Quote Nara
'Dear Kunjuppu, you seem conflicted, even tortured, by emotions from two opposite sides.
Your blood bond, my friend, is to humanity; your extended family includes all. Nostalgia must not be allowed to trump this. TMS and L.R. Iswari give voice to Kannadasan's take on this.
Tribalism is no more useful for survival and procreation now, than arani kattai is for making fire. We are into gas lighters even for homams and such.
Those days, when most lived in villages, heavy price was extracted for crossing tribal taboos. But now, in cities, the price is next to nothing. The declining cost of crossing taboos will surely be overtaken by the urge to survive and reproduce. The tribal impulses parents feel are more from vapor than actual fuel. Who will bell the cat is probably the situation. Leadership is what is lacking. If the sluice gates are opened carefully, the building pressure can be managed. Otherwise, the cracks will soon give way to a deluge much like the dam Edward Fox bombs in Force 10 from Navarone.
Do you want to carefully open the sluice gates or wait for the cracks to completely devour everything, that is the question. Opposing even small steps is not wise.
Nara,
i am aware that i am a deeply flawed person, trying to accommodate myself in what i believe, is a less flawed group, than what i am. ie the TBs, to a large extent.
there are folks in this group with whom i violently disagree to the point of mutual destruction. have done so in the past. but, at the end of the day, i think of my parents and family, and accept my lineage, as it is something that i will not deny.
reformation starts within one self. then i think, moves on to the family. let us just consider marriage. i am disappointed, even to this day, that i caved in, re the expenses borne by my wife (her earnings as her parents did not have the money) for our wedding.
i have told my children that they are free to choose whom they want. but that does not mean that i have not given them parameters, for what i think, would be a headstart towards a good married life. i would like to reinstate, that 'marry only TBs' is not one of those guidelines.
moving on to the community, wherever and whenever, i would like to look at 'reforming' the community ie try to extricate ourselves from what i think are factors that keep binding us to perverse views and traditions.
i also have to accept the fact, that these very views are the pillars on which many of our community lean on, to give them a sense of value and dignity, in the context of a social onslaught & ostracism in tamil nadu, which you and i, have mercifully avoided, escaped and ensured that our children will not undergo. this, i think, is the right thing for us to have done, and we need not feel guilty about it.
but within the confines of tamil brahmindom, particularly in tamil nadu or bangalore, there exists a section of the community, who, i think have a need here to mate. what good does it do, for me to vehemently preach about abolition of casteism to these folks? or look upon the swayamvaram as an extension of racism?
i do not believe so. i think, this is a simple act of finding mates within the confines of one's compound. don't the jews have dating services? do we abhor or abjure them? how many ads in the nyt refers to swm would prefer only swf? (single white male, female).
i have suggested alternatives, when i sense there is a dead end in the process of looking within the TB community. this dead end is due to many reasons, one of them being, that our community is exponentially reducing in numbers, and is not adjusting to the reality of searching for mates, within a much smaller sample crowd.
i think, within the scope of what could be concretly achieved, swami and friends, are doing something positive and have measurable results. even if only one wedding is arranged, i would consider it a success.
to extend the scope of the swayamvarams, to beyond TBs, i think, in the old fashioned IT terminology, we would call it 'scope creep'. which is a disaster for any well managed project. i think this swayamvaram is a well managed project - each a unique session, with a starting/ending, time boxed and measurable objectives and results.
to open up this function to beyond TBs, again would be like trying to capture the entire sunlight through the pinhole of a needle. we know the sun, the ideal light, but we have to consider, that the light still only falls through the pinhole. to expect it to light up a whole room, is deluding ourselves of our supposed influence.
idealism, i think, in most cases, is a noble exercise, best espoused from the comfort of an armchair. to get some practical results, however flawed it may seem, is, i think, takes a bit more effort and willingness to shed some sweat. i think, it is this sweat that is shed for the swayamvaram, that i bow before, in respect and admiration.
hope this explains.
thank you.
Cheers! '
'Dear Kunjuppu, you seem conflicted, even tortured, by emotions from two opposite sides.
Your blood bond, my friend, is to humanity; your extended family includes all. Nostalgia must not be allowed to trump this. TMS and L.R. Iswari give voice to Kannadasan's take on this.
Tribalism is no more useful for survival and procreation now, than arani kattai is for making fire. We are into gas lighters even for homams and such.
Those days, when most lived in villages, heavy price was extracted for crossing tribal taboos. But now, in cities, the price is next to nothing. The declining cost of crossing taboos will surely be overtaken by the urge to survive and reproduce. The tribal impulses parents feel are more from vapor than actual fuel. Who will bell the cat is probably the situation. Leadership is what is lacking. If the sluice gates are opened carefully, the building pressure can be managed. Otherwise, the cracks will soon give way to a deluge much like the dam Edward Fox bombs in Force 10 from Navarone.
Do you want to carefully open the sluice gates or wait for the cracks to completely devour everything, that is the question. Opposing even small steps is not wise.
Nara,
i am aware that i am a deeply flawed person, trying to accommodate myself in what i believe, is a less flawed group, than what i am. ie the TBs, to a large extent.
there are folks in this group with whom i violently disagree to the point of mutual destruction. have done so in the past. but, at the end of the day, i think of my parents and family, and accept my lineage, as it is something that i will not deny.
reformation starts within one self. then i think, moves on to the family. let us just consider marriage. i am disappointed, even to this day, that i caved in, re the expenses borne by my wife (her earnings as her parents did not have the money) for our wedding.
i have told my children that they are free to choose whom they want. but that does not mean that i have not given them parameters, for what i think, would be a headstart towards a good married life. i would like to reinstate, that 'marry only TBs' is not one of those guidelines.
moving on to the community, wherever and whenever, i would like to look at 'reforming' the community ie try to extricate ourselves from what i think are factors that keep binding us to perverse views and traditions.
i also have to accept the fact, that these very views are the pillars on which many of our community lean on, to give them a sense of value and dignity, in the context of a social onslaught & ostracism in tamil nadu, which you and i, have mercifully avoided, escaped and ensured that our children will not undergo. this, i think, is the right thing for us to have done, and we need not feel guilty about it.
but within the confines of tamil brahmindom, particularly in tamil nadu or bangalore, there exists a section of the community, who, i think have a need here to mate. what good does it do, for me to vehemently preach about abolition of casteism to these folks? or look upon the swayamvaram as an extension of racism?
i do not believe so. i think, this is a simple act of finding mates within the confines of one's compound. don't the jews have dating services? do we abhor or abjure them? how many ads in the nyt refers to swm would prefer only swf? (single white male, female).
i have suggested alternatives, when i sense there is a dead end in the process of looking within the TB community. this dead end is due to many reasons, one of them being, that our community is exponentially reducing in numbers, and is not adjusting to the reality of searching for mates, within a much smaller sample crowd.
i think, within the scope of what could be concretly achieved, swami and friends, are doing something positive and have measurable results. even if only one wedding is arranged, i would consider it a success.
to extend the scope of the swayamvarams, to beyond TBs, i think, in the old fashioned IT terminology, we would call it 'scope creep'. which is a disaster for any well managed project. i think this swayamvaram is a well managed project - each a unique session, with a starting/ending, time boxed and measurable objectives and results.
to open up this function to beyond TBs, again would be like trying to capture the entire sunlight through the pinhole of a needle. we know the sun, the ideal light, but we have to consider, that the light still only falls through the pinhole. to expect it to light up a whole room, is deluding ourselves of our supposed influence.
idealism, i think, in most cases, is a noble exercise, best espoused from the comfort of an armchair. to get some practical results, however flawed it may seem, is, i think, takes a bit more effort and willingness to shed some sweat. i think, it is this sweat that is shed for the swayamvaram, that i bow before, in respect and admiration.
hope this explains.
thank you.
Cheers! '
.
. I dont know how i missed it 
