give my friend a solution

[confused guy]

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hi!! my friend a tam bram likes a tam bram but she is 9 months elder to him., is it possible for them to get married acc to our rituals??? anything wrong in this??

 

[Raghy]

hi!! my friend a tam bram likes a tam bram but she is 9 months elder to him., is it possible for them to get married acc to our rituals??? anything wrong in this??

Greetings. I do not know anything about sastras or the like. But I have seen many couples (not in India) leading happy life. So, personally I think it may not pose great difficulties. I request elders to guide our confused friend, please. Thanks.

Cheers!

 

[sangom]

hi!! my friend a tam bram likes a tam bram but she is 9 months elder to him., is it possible for them to get married acc to our rituals??? anything wrong in this??

The girl to be younger than the boy is more of a convention. Earlier, the man used to be the sole earning member and practical wisdom probably necessitated that the boy (at the time of marriage) grew up into an able adult by the time the family was started (marriage was consummated); if the girl were older by a few years it would have resulted in her attaining puberty but the boy remaining a boy.

Now such child marriages are not there, both husband and wife will earn and so age difference should not matter, in my view. The question refers to "rituals"; there will be no problem in regard to rituals. But about scriptures, I will have to look into, though AFAIK, there is no specific bar on a man getting married to an older girl.

 

[confused guy]

so its fine rite? their family is kinda against bcos of some dhosham stuffs!! r u aware of it??

 

[hoover]

It is not a religious convention. So go on without any hesitation.

 

[Maniya]

In one discourse on Ramayanam by Tiruchi kalyanaraman at Garodia Nagar Bhakta Samaj, Ghatkopar, Mumbai, in 2007-08, he said "only monkeys (like Vali or Sugreeva) indulged in such marriages". That is a younger male going after an elderly female.

He was against such marriages. He said it was wrong for a man to marry a woman elder to him.

My opinion: Not sure. But I feel all is fair in Love and lust, when you can't help. As long as no one suffers.

Take your own decision.

 

[kr subramanian]

Dear friend,
If radha can love and marry Lord Krishna what is there in it? after all it is the mental/physical satisfaction which counts. It is better to marry some one whom you love/loved by one/ that marry some one and pretend to be loving him/her. Go ahead.

 

[wrongan]

The quistion raised by the cofused guy is whether there is any bar according to rituals or satras for marrying an older lady than the boy.But every one above has said that they appreciate this marriage.It is clearly irrelevent to the quistion.Kindly go back to the original quistion.If you have relevent answer it will go a long way to help a confused guy.He never solicited the opinion of tambaram members.The discussion would be interesting if ones wisdom shared among us.

 

[kunjuppu]

The quistion raised by the cofused guy is whether there is any bar according to rituals or satras for marrying an older lady than the boy.But every one above has said that they appreciate this marriage.It is clearly irrelevent to the quistion.Kindly go back to the original quistion.If you have relevent answer it will go a long way to help a confused guy.He never solicited the opinion of tambaram members.The discussion would be interesting if ones wisdom shared among us.

wrongan, i think if you read between the lines, the answer is no, there is no restrictions.

 

[wrongan]

Dear Kunjuppu I only meant that.

 

[confused guy]

wel..there is no prob between the two! its jus the family!!!! they r thinking too much..i dunno if the problem lies in any scientific reason fr a guy shud not marry a elder gal or is it the money in lyf they are seeing..whichever it is,,its spoiling the happiness of the two!!!!

 

[RVR]

There will be multiple opinions in this forum and probably you will get more confused if you read all the opinions.

Better decide yourself.

All the best

wel..there is no prob between the two! its jus the family!!!! they r thinking too much..i dunno if the problem lies in any scientific reason fr a guy shud not marry a elder gal or is it the money in lyf they are seeing..whichever it is,,its spoiling the happiness of the two!!!!

 

[kunjuppu]

wel..there is no prob between the two! its jus the family!!!! they r thinking too much..i dunno if the problem lies in any scientific reason fr a guy shud not marry a elder gal or is it the money in lyf they are seeing..whichever it is,,its spoiling the happiness of the two!!!!

confused,

don't be confused. sometimes decisions are hard, but needs to be taken, however unpalatable. the worst of situations, is to avoid making decisions, and dragging the limbo. there is nothing so awful as this, ie to extend the agony unendingly.

with decisions, a closure to one chapter can be made. very soon, people will adjust to the new realities and get on with life, in their own way.

so whatever maybe your decision, i can only suggest, step through the consequences.

from my moral standards, there is no right or wrong here. it is accommodation to one's families and parting ways or having faith in life together and building a future, family and home.

each will have its challenges. so it is upto the couple to dialogue once and for all, every alternative step by step, go through the consequences - joys, challenges and potential sorrows. if they believe they can withstand the potential isolation from both the families and go together, they will have one decision. otherwise there is always the safe alternative - call it off and go by way of parents.

whatever it maybe, do not delay your discussion.

God Bless.

 

[ksugavanam]

As far as I know there is no restrictions.
Go ahead with all the best wishes of the members.

 

[B V RAAGHAVAN]

As far as Hindu Dharmasastras are concerned such marriages (marrying elderly girl) are barred in the Hindu Dharma. Somebody in this forum cited the example of Radha marrying Krishna. But it was a Gandharva Vivaham. It was not performed with rituals. So it is an exception. Such marriage life will be full obstrucles and problems. So it is advisable to avoid such marriages.

 

[B.Krishnamurthy]

Mahatma Gandhi married Kasturba Gandhi though she was elder to him.If relevant portions of Dharma sastras are cited it may be useful and serve as guide to all members.