Public Displays of Affection

[biswa]

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I am curious about what members think about Public Displays of Affection, known as PDA in short. In the previous century, there was a stricter separation of genders. I have been to temples where the men and women have to sit separately.

Now of course such barriers are gone, for the better I hope. But now I see young couples (married and unmarried) indulging in PDA, both in India and in the US. This may involve holding hands, hugging, or even kissing.

For our kids, should we encourage, discourage or stay neutral?

 

[renuka]

I am curious about what members think about Public Displays of Affection, known as PDA in short. In the previous century, there was a stricter separation of genders. I have been to temples where the men and women have to sit separately.

Now of course such barriers are gone, for the better I hope. But now I see young couples (married and unmarried) indulging in PDA, both in India and in the US. This may involve holding hands, hugging, or even kissing.

For our kids, should we encourage, discourage or stay neutral?

Good topic Biswa.
Public Display of Affection(PDA).....coincidentally PDA also stands for
Patent Ductus Arteriosus.

First let me give you a run down about Patent Ductus Arteriosus cos there is similarity of this condition and your topic.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002527/

Patent ductus arteriosus (PDA) is a condition in which the ductus arteriosus does not close. (The word "patent" means open.)​

The ductus arteriosus is a blood vessel that allows blood to go around the baby's lungs before birth. Soon after the infant is born and the lungs fill with air, the ductus arteriosus is no longer needed. It usually closes in a couple of days after birth.PDA leads to abnormal blood flow between the aorta and pulmonary artery, two major blood vessels that carry blood from the heart.​

Ok in case you are wondering where the similarity is its this simple:

A Patent Ductus Ateriosus is an ABNORMALITY cos the duct is still open when it should have closed at birth.

Now we Indians tend to view Public Display of Affection(PDA) as an ABNORMALITY.
No you see what I was trying to get at?

I do not find anything wrong with simple hugs,kisses on the cheeks or even a customary exchange of saliva for example at the airport or anywhere else when we are sending off our spouse/lover(full time & part time) or even just to show them we care.

It happens all the time.So for me I feel its no big deal.

 

[T.S.Sankara Narayanan]

இந்தியாவிடம் உலக நாடுகள் மதிப்பீடே இந்திய மண்ணின் பாரம்பரியமான கலாச்சாரம் மற்றும் பண்பாடு தான்.

காலம்காலமாக நம் முன்னோர்களால் பின்பற்றப்படுவது. போற்றி இன்றுவரை காப்பாற்றப்படுவது..

நாகரிகம் என்ற போர்வையில் பொது இடங்களில் கை கோர்த்துக்கொண்டு செல்வது,கட்டிப்பிடிப்பது,முத்தமிட்டுக் கொள்வது என்பதெல்லாம் நம் நாட்டு கலாச்சாரத்தில் கேள்விப்படாத ஒன்று.

கலைவானர் திரு என்.எஸ் கிருஷ்னன் ஒரு பாடலில், " அவ காருல போவா,காப்பி குடிப்பா,ஊரை சுற்றுவா--- இவ காட்டுக்குபோவா,கஞ்சிகுடிப்பா, களைஎடுப்பா " என்று பாடுவார்..

நாகரிகம் ஒரு நாட்டையும், மக்களையும் மேன்மப்படுத்தத்தானேயோழிய,சிறுமைப் படுத்தவும், சீரழிக்கவும், சின்னாபின்னப்படுத்தவும் அல்ல...

 

[mraghavan]

I concur that we make too much of these things in India. Of course, there is also something called decorum, which should limit these displays of affection to hugs and mild kisses. Going beyond that in public would, to me, be offensive and in poor taste.

 

[KRS]

Hello.

Before the Victorian screwed up 'morals' in India, we were 'natural'.

One member in the past here thought that the public display of affection is akin to dogs copulating in public (he cited USA as an example!)

It is a natural thing. The problem is with the onlooker.

No wonder, Indian cinema, especially the Tamil ones are more vulgar on this, than the more in your face sexuality of the western ones.

Regards,
KRS

 

[prasad1]

We can lead by example, but each generation has to find its own morals.
We have raised my child with our values, so poor thing is a generation behind the Indian cousins. She loves to wear sari, when ever we go to India she is comfortable in Indian cloths, but her cousins are in jeans and t-shirt. We go to visit Temples, Indian cousins could care less.
Similarly what is norm if PDA keeps evolving, each one has to find their own comfort level.

 

[Raghy]

I am curious about what members think about Public Displays of Affection, known as PDA in short. In the previous century, there was a stricter separation of genders. I have been to temples where the men and women have to sit separately.

Now of course such barriers are gone, for the better I hope. But now I see young couples (married and unmarried) indulging in PDA, both in India and in the US. This may involve holding hands, hugging, or even kissing.

For our kids, should we encourage, discourage or stay neutral?

Sri.Biswa, Greetings.

India is a country which accepts both extremes. This is the country where closeness/intimacy between a man woman as taboo; this is the same country that boasts Kajuraho temple.

There is always a public display of affection. Public display of affection can be seen from purchasing a bunch of flower to the girl; her leaning her head on his shoulders; closeness of their seating to.... it may go pretty close. There is a nice way of presenting anything including PDA.

PDA can be justifiable based on the situation. Anything when decency is maintained would be appreciated.

Cheers!

 

[biswa]

Let me first say that I am totally impressed by all the posts so far. Clearly the members of this forum have a fairly balanced world view. Now for some more nuance.

Consider a young, married couple where one is sending off the other at the bus stop, train station etc. If these people were in India, there would be maximum a bit of hand holding and then a bunch of waving good-bye just as we see in old Hindi films.

Now if the same people were in the US, the goodbye ritual becomes a lot more intimate such as what Renuka described. My question is: is kissing goodbye an Indian norm, or is the couple "doing in America as Americans do"? Should the onlooking Indians protest in Americas similar to how they might over-react in India?

 

[Eastern Mind]

In America it is more the youth who do it. Adolescents saying "Hey, look at me. I'm a big boy (or girl) now. Most mature adults leave the groping and kissing to their bedrooms. Hollywood is a very poor reflection of American life. Goodbyes are often just gentle hugs.

 

[biswa]

I would like to agree with you. However recently I saw it occurring between two adult Indians in America. At the public bus stop. That is what led to my question.

My belief is that if the bus stop were in India, they would behave differently. On the flip side, is it just the public rowdyism / harassment in India that is preventing a genuine expression of affection?

 

[C RAVI]

My belief is that if the bus stop were in India, they would behave differently. On the flip side, is it just the public rowdyism / harassment in India that is preventing a genuine expression of affection?

IMO, most probably, YES

 

[Eastern Mind]

I wonder how long said pair had been in America. Its not very normal between older adults. I've never seen it, that I can remember anyway. Once in a while you might see an older American couple holding hands.

I agree behaviour in India would be different, but a ton of behaviour is different, not just shows of pulic affection.

 

[biswa]

They were not very old - late 20s maybe. My point is that they must have learned it in America, because it doesn't seem to exist in India.

Hmm, wonder what the expectation is of onlookers. Stare at them or avert our eyes?

 

[Eastern Mind]

Yes, America could do that to you. Not many bars and casinos in India either.

 

[renuka]

Nowadays it isnt safe to PDA cos anyone could be recording us with their handphones so becareful where we make out or we could land up in Youtube or worse still RedTube!!LOL