Love and Heartbreak: Know When to Move On

[prasad1]

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A soulmate is the one who can understand your unsaid words, see the pain in your eyes, know the reason for your happiness, and the ones for your sadness. They are close to your heart and there is a strong chain that binds you to them emotionally. This person is the one with whom you`ve shared experiences, not just in this life, but in the previous one as well. The relationship is special and beautiful beyond words.

Knowing that there is a special one out there for us adds to the curiosity, and the eagerness to meet him/her reaches higher levels with time. We tend to look for that special someone in most of the people we meet. Of course, there`s nothing wrong in looking for your soulmate on the go, but the tricky part here is that not every person we connect with, is our soulmate. After all, finding true love is for sure a challenging task!

Sometimes, what we think is love, is just attraction or in some cases, infatuation. We, sometimes, under the impression of being in true love enter into a relationship, which sooner or later takes a bitter turn, if you were hasty about the relationship. To make things harder, the feeling of having found our soulmate stops us from acting wisely.
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Love is a beautiful experience and is definitely not worth letting go of over a silly misunderstanding. Always remember that when you`re with your soulmate, you will only feel loved. No other feeling can ever last between two lovers who share a connection of the soul.
https://in.lifestyle.yahoo.com/love-heartbreak-know-move-071007052.html

 

[sravna]

In the extreme cases of unconditional love and totally conditional love, looking for the soulmate is not necessary. In the former case you will always get her but in the later case you will never. It is for those who are caught in between, finding the soulmate becomes important. The more spiritually inclined you are, the better are the chances you get aligned with your soulmate.

 

[tks]

The kind of love propagated by popular media and Hall Mark cards is all about selfish love. There are rally no soul mates - only people that one depends on since they are unable to deal with their own insecurity. So they love someone who can provide reassurance. Sometimes there is total co-dependence and the media glorifies love as something big deal.

Even so called love to our children is often corrupted. The worst manifestation of this selfish love with one's children is to think they are one's extension born to fulfill one's selfish desires.

Even so called love of God is corrupted often but not always - it is all about 'give me this and give me that'

There is no soul and therefore there are no soul mates

 

[krish44]

prasadji
all this thinking about love and soulmate is mostly self deception.

in most cases it is only attraction and infatuation.

it mostly wears after a few dates and a physical relationship for some .boys specially do not think of permanent

relationships . they want only one night stands and short time affairs. marriages and long time commitments are a no-

no.

soul matching and things like that are only the stuff dreams and fantasies are made off. it is not for day to day living.

 

[tbs]

In the extreme cases of unconditional love and totally conditional love, looking for the soulmate is not necessary. In the former case you will always get her but in the later case you will never. It is for those who are caught in between, finding the soulmate becomes important. The more spiritually inclined you are, the better are the chances you get aligned with your soulmate.

hi sir,

i agreed with u...

 

[renuka]

A soul is technically Atma..each Atma is supposed to be the same..so how can there by a match if both are same to start with?

I dont believe in this so called Soul Mate theories..Its just sugar coating words to not admit that lust and attraction plays and major role in keeping most relationships alive..not many people want to admit that Kama is needed to keep being in Love.

 

[sravna]

A soul is technically Atma..each Atma is supposed to be the same..so how can there by a match if both are same to start with?

I dont believe in this so called Soul Mate theories..Its just sugar coating words to not admit that lust and attraction plays and major role in keeping most relationships alive..not many people want to admit that Kama is needed to keep being in Love.

Dear Renuka,

Lust and Physical attraction does play a major role in many but not for all. Attraction at a deeper level which is real love does play a role in some.

You do not have to take love between soulmates as love between different souls but just as a deep attraction beyond that for the external.

 

[renuka]

The more spiritually inclined you are, the better are the chances you get aligned with your soulmate.

Dear Sravna,

I politely disagree.

What has spirituality to do with soul mate alignment?

Does that means 2 atheist cant be aligned with each other?

Or 1 atheist and 1 spirtually inclined person cant align with each other.

Before that I wonder "what exactly you mean by spiritually inclined"

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

Lust and Physical attraction does play a major role in many but not for all. Attraction at a deeper level which is real love does play a role in some.

You do not have to take love between soulmates as love between different souls but just as a deep attraction beyond that for the external.

Dear Sravna,

I somehow feel True Love does not really exists..its just legalized Stockholm's Syndrome.

You see at the beginning of any marriage..be it lovvu or arranged..hormones (Harmones! Indian style!LOL) play a major role..without Hormonal play an arranged marriage person would not be able to gun his new spouse cos he/she hardly know each other..but still they connect becos of Hormones and some guys would have waited all their life to get a female finally!LOL

So after many years of marriage and close confinement ..humans start to bond..its natural part of human behaviour to bond with the person you are with.

Even a kidnap victim will start to bond with his/her captor..its not love ..its just survival of the human ego..the human ego will go to any extent to defend itself.

So likewise even in marriage a similar situation like Stockholm's is seen whether both male and female bond with each other for live..so in reality both are just defending their personal egos and there is no such thing as Lovvu in the true sense.

Indian women are over rated for being the Ultimate Wives but I somehow feel one of Goundamani's joke was right.

Once Goundamani said in a movie that the Indian woman loves her Poo Pottu.,Manjal and Kungumum cos she loves to dress up and decorate herself and not becos she truly loves her husband cos when husband dies..the Indian woman does not wail for him but she wails "Aiyoo Poo,Pottu,Manjal Kungumum is gone"

 

[sravna]

Dear Sravna,

I politely disagree.

What has spirituality to do with soul mate alignment?

Does that means 2 atheist cant be aligned with each other?

Or 1 atheist and 1 spirtually inclined person cant align with each other.

Before that I wonder "what exactly you mean by spiritually inclined"

Dear Renuka,

By being spiritual you are exhibiting the deeper features of self . The opposite sex who has such deep thoughts and complements yours is very likely to be a good match. Those who are not spiritual and exhibit egoistic features are not likely to find a good match.

That is, two spiritual persons make the best match and two egoistic or selfish persons make the worst match.

 

[sravna]

Dear Sravna,

I somehow feel True Love does not really exists..its just legalized Stockholm's Syndrome.

You see at the beginning of any marriage..be it lovvu or arranged..hormones (Harmones! Indian style!LOL) play a major role..without Hormonal play an arranged marriage person would not be able to gun his new spouse cos he/she hardly know each other..but still they connect becos of Hormones and some guys would have waited all their life to get a female finally!LOL

So after many years of marriage and close confinement ..humans start to bond..its natural part of human behaviour to bond with the person you are with.

Even a kidnap victim will start to bond with his/her captor..its not love ..its just survival of the human ego..the human ego will go to any extent to defend itself.

So likewise even in marriage a similar situation like Stockholm's is seen whether both male and female bond with each other for live..so in reality both are just defending their personal egos and there is no such thing as Lovvu in the true sense.

Indian women are over rated for being the Ultimate Wives but I somehow feel one of Goundamani's joke was right.

Once Goundamani said in a movie that the Indian woman loves her Poo Pottu.,Manjal and Kungumum cos she loves to dress up and decorate herself and not becos she truly loves her husband cos when husband dies..the Indian woman does not wail for him but she wails "Aiyoo Poo,Pottu,Manjal Kungumum is gone"

Well Renuka, I can talk from my own experience that true love exists. It finally boils down to whether you can be unconditional in your relationship. Unconditional love is not just in mythology. I know it is real. I am sure there are other persons who can vouch for that.

 

[tbs]

Well Renuka, I can talk from my own experience that true love exists. It finally boils down to whether you can be unconditional in your relationship. Unconditional love is not just in mythology. I know it is real. I am sure there are other persons who can vouch for that.

hi

i can vouch for it....i have some personal experiences too...

 

[renuka]

Well Renuka, I can talk from my own experience that true love exists. It finally boils down to whether you can be unconditional in your relationship. Unconditional love is not just in mythology. I know it is real. I am sure there are other persons who can vouch for that.

Dear Sravna,

Thats an illusion actually..we might feel closer to some people and feel love for them but actually we love anyone purely for our own selves..after all didnt Sage Yajnavalkya say to his wife Maitreyi "It is for the sake of Self that husband is loved by wife and not for the sake of husband and its for the sake of self a wife is loved by a husband too and not for the sake of wife"

At the superficial level everything seems like love or a deep connection but in reality its all becos of attachment which vested personal interest and some amount of ownership..a man who loves his child and finds out many years later that the child is actually not his might just stop loving the child becos it is NO more his..there is no vested personal interest anymore.

Unconditional love technically does NOT exists..only God's love is supposed to be Unconditional.

Nothing is actually 100% real but we believe it to be real and hold on to it and never give up ..like a drowning man grasping a straw to save himself.

Telling ourselves that nothing is 100% real is a huge ego blow to most humans..and not everyone can handle that.

 

[sravna]

Sorry Renuka, logic cannot replace personal experience and the ensuing understanding. That is the reason one can only guide you in your spiritual quest. You yourself have to grasp the truth based on your personal experiences.

So whatever logic or substantiation you use cannot contest the actual personal experience.

 

[renuka]

Sorry Renuka, logic cannot replace personal experience and the ensuing understanding. That is the reason one can only guide you in your spiritual quest. You yourself have to grasp the truth based on your personal experiences.

So whatever logic or substantiation you use cannot contest the actual personal experience.

Ok Sravna...lets get logical.

You see I am also married and having a child but lets get logical putting all sentiments aside and ask our selves these questions

Question:When did I start loving my spouse?

Answer :When the marriage was fixed.


Question: Before that did you love him/her?

Answer :What a stupid question..off course not! I did not even know him/her then!LOL



Question:So that means even if he/she was living along the same street as you but you never noticed him/her..so that means love did not exists then?

Answer :Yes..love did not exists then....isnt that obvious..you need to know someone in order to start loving them..even a mother needs to know her child and start loving the child..that is called bonding.


Question: So if something is true..shouldnt it have existed even before the knowing the person state?

Answer:Yes..technically something that is true should exists in even before knowing the person stage.



Question: Do you love your spouse in awake state?

Answer :Yes


Question: Do you love your spouse during dream state?

Answer :If I am dreaming of him/her..then yes!LOL



Question: Do you love your spouse during deep sleep state?

Answer: No..cos in deep sleep state I dont know anything..totally not aware of the surrounding..so technically No.



Question : So do you agree now that for something to be true it need to exists in all 3 states?


Answer :Yes.



Question :If it doesnt exists in all 3 states..what do you call it?

Answer: Transient love



Question : Then what is true love?

Answer: That which exists in all 3 states.

 

[sravna]

Dear Renuka,

Good point. Just as there are 3 states I am just not the physical self. I have my inner self which would love my wife just as the physical self does though the latter may not be fully aware of the deeper self.

Do you agree that true love in the way you see it, is possible?

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

Good point. Just as there are 3 states I am just not the physical self. I have my inner self which would love my wife just as the physical self does though the latter may not be fully aware of the deeper self.

Do you agree that true love in the way you see it, is possible?

Dear Sravna,

I still disagree that True Love actually exists in the real sense cos it actually hovers around attachment and sense of "ownership" in the relationship or what is known as bonding.

Even a mother does not start loving her new born baby right away..its takes 24 hours or sometimes more for bonding instincts to set in.

The human mind needs to attach itself to anyone or anything in order to start liking or loving someone or something.

I know what you mean when you say True Love cos you might be thinking that you feel a deep connection and a sense of commitment with the Lovvu of your life.

But all that came about becos of cognition, bonding and some amount of reciprocal feelings from the other person too. So it had a beginning too..so something that had a beginning can not be real in the real sense..its is conditional no matter how strong the bond is.

When I had my child the first thing I thought when I held him in my arms is "I did not know him before..he could have been anyone in a previous life but since now he is my son..so love flows from me"

So the feeling of Mine plays a very important role in determining attachment which we mistakenly call True Love. I do not deny that intense feelings can exists though.


Or Sravna..may be if you look at it another way..the problem could be that I am really not wired to actually love anyone!LOL

 

[sravna]

Dear Renuka,

This is where we differ. Whereas you believe beginning in the physical sense I believe it in the spiritual sense. It is decided before one is born who will be one's husband or wife. The connections already and always exist. The more spiritual you are the more you are able to see the reality and more you feel you have the right mate.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

This is where we differ. Whereas you believe beginning in the physical sense I believe it in the spiritual sense. It is decided before one is born who will be one's husband or wife. The connections already and always exist. The more spiritual you are the more you are able to see the reality and more you feel you have the right mate.

Dear Sravna,

In many lives before anyone could have been married to anyone..its not as if we keep marrying the same person from janam to janam.

Just like you feel one's spouse is decided even before we are born..may be you might to add the one's spouses might be decided even before a person is born cos some people marry more than once.

But if you ask me that spiritual connection which you feel was pre existent is actually what we feel for a person mainly due to our fondness for them..cos if its true that the spiritual connection was pre existent than even while growing up you would have been searching for your other half isnt it?

But we are totally not aware of that..just go back in time when you were in school..that time you did not even give the thought about anything to do with marriage isnt it? So if some connection was pre existent then why no thought of the person came?

So Sravna..its only after knowing the person the thought of a spiritual connection(if any) is established..this is what I call Deivigafying the Love between husband and wife!LOL

Many of us Indians have a tough time admitting that there is no such thing as Deiviga Kadhal when finally its all an interplay of hormones and mutual respect as a husband and wife age.

So if you ask me frankly speaking..any relationship can only start when the mind knows it..what the mind does not know..the mind can not feel.

 

[biswa]

hi

i can vouch for it....i have some personal experiences too...

How many such experiences TBS garu?

 

[sravna]

Dear Renuka,

Do you agree that God knows everything? The reason is he is perfectly spiritual. Ordinary mortals do not have that knowledge because they operate within space and time. So only as we move in space and time we accumulate knowledge. All that knowledge that comes with maturity takes time. Only after we mature, the mind is able to see the deeper things. We do not think about our partner, while in school say, because such knowledge is obscured till we are physically and mentally mature. The connections are always there. It depends on the nature of knowledge and the depth of the mind to see them.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

Do you agree that God knows everything? The reason is he is perfectly spiritual. Ordinary mortals do not have that knowledge because they operate within space and time. So only as we move in space and time we accumulate knowledge. All that knowledge that comes with maturity takes time. Only after we mature, the mind is able to see the deeper things. We do not think about our partner, while in school say, because such knowledge is obscured till we are physically and mentally mature. The connections are always there. It depends on the nature of knowledge and the depth of the mind to see them.

Sravna...its not becos of maturity that we start to foster connections ..it has nothing to do with depth of knowledge etc..God made things simple for continuation of species.

If only maturity and depth of mind was needed the world would have never been populated!LOL


Even Parvati had no idea that she was Sati in a previous birth when she went wooing Lord Shiva and neither did Lord Shiva initially bother for Her even though He would have known that she was Sati born again...after both of them established a connection ..only then they started to feel for each other.

BTW Sravna..lets get real...its only after you met your wife and knew her well that you felt all this connections nexus and all isnt it?

 

[sravna]

Sravna...its not becos of maturity that we start to foster connections ..it has nothing to do with depth of knowledge etc..God made things simple for continuation of species.

If only maturity and depth of mind was needed the world would have never been populated!LOL


Even Parvati had no idea that she was Sati in a previous birth when she went wooing Lord Shiva and neither did Lord Shiva initially bother for Her even though He would have known that she was Sati born again...after both of them established a connection ..only then they started to feel for each other.

BTW Sravna..lets get real...its only after you met your wife and knew her well that you felt all this connections nexus and all isnt it?

Dear Renuka,

It is not important that at the level of physical consciousness you know about your spouse only after you actually met her. But what I am saying is at the deeper level there may already be connections even before one first physically meets the spouse.

Physical world is after all a projection.

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

It is not important that at the level of physical consciousness you know about your spouse only after you actually met her. But what I am saying is at the deeper level there may already be connections even before one first physically meets the spouse.

Physical world is after all a projection.

Ok Sravna....lets take another example...I joined forum is Sep 2009 and you joined in Nov 2009....now we are both interacting online..that is somewhat some "connection"(broadband aided) too logically.

Ok before Sep 2009 for me and before Nov 2009 for you..we both did not know the each other existed isnt it? or you had an intuition and knew that who and whom you will interact with in Forum?

 

[sravna]

Ok Sravna....lets take another example...I joined forum is Sep 2009 and you joined in Nov 2009....now we are both interacting online..that is somewhat some "connection"(broadband aided) too logically.

Ok before Sep 2009 for me and before Nov 2009 for you..we both did not know the each other existed isnt it? or you had an intuition and knew that who and whom you will interact with in Forum?

Renuka, that is the reason I made the distinction between what we know at the level of our consciousness know and what we dont know at that level. So it is perfectly possible at the deeper level the knowledge existed.