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Time to leave my father??

In 2015 after I came out of my relapse I decided I was going to die. I wrote to dignitas in switzerland and arranged for euthanasia. Then something struck me and I decided not to die till my mother and father had not passed away. I did not want them to die alone in a bed like most elderly brahmins are dieing nowadays in india. Therefore I came to india.

I have clearly told this to appa many times. I have shown him letters that dignitas send to me every year.

Now, amma is gone and only appa is remaining and he is 77 years old. I have been trying my best to stay with him. But he doesnt understand or acts like he doesnt understand the seriousness of my illness. Schizophrenia means I cannot understand reality. It will be long time before you even know I am having a relapse and by then I might have done something really bad like cut of some ones head. This has really happened in Europe multiple times and the courts have let the schizophrenic person go free even though he has killed because of the depth of the illness. Google schizophrenic beheading or something like that. Appa listens to all this and then within ten minutes says to the next person, please tell my son to go to a job. What if I go to a job have a relapse and kill someone. Will that make my appa achieve his jenma saabalyam? He knows very well that I almost killed him with a knife back in 2008 itself. He still did not take me to a hospital after I tried to kill him. And when Babu from New zealand came and took me to a psychiattist 4 months later, he starts talking about do you know how babu knows about psychiatrists, he himself is psychiatric and insinuates that it came to me through amma’s family. And he gets into this rant about no.3 triplicane.

Whatever be the case.. At the end of the day, he is 77 years old. He needs support. Bhargav has clearly said that he will NOT come to india and he will NOT take appa to australia. I have said this time and again to everyone but no one is listening. Bhargav also says he has narambu thalarchi. I dont know what that muslim girl is doing. A guy who is 6 ft tall and has so much vigour in everything else cannot have narambu thalarchi. Something else is going on. He just needs peace of mind and good exercise and sleep. What is really happening in australia?? bhargav boasts his 21 credit MBA and australia defense job. Why cannot he come to india and get a job. Nowadays for the kind of experience he will easily get 20 to 25 lakhs. But bhargav says no. I need to earn money and goes back. Only to get more loans for car and what not. But appa still says he is citizen. So fuck bhargav.

I dont want to die in this 45 degree sweltering heat in chennai either. I would love to be in nice and sunny melbourne or singapore. But I am trying to make myself remember what I had thought in 2015 and why I did not die. I dont want to leave appa just because my stars have started to shine.

I wholeheartedly request someone to sit appa down and talk to him. But every time bhargav comes to india, appa starts to hold his angavasthram and go behind him in all his pernicious activities. I dont want appa to die alone. But now, I have started to make arrangements to go to Australia. I am writing this message to sincerely request your help. Else, it is god’s wish at the end.