1. When an engagement (betrothal) takes place before the actual marriage, as it is a sort of promise by both
sides of the parents and both Bride and Bridegroom are party to it, how on the next day,the Bridegroom pretends
to go on Kasi Yatra? Is this not amounting to break his promise done through his parents?
Dear PJ sir,
In the days of the Upanishads which generally describe the times when gurukulavāsa was very prominent, the custom was that after the prescribed period of vedic study (12 to 24 years - varied) under the Guru, the latter declared that he had completed the gurukulavāsa and was fit for returning home to enter gṛhastāśrama. The brahmacārī would reach the outskirts of his village/town and then the news will spread, that a such and such a man has returned from gurukulam after completing his studies. He would then be given a ceremonial bath, new set of clothes and a kriṣṇājinam (black buck's skin to wear on his left shoulder, and across his torso, very much like the yajñopavītaṃ) as this was the insignia of his being a qualified brahmacārī. He was then known as a snātaka or one who has had his ceremonial bath. (There were three types of snātakas, according to the qualification granted by the guru; vrata snātaka - one who
complied with and underwent all the vratas during the gurukulavāsaṃ, vidyā snātaka - one who completed the study of veda successfully but was deficient in observing the vratas during the gurukulavāsaṃ, and ubhaya snātaka - one who passed both the requirements. The last category only could take up teaching of disciples as a guru. Of, course these are details not relevant here and so I am omitting.)
During the course of the return journey home or thereafter, this boy would send some brāhmaṇa friends, well-versed in mantras, to the father of the girl whom he considered suitable (for marrying). The very first mantra in our marriage is -
prasugmantā dhiyasānasya sakṣaṇivarebhiḥ varām̐ abhiṣuprasīdata |
asmākamindra ubhayaṃ jujoṣati yatsom̐yasyāndhaso bubodhati || R.V.7-7-29-1
This ṛk in short says that the groom (boy) tells his friendly brāhmaṇas to go by the shortest and easiest route to the girl's house, and request the girl's parents to agree to giving her in marriage to himself. He further states that "Indra is eager to drink the soma juice which I will be offering to Him as part of the yāgās which I will be performing along with her after our marriage." (Thus indicating his optimism about the negotiation.) It seems, it was the custom in those days for the snātaka to journey to kāśi during which he should get a proper girl, get married and start his gṛhastāśrama or else he would reach kāśi and live there unmarried.
Our present-day kāsiyāttirai during marriage is an unwanted laukīka function, therefore. But it probably continues because the groom's side get certain items from the girl's side and the whole show gives much entertainment to eager onlookers and also to the photo-, video-graphers!
If we strictly stick to a vedic ritual, this mockery of kāśiyāttirai can be done away with surely.
2. Why the Bridegroom carries either a Chapeter from Sundara Kantam or A book of Bhagavat Gita not any other book like Thirukural or Divya Prabandham, Etc? In most cases he is given a chapter from Sundara Kantam only, and what is the specific chapter selected for him?
In this part of the country (Kerala) carrying such a religious book is not mandatory, but, depending upon the whims of the elders the groom may carry some book like Narayaneeyam or even some other book held sacred.
3 Why the bridegroom is required to wear only 'pancha Katcham' ( for example during Kasi Yatra) even before the marriage when he is actually only a Brahmachari; is there any scripture/Rules anywhere, regarding the occasions in which a Brahmin boy should wear only Panchakatcham? Because the bridegroom is not required to wear Pancha Katcham during Betrothol ceremony when he is also indirectly a party accepting to marry the selected Bride.
This is a real problem, but possibly, our ancestors must have thought of avoiding dress change by the groom (from ordinary veṣṭi to pañcakaccchaṃ and by the bride from sārī/pāvāḍai & melākku to 9 yards puḍavai. Strictly speaking, the groom should wear only ordinary veṣṭi during kāśiyāttirai, imho.
4.What is significance of Sister in Law tying 2 knots after Bridegroom ties the first knot?
Three knots symbolize three different aspects of a married woman - the first knot represents her obedience to her husband, the second to his parents and the
third represents her respect for God. There may be other variations given to this.
My question is 'why Sister in Law ties the remaining two knots' why not all the knots are tied by the bridegroom himself?
I request knowledgeable members to enlighten by giving their valuable answers; thanks
tāli is not part of a vedic marriage. It is an ancient custom in the southern parts of India and can well be called a Dravidian or Tamilian custom. It probably started as a practice among the farmers/farm labourers. When a young girl was married, a piece of palm leaf was tied to a piece of string around the girl's neck; on the palm leaf bit perhaps the name of the husband was written. This was taken as notice to other males not to attack or kidnap or molest her, we don't know. (Why I say this is that years ago, the dalit women as well as some men too, of Travancore who embraced Christianity used to have such pieces of paṉaiyolai, folded like a locket and tied to their neck; a cross drawn with eḻuttāṇi will be prominently visible on this locket to outsiders.) BTW, this tāli was not there north of the vindhyas, at least till recently.
The significance of each of the knots, even the mantra "māṅgalyam tantuṉā aṉeṉa mama jīvaṉa hetuṉā" is not from veda but some verse created by someone later on. Hence if you are very particular about SIL tyng the second and third knots, possibly you can say that the SIL signifies thereby that she welcomes the bride twice as enthusiastically and affectionately as the groom.
Nowadays young people, men and women, particularly want as much of rites and rituals in every function and so they insist on kāciyāttirai, nalaṅku and so on; even north Indian girls marrying south Indian, tabra boys desire tāli. One young woman expressed the reason for these as that marriage is a once-in-a-lifetime event and so they should have maximum prominence, attention, adulation, pomp, etc., so that they can boast about the grand manner in which their marrige was conducted, even at a future date, to friends. Since the present day motto is "Celebrate your life!", "Make life a grand celebration!", "You only live once, So enjoy every moment of your life!", etc., what that girl told seems to me to be in tune with the times.
ound:
