Interesting and shocking rituals at a Tambram wedding...

[melodyshru]

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Hey guys,

I just recently attended my cousin sister's wedding. The groom was a tambram just like her. But what mainly surprised and shocked me was the rituals that were conducted at the wedding (which I haven't noticed in any other tambram wedding prior to this). Even my own sister's wedding didn't have these rituals.

Let me recount some of these rituals for you...

Bride performing namaskaram to the groom:

In most tambrams wedding, this happens twice during the wedding - at the time when the groom issues the koorapudavai and during the nalangu. As far as I am aware, these are the only two occassions when the bride has to perform a namaskaram to the groom. If I've missed some other occassion, do let me know.

The situation was quite different at my cousin sister's wedding. She had to fall at her husband's feet more than just once during the wedding itself...

1. When the kurapudavai was given, she had to fall at his feet.

2. She had to fall at his feet once again while wearing the madisar and sitting on the father's lap

3. After the thirumangalyam was tied, she had to do a namaskaram yet again.

And a couple of other occassions while wearing the madisar.

Bride performing pada puja to the groom:

The next thing that shocked me was the performance of pada pujai to the groom by the bride. I've seen the bride's parents perform pada puja to the groom.

But this is the first instance when the bride actually performed the pada puja. The regular rituals of bride's parents performing pada puja to the groom was also done in addition to this.

After the saptapadi ritual had been completed, the groom was made to sit and a plate was placed under his feet. The bride had to wash his feet and sprinkle a few drops of the water on herself.

After that, the bride was asked to put a couple of flowers at her husband's feet and garland him. Then the bride had to show karpuram to the feet of the groom.

She was once again asked to bow down to his feet and blessed by the groom. After that, the groom garlanded the bride and she was made to sit beside him. Her feet was subsequently washed by the groom's sister in law.

Consummation of food:

In most of the tambram weddings i've seen, it's normal for couples to dine together. But here, my cousin sister was made to serve her husband food on a plantain leaf first.

She had to serve all of the foods on her own. Once he finished consuming his meal, she had to sit in the same plantain leaf and eat her meal. She had to eat his leftover's as though it was a prasadam.

Now... I don't know if you guys have noticed such rituals at a TamBram wedding. If you do, enlighten and educate me on why these rituals were done and why's there a difference? Have you seen such rituals or something similar in tambram weddings or weddings of other communities before?

Thanks,
Shru

 

[Raji Ram]

All the changes in the rituals are new to me!

I have not seen anything like this so far!! :dizzy:

 

[BostonSankara]

My only comment is that I hope that these changes were initiated by the bride herself due to her devotion and not some outside entities (particularly the groom or his family) demanding such supplication.

 

[KR SUBRAHMANYAM]

It is quite disgusting to note that the bride is made to eat in the same plantain leaf used
by her spouse and eat his leftovers, during the wedding ceremony itself. It is quite a
different matter that the wife or husband may not mind eating in the same place, after
they spend some days/months as a couple and know each other well and if they like to
do so. But making it as a part of ritual/custom during the wedding itself, is just not
acceptable.

In the above wedding, the male chauvinism is visible at every stage. God save the bride.

KR SUBRAHMANYAM
Secunderabad.

 

[prasad1]

I thought the wedding is conducted by the Bride's side, they choose the Vadyar, they choose the customs in consultation with the grooms side, and they pay for the wedding.

He who pays sets the table. What if the bride refuses to do it? My cousin objected to last minute requests from the grooms side, and she quietly told the groom to cut out any requests. The matter stopped right there.

But you are right this was a bad situation.

 

[sangom]

I think all these should have had the approval of both sides; otherwise somebody would have raised the problems and some ugly scene might have ensued.

This bride prostrating before the groom who is yet to become her husband is neither a vedic practice nor have I seen such a practice for the last 50 years. I do not think it was there before either. Usually the bride performs namaskar in the open mandapam and it is for getting the blessings of all the elders - from her side as also of the groom's side - and is not to be taken as a namaskaram to the groom. But there is no practice of the bride prostrating after the "thaalikettu".

The old practice was for the husband to eat from the plantain leaf or silver plate (thaalam, which used to be a must among the Kalyaana cheer) and for the bride to eat from the same plate. But this practice was not adopted (rather discarded) when the position of women was sought to be uplifted and people felt that it was a disgusting practice.

All in all, kindly enquire where all these customs originated and who wanted these to be followed. that will be fresh knowledge for many of us.

 

[Raji Ram]

The groom's side might have demanded these new rituals and the bride's family might have agreed.

Girls today resist even to do 'namaskAram' to each and every elderly couple / person, after the wedding

is over, as done in the older generations. The 'seer' silver plate will be placed on a plantain leaf and

'pAl chAdham' will be served to the groom during dinner and after eating, he has to keep some money

under the plate as a token gift to the sister-in-law (bride's sister), who will wash the plate! I have not

seen any bride eating in the same plate, in our generation. It might have been a much older practice. :hungry:

 

[renuka]

I am no TB but when I got married I only fell on the feet of my parents and Inlaws.

There was never a ritual where I had to fall on grooms feet.

This is news to me!

But eating on same plate sharing food with the person you love is fun...I mean both eat together on same plate and not one person eating left overs.

 

[kk4646]

I am no TB but when I got married I only fell on the feet of my parents and Inlaws.

There was never a ritual where I had to fall on grooms feet.

This is news to me!

But eating on same plate sharing food with the person you love is fun...I mean both eat together on same plate and not one person eating left overs.

"Bride prostrate before the groom..!!"


Not a big issue... She started practising " how to PULL her Hubbi's LEG" ..

TVK

 

[tbs]

hi
some rituals are man made.....acoording to kulam acharam.....here the both parties agreed with the permission of vadyar....

eating in the same leaf is not in modern days.....even eating together in the same table very common....still some accharams

are different from tanjavur/thirunelveli/palakkad/some north arcot systems....again thengalai /vadagalai....or vadama/brahacharam/

vathima/astasastram.....veetuku veedu vasarpadi....some are very extremes in arranged marriages......moderation is always good...

 

[Brahmanyan]

I am no TB but when I got married I only fell on the feet of my parents and Inlaws.

There was never a ritual where I had to fall on grooms feet.
This is news to me!
But eating on same plate sharing food with the person you love is fun...I mean both eat together on same plate and not one person eating left overs.

Dear Doctor,

All rituals are based on traditions and beliefs. Those who wish to follow must have faith in them.
It may or may not have religious sanctions.
Here below is what Sage Tiruvalluvar says on the subject

அறத்துப்பால். இல்லறவியல். வாழ்க்கைத் துணைநலம்:.

தெய்வந் தொழா அள் கொழுநற் றொழு தொழுவாள்
பெய்யெனப் பெய்யும் மழை - திருக்குறள்-55

(வேறு தெய்வம் தொழாதவளாய்த் தன் கணவனையே தெய்வமாகக் கொண்டு தொழுது துயிலெழுகின்றவள் பெய் என்றால் மழை பெய்யும்!.-மு.வ உரை)

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[renuka]

Dear Sir,

If you don't mind could you please translate that for me cos my Tamil reading speed is not that great and some higher forms of poetic Tamil I find it hard to comprehend.

But actually this is the 1st time I am hearing that girl falls on grooms feet at marriage.

I have never seen it here.

Again I am learning something new daily and thank all members for that.

 

[Raji Ram]

..... அறத்துப்பால். இல்லறவியல். வாழ்க்கைத் துணைநலம்:.

தெய்வந் தொழா அள் கொழுநற் றொழு தொழுவாள்
பெய்யெனப் பெய்யும் மழை - திருக்குறள்-55

(வேறு தெய்வம் தொழாதவளாய்த் தன் கணவனையே தெய்வமாகக் கொண்டு தொழுது துயிலெழுகின்றவள் பெய் என்றால் மழை பெய்யும்!.-மு.வ உரை) ........

இந்தக் குறளுக்குப் பொருள், 'தெய்வத்தையும் தொழமாட்டாள்; கொழுநன் காலையில் காபி கப்புடன்

தொழுது துயிலெழுப்பிய பின், எழுவாள்; அவள் 'பெய்' என்று மிரட்டினால், மழை கூடப் பயந்து கொண்டு
பெய்யும்!', என்று வேடிக்கையாக எங்கள் தமிழ் ஆசான் கூறுவார்!:rain:

 

[Raji Ram]

......... But actually this is the 1st time I am hearing that girl falls on grooms feet at marriage.

I have never seen it here.........

Dear Renu,

You have to attend a Tambram wedding to see all these! There is another comedy known as 'nalungu' in the evening,

when all the mamis gather to rag the bride and groom. Ram and I refused the event 'nalungu' and so did our son!

Instead of that, we all gathered and sang songs - classical and semi classical. :thumb:

 

[Raji Ram]

For Renu! Look how childish it is - not for grown ups!

[TABLE="class: ts, width: 512"]
[TR]
[TD="colspan: 2"]Nalangu - YouTube[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu,

You have to attend a Tambram wedding to see all these! There is another comedy known as 'nalungu' in the evening,

when all the mamis gather to rag the bride and groom. Ram and I refused the event 'nalungu' and so did our son!

Instead of that, we all gathered and sang songs - classical and semi classical. :thumb:

Dear RR Ji,

I have a feeling becos of child marriages in the past these were started to keep the kids happy.
Now we all get married only as adults.

But I know I will get scared of such events too!LOL

You know I did not even do Vallai Kappu(I hope the spelling is correct) cos I was scared to sit and be watch by so many people..some of my mum's friends were really traditionalist..so its ESCAPEEEEEEEE for me.
No way man I will sit there!LOL

 

[manoharkumar]

For Renu! Look how childish it is - not for grown ups!

Dear RR maam, i also used to wonder abt the " thathpariyam" behind this function. My mother ( now in late 80's) said that during the time of Child marriages, early 20-30's the marriage function was taxing for the small girl and the boy and they would be very tired of all the homam, manthram etc. etc. So to cheer them up in the evening of the marriage day this fuction would be held. Small games involving the girl & the boy, make them feel free and mix up with all without any inihibitions.... Now a days with the marriage itself happenning so late in a girl/boys life Nalangu has really become a comedy show!!

Cheers.

 

[manoharkumar]

OH my Dr.Renukaji, when i finished my post saw yours!! both so similar!! ( Ahem... great people think alike?)

cheers.

 

[renuka]

For Renu! Look how childish it is - not for grown ups!

[TABLE="class: ts, width: 512"]
[TR]
[TD="colspan: 2"]Nalangu - YouTube[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]

Dear RR ji,

But nothing beats my engagement cos I went to the beauty parlor and got my hair done up in a nice style wearing a Tiara too.

Then my husband's aunt brings Jasmine flowers and told me to wear it on my head and she covered my Tiara with it!LOL

I was thinking "Aiyoo..my Tiara was not visible"

And then my mum got all confused in the preparation cos suddenly she mixed up North Indian Customs and South Indian Customs.

She told me..."you sit in your room..you don't have to be present till the parent's finish their exchange of trays and only get ready when the boy's side brings the saree for you to wear.Till then don't tie saree yet."

Then all of as sudden the priest says "bring the girl" and I was OMG I am not even ready!

So I quickly grabbed one plain saree from the cupboard and tied it fast.

I was thinking what a day..I wore a plain saree and only after that I was given the saree by the boys side to wear and my husband's aunt brought the saree to me and also covered my Tiara with Jasmine flowers.

I was just looking at my mum and she knew I was angry with her!LOL

Later I asked her "why you got confused?"

She said that's how it was done when she got engaged cos my parent's engagement was held North Indian style and their Marriage was South Indian style.

Poor me!

 

[prasad1]

Dear Renu,

You have to attend a Tambram wedding to see all these! There is another comedy known as 'nalungu' in the evening,

when all the mamis gather to rag the bride and groom. Ram and I refused the event 'nalungu' and so did our son!

Instead of that, we all gathered and sang songs - classical and semi classical. :thumb:

We too refused it, and I thought we were rebels, LOL.

 

[Brahmanyan]

Dear Sir,

If you don't mind could you please translate that for me cos my Tamil reading speed is not that great and some higher forms of poetic Tamil I find it hard to comprehend.
But actually this is the 1st time I am hearing that girl falls on grooms feet at marriage.
I have never seen it here.
Again I am learning something new daily and thank all members for that.

Dear Doctor,

My knowledge of Poetic Tamil is elementary. Here is the English Translation of the verse by Rev. Dr.G.U.Pope

"If she, who does not worship God, but who rising worships her husband, say, “let it rain, “ it will rain".

and another one in easy English by Gurudeva Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami of Himalayan Academy:

"Even the rains will fall at her command
who upon rising worships not God, but her husband".

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[renuka]

Dear Doctor,

My knowledge of Poetic Tamil is elementary. Here is the English Translation of the verse by Rev. Dr.G.U.Pope

"If she, who does not worship God, but who rising worships her husband, say, “let it rain, “ it will rain".

and another one in easy English by Gurudeva Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami of Himalayan Academy:

"Even the rains will fall at her command
who upon rising worships not God, but her husband".

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

Dear Sir,

Thanks..I wonder how come deserts have hardly rain fall..don't women there also worship their husbands?(Just Kidding)

One day I am going to be Mataji and write some sayings also.

"Even the Hurricane Sandy will stop at his command..he who would pray for the welfare of his family upon getting up in the morning instead of asking for bed coffee"LOL

 

[prasad1]

Dear Doctor,

My knowledge of Poetic Tamil is elementary. Here is the English Translation of the verse by Rev. Dr.G.U.Pope

"If she, who does not worship God, but who rising worships her husband, say, “let it rain, “ it will rain".

and another one in easy English by Gurudeva Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami of Himalayan Academy:

"Even the rains will fall at her command
who upon rising worships not God, but her husband".

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

I bet it was not written by any women or a humble man.
And some on this site will claim that we must listen to our scriptures and not question it.
Let us change our customs to meet our present day needs. That is not radical thought.

 

[Raji Ram]

We too refused it, and I thought we were rebels, LOL.

ound:

 

[HARE RAMA HARE KRISHNA]

whats so shocking about it, i saw in almost all marraiges of tambrahms in this way.

one should lead and the other should follow, if not endless fighting and ego clash will only break the marraige.

may be we should change groom falling at brides feet, since this is what usually happens after marraige, why not we try to give a ritual face in this way.