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How to live with Dignity after Retirement?

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How to live with Dignity after Retirement?


I must thank Raji Madam for giving me an idea about this subject while answering a member’s question.

Most people, after retirement feel as if they have lost some power, if they were holding some high office in any Company/Organization; any thing told against his view on any subject by his wife is viewed by him as the result of his retirement although she used to correct him even before whenever he was wrong!!

After retirement, I was also low for sometime, although it was only an imaginary feeling.

Whether it is an imaginary feeling or not, there are some things which gives a retired man some Dignity after his retirement from services.


  1. Have your own income to manage your monthly expenses, including traveling and medical needs. Never expect anything from your son/ daughter/ or any relative to help you financially.
  2. Have a property in your name/ wife’s name.
  3. Never take/give any loan in cash or kind from anyone.
  4. Never beg or never ask for recommendation letter for any matter for any purpose.
  5. Never visit a friend/ relative without a prior appointment.
  6. Always wear decent dress, not like young boys. Cover your bear body in front of ladies; do not fold your dhoti and tie it is in the hip, in front of others, especially before any women.
  7. Always try to stay in a hotel when visiting another town, not with a friend’s family or with a relative family.
  8. When attending a marriage, preferably attend only Muhurtham and give a decent gift ; skip others as nowadays cost of meal in marriages is very high.
  9. Never interfere in any other’s family matters by voluntarily giving any opinion;
  10. Never interfere in son/ daughters’ family matters.
  11. Use always your own transport/ hired transport when you go out for any purpose. Do not avail lift even if it is offered with affection.
  12. Do not talk politics with others/strangers while traveling by train/ Air etc and always follow Rules.
  13. Do not try to relieve yourself on public places; and do not spit on the road
  14. Spend time engaging your mind usefully as idle mind is a devil.

I am sure members will pour more ideas in this thread.

Cheers
 
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How to live with Dignity after Retirement?


I must thank Raji Madam for giving me an idea about this subject while answering a member’s question.

Most people, after retirement feel as if they have lost some power, if they were holding some high office in any Company/Organization; any thing told against his view on any subject by his wife is viewed by him as the result of his retirement although she used to correct him even before whenever he was wrong!!

After retirement, I was also low for sometime, although it was only an imaginary feeling.

Whether it is an imaginary feeling or not, there are some things which gives a retired man some Dignity after his retirement from services.


  1. Have your own income to manage your monthly expenses, including traveling and medical needs. Never expect anything from your son/ daughter/ or any relative to help you financially.
  2. Have a property in your name/ wife’s name.
  3. Never take/give any loan in cash or kind from anyone.
  4. Never beg or never ask for recommendation letter for any matter for any purpose.
  5. Never visit a friend/ relative without a prior appointment.
  6. Always wear decent dress, not like young boys. Cover your bear body in front of ladies; do not fold your dhoti and tie it is in the hip, in front of others, especially before any women.
  7. Always try to stay in a hotel when visiting another town, not with a friend’s family or with a relative family.
  8. When attending a marriage, preferably attend only Muhurtham and skip others as nowadays cost of meal in marriages is very high.
  9. Never interfere in any other’s family matters by voluntarily giving any opinion;
  10. Never interfere in son/ daughters’ family matters.
  11. Use always your own transport/ hired transport when you go out for any purpose. Do not avail lift even if it is offered with affection.
  12. Do not talk politics with others/strangers while traveling by train/ Air etc and always follow Rules.
  13. Do not try to relieve yourself on public places; and do not spit on the road
  14. Spend time engaging your mind usefully as idle mind is a devil.

I am sure members will pour more ideas in this thread.

Cheers

A nice post. Almost all of the points would apply even to a non-retiree.

There is only one ingredient which hinders in implementation. Lack of "veLLiappan", viz. money. That is the cruel truth for some, if not for many.
 
Dear Sri. Padmanabhan Sir, Greetings.

I could not come to terms with the title of the thread. One has to live with dignity before retirement too!

Most people, after retirement feel as if they have lost some power, if they were holding some high office in any Company/Organization;

That is because most people in India bring their work to home when they were working. It always seems funny to me when I read about someone as "retired from such and such job".. for example 'retired bank officer; retired GM in so & so company etc.. retired is just retired; it really beats me when I see people trying to hold on to a position even after retiring.

Whether one is retired or not.. one has to earn dignity. Well, that is my policy, anyway.

I can't agree with condition #8. If I don't want to eat in a wedding, I won't be attending at all. Just imagine... organisers anticipate about 150 persons and pay money in advance for catering and half the people take your advice and leave without eating!.... it is good food and good money down the drain! So, eat well after attending the wedding.. bless the young couples heartily .. or don't go at all!

I don't think I would follow condition #10 either. Son/daughter may feel embaressed to ask for help and may not discuss their personal problems. We as parents have to be much more accomodating than strangers.. we should keep enquiring about their welfare.. should impart good experiences with them. If I have to ask my son to change any of his policies, i would just state that without any fanfare. Actually as parents we are expected to do that, in my opinion.

I was laughing after reading #6! Anyway, we come from different back grounds... I don't care for any such things sir!.. even today, when watching a movie, I will be whistling for fight scenes! Not just in my home.. even when visiting relatives too.. that reminds me.. once about a deecade and a half back I was attending Sowmya's concert.. I loved 'paavana guru' song.. I whistled at the end to show my appreciation... of course she was absolutely taken by surprise... then she was laughing, enjoying the moment.. the next song she chose was.. தீராத விளையாட்டுப் பிள்ளை!

Cheers!
 
Dear Sri Raghy Sir

I did not mean to skip Muhurtham meals, attend muhurtham means also after attending muhurtham enjoy Muhurtham meals; But by giving a gift of Rs 501/- some attend all the functions and enjoy all the Meals!! that would be too expensive for who ever is bearing the Marriage Expenses.
Coming to point no 6, "Always wear decent dress, not like young boys. Cover your bear body in front of ladies; do not fold your dhoti and tie it is in the hip, in front of others, especially before any women" It is meant to show respect to women and others in general.
Coming to the heading " How to live with Dignity after Retirement" i agree with you , always one need to live with dignity.
This heading i chose because it was suggested by Raji madam in some other post!!( Raji madam, please do not comeout with another TV guy type of answer)
Interfering in son/ daughter's personal family matter i meant, like putting their kids in various courses, etc Even on other matters , they know their responsibilities and if they ask us any opinion on any matter, we can give them if we are well versed in that matter.
I have seen old people , trying to impress girls and ASADU VAZIYARATHU" is not correct.
Wearing Red color, ghadi Dress, Cooling glass, with hair dye, and showing off his finger rings, chains etc are not good at old age.

Cheers.
 
How to live with Dignity after Retirement?

I must thank Raji Madam for giving me an idea about this subject while answering a member’s question...........
இது அழுகுணி ஆட்டம்!

I gave this idea to Sri. Sankara_sharmah and you have started the thread! May be, same to same?? :spy:
 
இது அழுகுணி ஆட்டம்!

I gave this idea to Sri. Sankara_sharmah and you have started the thread! May be, same to same?? :spy:

Raji madam

You yourself accept that you posted this suggestion in the thread started by me!!! so indirectly ( இது அழுகுணி) you gave me this suggestion!! anyway thanks,
Coming Monday, Question and Answer section is starting, suggest me quickly some thread to be posted there please, Thanks

 
A nice post. Almost all of the points would apply even to a non-retiree.

There is only one ingredient which hinders in implementation. Lack of "veLLiappan", viz. money. That is the cruel truth for some, if not for many.

zebra16 Sir
If one has no money after retirement to manage his regular expenses, his life will be miserable ( in some cases) sometime his own daughter/ son can look after him, but even then he has to compromise his day to day life somewhere.
 
The real issues I have seen are when our body parts start to create problems. Let me give a few examples.

One can get incapacitated (e.g., stroke but living otherwise, or slowly losing eyesight ), or get Alzheimer disease which is begins to set in and the person begins to forget basic things but living nevertheless, or generally loses the ability to properly take care of bodily functions. These are but a few examples that a person's body may create severe nuisance and hardship to those around them and to the society at large.

People can very quickly lose their lifetime earnings in a few years if they get afflicted with diseases that do not take the life away easily but requires enormous cost for basic maintenance.

One cannot die by choosing to do so ..

There are no good answers if one does not 'nurture their luck properly' prior to 'old age' and have enough money & close relations.
 
..... Coming Monday, Question and Answer section is starting, suggest me quickly some thread to be posted there please, Thanks
நானா? உங்களுக்கா? திருவிளையாடல் தருமியே உங்களிடம் தோற்றுப் போவாரே? :)

You are the number one Q B!!
P.S: Q B = Question Bank. :popcorn:
 
Now.... :focus:

I have met a few parents whose sons have settled in the U S of A choosing the better half hailing from some other country.

Their position is sad, if they depend on their children for financial assistance! Somehow girls manage to take care of their

parents where as boys are not that efficient. The following write-up is the outcome of meeting a few parents.


அறிவீரே பெற்றோரே!

பாசம் காட்டி வளர்த்த மகன் மேலை நாடு சென்ற பின்
நேசம் காட்ட மறந்தால் என்னதான் செய்வது?

“தென்னையைப்
வெச்சா இளநீரு; பிள்ளையைப் பெத்தா கண்ணீரு!”
உண்மைதான் உரைத்துள்ளார்! அது மிகக் கசப்புத்தான்!


தன் வாழ்க்கைத் துணையைத் தானே தேடணுமாம் – பெற்றோர்
தன் வேலை வளர்த்ததுடன் தீர்ந்த்ததென எண்ணணுமாம்!


நம் இனத்தில் நல்ல பெண்ணிருந்தால் கூறு என்றால்,
எவ்வினமாயின் என்ன? உன் வேலையைப் பார் என்கின்றார்!


தன்னைப் பேணிய பெற்றோரை விடவும் – தான் அந்த
மண்ணில் கண்ட மடந்தை உயர்வாகப் போகின்றாள்!


இந்நாளில் பெண்களுக்கோ அமெரிக்க மாப்பிள்ளை வேணும்;
எந்நாளும் மாமன் மாமி இந்தியாவில் இருக்கவேணும்!


பெண்கள் மட்டும்தான் பெற்றோரைப் பேணுகின்றார் – இல்லை!
பெண்கள் தன் பெற்றோரை மட்டும் பேணுகின்றார்!!


சாண்பிள்ளை ஆனாலும் ஆண் பிள்ளை என்று எண்ணித்
தான் மகிழ்ந்த காலமெல்லாம் மலை ஏறிப் போயிற்று!


பிற் காலத்தில் தன் தேவைகளைத் தன் பிள்ளை கவனிப்பான் என
எக்காலத்திலும் கற்பனை வேண்டாம்! அறிவீரே! பெற்றோரே!


தன் உழைப்பால் சேர்த்த செல்வம், தானம் தருமம் போகத்
தனக்கென்றே வைத்தவர்தான் கலிநாளில் பிழைத்திடுவர்!!


P.S: The last six lines are for those who have ONLY sons.
 
முதல் வரியில்
“மேலை
நாடுசென்ற
பின்” என்ற சொற்களுக்கு பதிலாக “மனைவி வந்தபின்” என்று எழுதினாலும் பொருந்தும். மேலைநாடு செல்லவேண்டிய அவசியம் இல்லை
 
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Now.... :focus:

I have met a few parents whose sons have settled in the U S of A choosing the better half hailing from some other country.

Their position is sad, if they depend on their children for financial assistance! Somehow girls manage to take care of their

parents where as boys are not that efficient. The following write-up is the outcome of meeting a few parents.


அறிவீரே பெற்றோரே!

பாசம் காட்டி வளர்த்த மகன் மேலை நாடு சென்ற பின்
நேசம் காட்ட மறந்தால் என்னதான் செய்வது?

“தென்னையைப்
வெச்சா இளநீரு; பிள்ளையைப் பெத்தா கண்ணீரு!”
உண்மைதான் உரைத்துள்ளார்! அது மிகக் கசப்புத்தான்!


தன் வாழ்க்கைத் துணையைத் தானே தேடணுமாம் – பெற்றோர்
தன் வேலை வளர்த்ததுடன் தீர்ந்த்ததென எண்ணணுமாம்!


நம் இனத்தில் நல்ல பெண்ணிருந்தால் கூறு என்றால்,
எவ்வினமாயின் என்ன? உன் வேலையைப் பார் என்கின்றார்!


தன்னைப் பேணிய பெற்றோரை விடவும் – தான் அந்த
மண்ணில் கண்ட மடந்தை உயர்வாகப் போகின்றாள்!


இந்நாளில் பெண்களுக்கோ அமெரிக்க மாப்பிள்ளை வேணும்;
எந்நாளும் மாமன் மாமி இந்தியாவில் இருக்கவேணும்!


பெண்கள் மட்டும்தான் பெற்றோரைப் பேணுகின்றார் – இல்லை!
பெண்கள் தன் பெற்றோரை மட்டும் பேணுகின்றார்!!


சாண்பிள்ளை ஆனாலும் ஆண் பிள்ளை என்று எண்ணித்
தான் மகிழ்ந்த காலமெல்லாம் மலை ஏறிப் போயிற்று!


பிற் காலத்தில் தன் தேவைகளைத் தன் பிள்ளை கவனிப்பான் என
எக்காலத்திலும் கற்பனை வேண்டாம்! அறிவீரே! பெற்றோரே!


தன் உழைப்பால் சேர்த்த செல்வம், தானம் தருமம் போகத்
தனக்கென்றே வைத்தவர்தான் கலிநாளில் பிழைத்திடுவர்!!


P.S: The last six lines are for those who have ONLY sons.

I am sorry. I am forced to comment on this.

One of my relatives had sent their son to a Residential school long back. The son graduated from there and went abroad for college education. Got an employment in a multi-national firm and was hopping from country to country. Bur every year he used to come down to India for a week at least to visit his parents. He used to take them on holidays all over the world. Then when he wanted to get married, he asked his parents to fix up a marriage. He had a Tamil Brahmin arranged marriage.

On the other hand another relative's son was with the parents till he graduated. He went to another city in India for employment. He rarely visited them. Then he got married to a girl from another community.

So it depends on the son and not on the surroundings or upbringing.

If you are lucky you may have son in U.S who talks to you every day on Skype and then visits you as often as he can. If you are not lucky you may have a son who is in the same city and does not visit you often.
 
முதல் வரியில்
“மேலை
நாடுசென்ற
பின்” என்ற சொற்களுக்கு பதிலாக “மனைவி வந்தபின்” என்று எழுதினாலும் பொருந்தும். மேலைநாடு செல்லவேண்டிய அவசியம் இல்லை
அதுவும் சரிதான்! ஆனால் மேலை நாடு சென்று மனைவி தேடிக்கொண்ட மகன்களைப் பற்றியும், மேலை நாட்டில் வாழும்

பிள்ளைகளை மணக்கும் பெண்களைப் பற்றியும் சில பெற்றோர்கள் புலம்பியதால், அப்படி முதல் வரி அமைந்தது!

ஆனால், சில மகன்கள் :angel: கள்தான்! :thumb:
 

Dear S. S Sir,

There are exceptions in everything. Whatever it is, I have observed that only financially independent parents are happy!

Their sons / daughters
are very loving and bring lot of gifts to them. Once financial support is needed, there may be changes!

This is 'kali kAlam' ... :pout:
 

Dear S. S Sir,





Their sons / daughters
are very loving and bring lot of gifts to them. Once financial support is needed, there may be changes!

This is 'kali kAlam' ... :pout:

Well said Raji Madam
In many Tamil Movies Vishu Sir has given this message.

That's why , one must save for his retired life and consequences of old age illness.
It all depends upon how well one plans his future.

In some cases , parents do not have any son to support them, but their daughters do that part, for both side parents.
 
........In some cases , parents do not have any son to support them, but their daughters do that part, for both side parents.
Not in some cases. But about 50% of the cases.

As far as I have seen, any girl is more attached to her parents. Her husband should be happy if his parents are also taken care of!

Hence these lines:

பெண்கள் மட்டும்தான் பெற்றோரைப் பேணுகின்றார் – இல்லை!
பெண்கள் தன் பெற்றோரை மட்டும் பேணுகின்றார்!!
By God's grace, the parents should have good health till their end, to have a peaceful life.

Usually, when parents go to help in baby sitting, the girl sees to it that the air tickets are bought by her husband. But the parents

of her husband feel shy to ask for the expenses and buy themselves. I have seen this in many families I know!
 
The girl is more attached because the parents do not expect her to support them in old age. Limited expectations from parents.
 
அன்பர் திரு பத்மநாபன் அவர்களுக்கு
தாங்கள் கூறிய சொற்கள் வயது முதிர்ந்தவர்களுக்கு மட்டும் அல்லாமல் யாவருக்கும் பொருந்தும் .
"மதியாதார் தலைவாசல் மிதிக்கவேண்டாம்" என அப்போதே எழுதியுள்ளார்கள் . தவிர "ஏற்பது இகழ்ச்சி"
என மூதாட்டி கூறியுள்ளார் . இவையெல்லாம் நமது வாழ்கையை நெறிபடுத்த எழுதப்பட்டவையே .
மேலும் "familiarity breeds contempt" என ஆங்கிலத்தில் உள்ளது .
நமது மரியாதை (Dignity) நாம் நடக்கும் வாழ்கைமுறையில் தான் இருக்கிறது இது இயற்கையாக மற்றவர்களிடமிருந்து நமக்கு வரவேண்டும் .
நலம்கோரும்
ப்ரஹ்மண்யன்
பெங்களூரு
 
In addition to the excellent points mentioned I have a few suggestions. These suggestions are done with good intention and not to hurt anyone's feelings. These apply only when one is physically and mentally healthy.

1) One is never too old to learn something new - With a multitude of free online courses, one is never old to register and learn something for enjoyment. One should continue to exercise ones mind - learning new languages, analyzing (for ones own enjoyment) books/movies/social/political situation. Udacity | Free Online Courses. Advance your College Education & Career Khan Academy https://www.coursera.org/
MIT OpenCourseWare | Free Online Course Materials

2) One is never too old to volunteer your services for those who are needy. Every one is an expert in some area where they can impart their knowledge and wisdom. Please see the blogs of
http://prramamurthy1931.blogspot.com/2010/11/quotes-from-chanakya-neeti.html

GLEANINGS FROM SANSKRIT LITERATURE

3) Please do not shirk from doing work. Continue to work (have a regular working schedule). Continue to help out in cleaning the house and other things (which one may consider manual and dirty labor). Nothing is below our dignity.

4) Continue to pursue your hobby - listening to music, reading books, writing family history. ( Please do not watch TV :) )
 

Dear Prof. M S K Sir,

Very good points bought out by you. I too tell my friends - never stop learning something new!

This is for those who have not seen my write-up posted earlier in this forum:

பன்முக ஈடுபாட்டை வளர்த்திடுவோம்!

ஆய கலைகள் அறுபத்து நான்கு இருக்க – வேண்டும்
தூய மனத்துடன் சிலவற்றைக் கற்க!

அன்னை மடி விட்டெழுந்த காலம் முதல்,
அன்னை போல் காக்க வரும் துணை அமையும் வரை,


கலைகள் கற்கும் பொற்காலமே! மறக்கலாகாது! – பல
கலைகள் கரை காணாவிடினும், சிலவேனும் கற்றல் நலம்!


இருபதுகளில் திருமணம்; ஐம்பதுகள் வரை பிள்ளை பாதுகாப்பு என
இருப்பது இன்றும் மாறாவிட்டாலும், பேரப் பிள்ளைகள் எங்கே?


கற்றுத் தேர்ந்த பிள்ளைகள் இந்தியாவை விட்டு
வேற்று நாடுகளை நாடுதல் அதிகரித்துவிட்டது!


பெற்றோருக்கு ” BABY SITTING ” செய்வது தவிர
மற்றோர் வேலையும் பிள்ளைகள் தருவதில்லை!


ஓய்வுக் காலத்தில் நமக்கென ஆர்வங்கள் தேவை!
ஓடி உழைத்த காலம் போலக் கடும் பணிகள் செய்ய இயலாதே!


அலுவலகம் தவிர வேறு எதிலும் ஈடுபாடு இல்லையெனில்
அலுவலகம் ஓய்வளித்தால் என்னதான் செய்வது?


இளமையில் பன்முக ஈடுபாட்டை வளர்த்தால்,
முதுமையில் சிலவற்றில் மூழ்கி இன்புறலாம்!


புத்தகம் படிப்பது, புகைப்படம் எடுப்பது, “யோகா” செய்வது,
நித்தமும் ஆன்மீகத்தில் ஆர்வம் கொள்வது,


நல்லிசை கேட்பது, நடைப் பயிற்சி செய்வது,
நலிந்தோருக்கு உதவுவது, சுற்றம் நட்புடன் கூடி மகிழ்வது, ,


நற்கலைகள் சிலவற்றைப் பாராட்ட முனைவது,
கற்றவற்றில் சிலவற்றை மற்றோருக்குக் கற்பிப்பது – என


எத்தனை விதங்களில் நேரம் செலவிடலாம்!
எத்தனை அருமையாக ஓய்வில் களித்திடலாம்!


பன்முக ஈடுபாட்டை வளர்த்திடுவோம்!
இன்முகத்துடன் வாழ்க்கை வாழ்ந்திடுவோம்!


(அலுவலகம் செல்லும் இருபாலாருக்கும் பொதுவாக எழுதியது……
இது இல்லம் பேணும் இல்லத்தரசிகளுக்கும் பொருந்துமே!)

 
Dear All,

One of the good thread in recent times. In general what this talks is how a person should live post his retirement. If you read in between the lines - certain do's and don'ts' listed in the beginning, the message is " you have no work -hence walk into our house any time - hence you are attending all marriages and eat - hence offering free advises to people - hence depend on us for free life - "no work" has become precedent for every action.

If a person in the early fifties, then there are certain calculations he need to do. What sort of savings can give him and wife a regular source of monthly income to have a decent or similar life. What will be the likely amount of money he will get during retirement. If the likely amount is not sufficient to have a decent life, then what are the alternatives? What are the responsibilities left to be completed before retirment like daughter's marriage, children's higher eduction. While it is our responsibility to ensure a good marriage or education to our childrent the same should not be "at any cost".

Most of us will certainly having properties. At 55+ a person should clearly write a Will duly registered - making it very clear that his son or daughter can inherit the property (if there are more than one - the ratio in which they will get) ONLY after death of both the parents. This way, we ensure financial independence to self and spouse. Due to any reasons whatsoever - due to place in which son is living - adjustment with daughter in law - practices followed by son's family - one can encash the property and look for some decent retirement homes to spend their remaining part of life. In yet another thread we have already discussed the various alternaives available in the form of retirment homes.

Medical expenses will also be a serious concern. There are good corporates, who cover the medical expenses of employees and thier spouse even post retirment. If such a facility is not there, then start taking mediclaim policies from the age of 50 onwards, so that renewal premiums will be less as compared to taking a policy only after retirment. Even though medicalim policies in India is not that much effective as compared to foreign countires, something is always better than nothing.

While taking the above actions, please also ensure that you are sincere with your children, give them whatever are reasonably possible, show them your affection. If your son or daughter are in need of your help to take care of their child - please do the gladly but with a time limit say 6 months to 12 months. Your life should not be a permanent "creche".

Whatever points mentioned in this are only general suggestions - depending on situation, present income, size of the family ec actual situations may be different. Also, a unsolicited advise - just to have the money for reirment life do not curtain your present happiness drastically and also do not indulge in unethical means to get money (it may give you money but no peace of mind).

Regards

Venkat K
 
Most Health Insurance Policies do not cover any "Existing Health Problems", with the result most of the claims are rejected tracing back to ones' previous health condition.Government Free Heath Services In India is not adequate, and even there , if one has certain level of income after retirement, he/ she may not be eligible for that; It is not possible to keep 100% health fit when one is old, one must be prepared to face this reality when old age creeps in, and keep sufficient source to meet all his medical expenses.
It is easy to say this , but in practice many seniors citizen might not have adequate savings due to various factors such as their job and what they were earning while they were working, commitments made etc. For them there is no other way except to face the realities of life at the fag end of their life.
It is not easy to find a job after retirement/ or expect extension of service for more years after one attains his retirement age.
 
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