Raising a Teenager is Like Nailing Jello to a Tree

[P.J.]

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Raising a Teenager is Like Nailing Jello to a Tree


How true is this; every parent face this problem onetime or the other.

Today’s children are maturing faster than previous generations.
Whether it is a Girl child or Boy child, coping with their ‘changed way of life’ is a testing time for every parent.
As a Parent we often forget our Teen aged days, and how we were giving problems to our parents; instead we find fault with our Kids, who are now in a different environment than what we were.

We expect our children to score maximum in every subject, have minimum number of friends; Just look back, did we score always high marks in our School and College days?

You can argue that one should be more competitive than that of previous generations, but is this a real fact?

Members are requested to share their views on this please.

 

[renuka]

Dear PJ sir,

As a teen I was a real good girl. I never gave problems to my parents at all cos I was too busy studying.
I used to represent my district and state in athletics too so I was always busy dividing my time studying and training for sports competitions.

I am book worm types who loves to study and read non stop.

My parents used to tell me "Don't study non stop..take a break..go and sleep"

So as a teen I was scoring real high marks in school and also in college.

But deep down inside me as a teen I felt that my parents were over protective of me.

I was not allowed to go out alone without being escorted by parents or my brothers.

Even when I turned 20..my parents were still getting paranoid that a girl must never go out of the house alone!


My father was so scared that I will have a boyfriend!

Then my elder brother went to study in USA and sent my dad a letter telling my father that he is being too strict with Renu and to allow her to go out with friends both male and female and there is no harm to have a special friend.

That day all hell broke loose in my house cos my dad was "What!! He goes to US and he tells me that I am too strict with my daughter?"

See inside I felt my brother had a point but I did not show my parents that I agreed with my brother.

As a teen whatever my mother advised me ..I feel as an adult I have done and still doing the opposite.

Now coming to bringing up my teen son..so far I have not pressurized him to study.

He himself loves to study and score high marks.

His choice of profession is going to be purely his.

Parents should not force children into professions that they do not like.

I realized that when I was growing up..emphasis was always on IQ and not EQ(Emotional Quotient).

No one gave me a lecture on EQ..which I feel is more important than IQ.

So for my son..I am advising him how to cope with the world and to develop a strong EQ cos IQ he already has.

College life and work life is not the same.

Even as doctor..it was not easy working in the hospitals becos of too much internal politics and back stabbing.

So that is where straight forward people lose out and we need to train our teens how to handle such situations so that they can cope with work pressure.

Another thing I am going to advise my son is how to deal with peer pressure in college.
He will face situations eventually where friends might pressurize him to smoke and drink.

I would also advise my son regarding attraction to the opposite sex when he goes to college and how to deal with falling in love and how not to get depressed in case love turns sour etc.

In fact I am not at all worried about his studies etc..but I am going to guide him how to deal with the world cos that is the real challenge.

I tell my son always..do not compete with others..compete with your own self and be prepared to face failure too.

Set goals for yourself and do not bother what others get whether higher or lower than you cos most important is self satisfaction(This had always been my style of thinking and I have never competed with anyone in my life and only competed with my own self)

 

[Raghy]

Sri. PJ, Greetings.

I and my wife raised two teen aged children, one of each from both genders.

We did not expect, we did not demand or we did not worry about the grades they acheived in any subject. Needless to say, we just asked them to put in efforts. That's all. We were ready to offer any help. They did not excel in their marks. But that does not matter at all. As they grow older, they can study and they can excel in thir chosen field. We decided not to worry at all.

Personally I was not a problem to my 'parents' when I was a teen ager. It was the other way around though.

I am sure there may be parents who are anxious about their children's future when they are growing up. But our anxiety doesn't really help though.

Cheers!

 

[renuka]

I would like to add that the Asian style of studying sometimes actually make us burn out earlier in life and as we age we tend to not really discover anything new.

I have interacted with a few western doctors who during their teens were not book worms..not that much of top students but rather care free and easy going types of students.

They tend to take one day at a time and when they become specialists I have noted that they preform real well and can think totally out of the box and come up with new discoveries.

We Asians burn out too fast and by the time we age..we are either is auto pilot mode or brain dead!LOL