Plight of Widows in India

[prasad1]

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by Jyotsna Kamat
A glaring gender discrimination among Hindus exists in India over the centuries. Whereas a widower can remarry as many times as he likes, a widow cannot remarry irrespective of her age. Since child-marriages were common, position of child-widows was pitiable, since their very existence or seeing their face early in the morning was considered a bad omen.


The unfortunate women who could not commit or were prevented from Sati were doomed to lead the most austere life. Among the brahmins and some higher castes, their heads were shaven, they were made to wear red or white sari without ornaments and eat single meal. Their presence at family public functions were totally forbidden. The widows slogged in joint families, died unwept and unsung.


Many social reformers in different parts of India tried to better the lot of such women by educating them and making self-reliant. Child marriage was forbidden by law in early 20th century and this act alone reduced the suffering of women substantially.

The Hindu codes of conduct tried to bring in parity with men regarding ownership and property. With the spread of education and especially the awareness during India's freedom struggle, there was a national awareness regarding the condition of women. Many widows took active part in constructive programs laid down by Gandhi and were forefront leaders.


After independence of India (in 1947) and the subsequent reforms that followed, the dress-code for widows became less rigorous and has disappeared. In cities, at least among middle class, no child-widows are seen. However, widow remarriages are not common. Widowhood is considered still considered a curse and family support is missing at times. But the humiliation of facing a barber for tonsuring the head belongs to history. It goes to the credit of widowed women that they face life bravely and try to be cheerful believing in fate or the karma theory. They tried to lead a pious and austere life presently to earn auspicious existence in next birth.

Plight of Widows

There is a lot to be done. Come on let us start on the path.

 

[prasad1]

"This is the plight of most of the widows who arrive in Vrindavan," she says. "Without a man by her side a woman has no respect in Indian society. It is part of a patriarchal culture."
Ritual Humiliation
Although the horrific practice of sati--requiring widows to throw themselves on their husbands' funeral pyres--was abolished in 1829, widows still undergo ritual humiliations. After the death of a husband, a woman is shorn of her bridal ornamentation; her head is shaved by the local barber and her body is wrapped in a stark white sari so she may not arouse carnal pleasures in other men.
In India a woman is respected only if she is a mother, daughter and wife," says Giri. "While we have come to accept death we have unfortunately not learned to accept widows."
Giri says education is one of the most important components of the new initiatives. With education, she says, comes an empowerment that can help widows build a new identity for themselves. Otherwise, she says, "their voices will be stifled from the cradle to the grave."


Uma Girish is a freelance writer in Chennai, India.
India's Outcast Widows Have New Havens | Womens eNews

 

[prasad1]

Vrindavan, Uttar Pradesh: For any woman, the loss of a husband can cause grief and upheaval beyond belief and relief. But for most of the widows of West Bengal living in the holy city of Vrindavan, it is a one-way ticket to humiliation, seclusion, poverty, despair and squalor.
India has a history of neglect of widows, but for the young and old widows hailing from West Bengal, it is perhaps worse. They are completely cut off from the mainstream society, made to live apart and away from their family, and undergo a daily ritual of cruelty, suffering and neglect.

“We as a nation always seek to find an easy solution to our problems instead of finding sustainable solutions. The children must be made accountable to take care of their parents in old age or provide for them financially. People should be there to take care of the woman in her grief and to give her a reason to enjoy life again. They should encourage her to find another love, maybe another husband, to do something in her life and feel joy, although her husband is dead. Instead, they force her to believe her life has no meaning without her husband. They are relieved when she vanishes from their life,” Yadav asserts.

Sentenced to life in the City of Widows | GulfNews.com

 

[prasad1]

"Widows don't have many social rights within the family," says Ranjana Kumari with the Center for Social Research, a group that works to empower women.


The situation is much more extreme within some of India's rural community. "There, it is much more tradition-bound; in urban areas, there are more chances and possibilities to live a normal life."


But the majority of India's 1.1 billion population is rural. "The government recognizes the problem," Kumari says. "It can do a lot, but it's not doing enough."




One woman, a widow herself, is working for change. Dr. Mohini Giri has formed an organization called the Guild of Service, which helps destitute women and children.


Giri's mother was widowed when Giri was 9 years old, and she saw what a struggle it was. Then, Giri lost her husband when she was 50, enduring the social humiliation that comes with being a widow. At times, she was asked not to attend weddings because her presence was considered bad luck.


"Generally all widows are ostracized," she says. "An educated woman may have money and independence, but even that is snatched away when she becomes a widow. We live in a patriarchal society. Men say that culturally as a widow you cannot do anything: You cannot grow your hair, you should not look beautiful."


She adds, "It's the mind-set of society we need to change -- not the women."


Seven years ago, Giri's organization set up a refuge called Amar Bari, or "My Home," in Vrindavan. It has become a refuge for about 120 of India's widows. Giri's organization is set to open a second home, one that will house another 500 widows.


But as she says, "Mine is but a drop in the bucket."


At Amar Bari, most widows reject traditional white outfits and grow out their hair. Along the open air corridors that link the house's courtyard are green wooden doors, leading to dark tiny rooms, home for each widow.

Shunned from society, widows flock to city to die - CNN.com

 

[prasad1]

India: The Girl Who Cares for Widows
She's just 13 but carries the weight of grave issues on her slender shoulders. Issues as serious as the plight of widows in a traditional, male-dominated society where they have no voice. Jyoti Yadav, a Class VIII student from Dabadwas , Rajasthan, learnt early in life that fighting for a just cause wasn't easy. But she plodded on nonetheless and today, is a source of inspiration to others in her village.


Her mission began even before she was born. That's when Jyoti's father passed away and her 17-year-old widowed mother faced stigma. Jyoti grew up in an extended household where her mother's presence was frowned upon, where she was banished from marriages and other celebratory functions and where she wasn't spoken to properly. All this left a deep impact on the delicate sensibilities of this young child.


As she grew up and attended school, Jyoti started questioning the skewed mores and hypocrisy of her society. Speaking from Dabadwas, Jyoti in a childlike voice says with a wisdom far beyond her years, "There is no honour for widows in our society. In my village, they aren't allowed to come out of the house and mix with others, they aren't allowed to wear nice clothes and their very presence is considered an ill-omen. I wanted to change all that."

In recognition of her efforts, Jyoti became a National Honoree at the Pramerica Spirit of Community Awards 2012, an international contest for student-led community initiatives, and represented India in Washington DC in May. She will also be taking part in the Airtel Delhi Half Marathon on September 30 and the funds she raises will be used to promote literacy.


She's naturally an inspiration for her friends who say they want to work with her. Jyoti also has an elder sister in Class IX. Her mother, Mukesh Devi is proud of her courageous daughter. "After my husband's demise, my in-laws wouldn't even talk to me properly. I felt like a burden on them. I would often cry. Now, things have changed for the better . I have the freedom to lead a normal life and earn for my family."
http://www.asafeworldforwomen.org/e...and-southasia/3103-girl-cares-for-widows.html

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Prasad Sir,

The tambrams have only taken one step ahead by letting the widows wear nice dresses and go up on the wedding stage. Even then,

there are a few women, especially those who follow the old customs and do not dress up well, pass humiliating comments about them!

I have heard such comments on many occasions! That is why widows hesitate to break the customs fully! It is very sad, indeed. :tsk:

 

[Raji Ram]

There is a reason why I feel very sad for the condition of widows in our society - not only the brahmins, all the Hindus!

My mother's grandma unfortunately lost her husband during her tender age of eighteen! She went through all the humiliations

of our society and was given 'nAr madi' as her uniform! It seems, she was addressed as 'm. pAtti' by many men, who were much

older than her!

She had only a daughter - my mother's mother, who left this world soon after giving birth to my youngest mAmA. So, she had

the huge responsibility of bringing up the children, since my mother's father refused to remarry. And, she lived till the ripe age

of ninety three. She lived only to help others. She never wished anything for her own self.

The story does not end here. Every year we celebrate the 'sumangali prArthanai', a day after the srAddham of my grandma,

who has NOT done anything for her family, where as, my great grandma is not even remembered on her death anniversary -

no srAddham for her. Actually, I feel like celebrating my great grandma as a great soul!

In a particular community, the widows are uniformly named as 'veLLa sElak kAri'! out:

 

[renuka]

Dear RR ji,

Actually women themselves sometimes lament about other women not following tradition.
When I was in India there was a Malaysian girl from the Gounder community who was close friends with me and another Gounder girl(from Chennai)

The Gounder from Chennai was very modern and drop dead beautiful and the Gounder from Malaysia was a conservative to the core.

Ok so one day the Malaysian Gounder's relative from Erode came to visit her.

This relative was a widow who had become a widow on the 2nd day of her marriage.
This relative was some 40's I feel and she was dressed fully in a white saree.

Ok.. in girls hostel some girls wear shorts and T shirt so the Chennai Gounder friend of mine was wearing shorts and T shirt in the hostel when the Erode lady came to the hostel.

We were introduced to her the Malaysian Gounder happily introduced the Chennai Gounder girl as a fellow Gounder!LOL

That evening when I went to see the Erode lady..I saw her crying in the room.

I asked her "Akka are you ok? Why are you crying?"

To my surprise she said she is crying cos she saw the Gounder girl from Chennai wearing shorts and T shirt.
I asked her "why Akka is that a problem?"

She said "what do you know? you are not a Gounder..we have our own culture and tradition..my heart bleeds when I see Gounder girls not following tradition and here I saw a Gounder girl wearing shorts.If it was you wearing shorts I would not have cried cos you are not my caste"

She went on saying that she is a widow and only wears white saree fully white not even with a colored border cos thats the sign of a good Gounder widow.

Then she went on and on talking about Gounder's code of conduct for women!

So for me I feel there are enough nut cases women around who would impose rules on women.