Retirement and aged-care

[aranganathan]

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I am nearing 60 and working in USA. Mother is 88 and bed-ridden. I have siblings that are aging and can not care for my mother at this stage. I am seriously thinking of placing my mother in an aged-care home. SSM (Srimathi Sundavalli in Perungulattoor, Chennai) was suggested to me.

I'd like to know about similar homes that cater for brahmins and provide medical facilities as well. My mother is unable to walk at this stage. She just had surgery and may soon be able to walk a little but I am not very hopeful at this stage. Decent brahmin food, hygiene and a caring attitude are very important.

My friends here are urging me to open one myself. It is not a trivial undertaking. Even if I do, this is not viable short-term to help my mother.

Obviously you would ask "why cant you care for your mother"? My job and family circumstances are such that prevent me to returning home at this stage.

I am turning to you all for help. Any suggestions and recommendations are welcome. Please suggest any aged-care / nursing home for my mother. Thank you all!

 

[B.Krishnamurthy]

Dear Shri.Aranganathan,
Recently I was talking to a friend of mine in Fremont(he has come to stay with his daughter for2 months).He is now 75(2years younger to me).
He is having a two bedroom flat in Srirangam.He wants to dispose of the flat and move to SSM,provided his wife is also agreeable.It appears
Shri.T.N.Seshan and his wife are staying here.My friend told me that for each member one has to deposit Rs.10,000 as refundable Deposit(No INTEREST On the Deposit will be allowed) and the monthly expenses for one person is Rs.6000/-.My friend was earlier staying with his aged mother in old age home after retirement till mother's demise in April,2009.Now he is staying with his wife in his own flat.He is knowledgeable
about old age homes in around chennai and SSM may be the best in facilities.

 

[kiruku]

I'd like to know about similar homes that cater for brahmins and provide medical facilities as well.

Sir,
Please refer to the enclosed link for a list of seniors homes. I searched the net & got this link. No personal link to any of them.

SeniorsHome - We Care Foundation - (Caring + Sharing = Loving)

Regards

 

[aranganathan]

Dear B.K
Thanks for a quick response! Highly appreciated!

I was at SSM two years ago. Though I felt it was remote, the facilities are excellent and well-maintained. The food and atmosphere were great. I was not quite impressed with the medical ward where my mother is likely to be admitted. However given other benefits, it is probably the most likely choice.

BTW, the numbers you quoted need revision. It is anywhere from Rs 8L - 10L refundable deposit and the monthly charges are no less than Rs 10K. For medical ward it is Rs 14K, plus medical charges. More at http://www.ssmhome.in/Cautiondep.htm

I saw very highly educated and cultured people there. It was nice to see a community feeling among them. Anyways, before making a decision I want to survey the scene.

 

[aranganathan]

Thanks Kiruku. Very useful like and an interesting site.

 

[renuka]

I am nearing 60 and working in USA. Mother is 88 and bed-ridden. I have siblings that are aging and can not care for my mother at this stage. I am seriously thinking of placing my mother in an aged-care home. SSM (Srimathi Sundavalli in Perungulattoor, Chennai) was suggested to me.

I'd like to know about similar homes that cater for brahmins and provide medical facilities as well. My mother is unable to walk at this stage. She just had surgery and may soon be able to walk a little but I am not very hopeful at this stage. Decent brahmin food, hygiene and a caring attitude are very important.

My friends here are urging me to open one myself. It is not a trivial undertaking. Even if I do, this is not viable short-term to help my mother.

Obviously you would ask "why cant you care for your mother"? My job and family circumstances are such that prevent me to returning home at this stage.

I am turning to you all for help. Any suggestions and recommendations are welcome. Please suggest any aged-care / nursing home for my mother. Thank you all!

Dear Sir,

I can understand your situation but as a doctor I have seen many aged individuals like your mum in Homes..believe me..they are never happy.
Aged individuals get very easily depressed..no matter how much you explain to them why you put them in a home..they will only interpret it as "I was abandoned".
And that thought will play in their mind till their very last breath.
Its really hurting to see old people suffer in silence.

I have a suggestion for you..if you dont mind.
Since you are in USA and unable to return and you have siblings in India..why dont all of you hire a medical nurse to come to the house daily and care for her medical needs and a full time maid to attend to her basic needs.

With regards to food..I am sure you can find some Brahmin lady who is willing to cook for your mum and I dont really expect an 88 year old to be eating much also.

Get a automated wheel chair and alter the car seat for her to be taken out more often..may be for a trip to the beach,park etc..this does wonders to the human mind.

She needs love now....Love is free but needs effort.

I have no idea if my advise sounds right to you but please do not make the mistake of sending her to a home.


renu

 

[drsundaram]

I am nearing 60 and working in USA. Mother is 88 and bed-ridden. I have siblings that are aging and can not care for my mother at this stage. I am seriously thinking of placing my mother in an aged-care home. SSM (Srimathi Sundavalli in Perungulattoor, Chennai) was suggested to me.

I'd like to know about similar homes that cater for brahmins and provide medical facilities as well. My mother is unable to walk at this stage. She just had surgery and may soon be able to walk a little but I am not very hopeful at this stage. Decent brahmin food, hygiene and a caring attitude are very important.

My friends here are urging me to open one myself. It is not a trivial undertaking. Even if I do, this is not viable short-term to help my mother.

Obviously you would ask "why cant you care for your mother"? My job and family circumstances are such that prevent me to returning home at this stage.

I am turning to you all for help. Any suggestions and recommendations are welcome. Please suggest any aged-care / nursing home for my mother. Thank you all!

dear shri aranganathan,
not to worry.
I know a center near Madurai in a great silent and serene ambience which is coming up and will be operational by July 1st and is promoted by well known group holding public service and philonthrophy as core values. I can help you with more details if you are interested.
regards

 

[kiruku]

Dear Sir,

I have a suggestion for you..if you dont mind.
Since you are in USA and unable to return and you have siblings in India..why dont all of you hire a medical nurse to come to the house daily and care for her medical needs and a full time maid to attend to her basic needs.

With regards to food..I am sure you can find some Brahmin lady who is willing to cook for your mum and I dont really expect an 88 year old to be eating much also.

Get a automated wheel chair and alter the car seat for her to be taken out more often..may be for a trip to the beach,park etc..this does wonders to the human mind.

I am assumimg this recommendation is dependant on one of the children living with their mother. There are live-in nurses available from Kerala and if necessary, I can dig through my mail as one of my collegemates had used their service quite some time back.

 

[aranganathan]

Dear Sir,

I can understand your situation but as a doctor I have seen many aged individuals like your mum in Homes..believe me..they are never happy.
Aged individuals get very easily depressed..no matter how much you explain to them why you put them in a home..they will only interpret it as "I was abandoned".
And that thought will play in their mind till their very last breath.
Its really hurting to see old people suffer in silence.

I have a suggestion for you..if you dont mind.
Since you are in USA and unable to return and you have siblings in India..why dont all of you hire a medical nurse to come to the house daily and care for her medical needs and a full time maid to attend to her basic needs.

With regards to food..I am sure you can find some Brahmin lady who is willing to cook for your mum and I dont really expect an 88 year old to be eating much also.

Get a automated wheel chair and alter the car seat for her to be taken out more often..may be for a trip to the beach,park etc..this does wonders to the human mind.

She needs love now....Love is free but needs effort.

I have no idea if my advise sounds right to you but please do not make the mistake of sending her to a home.


renu

If I may address you as Renu, I agree with all of what you said. My mother has been partially bed-ridden until now. Presently she finds it extremely difficult even to sit up. We have two assistants - one for day and one for the night. Both are paid well but the service is poor. This is according to my brother who is taking care of her. Add to this other usual family politics, it is becoming extremely difficult to care for her at home. My mother herself tells me sometimes to admit her in a home. I have been agonizing over this for nearly three years. I know it will be difficult for her to be anywhere else but home. Where we are we don't have good people, let alone nurses to attend to her. The house is not suitable for invalids like her and there is stiff resistance in modifying it or have conveniences like wheelchair etc. The things that you mention have passed through my mind but these are possible only if I am there. Continuing to ponder ....

 

[kunjuppu]

a.r.,

how much emphasis is there for 'brahmins only'. a good place with care, that offers veggie food, but a caring environment, maybe xtian. would that be acceptable?

 

[B.Krishnamurthy]

Dear Shri.Aranganathan,
We are having a lady aged 55 or so(from Vaikana Sect,very orthodox)in Nanganallur,Chennai600 061 from 2003 after my wife expired in Feb,2003.My second daughter was not keeping good health and we were keeping some domestic assistance from 1999 as my daughter was going for work alsur experience with the first lady was really horrible. She managed to take heavy amount from my wife within 10 days and when we wanted to adjust the loan amount in small instalments,she was not agreeable and threatened to commit suicide.Fortunately for us She left after a few days and we were not worried about the money we paid her.Second one was good.She had to leave our area.Still she visits us now and then.The third lady was excellent but left when she got a music teacher job in a regular School.The present lady is like our family member.She is now completely managing our house in Chennai,preparing meals for the family including my younger sister aged 65 years living separately.She has three sons all married working as priests in small temples near Avadi,Chennai.She visits her family whenever occasion demands.Since we are not paying her what she really deserves,we allow her to take up assignments in nearby houses which supplements her income.WE do get lot of calls demanding her services.If you are prepared to place your mother in the same area where my second SIL lives,
I can request the mami to take full care of your mother.Nearby we have Hindu Mission Hospital where medical care is available for 24 hours.
Then this lady will leave all other side jobs.WE daily thank GOD for providing us the services of this lady.

 

[renuka]

a.r.,

how much emphasis is there for 'brahmins only'. a good place with care, that offers veggie food, but a caring environment, maybe xtian. would that be acceptable?

Kunjs,

I dont know if thats really a good idea for a senior lady(my view..i dont know if Aranganathan would agree with you)

Since she will be away from home at least let her be in an environment like how she was brought up in with similar minded people.

Its not that I have anything againts people of other faiths but the types you recommended invariably directly or indirectly impose their views on others.
She needs peace of mind not some new sermon.

 

[renuka]

If I may address you as Renu, I agree with all of what you said. My mother has been partially bed-ridden until now. Presently she finds it extremely difficult even to sit up. We have two assistants - one for day and one for the night. Both are paid well but the service is poor. This is according to my brother who is taking care of her. Add to this other usual family politics, it is becoming extremely difficult to care for her at home. My mother herself tells me sometimes to admit her in a home. I have been agonizing over this for nearly three years. I know it will be difficult for her to be anywhere else but home. Where we are we don't have good people, let alone nurses to attend to her. The house is not suitable for invalids like her and there is stiff resistance in modifying it or have conveniences like wheelchair etc. The things that you mention have passed through my mind but these are possible only if I am there. Continuing to ponder ....

Dear Sir,
You may address me as Renu..I am a very informal person..no problems.
Ok I get your picture now. I can understand your agaony. Since your mum understands the situation than I guess you would surely have to look for another alternative but try to visit her often if you can because I am 100% sure she is hurt inside.

Just remind your siblings that a mother has every opportunity to abandon her children if she wants but your mother didnt do that to anyone.
Just remind them Mata Pita Guru Deivam as a last resort cos most of us today skip the 1st three and jump into Deivam wagon.

renu

 

[aranganathan]

dear shri aranganathan,
not to worry.
I know a center near Madurai in a great silent and serene ambience which is coming up and will be operational by July 1st and is promoted by well known group holding public service and philonthrophy as core values. I can help you with more details if you are interested.
regards

Thank you very much sir! I shall check with my people. Though Madurai is a great place, it will be difficult for my siblings and relatives to visit my mother. I shall still keep this in my mind! Much appreciated!

 

[aranganathan]

a.r.,

how much emphasis is there for 'brahmins only'. a good place with care, that offers veggie food, but a caring environment, maybe xtian. would that be acceptable?

Clean and caring environment with medical attention (she is not walking now) and vegitarin (no garlic, masala etc) would be the fare. Please realize that these are not MY requirements! Thanks