor...ughter-chooses-fathers-dignity-over-marriage/

 

[Raji Ram]

............. A healthy mind does not compare parents with spouses...its only unsound minds that do this. ....

Dear Renu,

I beg to differ. A girl values her parents more than her spouse. It is normal for her to brag about the good qualities

of her parents to her spouse, at least once in a day! A boy usually does not brag about his parents, though some mAmAs,

even at the age of 70 +, keep on blaming the spouse for NOT cooking some dishes like his mother!!

 

[tbs]

A father fixation too is unhealthy.

A healthy mind does not compare parents with spouses...its only unsound minds that do this.

Coming to daughters becoming like their mothers...its not entirely true...at times my mum wonders how come I never inherited anything from her..physically or mentally!LOL

hi renu,

you are REALLY EXCEPTION......LOL

 

[tbs]

Dear Renu,

I beg to differ. A girl values her parents more than her spouse. It is normal for her to brag about the good qualities

of her parents to her spouse, at least once in a day! A boy usually does not brag about his parents, though some mAmAs,

even at the age of 70 +, keep on blaming the spouse for NOT cooking some dishes like his mother!!

hi

its true....., though some mAmAs,

even at the age of 70 +, keep on blaming the spouse for NOT cooking some dishes like his mother!!

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu,

I beg to differ. A girl values her parents more than her spouse. It is normal for her to brag about the good qualities

of her parents to her spouse, at least once in a day! A boy usually does not brag about his parents, though some mAmAs,

even at the age of 70 +, keep on blaming the spouse for NOT cooking some dishes like his mother!!

Dear RR ji,

Its unfair to value parents more than spouse or value spouse more than parents.

In fact its not even right to compare both..why the need to brag about good qualities of parents..that would indirectly create an impression of superiority..for Gods sake why brag to a spouse? Why create hostilty as it is males have fragile egos..why dig our own grave!..I never even believe in comparing ex-boyfriends!LOL

Every loved one has roles in our lives...there are certain things a spouse can only share with spouse and also certain things a person can share only with their parents.

Actually if you ask me I would like to rephrase Mata,Pita,Guru,Deivam as Mata,Pita,Guru,Pati/Patni,Sishu,Deivam.

Everyone has an important role in our lives..or may be I think like a male!LOL