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How was your marriage got fixed?

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P.J.

P.J.

0
How was your marriage got fixed?



I came from Calcutta to Chennai where I was working to see “Penn”

I saw only two girls selected by my parents for me to see (way back in 1970)

The first girl whom I saw was very thin looking; otherwise ok, but we all felt we will decide after seeing the second girl selected by my parents; so we saw the second girl, she was looking much healthier, (gundu illa) very fair, not working, a distant relative to my brother’s wife, 8 long years difference between me and her, good family back ground and horoscope matched!! She did not sing any song as she did not learn.


In those days there was no custom of talking to each other:lock1: even for a couple of minutes and as usual after an hour spending and eating SOJJI and BHAJJI ( I do now who invented serving this during’ Penn parkum padalam”) my parents told them the usual ‘Poi Phone sairom”


At that time my parents were with my elder brother’s home at Nanaganallur.

So on the way, while we were on the Saidapet Bridge over Cooum , my elder brother asked the driver to stop the car on a side, and asked me, now decide “ which one, the first girl you saw y day or the this Girl? If you do not decide, we will drop you in that muddy Cooum and go”

I saw Cooum... very scared,:shocked: decided to marry the girl saw now!!:amen:


After reaching home, my dad phoned the Girl’s Periappa in his house we saw the Girl , told him about our willingness to proceed further; My dad also phoned the other girl’s parents that alliance is fixed for me and wished that girl a suitable match soon.
As I have to return to Calcutta, Nithyathartham was done in a very simple manner in my Elder brother’s home itself; no printing of cards, no Big hall, only very close few relatives like uncles , chithappas.
I was not even present for Nichayathartham (so also the girl). In those days parents do every thing.
She went to Bangalore the next day after seeing me, so there was no chance for me to meet her even after deciding to marry her!!

My brother told me to see her off in the Central Station if I wanted, and he would talk to her Periappa. I did not take his advice,:frusty: and felt that I should have the Thrill of seeing her again only at the time of marriage.


I went to back to Calcutta and returned only a few days before the marriage to Chennai.

That’s how my marriage was fixed!


Members Please share your experience about how your marriage got fixed?
Thanks..
 

I think 'bajji' and 'sojji' are given because they are the respectable snacks! (added 'ji'!)

'BondA' will be too rude - added 'dA'. :lol:
 
Raji Ram said:
Now that the 'kAdhal' stories are shared with enthusiasm, P J Sir wants to know how the marriages were fixed!! :gossip:
Click to expand...

PJ is fair enough. After all he fires the initial salvo. Ok here is mine.

I have said previously, that I did not marry my father’s uncle’s grand daughter and that hurt him deeply.

Soon after this trauma, when I went back to Canada, my mother met a palghat family by accident at woodlands drive. To cut the story short, info about availability of a groom and bride passed.

The favourable omens were mutual admiration of diamond earrings worn by the ladies, the accent and obvious middle class aura.

The girl was working in a bank in alwarpet, and soon enough, my sister and cousins who were studying nearby got to visit her and like her. I used to get regular updates + the posed up photo of those time – demurred appearance in a sari, with hands folded.

I did not think much of it during the two years that passed. Meanwhile nothing worked out for her either.

My sister’s (love) marriage was fixed and I came. On arrival I saw this girl, and having a great respect for my mother’s judgement, immediately agreed, in the car itself on our way after the bajji sojji.

My mother was shocked as she was gearing up for another possible resistance from me. queried me deeply about non existent disappointed love affairs in Canada, and then, poignantly, if I felt into pressurized by the family.

I said NO. I was ready for marriage, and would have married two years ago anyone but my relative. Also stipulated a simple kovil wedding, which mom agreed.

The bride agreed to marry me. but insisted on a wedding for which she had saved herself (she had been working since 17 due to family circumstances and contributed to the family). Because otherwise the money would be spent on her sisters’ wedding.

So we had a moderate wedding.

There was no singing at the poNN paarkkal. The day after, the girl and family visited us. They offered both of us to chat, and we moved to one room. While chatting, I feel, suffering from jet lag, and also relieved at the thought of removal of the tension of bachelordom with its accompanying loneliness, (believe it or not) fell asleep.

To make up, next day, I called her at her office, with a borrowed motorbike. I took her to savera and offered food and snacks. She shyly took only an orange juice, while I had a proper tiffin.

Apparently she was very starved, but too shy to tell me.

I wanted to drop her off her at her home. But the mobike died. So we pulled the mobike and walked a couple of miles to my aunt’s house. The girl was dropped off by my uncle. On arriving at home, she bawled out and locked herself in her room, much to her family’s anxiety and concern.

The story came out, she was hungry and tired after a day’s work, and since she did not eat anything at savera, starved, and then tired to walk, with the bike, which she did.

A little TLC from her mom and she was within hours back to her cheery self.

I still hear of my ‘cruelty’ and insensitivity re my bride to be. I have played this scenario back several times. I think by this time, I was westernized enough to respect people’s choices. If someone did not want to eat, I would not insist. But in india, where virundhombal is a taken for granted habit. Apparently the right thing, according to my mom, would have been to order the same stuff that I ate (idli, vadai, lassi, coffe, baasundhi, masala dosai) and not leave her with a watery orange juice.

4 days after marriage I left for Canada. no honey moon. 6 months later she joined me and we started our thani kudithanam.

What I found in practice then was: if the boy was from abroad (a good catch), the girl whom he saw first, was usually the one he chose. He seldom went to see a second one, because a few years’ stay abroad, and he becomes sensitized enough, not to hurt feelings through rejection.
 
P.J. said:
...... Sari.. How your marriage got fixed, Konjam share please!!!
Click to expand...
ME?? :nono: Not the full story!

But shall share something here....

I played two songs on the Veena since Ram and his mother were interested!

The 'cuckoo song' of my mAnaseega Guru Sri. Chitti Babu was one of those songs. :D

I have shared my experiences at Ram's village, soon after my wedding in this page

- post # 104, 105, 106 and in this page - post # 111.

P.S: Sorry to Prasad Sir because the posts are in Tamil. :)
 
kunjuppu said:
PJ is fair enough. After all he fires the initial salvo. Ok here is mine.

I have said previously, that I did not marry my father’s uncle’s grand daughter and that hurt him deeply.

Soon after this trauma, when I went back to Canada, my mother met a palghat family by accident at woodlands drive. To cut the story short, info about availability of a groom and bride passed.

The favourable omens were mutual admiration of diamond earrings worn by the ladies, the accent and obvious middle class aura.

The girl was working in a bank in alwarpet, and soon enough, my sister and cousins who were studying nearby got to visit her and like her. I used to get regular updates + the posed up photo of those time – demurred appearance in a sari, with hands folded.

I did not think much of it during the two years that passed. Meanwhile nothing worked out for her either.

My sister’s (love) marriage was fixed and I came. On arrival I saw this girl, and having a great respect for my mother’s judgement, immediately agreed, in the car itself on our way after the bajji sojji.

My mother was shocked as she was gearing up for another possible resistance from me. queried me deeply about non existent disappointed love affairs in Canada, and then, poignantly, if I felt into pressurized by the family.

I said NO. I was ready for marriage, and would have married two years ago anyone but my relative. Also stipulated a simple kovil wedding, which mom agreed.

The bride agreed to marry me. but insisted on a wedding for which she had saved herself (she had been working since 17 due to family circumstances and contributed to the family). Because otherwise the money would be spent on her sisters’ wedding.

So we had a moderate wedding.

There was no singing at the poNN paarkkal. The day after, the girl and family visited us. They offered both of us to chat, and we moved to one room. While chatting, I feel, suffering from jet lag, and also relieved at the thought of removal of the tension of bachelordom with its accompanying loneliness, (believe it or not) fell asleep.

To make up, next day, I called her at her office, with a borrowed motorbike. I took her to savera and offered food and snacks. She shyly took only an orange juice, while I had a proper tiffin.

Apparently she was very starved, but too shy to tell me.

I wanted to drop her off her at her home. But the mobike died. So we pulled the mobike and walked a couple of miles to my aunt’s house. The girl was dropped off by my uncle. On arriving at home, she bawled out and locked herself in her room, much to her family’s anxiety and concern.

The story came out, she was hungry and tired after a day’s work, and since she did not eat anything at savera, starved, and then tired to walk, with the bike, which she did.

A little TLC from her mom and she was within hours back to her cheery self.

I still hear of my ‘cruelty’ and insensitivity re my bride to be. I have played this scenario back several times. I think by this time, I was westernized enough to respect people’s choices. If someone did not want to eat, I would not insist. But in india, where virundhombal is a taken for granted habit. Apparently the right thing, according to my mom, would have been to order the same stuff that I ate (idli, vadai, lassi, coffe, baasundhi, masala dosai) and not leave her with a watery orange juice.

4 days after marriage I left for Canada. no honey moon. 6 months later she joined me and we started our thani kudithanam.

What I found in practice then was: if the boy was from abroad (a good catch), the girl whom he saw first, was usually the one he chose. He seldom went to see a second one, because a few years’ stay abroad, and he becomes sensitized enough, not to hurt feelings through rejection.
Click to expand...

Kunjuppu Sir

You were more luckier than me!!!

You took her by your mobike, had some snacks, walked with her 2 long miles ( or short miles)
The only Soha part is you had to wait for 6 months to take her to Canada.!!

I too had the same problem for about 3 months before i could take her to Calcutta to start a new THANIKUDUTHINAM

I stared my thani kuduthinam in a portion of my Accounts Officers home as i wanted their guidance initially.

My wife never worked so it seems to me it is a sort of blessing as she could spend the whole time with her children.
Because of her only my son could become an Engineer, my daughter a Doctor.
What more i can expect?
 
Raji Ram said:
Now that the 'kAdhal' stories are shared with enthusiasm, P J Sir wants to know how the marriages were fixed!! :gossip:
Click to expand...
hi RR madam,
dont worry....coming soon...next tread by PJ sir....hows first night expereiences...or SHANTI MUHOORTHAM EPPADI IRUNTHATHU...

wait and see.... ready for next thread....lol
 
Last edited:
hi p j sir,

இப்போ தான் பொண்ணு பார்க்கும் படலம் இல்லை ...ஏன்ன இப்போ பொன்னே இல்லை .....

நிறைய வீட்டிலே இந்த சொஜ்ஜி/பஜ்ஜி தான் மாலை டிபன் ....சும்மா பாட தெரியுமா/

ஆட தெரியுமா?....சும்மா கேக்க வேண்டியதுதான்...நல்ல டிபன் சாப்பிட்டு வர

வேண்டியதுதான் ....
 
Last edited:
I will share mine..it's kind of cute and funny.

My father was all the while trying to get me married after I finished my MBBS.

My mother's friends had passed the word around that my parents were looking for a groom for me.

I saw a couple of grooms who were making the biggest fuss cos I was vegetarian.

I was asked all sorts of dumb questions as how will I cook non veg for their son and some wanted me to become non veg and I said no to all of them.

My father was getting all worried that all Mappilais were asking me to become non veg and my father told me..do not tell any mappillai that you are veg..after marriage you can tell him.

I said "No way...what if he expects me to eat non veg after marriage? so I wont hide..I will tell before marriage that I am veg"

Then we had a proposal from a family whose son was a doctor too and they liked me but the grooms parents were insisting that I become non veg.
They told me..you marry my son first then you can start eating non veg slowly.

I said nope...I dont mind marrying a non veg person but I will still remain veg.

So the father of the groom got upset.
He said that all his elder DIL can cut even slaughter chicken..cut up meat etc..what can you cut if you marry my son?

I told him..I have done many post mortems so I cut up humans fairly well.

He kept silent and shocked..!LOL..anyway I rejected that proposal cos I felt the family was too dominant and expecting me to become non veg.

Ok then I was getting fed up of seeing all Mappillai cos of this veg/non veg problem and almost all of them had very traditional looking mothers and sisters too!

I was thinking if I marry into their family..I surely will be asked to be as traditional looking as them.

Then one day I had come home cos at that time I was working in a different state.
My father did not tell me a Mappilai was coming to see me.

I did not bring any of my Salwar Kameez so I wore a saree which I had kept in my mum's house.

But at the same time I thought I need to scare off this Mappillai cos I was getting sick and tired of seeing Mappillais.

So I wore black colored nail polish which looked kind of evil hoping to scare off the Mappillai.

Ok so when the Mappillai came..my father came upstairs and told me..that the Mappillai looks like actor Prashanth.

That time I was a fan of Prashanth and I went out of the room to take a look from above.

I normally view all Mappillais as they come in standing at the room above so that I get an aerial view of their head as to observe the male hair pattern.

I did not want any balding guy..guys can lose hair as they age but at marriage I wanted a full head of hair husband!

Ok so this Mappillai's head was full of hair and he did resemble actor Prashanth a little bit.

I also liked the fact that he was clean shaven..I dont like mustached males.

Then I got scared thinking that my black colored nail polish might scare him away!LOL

So I sat down closing my fist..but eventually he saw the nail polish and also remarked he liked the shade.
Then I saw that his sister was wearing blue nail polish so I though Ok then I can relax a bit.

I told him I am veg and he asked me the reason for it.

I said I am veg on grounds of compassion and he said that shows you must be a very loving person.

His parents did not mind I was veg too.


I was getting a feeling this guy was liking me.

Then his father asked me "is that a piano I see in your house?"

I said yes..and my father told me to play a few songs for them and I played some Richard Clayderman piano songs.

Then mappilai went home and before going home..he shooks hands with me and held my hands sort of tightly for sometime.

I was thinking "why is he holding my hands tightly..this guys likes me so much or what?"

Then my father tells me that the mappilai phone him after reaching home and he said that he likes me.

My father asked me if I liked him..I said yes too.

Then my father drops the bombshell that the horoscopes has not yet been matched.
Only the next day my father was planning to see if it matches!

I was thinking OMG what if it does not match?

So that night till the next morning I could not sleep..hoping horoscope would match and thank God it was matching!

So that is how I got married.
 
Last edited:
tbs said:
hi RR madam,
dont worry....coming soon...next tread by PJ sir....hows first night expereiences...or SHANTI MUHOORTHAM EPPADI IRUNTHATHU...

wait and see.... ready for next thread....lol
Click to expand...


Dear TBS Garu,

I can't stop laughing!LOL
 
renuka said:
I will share mine..it's kind of cute and funny.

My father was all the while trying to get me married after I finished my MBBS.

My mother's friends had passed the word around that my parents were looking for a groom for me.

I saw a couple of grooms who were making the biggest fuss cos I was vegetarian.

I was asked all sorts of dumb questions as how will I cook non veg for their son and some wanted me to become non veg and I said no to all of them.

My father was getting all worried that all Mappilais were asking me to become non veg and my father told me..do not tell any mappillai that you are veg..after marriage you can tell him.

I said "No way...what if he expects me to eat non veg after marriage? so I wont hide..I will tell before marriage that I am veg"

Then we had a proposal from a family whose son was a doctor too and they liked me but the grooms parents were insisting that I become non veg.
They told me..you marry my son first then you can start eating non veg slowly.

I said nope...I dont mind marrying a non veg person but I will still remain veg.

So the father of the groom got upset.
He said that all his elder DIL can cut even slaughter chicken..cut up meat etc..what can you cut if you marry my son?

I told him..I have done many post mortems so I cut up humans fairly well.

He kept silent and shocked..!LOL..anyway I rejected that proposal cos I felt the family was too dominant and expecting me to become non veg.

Ok then I was getting fed up of seeing all Mappillai cos of this veg/non veg problem and almost all of them had very traditional looking mothers and sisters too!

I was thinking if I marry into their family..I surely will be asked to be as traditional looking as them.

Then one day I had come home cos at that time I was working in a different state.
My father did not tell me a Mappilai was coming to see me.

I did not bring any of my Salwar Kameez so I wore a saree which I had kept in my mum's house.

But at the same time I thought I need to scare off this Mappillai cos I was getting sick and tired of seeing Mappillais.

So I wore black colored nail polish which looked kind of evil hoping to scare off the Mappillai.

Ok so when the Mappillai came..my father came upstairs and told me..that the Mappillai looks like actor Prashanth.

That time I was a fan of Prashanth and I went out of the room to take a look from above.

I normally view all Mappillais as they come in standing at the room above so that I get an aerial view of their head as to observe the male hair pattern.

I did not want any balding guy..guys can lose hair as they age but at marriage I wanted a full head of hair husband!

Ok so this Mappillai's head was full of hair and he did resemble actor Prashanth a little bit.

I also liked the fact that he was clean shaven..I dont like mustached males.

Then I got scared thinking that my black colored nail polish might scare him away!LOL

So I sat down closing my fist..but eventually he saw the nail polish and also remarked he liked the shade.
Then I saw that his sister was wearing blue nail polish so I though Ok then I can relax a bit.

I told him I am veg and he asked me the reason for it.

I said I am veg on grounds of compassion and he said that shows you must be a very loving person.

His parents did not mind I was veg too.


I was getting a feeling this guy was liking me.

Then his father asked me "is that a piano I see in your house?"

I said yes..and my father told me to play a few songs for them and I played some Richard Clayderman piano songs.

Then mappilai went home and before going home..he shooks hands with me and held my hands sort of tightly for sometime.

I was thinking "why is he holding my hands tightly..this guys likes me so much or what?"

Then my father tells me that the mappilai phone him after reaching home and he said that he likes me.

My father asked me if I liked him..I said yes too.

Then my father drops the bombshell that the horoscopes has not yet been matched.
Only the next day my father was planning to see if it matches!

I was thinking OMG what if it does not match?

So that night till the next morning I could not sleep..hoping horoscope would match and thank God it was matching!

So that is how I got married.
Click to expand...

renukaji

most brahmin women in TN do not eat Non Veg and this type of questions cropping up even before marriage is a bit of surprise to me.
 
tbs said:
hi p j sir,

இப்போ தான் பொண்ணு பார்க்கும் படலம் இல்லை ...ஏன்ன இப்போ பொன்னே இல்லை .....

நிறைய வீட்டிலே இந்த சொஜ்ஜி/பஜ்ஜி தான் மாலை டிபன் ....சும்மா பாட தெரியுமா/

ஆட தெரியுமா?....சும்மா கேக்க வேண்டியதுதான்...நல்ல டிபன் சாப்பிட்டு வர

வேண்டியதுதான் ....
Click to expand...

tbs sir

even that stage of நல்ல டிபன் சாப்பிட்டு வர

வேண்டியதுதான் ....is not coming to many!!
 
tbs said:
hi RR madam,
dont worry....coming soon...next tread by PJ sir....hows first night expereiences...or SHANTI MUHOORTHAM EPPADI IRUNTHATHU...

wait and see.... ready for next thread....lol
Click to expand...

Tbs Sir

good idea!!!
Are you ready to post yours?
But i wonder how many of you will come forward to post any real answer!!
Definitely no ladies will post any post.
 
P.J. said:
renukaji

most brahmin women in TN do not eat Non Veg and this type of questions cropping up even before marriage is a bit of surprise to me.
Click to expand...


Aiyo PJ sir,

I am not a Brahmin....so you see very few Non Brahmins out herein Malaysia are vegetarians...so all the Mapillais who came were also Non Brahmins and they were not too happy with the fact that I was a vegetarian.
 
P.J. said:
Tbs Sir

good idea!!!
Are you ready to post yours?
But i wonder how many of you will come forward to post any real answer!!
Definitely no ladies will post any post.
Click to expand...

Ha Ha Ha...I can't wait to read members writing their stories!
 
renuka said:
Aiyo PJ sir,

I am not a Brahmin....so you see very few Non Brahmins out herein Malaysia are vegetarians...so all the Mapillais who came were also Non Brahmins and they were not too happy with the fact that I was a vegetarian.
Click to expand...

renukaji

Now i understand!!
 
P.J. said:
renukaji

I know, i know, i know All women are like that!!!:gossip:
Click to expand...

Dear Sir,

You see we women can help dramatize the stories you guys write.

So you guys write..we woman can put some songs here to help the rest of us understand the situation clearly!
 
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