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Relationship puzzle: 44.3% approve 'live-in' but 64.4% prefer virgin 'spouse' Zehra K

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prasad1

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Results of the HT-MaRS Youth Survey show that when it comes to mindsets, even the young think the same old way.
More than half of the youth surveyed, women included, feel that the right age for a woman to get married is between 21 and 24 years. Less than 2% think that it is acceptable for a woman to marry after 30, but for 12.3%, the right age for a girl to settle down is below 21 years. More bad news?


Almost 42% males surveyed still think that whistling or catcalling women is harmless fun, though a significant 58.1% view it as harassing. Needless to say, more women find such behaviour problematic, with 67.7% viewing it as harassment.


While only 26% of those polled thought that girls who smoke or drink are no different from boys who indulge in similar habits, half of them believed that such girls were of ‘bad character’. “I recently heard someone say that while boys may hang out or flirt with girls who smoke or drink, those aren’t the kind of girls they marry. What hypocrisy!” says marketing professional Ankita Biswas.

After all the discussion we had on this site, I am not surprised.
 
Yes, I too keep hearing from a few so-called modern and liberated young men that they like xxx girl very much, but she's not marriage material because their ammas won't approve! Why?Because she drinks and smokes and goes to clubs. C'mon, just because a girl is a social drinker doesn't make her a loose character. Of course, smoking is something I do not approve of in either sex for health reasons. I'm really not surprised by these findings. Just brings out the hypocrisy of our Indian middle-class values.
Getting married before 21? C'mon, get a life!
 
hi padmini,

i dont know whether this poll was confined to delhi/bomaby.

in tamil nadu, even if it is a different sub castes, knives would be drawn :) if a dalit male is involved, villages will be burnt. we have yet to come out of the medieval ages in our attitude. have you been following the divya/ilavarasan episode? or cheran's daughter of late?
 
hi padmini,

i dont know whether this poll was confined to delhi/bomaby.

in tamil nadu, even if it is a different sub castes, knives would be drawn :) if a dalit male is involved, villages will be burnt. we have yet to come out of the medieval ages in our attitude. have you been following the divya/ilavarasan episode? or cheran's daughter of late?

I think we should have either the complete sexual permissiveness as in some foreign countries (though of late, it seems to have become fashionable to say a big 'No, No' to this) or else India should stick to its age old customs and bring some moral policing from within the community itself.

All the talk about gender equality is of no use unless women are also given same level of sexual freedom as the menfolk in a society enjoy.
 
I think we should have either the complete sexual permissiveness as in some foreign countries (though of late, it seems to have become fashionable to say a big 'No, No' to this) or else India should stick to its age old customs and bring some moral policing from within the community itself.

All the talk about gender equality is of no use unless women are also given same level of sexual freedom as the menfolk in a society enjoy.

dear sangom,

are not our culture traditon scriptures vedas ramayana mahabharata et al against sexual permissiveness, love marriage and IC marriages? :)
 
dear sangom,

are not our culture traditon scriptures vedas ramayana mahabharata et al against sexual permissiveness, love marriage and IC marriages? :)

not exactly, I think. There are instances here and there of aberrations like rishi patnis falling in love with indra, sakuntala's love, vikrama-urvasi, pururavas-urvasi, even kunti with her premarital karna. Hence there is nothing like absolute inadmissibility of sexual permissiveness I think.
 


not exactly, I think. There are instances here and there of aberrations like rishi patnis falling in love with indra, sakuntala's love, vikrama-urvasi, pururavas-urvasi, even kunti with her premarital karna. Hence there is nothing like absolute inadmissibility of sexual permissiveness I think.

haven't you been trying to tell that to the majority of folks here :) ... all these while. i guess it is the teflon effect. nothing sticks. oh well!!
 
Dear Shri Kunjuppu;

No,to be honest, I have not. But yes, there are so many "realities" in India, the urban/rural divide, and within these innumerable divides! I'm not sure which section this poll is confined to, but it's such a shame if it is the larger metropolises!
 
Dear Shri Kunjuppu;

No,to be honest, I have not. But yes, there are so many "realities" in India, the urban/rural divide, and within these innumerable divides! I'm not sure which section this poll is confined to, but it's such a shame if it is the larger metropolises!

Paddersji,

Just a note of caution.
You are young, female and do not live in TN.
The majority here will be in similar pattern if they are honest.
The Hypocrisy is for you to see in the postings.
Welcome to the forum.
 
I believe each country differs when it comes to absorbing foreign cultural elements. This url is revealing:

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/01/w...?nl=todaysheadlines&emc=edit_th_20130801&_r=0

India and the upper class indians, I think, have a historical (or even genetic) predilection in swallowing anything (and everything) "western", hook, line and sinker, without any thought. Hence my suggestion that we may have the level of permissiveness as in the most permissive scandinavian countries!
 
not exactly, I think. There are instances here and there of aberrations like rishi patnis falling in love with indra, sakuntala's love, vikrama-urvasi, pururavas-urvasi, even kunti with her premarital karna. Hence there is nothing like absolute inadmissibility of sexual permissiveness I think.

You have quoted several examples -but all of these examples were possibly of people belonging to North India/Aryan/Sanskrit-speaking groups. Do we have such examples from South India/Dravidian/Tamil speaking people?!
 
கால பைரவன்;200776 said:
You have quoted several examples -but all of these examples were possibly of people belonging to North India/Aryan/Sanskrit-speaking groups. Do we have such examples from South India/Dravidian/Tamil speaking people?!

what about Kannaki-kovalan-madhavi itself? I don't know whether Tamil people have a separate scripture; and I am not knowledgeable at all about Kannada/Telugu etc., people's separate texts dealing with their separate culture/tradition and scriptures related thereto.
 
what about Kannaki-kovalan-madhavi itself? I don't know whether Tamil people have a separate scripture; and I am not knowledgeable at all about Kannada/Telugu etc., people's separate texts dealing with their separate culture/tradition and scriptures related thereto.

You are sharp as usual!

Although, both Kannagi and Madhavi are celebrated for their chastity (Kannagi remaining faithful to Kovalan despite him living with Madhavi) and Madhavi also extolled for her faithfulness to Kovalan despite her belonging to the parathaiyar group). Therefore, I feel, these are not very apt examples for the discussion under consideration!
 
Prasadji, I am female and have never lived in TN, but I'm certainly not young, not by a long tooth! :-)
But it's not just TamBrams who are hypocrites; I think the whole of India is hypocritical in its expectations of the ideal bahu, and the awful serials you see on TV just encourage this.
 
Prasadji, I am female and have never lived in TN, but I'm certainly not young, not by a long tooth! :-)
But it's not just TamBrams who are hypocrites; I think the whole of India is hypocritical in its expectations of the ideal bahu, and the awful serials you see on TV just encourage this.

My original post was for India.
My comment in post#9 was to point out that majority of members on this site are Men, old, and living in TN. The set of opinions is predictable.
Yes there is Hypocrisy every where.
 
கால பைரவன்;200776 said:
You have quoted several examples -but all of these examples were possibly of people belonging to North India/Aryan/Sanskrit-speaking groups. Do we have such examples from South India/Dravidian/Tamil speaking people?!

Does it matters? The original post was conducted nationwide.
 
கால பைரவன்;200859 said:
You are sharp as usual!

Although, both Kannagi and Madhavi are celebrated for their chastity (Kannagi remaining faithful to Kovalan despite him living with Madhavi) and Madhavi also extolled for her faithfulness to Kovalan despite her belonging to the parathaiyar group). Therefore, I feel, these are not very apt examples for the discussion under consideration!

I think it should not depend on how people are extolled or treated; the simple yardstick should just as ahalya got enamoured of indra, madhavi got enamoured of Kovalan, a married man and kept him with her unlike a parathaiyar. Otherwise how is Kannaki's superhuman anger explained? Do we also consider Kannaki was portrayed as a devi parvati in silappatikaram?
 
I think it should not depend on how people are extolled or treated; the simple yardstick should just as ahalya got enamoured of indra, madhavi got enamoured of Kovalan, a married man and kept him with her unlike a parathaiyar.

You wrote about sexual permissiveness and my point is that Kannagi could not have done what Madhavi did and hence it cannot be asserted, based on this example, that such free sexual permissiveness was admissible in ancient tamil society.
 
கால பைரவன்;200922 said:
You wrote about sexual permissiveness and my point is that Kannagi could not have done what Madhavi did and hence it cannot be asserted, based on this example, that such free sexual permissiveness was admissible in ancient tamil society.
KB, I am really not in the loop with respect to what the undercurrents are in this thread, but as for as sexual permissiveness is concerned, so far as it is confined to the limits of pre-marital sex and not extra-marital ones, Tamils are no slackers if Cangam literature is anything to guide us in understanding our history. Then again, to the extent past is prologue, you may yet find something even in this to blame me of Brahmin Bashing in as much as sniffing out Brahmin Bashing is what seems to animate you the most :)!!! (a cheap shot I know, I owe you one :))
 
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