Hatya Shastra: The new art of domestic murder

[C RAVI]

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'Bedrooms have become dangerous arenas, of war, not love across urban India' : Cover Story - India Today


Across urban India, bedrooms have become dangerous arenas, of war, not love. The enemy is within, waiting to strike.

In Bangalore, Kumar, a 27-year-old garment worker, hit his pregnant wife in a fit of anger for demanding new clothes on New Year. The blow killed her on January 4.

In Delhi, Gaurav Arora, 22, shot his two teenage cousins on January 2, because they inherited a much larger share of ancestral property than him.

In Chennai on January 7, a 56-year-old employee of a private company, Muthu Palaniappan, killed his wife with a crowbar for fighting neighbours over TV noise. He told them later: "I have solved the issue.

"An epidemic of domestic murders has broken out over the past five years, peaking in 2011. Police files show intimate partner violence, driven by unrequited obsessions, hidden desires, illicit relations, jealousy, or a sense of being wronged.

In the midst of a busy news year, while headlines got bigger over the 2G scam, Anna Hazare's protest or the rupee crisis, quietly, in the privacy of the home, the "ordinary" Indian was busy honing the extraordinary art of murder. Not criminals, not psychopaths, not dowry assassins or honour killers. Just friendly next-door neighbours who, until the day they killed, looked perfectly normal.

Read more at: 'Bedrooms have become dangerous arenas, of war, not love across urban India' : Cover Story - India Today
​

Who would have imagined that auto driver Ranjit Das, 46, of Guwahati could decapitate his wife and then march through the streets, as he did in October 2011, just because he felt she had cheated on him?

Or that Anushree Kundra, 39, a Bangalore professional, could visit her former boyfriend in Pune and, as recorded in October, burn his fiance alive?

Or that one day in September last year, Anita, 30, a homemaker in Betul, Madhya Pradesh, who had never dared to refuse her husband Ramcharan's demands for 'unnatural sex', would just snap. When he started to display indecent video clippings on his mobile, she picked up a stone and smashed his head in.

Read more at: 'Bedrooms have become dangerous arenas, of war, not love across urban India' : Cover Story - India Today
​

A great Sigh in despise!!!!!

Is the Indian society progressing towards betterment???

Here we are breaking our head to differentiate what is good and what is bad, what is right and what is wrong. In the physical society, people are breaking their head to justify their act, what so ever it may be!!!!

Humans are Humans irrespective of what is right and what is wrong. Isn't the high time to have the clear sense of what is right and what is wrong, at least for one self to be in peace and safe AND without bearing the painful guilty conscious, till the death?

 

[Govinda]

The MODERN LAW (in every sector, society and relationship):

"We care only for our RIGHTS (உரிமை), not for our OBLIGATIONS (கடமை)".

Also,

Charity begins at home. If every parent displayed the importance of Duty/Dharma over frail RIGHTS/FREEDOM,
then we can hope to change the society, else, we foresee a scary, uncertain future.

 

[C RAVI]

The MODERN LAW (in every sector, society and relationship):

"We care only for our RIGHTS (உரிமை), not for our OBLIGATIONS (கடமை)".

Also,

Charity begins at home. If every parent displayed the importance of Duty/Dharma over frail RIGHTS/FREEDOM,
then we can hope to change the society, else, we foresee a scary, uncertain future.

Very well said Shri Govida..

It is painful when we find some parents saying that - "I/we have nothing to force on my/our children" AND that - "Right and Wrong is subjective, each individual has his/her liberty to distinguish what is right and what is wrong"

We should understand and accept that, children should be shaped for a better personality and for this, forcing upon them with correct ideologies, principles, disciplines etc.etc. that can ensure personal and collective social betterment, should be the prime object of good parenting.

Home/family is the far most potential school for the kids, from where the foundation of right attitude, discipline, morality, responsibility, obligations, patience, righteousness etc..etc. can have the strong footing, to enable the children to grow properly and have the right personality.

This alone can let them know that are their just full RIGHTS and what all are their OBLIGATIONS.

 

[renuka]

I would partly blame society cos we Indians (PIO's included) tend to view marriage as for the keeps no matter what.
That builds pressure that there is no way out of any situation if things go wrong cos divorce is still viewed as a stigma.

So a person tends to be pushed to the brink and even resorts to murder.
Thats why we have to have a mind set that can accept imperfections and failure too.

I remember attending some motivational prayer for children before their exam last year.
My sons senior friends were having exams and he wanted to wish his friends best of luck and asked me to join in the prayer cum motivational talk.

I was really amazed to see the way the talk was held.
The speakers made it sound as if success is the only way out in life and gave no room for failure.
They were thinking they were doing good for the children by over motivating them.

I felt they should have touched upon failure too cos the suicide rate of children who become depressed becos of faring badly in exams is on the rise here.

When there is undue pressure to excel and only excel and when that does not happen children feel pressured.

Parents meet up just to ask each other how their kids do in exams.
I never ever ask any parent how their kids do in exams cos I do not want them to know about my son in anyway.He is a good student but the last thing I want to do is brag about it and do not want anyone comparing my son with their child even in a positive manner.
Each child is unique and cannot be compared.
I feel each one should mind their own business and not compare and contrast.



So same way with marriage..there is too much pressure for a perfect marriage by society.
Imperfections and failures should be accepted as part of life and also marriage.
If a marriage fails..so what??

Find a way and move on..its better than staying around in the same house still with tension building up and before we knows someone is murdered.

Man are built to stand up and also to fall.
Its up to us to pick up ourselves.

The trouble these days many people have built the perfect marriage in their mind and when the fantasy does not match reality all hell breaks loose.

Thats why its very important not to imagine beyond the recommended allowances so nothing is a rude shock or more important you wake up alive the next day.

Who knows you might be sleeping with the enemy.

 

[Raghy]

Sowbagyavathy Renuka, Greetings.

I refer to your message in post #4. Good analysis. No marriage for that matter, no relationship can be perfect. When we discuss about any relationship, we just discuss the degree of impefection;that's all.

After sometime, man and wife may very well grow apart. I consider that as a normal occurence. But it can be quite hard to handle such situations. I quite agree with that too. Perfect marriage for the length of life is but a fantasy.

As for the youngsters, a good pep talk should explain all options. Children should be confident and comfortable. When my son was at school final, I explained him all options; in fact dwelled more on the failure part of it.... what if the result was not good enough..... my son was very well informed. He was an average student; but that pep talk propelled him higher during his university years; that was when he really understood the strength of such pep talk.

Cheers!

 

[renuka]

Giving each other space in marriage is very important.
We cannot be entwined around each other like Anaconda Vs Boa Constrictor.

Read on this..Khalil Gibran describes this well:

On Marriage
Kahlil Gibran

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.


Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.


Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

 

[vgane]

If you analyze the reasons for failure of marriage the following should be in the top:

1. Extra marital affairs getting exposed after marriage
2 Hiding the health condition before the marraige in case it is not conducive for sex
3. Jealosy of husband over wife in case she earns more than he earns
4. Overealous parents of bridegroom acting to pour oil over fire
5. Alcohol/drug consumption by the male member leading to marital discord
6. Wife being a badger contsantly annoying the husband over trivial matters

The list can go on & on...

However the most important thing in marriage is lack of trust ...

Trust is the most important word

But it is much maligned and misunderstood...

Trust for helping each other

Trust for sharing love with one another

Trust for not cheating

Trust for doing what’s right

Without trust no relationship shall work

Believe in this five letter word and

Make your life joyous for ever

 

[C RAVI]

As dear Renuka has well said, in her post #4, children should be made to understand what the life is all about. Should make them understand how to analyze one's potential, how to accept failures and find the best way out, how to be adjustable, how to be responsible, how to be disciplined and how to be composed.

As Shri.Vgane has listed out well about what "TRUST" is and for what, we should have the tendencies to trust our better half and be our self trustworthy. "To make a man Trustworthy, Trust him".

What ever we could understand, realize and accept about shaping our children and our self as grown up adults, the crux of the issue is - "Tackling the influences of Globalized society, where temptations and plenty of misleading avenues seem to be dominant over each individual"

The globalized social cultures are fast changing for the better as well as for the worst.

People are dependent on each other for their entire life in their quest to live a happy, peaceful, contented and meaningful life.

However a person is composed with refined qualities, seem to be influenced negatively out of utter disappointments in their satisfaction and the possible wrong ways of achieving and fulfilling.

All we can wish for is, people should at least get rid of violence and let themselves live in peace. A person on erring side would for sure have the pain of realizing one's fault at some point of time and may even suffer the pain of guilty conscious till one's end. At least, they can spare others and themselves from their act of violence.

 

[ozone]

Marriages work when the goals are larger; they succeed when the goals are shared

 

[renuka]

Marriages work when the goals are larger; they succeed when the goals are shared

Goals are shared? Marriage is like a football world cup finals.
No goal sharing..if its the same score, extra time is given..after that a penalty shoot out and if still the same score then its sudden death kick.
So be ready for a deadly tackle,crying foul,injury time etc.

Best part of World cup is its held every 4 years but marriage cup is held everyday!!

 

[ozone]

Goals are shared? Marriage is like a football world cup finals.

dear Smt Renu, thats why I said Goals have to be larger hehe!!
Most footballs, even the ones they claim great lack any goals, just 1 or 2 for the winning side.
If you make marriage a football, thats what you will end up getting.
If you want football, go play football - dont get married.