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Freedom to spend
- Thread starter P.J.
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OP
OP
P.J.
0
But Children freely spend money from parents purse, mothers used to give them more money whenever they just ask...
Most parents of this generation do not have the freedom of spending their childrens money. infact children do not think they owe their parents anything for bringing them up
and spending on their education etc. they feel parents are only doing their duty.most children spend on their parents grudgingly if at all they do it.
It would be wise if parents provide for themselves first before spending lavishly on their kids
many parents educate kids in fancy institutions taking loans and spend lavishly on weddings , birthdays and such events
most ultimately end up in misery living of meagre pensions and no worthwhile assets. many might have old houses or flats bought 30 years or so back . they would not
have the means to modernise their dwellings . I know a well off parent who mortgaged his house and sold his fancy car for his daughters wedding . He was a senior govt
official. after retirement he underwent a lot of misery and his next generation did not care for him. he lived off his meagre pension and died in penury
and spending on their education etc. they feel parents are only doing their duty.most children spend on their parents grudgingly if at all they do it.
It would be wise if parents provide for themselves first before spending lavishly on their kids
many parents educate kids in fancy institutions taking loans and spend lavishly on weddings , birthdays and such events
most ultimately end up in misery living of meagre pensions and no worthwhile assets. many might have old houses or flats bought 30 years or so back . they would not
have the means to modernise their dwellings . I know a well off parent who mortgaged his house and sold his fancy car for his daughters wedding . He was a senior govt
official. after retirement he underwent a lot of misery and his next generation did not care for him. he lived off his meagre pension and died in penury
tbsji
the issue is one of control and not money in most cases
the male parent has right over what he has earned , the female earning parent and earning kids and their spouses should be free to do what they like with their money
if the male parent takes the role of arbitrater of money earned by others , it can only be misery for all and unwanted conflicts.
the issue is one of control and not money in most cases
the male parent has right over what he has earned , the female earning parent and earning kids and their spouses should be free to do what they like with their money
if the male parent takes the role of arbitrater of money earned by others , it can only be misery for all and unwanted conflicts.
I feel that parents can ask their son for money in case they require it especially when parents are not staying with children due to xyz reason
The son is obligated to help his parents in need
As far as managing daughter in law is concerned it is up the son to manage his wife
The son has been brought up, educated & given a status in life by parents...The Parents are not asking the moon...If they are asking a small return favor sons should be all the more pleased to help them and show their bonding..
The son is obligated to help his parents in need
As far as managing daughter in law is concerned it is up the son to manage his wife
The son has been brought up, educated & given a status in life by parents...The Parents are not asking the moon...If they are asking a small return favor sons should be all the more pleased to help them and show their bonding..
prasad1
Active member
We allowed our children to have the life we thought they wanted, the children lived the life they wanted. There was no expectation of pay back.
Similarly the parent in case of dire emergency may ask their children for help, and the children may help, provided they have the resources.
Parent has no right to children's money.
renuka
Well-known member
Dear PJ sir,
Parents who had worked in the government before have their own pension from the government and knew how to save for an old age they survive well without the need to ask from children. A acute emergency is a different case totally.
I dont intend to ask my son for money when he is an adult cos he would have his own life to lead and build his home.
Its not fair to always blame a Daughter In Law that parents are not free to spend their sons money.The cost of living is high and the cost for a tertiary education for kids is also high.So its not fair to be expecting our children to be paying for us when we could have saved up when we were young.
Parents should be smart enough to save up enough for their old age.
That way I admire my father and mother...they knew how to save enough for themselves and make sure they never ask their children.
These days I see some parents(not mine) simply wasting their kids money.
I know a distant relative who expects her kids to sponsor her yearly trips to India for nothing at all.
When he kids cant come up with the money she expects them to take some personal loan to pay for her.
Then one day when her kids could not cope anymore she had to audacity to call me up asking me to lend her money.
My answer was simple 'learn to control your desires at an old age..there is no use going to pray yearly in India if you are making others pay for your trip..its seems like none of the prayers worked for you cos you are intend on making others pay for you"
That answer shocked her but she stopped asking her kids and havent gone to India since!LOL
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OP
OP
P.J.
0
Some parents may not have enough savings after retirement due to various reasons like spending the entire money on their daughter's marriage; however daughters in most cases help their parents in their time of need..
But most parents are also reluctant to take help from their daughters even though they may not be having any son to support them.
Those parents without any daughters and having one or more sons are at the mercy of sons and their wives..
They are tossed up between them.. for maintenance.
But most parents are also reluctant to take help from their daughters even though they may not be having any son to support them.
Those parents without any daughters and having one or more sons are at the mercy of sons and their wives..
They are tossed up between them.. for maintenance.
It is the duty of children to support parents, individually or collectively. You are right. No confusion if one's duty to parents is understood.
renuka
Well-known member
It does not cost too much to look after parents..after all they would also be included in all family activities.
The problem only arises if a MIL sees a DIL as her competitor and vice versa.
Parents also should not expect their sons to be spending lavishly on them cos sons too have their own life to lead.
If everyone behaves there will be no problem.
Raji Ram
Active member
Dear P J Sir,
I understand the problem. Hence the mothers of the brides are :fish2: for a good son in law,
without any commitments (dependent family members!), who will obey the daughter! :hail:
Raji Ram
Active member
Dear Renu,
It is not as simple as you think! Even if the parents are sort of angels, as long as they are hale and healthy and helpful in the
household, they will be wanted. Problems starts when they need full time or part time nursing! The children start grumbling if
money is to be provided every month for medical and nursing assistance.
P.S: Nursing a bedridden patient swallows a huge chuck of money (nearly 20,000 bucks per month)!
opcorn:
renuka
Well-known member
Dear Renu,
It is not as simple as you think! Even if the parents are sort of angels, as long as they are hale and healthy and helpful in the
household, they will be wanted. Problems starts when they need full time or part time nursing! The children start grumbling if
money is to be provided every month for medical and nursing assistance.
P.S: Nursing a bedridden patient swallows a huge chuck of money (nearly 20,000 bucks per month)!
Dear RR ji,
Again as I said it does not cost much..I am not talking about money here.
I still remember both my paternal grandparents had a stroke at the same time and both were bedridden till their last breath.
Each one of their children used to help out financially and also took turns to help my grandparents.
We used to stay some 6 hours away but every month we used to go down and see grandparents.
One of my uncle was not married and he used to help out after his work.
My aunts used to cook and take turns to look after my grandparents.
Even my maternal grandmum had fractured a hip in a fall and was bedridden for a some 2 years before her death.
She was looked after by my aunt at home till her death.
If one sees the value of a person..money does not really matter.
Its just that people have become selfish and money minded and do not want to part with their money even if its their obligation.
old style families where people were more valued than money are fast disappearing
how many children have fine feelings for their old parents?
every large family of the older days requires harsh enforcers to make children take responsibility for their parents
in my extended family [ I have a very large one] we closely track senior citizen to ensure their well being [both mental and physical]
money besides physical help is generously arranged by the large extended family for hospitalisation and care of the aged.
elder abuse has become rampant . the new breed of tamil brahmin girls educated career types from south are deadly .more than them it is the mother of these girls who
inculcate bad values. we have tried to keep away from tamil nadu for alliances after some bad experience with them.
it is a mindset . they cannot think beyond gold and silver and are trained to grab boys from good families for their own welfare and girls parents live off them
I know many boys whose life has become hell because of these girls
how many children have fine feelings for their old parents?
every large family of the older days requires harsh enforcers to make children take responsibility for their parents
in my extended family [ I have a very large one] we closely track senior citizen to ensure their well being [both mental and physical]
money besides physical help is generously arranged by the large extended family for hospitalisation and care of the aged.
elder abuse has become rampant . the new breed of tamil brahmin girls educated career types from south are deadly .more than them it is the mother of these girls who
inculcate bad values. we have tried to keep away from tamil nadu for alliances after some bad experience with them.
it is a mindset . they cannot think beyond gold and silver and are trained to grab boys from good families for their own welfare and girls parents live off them
I know many boys whose life has become hell because of these girls
tbs
0
hi
we have tried to keep away from tamil nadu for alliances after some bad experience with them.
is it so much bad?....i heard in my childhood...keep away from tanjore mother in law....means we can take gal
from tanjore....but we shouldnt give gal tanjore family....is it correct?...
renuka
Well-known member
To a certain extent the scenario out here in Malaysia is not too bad.
I remember when I was working in the government hospital before Eid or Diwali if any old person was hospitalized their children usually come to ask us permission to take home their parents at least for 1 - 2 days.
So we used to allow temporary leave from hospital for non critical cases.
In critical cases famiiles will come to the hospital to share some time with their elderly parents.
But during another major festival for another race the same was seldom seen.I dont want to sound like a racists but right before a major Non Hindu and Non Muslim festival children would bring their old parents who were actually not even sick to start with and request admission for them!
It was clear that they wanted to enjoy the holiday without the need to drag a bed ridden person along.
Most doctors would admit them but I never used to admit these old people cos they were not acutely ill and it was obvious that their children wanted to ditch them in the government hospital for free baby sitting till the holidays were over and further more why expose an elderly person to infections in hospital?
So many used to complain to the Hospital Director that Dr So and So is not admitting patients.
My director was always concerned about his public image and pleasing people and used to get real mad with me.
I used to argue with him saying that the hospital is not a free baby sitting centre to use beds for the healthy and people need to be responsible to look after their parents.
But he used to over rule me and insists I admit the patients and when I insisted that I wont...he used to ask other doctors to admit the cases.
I remember when I was working in the government hospital before Eid or Diwali if any old person was hospitalized their children usually come to ask us permission to take home their parents at least for 1 - 2 days.
So we used to allow temporary leave from hospital for non critical cases.
In critical cases famiiles will come to the hospital to share some time with their elderly parents.
But during another major festival for another race the same was seldom seen.I dont want to sound like a racists but right before a major Non Hindu and Non Muslim festival children would bring their old parents who were actually not even sick to start with and request admission for them!
It was clear that they wanted to enjoy the holiday without the need to drag a bed ridden person along.
Most doctors would admit them but I never used to admit these old people cos they were not acutely ill and it was obvious that their children wanted to ditch them in the government hospital for free baby sitting till the holidays were over and further more why expose an elderly person to infections in hospital?
So many used to complain to the Hospital Director that Dr So and So is not admitting patients.
My director was always concerned about his public image and pleasing people and used to get real mad with me.
I used to argue with him saying that the hospital is not a free baby sitting centre to use beds for the healthy and people need to be responsible to look after their parents.
But he used to over rule me and insists I admit the patients and when I insisted that I wont...he used to ask other doctors to admit the cases.
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