Leave the damned crown in the garage-What working woman have to face at home

[vgane]

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How true! Working women have to manage 2 lives one in the office and another at home..And mostly the parents or husband are unresponsive and expect her to play the role of mother or wife or daughter at home 100%...And she will be expected to give the hot coffee to her husband while returning from office while there is no one to welcome her when she returns from her office?

Let us put on the working woman's shoe and see her world! Read this realistic talk by the head honcho of Pepsi- Indra Nooyi

Women cannot have it all, PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi says - The Times of India
While interviewing Indra K Nooyi, the CEO of PepsiCo, at the Aspen Ideas Festival Monday *, David Bradley, who owns The Atlantic, asked two questions that elicited as frank a discussion of work-life balance as I've seen from a US CEO. Below is a lightly edited transcript. The second question was preceded by a brief discussion of Anne-Marie Slaughter's "Why Women Still Can't Have It All."

You come home one day as president of the company, just appointed, and your mom is not that impressed. Would you tell that story?

This is about 14 years ago. I was working in the office. I work very late, and we were in the middle of the Quaker Oats acquisition. And I got a call about 9:30 in the night from the existing chairman and CEO at that time. He said, Indra, we're going to announce you as president and put you on the board of directors ... I was overwhelmed, because look at my background and where I came from — to be president of an iconic American company and to be on the board of directors, I thought something special had happened to me.

So rather than stay and work until midnight which I normally would've done because I had so much work to do, I decided to go home and share the good news with my family. I got home about 10, got into the garage, and my mother was waiting at the top of the stairs. And I said, "Mom, I've got great news for you." She said, "let the news wait. Can you go out and get some milk?"

I looked in the garage and it looked like my husband was home. I said, "what time did he get home?" She said "8 o'clock." I said, "Why didn't you ask him to buy the milk?" "He's tired." Okay. We have a couple of help at home, "why didn't you ask them to get the milk?" She said, "I forgot." She said just get the milk. We need it for the morning. So like a dutiful daughter, I went out and got the milk and came back.

I banged it on the counter and I said, "I had great news for you. I've just been told that I'm going to be president on the Board of Directors. And all that you want me to do is go out and get the milk, what kind of a mom are you?"



And she said to me, "let me explain something to you. You might be president of PepsiCo. You might be on the board of directors. But when you enter this house, you're the wife, you're the daughter, you're the daughter-in-law, you're the mother. You're all of that. Nobody else can take that place. So leave that damned crown in the garage. And don't bring it into the house. You know I've never seen that crown."

 

[krish44]

vganeji
too much is being made of multi tasking ladies carrying the burden of home and office work

most ladies when made an offer to abdicate home responsibilities , [ I am talking of india.n south indian ladies]they are reluctant to hang up at home.they would like to have supportive husbands or servants to do the house work under their supervision.
I know many male souls doing all the grocery , vegetable shopping and being baby sitters,drivers of cars for dropping and picking up children from school, doing the dishes in case the servant bunks, laying and cleaning dining table etc .
in addition the have the threat of 498A. 496 hanging like a damocles sword. it is difficult to put up with these career women types who claim to be multi tasking and not doing justice either in office or home.A huge percentage of career women belong to this category

 

[renuka]

The problem is most people want to aim for top position at work and climb the ladder of success and also climb up the ladder of housework!LOL

Moderation is the key..aim to be moderate at work so that income is good enough and aim to be moderate at home.There is no harm refusing promotions if its going to interfere with our personal life and time.

One can wake up in the morning and do housework..cook etc and then go to work.

If one is moderate in approach..one can manage anything..those who aim for moderation can even be married and handle job..home..spouse and also an extra marital affair!LOL

 

[krish44]

office-home balance is not an easy thing unless these working ladies learn time and people management skills.
I have seen most of these career types woefully lack these .
it requires supportive husband/ in laws if married who have to take over many of the roles and tasks they were handling home.with all this where is the space for extra marital affair unless the man she gets involved with also becomes a handy resource to be used by the lady .lol
most ladies are either over ambitious career women caring little for home or homely types trying to make a career for pride or little money
most men like to marry career types because of financial reasons . women get pushed into jobs which they do not care for and they cannot give up as they[ atleast the husbands] like the extra money . the couple end up having the help of parents , parents in law , servants , neighbours also sometimes to support their living . one working career lady can create so much chaos in living.
at the end of it all , is it worth it?

 

[renuka]

office-home balance is not an easy thing unless these working ladies learn time and people management skills.
I have seen most of these career types woefully lack these .
it requires supportive husband/ in laws if married who have to take over many of the roles and tasks they were handling home.with all this where is the space for extra marital affair unless the man she gets involved with also becomes a handy resource to be used by the lady .lol
most ladies are either over ambitious career women caring little for home or homely types trying to make a career for pride or little money
most men like to marry career types because of financial reasons . women get pushed into jobs which they do not care for and they cannot give up as they[ atleast the husbands] like the extra money . the couple end up having the help of parents , parents in law , servants , neighbours also sometimes to support their living . one working career lady can create so much chaos in living.
at the end of it all , is it worth it?

Dear Krish ji,

I see my job just as mode of some income for me..its important these days that both husband and wife work so that in case marriage fails or one spouse drops dead at least children will not have to beg for existence.

Imagine if a woman without a job and her marriage fails or her husband dies..what will she do?
At least if she has a job she can somehow manage.

I know a woman who was never working and after her husband died she has to ask her brothers for some help to help maintain her kids.

I know of a person who is helping out his sister whose husband was paralyzed with stroke and he is even paying for his sisters kids college education.

Now how many are lucky that they have a kind brother and a kind sister in law who would not mind and also a brother rich enough to help out? What if the brother is poor or cant afford to help out? and its also not fair to live off a sibling keeping in mind the cost of living these days.

So keeping all those situations in mind I feel a woman should generate some form of income..for those who dont want to work outside of home..they can conduct some tuition or do some form of small time home run business to generate an income to prepare for worst case scenarios.

Now coming to career..one need to draw the line...as I said earlier one should lead a balanced life and not let career or home overtake one another but make sure we do both right without slacking.

Once I refused a post in the state medical association which was offered to me cos I felt I did not want meetings and conferences take up my personal space and time.

For me my personal time and space is very important...and everything else comes second... I value being alone and not having to think of anything including career and family..one cant be playing career woman or a mother/wife 24/7..at times we need to be ourselves..the "My Time" is what I value the most where I can be my true self.

 

[krish44]

Everyone has his/her own logic and rationale for a living style.

all of us want our space and time first

we would like to distribute the balance time available between career and home

but in most cases this balance gets skewed. we end up outsourcing/employing servants

/relations to take care of spouse and children in home front .bank on colleagues in office front

the idea is to optimise money and lifestyle for decent living

In order to achieve their ends most couple start drawing many into their small circle

and ultimately the numbers of people they rely on to support their living far outnumber the

couple and couple of kids

all because they want some money for decent living and contingencies


again how much money is enough and how many resources will be tied up to support spouse

and kid is the to be answered .

at the end of it all - a honest question -is it worth it?

answer -honestly do not know but would not go thru it again with a working or non working

spouse lol

 

[renuka]

at the end of it all - a honest question -is it worth it?
answer -honestly do not know but would not go thru it again with a working or non working spouse lol

Well thats an honest answer and my answer is being alive itself is worth it..balancing life and work is just part of life..its people like us who have almost everything in life that actually sit and wonder is it worth it or not...In some parts of the world..some are not even sure if they will see the sun rise the next day and some people worry if they can actually make ends meet on daily basis to feed their children.

So Krish ji..that shows that we have lots of free time in our hands!LOL

 

[Raji Ram]

The general mindset of tambram mAmAs (I have watched many of them and hence would like to share my views about them)

have a tendency to think that mAmi is supposed to manage the household chores, with or without the help of servant maid.

But surprisingly, these Indian mAmAs who leave the plate / banana leaf they have used for eating food, to be taken away by

the spouse, wash their plate when they land in the U S of A! Is it because of fear of the loving (!) d i l ?? :lol:

 

[krish44]

Well thats an honest answer and my answer is being alive itself is worth it..balancing life and work is just part of life..its people like us who have almost everything in life that actually sit and wonder is it worth it or not...In some parts of the world..some are not even sure if they will see the sun rise the next day and some people worry if they can actually make ends meet on daily basis to feed their children.

So Krish ji..that shows that we have lots of free time in our hands!LOL

well renukaji
why compare all the time with have not and feel satisfied that it is worth going thru hardships.

balancing is a requirement and people do not do it spreading misery all around.

I know lot of working ladies in india who virtually hang on to their own mother to look after the

children instead of utilising a creche. these ladies also sideline their inlaws to make this possible.

All because ,they would like to have a career and make some money.indian families are breaking

up due to these career ladies . many men are unable to keep their parents with them as the girls

preference is for her own parents.

it is becoming a social problem. boys parents have nowhere to go other than retirement homes or

the streets due to career minded ladies.

 

[krish44]

The general mindset of tambram mAmAs (I have watched many of them and hence would like to share my views about them)

have a tendency to think that mAmi is supposed to manage the household chores, with or without the help of servant maid.

But surprisingly, these Indian mAmAs who leave the plate / banana leaf they have used for eating food, to be taken away by

the spouse, wash their plate when they land in the U S of A! Is it because of fear of the loving (!) d i l ?? :lol:

this mindset is not of tamil brahmins alone.

any housewife [when less educated or not employed] faces the possibility of domestic abuse

besides having to manage without domestic help

also cleaning of plates is left to wife or servant as men have the mindset that they are economic providers . that they change their behaviour when they meet their DIL in usa shows that confronted with a empowered woman they are likely to change their attitude and behaviour . not very surprising.I would have appreciated if they did not change their behaviour when confronted by empowered ladies and acted the same way as before. that requires some conviction about themselves

 

[renuka]

I know lot of working ladies in india who virtually hang on to their own mother to look after the

children instead of utilising a creche. these ladies also sideline their inlaws to make this possible.

Dear Krish ji,

The only reason I dared to venture into my own Private Practice is becos my mum helps to look after my son.

I would not never ever dare let a child to be taken care by anyone else or in a creche..I would not let a MIL too look after the child.

The reason is becos creches are not safe and with MIL one has to be always politically correct..with one's own mother I can be myself and also my mother is a very scientific minded person who does not believe in traditional ways of handling a baby..so I know my child is in safe hands.

Further more a MIL is wired to subconsciously think that she knows better than her DIL and that at times can be unsafe cos she might try some folk remedy when a child actually needs to see a doctor.

The famous dialogue of most MILs is "I have brought up so many children..I know better than you"

I have seen many woman who take care of babies by placing them on their legs and bathing them..exposing the babies to Sambrani fumes to dry hair and place oil of the babies head 24/7 and also place the black Dristhi spot on the childs forehead..my mum does not believe in all that.

If I did not have her to look after my child I would not have opted to have my own practice.

Its not that girls like to sideline their MILs..its just that we cant scream and shout at a MIL and MIL too wont be able to scream at DIL!LOL


With mother and daughter both can say "I wanna Scream and Shout and Let it all Out" and fight and still be friends again and fight again!LOL

 

[BRAHMACHARI]

Dear Krish ji,

The only reason I dared to venture into my own Private Practice is becos my mum helps to look after my son.

I would not never ever dare let a child to be taken care by anyone else or in a creche..I would not let a MIL too look after the child.

The reason is becos creches are not safe and with MIL one has to be always politically correct..with one's own mother I can be myself and also my mother is a very scientific minded person who does not believe in traditional ways of handling a baby..so I know my child is in safe hands.

Further more a MIL is wired to subconsciously think that she knows better than her DIL and that at times can be unsafe cos she might try some folk remedy when a child actually needs to see a doctor.

The famous dialogue of most MILs is "I have brought up so many children..I know better than you"

I have seen many woman who take care of babies by placing them on their legs and bathing them..exposing the babies to Sambrani fumes to dry hair and place oil of the babies head 24/7 and also place the black Dristhi spot on the childs forehead..my mum does not believe in all that.

If I did not have her to look after my child I would not have opted to have my own practice.

Its not that girls like to sideline their MILs..its just that we cant scream and shout at a MIL and MIL too wont be able to scream at DIL!LOL


With mother and daughter both can say "I wanna Scream and Shout and Let it all Out" and fight and still be friends again and fight again!LOL

madam,

there exist mil-dil pair who have struck perfect cords, remain best of friends exercising liberties at each other to differ.

i think what matters more than private space is our own consciousness of our priorities and if we are honoring and doing justice to our priorities.

all said and done life is larger than career which is but a shell, some find deceptive comfort in and come to senses when the shell imminently and eventually breaks and ceases to exist.

a day comes when indira nooyi et al retire and they are back to square one. they then realize they are women and aspire to complete their life as women.

 

[renuka]

madam,

there exist mil-dil pair who have struck perfect cords, remain best of friends exercising liberties at each other to differ.

.

Dear Sir,

This is only possible if one of them is like Ghajini and forgets what she said every few minutes!LOL

BTW sir being a woman does not mean just homemaker alone..a working woman is also helping out her husband financially. I rather work hard and help my husband build a family instead of sitting at home and have maids and not do anything constructive and overwork my husband just to make ends meet.

BTW there is a certain feeling of freedom when one shops with one own's money..I find it hard to spend money given to me by anyone else..I can only spend my own money..so that freedom is a different feel altogether.


Just to add we women do know that we are women and whatever said and done we do love wearing high heels and red lipstick.

 

[vgane]

A mother cannot be replaced by anybody else..At least the initial formative years the mother should be there to take care of the child..After a certain period if there is an elder at home who can take care it is fine or else in a reliable creche where child can be there..In Bangalore we could find many such homely creches which manage the child from 8 to 6.

There is no doubt a working woman brings the additional dough but so long as it does not create any sort of false pride or ego it is fine! A well educated woman feels it is a sin to be at home!

So taking care of the aspirations of the career woman others may have to make some adjustments..The career woman has to be first helped by herself..She should try to be not overtly dependent on someone be it M/L or Mother or her own husband..So long as she is able to manage work-life balance she will be successful in the home front too

Similarly the husband has to adjust to his wife and not expect the moon from her in terms of behavior

However whether wife is working or not, small things like do you expect yourself to be served food only by wife or you are amenable for self service in a dining table? Are you ready to take food together with your wife & children? Are you ready to help your wife in small kitchen activities like cutting vegetables? All these things matter in a successful and happy family..

Ultimately it boils down to foregoing ego by both husband & wife..It is a tough decision but I feel by speaking issues out & discussing frankly without involving any third person will help!

 

[biswa]

Somebody wrote that males expect coffee to be served by their wife. I have never experienced this, whether wife is working or not. After all, this is the 21st century brother.

My 4 year old son likes to make tea/coffee for me though.

 

[krish44]

Somebody wrote that males expect coffee to be served by their wife. I have never experienced this, whether wife is working or not. After all, this is the 21st century brother.

My 4 year old son likes to make tea/coffee for me though.

biswaji
I pity you
not even a cup of coffee from wife in the morning.
21 century has nothing to do with this

 

[BRAHMACHARI]

Dear Sir,[

This is only possible if one of them is like Ghajini and forgets what she said every few minutes!LOL

Madam,

is not relationship a matter of mutual understanding and attitude!

BTW sir being a woman does not mean just homemaker alone..

can't agree more! a woman is also a homemaker jointly with her husband. yet some roles are exclusively of women in building a family

a working woman is also helping out her husband financially. I rather work hard and help my husband build a family instead of sitting at home and have maids and not do anything constructive and overwork my husband just to make ends meet.

BTW there is a certain feeling of freedom when one shops with one own's money..I find it hard to spend money given to me by anyone else..I can only spend my own money..so that freedom is a different feel altogether.

madam, why don't you consider the money your husband and you earn as one as OUR (i.e. your husband's and your's) money and why do you account it as separate? after all a husband and wife are one soul in 2 different bodies! i think you don't need to perceive your husband's money as not yours and vice versa.

Just to add we women do know that we are women and whatever said and done we do love wearing high heels and red lipstick.

these are areas where an ideal husband would not interfere. after all the color of your saree, the cuisine you like are matters of strictly personal preference.

 

[BRAHMACHARI]

A near perfect example of a woman who successfully balances her work and life is SUDHA MURTHY, w/o Mr. NARAYANA MURTHY, founder of Infosys Ltd.

 

[renuka]

biswaji
I pity you
not even a cup of coffee from wife in the morning.
21 century has nothing to do with this

Dear Krish ji,

That is why its important during the arranged marriage before marriage to ask the groom his habits..I asked my husband when he came to see me "what drink you like to have in the mornings?"

He said "Nothing specific..anything goes..no coffee or tea in morning..may be tea in mid day at work"

So you see Krish ji..from Mappillais answer we can than decide to marry him or not.

Even during job interviews I ask candidates "what is your favorite drink?"

If anyone says "I like hot drinks"..I usually do not hire them cos I have noted that those who like to sip hot drinks are slow in work and usually have a laid back attitude and prefer to take their time to do work.

Those who prefer cold drinks usually work better and are faster.

I remember once when I was working at a government hospital I had an assistant nurse who used to make patients wait while she sipped her hot pipping morning coffee and she expected me to wait for her before I started seeing patients.

So I told my head of department I only want a nurse who takes cold drinks so that she finishes her drink fast and starts work on time so that no patient is kept waiting...I got the nurse to work with another doctor who also loved sipping hot coffee and make patients wait!LOL

We can always ask Mappiilais what they like..for those who like hot coffee we an always decide not to marry them.

BTW in the morning I like to make fruit tea for me and my husband...that is blend frozen berries with some organic honey and add it to a luke warm herbal tea sans caffeine.

 

[krish44]

Madam,

is not relationship a matter of mutual understanding and attitude!



can't agree more! a woman is also a homemaker jointly with her husband. yet some roles are exclusively of women in building a family



madam, why don't you consider the money your husband and you earn as one as OUR (i.e. your husband's and your's) money and why do you account it as separate? after all a husband and wife are one soul in 2 different bodies! i think you don't need to perceive your husband's money as not yours and vice versa.



these are areas where an ideal husband would not interfere. after all the color of your saree, the cuisine you like are matters of strictly personal preference.

brahmachariji
most issues in marriage are centred around money.

financial autonomy for both men and women is important in marriage.

only some common family expenses can be shared both if both are economic entities

both should have freedom to save or spend the balance money they earn

I have a belief on wifes earnings. A lady'" s earned money is more valuable than that earned by man.. so never make wife pay for anything as far as possible if you have a working wife . you might end up as her slave in course of time if you happen to do that.lol

 

[krish44]

Dear Krish ji,

That is why its important during the arranged marriage before marriage to ask the groom his habits..I asked my husband when he came to see me "what drink you like to have in the mornings?"

He said "Nothing specific..anything goes..no coffee or tea in morning..may be tea in mid day at work"

So you see Krish ji..from Mappillais answer we can than decide to marry him or not.

Even during job interviews I ask candidates "what is your favorite drink?"

If anyone says "I like hot drinks"..I usually do not hire them cos I have noted that those who like to sip hot drinks are slow in work and usually have a laid back attitude and prefer to take their time to do work.

Those who prefer cold drinks usually work better and are faster.

I remember once when I was working at a government hospital I had an assistant nurse who used to make patients wait while she sipped her hot pipping morning coffee and she expected me to wait for her before I started seeing patients.

So I told my head of department I only want a nurse who takes cold drinks so that she finishes her drink fast and starts work on time so that no patient is kept waiting...I got the nurse to work with another doctor who also loved sipping hot coffee and make patients wait!LOL

We can always ask Mappiilais what they like..for those who like hot coffee we an always decide not to marry them.

BTW in the morning I like to make fruit tea for me and my husband...that is blend frozen berries with some organic honey and add it to a luke warm herbal tea sans caffeine.

these days there are lots of brands of coffee
coffee day promotes its brand saying a lot can happen over coffee to target youngsters.
old TBs like kumbakonam degree coffee lovingly prepared by wife . some would have traditionally hand operated grinders and get coffeee seeds and grind them also. coffee would be made with the coffee liquid made in traditional filters and mixed with hot milk. it is an art . TB ladies show their love for their husbands by giving this brew early morning
try this traditional method for a change. your man will be your slave .lol

 

[krish44]

Has NM lost his balance in the bargain. infosys has fired off all its senior executives and is going steadily downhill

 

[renuka]

these days there are lots of brands of coffee
coffee day promotes its brand saying a lot can happen over coffee to target youngsters.
old TBs like kumbakonam degree coffee lovingly prepared by wife . some would have traditionally hand operated grinders and get coffeee seeds and grind them also. coffee would be made with the coffee liquid made in traditional filters and mixed with hot milk. it is an art . TB ladies show their love for their husbands by giving this brew early morning
try this traditional method for a change. your man will be your slave .lol

Dear Krish ji,

I feel one should start the day with a drink that does not have caffeine and is not addictive.One should be alert on his or her own accord and not need to be caffeine driven.

In fact in Ayurveda Coffee comes under Rajas group of drinks and habit forming drink is not want I want to give my family in the morning.

So that is why I prefer to make healthier options with fruit and herbal brews that have no caffeine and tastes like heaven.

BTW I dont like Biwi Ka Ghulam types.

 

[Raji Ram]

Somebody wrote that males expect coffee to be served by their wife. I have never experienced this, whether wife is working or not. After all, this is the 21st century brother..........

It is me, Biswa Sir!

I am sure you are not a tambram mAmA living in Sing. Chennai! :lol:

 

[Raji Ram]

Actor Karthi, Kajal Agarwal in New BRU Instant Coffee Ad

The above ad is dedicated to Biswa Sir!