Virginity in India

[prasad1]

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Ours is a country that still values it’s purity and likes its young men and women to be untouched before they get married. There are mothers-in-law who excel in the art of conducting the “virginity test” – a spot examination that includes going into the bedroom of a newlywed couple the morning after their first night together and checking for blood stains on the bed sheets – stains that were purportedly left by the torn hymen of a virginal bride.Of course, now, things are changing. Sex between unmarried couples is on the rise and many Indian metros are seeing men and women opting to live-in together without the bond of holy matrimony. Even amongst those who are open to sex before marriage, attitudes vary wildly – from those who see it as an expression of true and undying love to others who view it as a recreational activity between two consenting adults.


Would you marry someone who was not a virgin? - Yahoo! Lifestyle India​

 

[renuka]

Ours is a country that still values it’s purity and likes its young men and women to be untouched before they get married. There are mothers-in-law who excel in the art of conducting the “virginity test” – a spot examination that includes going into the bedroom of a newlywed couple the morning after their first night together and checking for blood stains on the bed sheets – stains that were purportedly left by the torn hymen of a virginal bride.Of course, now, things are changing. Sex between unmarried couples is on the rise and many Indian metros are seeing men and women opting to live-in together without the bond of holy matrimony. Even amongst those who are open to sex before marriage, attitudes vary wildly – from those who see it as an expression of true and undying love to others who view it as a recreational activity between two consenting adults.


Would you marry someone who was not a virgin? - Yahoo! Lifestyle India​

I dont think that virginity is always synonym with purity.
Many are virgins becos of lack of opportunity!!!LOL(just kidding).

Actually most people do not really give too much importance to all this these days as long the couple love each other.

Anyway we Indians have double standards..the ethnic Indian man even out here in Malaysia always want virgins if they are marrying and indian Hindu girl bit if they marry a non Indian they dont question the virginity status and marry non virgins.

Since I have a son and I will be a Mother In Law one day..all I would hope from my son is to marry a nice Hindu girl and the virginity status of my future daughter in law will not matter to me.

I feel virginity is a personal right of an individual to Be or Not to Be.

 

[Marvin.Naidoo1]

I guess your question should apply to both sexes. In today’s society girl’s party as hard as the guys, so would a girl marry a guy who has slept around? Today’s biggest concern should be std’s. Do you buy a car and drive it straight off the showroom floor? (joke)

 

[DR.C.NARAYANI]

hello ,i think it should be under sticky thread ,as we all come out with different opinion ,as well as tug of war?? .heading is virginity in india as i assume it to be for both the gender ,one can see this in different point of view ,ie --talking about past as it was said so many women(400 app.) commit sucide ,along with a south indian queen during or before freedom period ,as they were ordered to under go illegal activities with english men.the value should be taught right from home ,respect women ie --her relationship ,the article in yahoo ,is nice to read ONLY .& we can see this is mr .KB sir movies only ,the question continue as is it lost with the beloved one ,is it another person .be frank how many men & women will accept it when it for them .no gender biased. but nowadays people are too very smart either to hide it or to under go every thing ,accept certain level (i do not want to state certain terms with due respect to this forum )all fantasy will vanish after certain period ,who ever the people ,what ever be their country ,this lies in the individual point of view & individual person , but never lose ones own self respect (not self prestige )at any point for both gender. ( whether was it intentional ,accidental ,for fantasy ,revenge etc.), i think i had come out in very different angle. let me wait for others view .

 

[amala]

I agree that virginity is a highly personal thing and its entirely upto that individual what they get upto in their personal lives.

But i have always wondered if virginity for us Indians - is it a religious thing, or purely cultural?

 

[prasad1]

I guess your question should apply to both sexes. In today’s society girl’s party as hard as the guys, so would a girl marry a guy who has slept around? Today’s biggest concern should be std’s. Do you buy a car and drive it straight off the showroom floor? (joke)

Depends on the car.
If you are buying a special exotic cars forget the test drive, you pay a lot of money and hope the wait was worth it. LOL

But then again if you are buying a really cheap car, then you can test drive that and other cars.

Selecting a spouse has to be special.

I was just observing the changing norms. It is not a judgement.

 

[prasad1]

I agree that virginity is a highly personal thing and its entirely upto that individual what they get upto in their personal lives.

But i have always wondered if virginity for us Indians - is it a religious thing, or purely cultural?

I think in eastern culture the religious aspect is not too far. We give the seal of religion to our cultural practice and get into trouble.

The orthodox in any religion face the same problem.
The culture is ever changing and should not be linked with never changing.
[h=2]Brahma Satyam, Jagat Mithya, and Jivo Brahmaiva naparah.[/h]
Sorry to change the topic.

 

[C RAVI]

hello ,i think it should be under sticky thread ,as we all come out with different opinion ,as well as tug of war?? .heading is virginity in india as i assume it to be for both the gender ,one can see this in different point of view ,ie --talking about past as it was said so many women(400 app.) commit sucide ,along with a south indian queen during or before freedom period ,as they were ordered to under go illegal activities with english men.the value should be taught right from home ,respect women ie --her relationship ,the article in yahoo ,is nice to read ONLY .& we can see this is mr .KB sir movies only ,the question continue as is it lost with the beloved one ,is it another person .be frank how many men & women will accept it when it for them .no gender biased. but nowadays people are too very smart either to hide it or to under go every thing ,accept certain level (i do not want to state certain terms with due respect to this forum )all fantasy will vanish after certain period ,who ever the people ,what ever be their country ,this lies in the individual point of view & individual person , but never lose ones own self respect (not self prestige )at any point for both gender. ( whether was it intentional ,accidental ,for fantasy ,revenge etc.), i think i had come out in very different angle. let me wait for others view .

Well said, Dr.C.Narayani.

What I used to wonder when people say sex is the extention of Love between the lovers, is, why should they indulge in sex first of all, before marriage itself, if they truly love each other and want to marry with each other?

Is that to fulfill the lust (as mostly, love seems to be motivated by the attractive appeal of a boy and a girl) before something goes wrong and they break up or they fail to marry due parents objections?

Whether virginity is a personal choice or not, what I wonder is, whats the true meaning of true love among the most progressive, independent, realistic, rational and smart people?

Is that "only" the Lust that has formed the foundation for Love between the two?


The other thing is, does people comfort themselves in the name of love to fulfill their lust?

The last thing is, can they have sex without emotionally attached with the other and with out a legitimate marriage, that confirms the genuine acceptance of love between the two? Offcourse this question is not for those who likes and follow the concept of "live in relationship", without marriage.

All my above thoughts are considering the Indian culture alone. I have nothing to bother about the other territory, irrespective of what each individuals over their feel about it.


As far as virginity test is concerned, either by the husand or in laws, that's the most nasty and cheap mentality, for which I would have utter contempt. As far as I am concerned, it's a very very nasty thing even to ask for the virginity status of the future spouse, before one's marriage.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

In the wedding mantram for kanyaadaan they say

"ime kanya...."grand daughter of so and so etc...

May be it should be changed to include the non-virgins also

if the mantra should not prove false. :shocked:

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Can the concerned girl tell her husband that she had slept around with others-without feeling guilty or sorry or both???
She should be, if it is really a personal choice with no other consequence!

I agree that virginity is a highly personal thing and its entirely upto that individual what they get upto in their personal lives.

But i have always wondered if virginity for us Indians - is it a religious thing, or purely cultural?

 

[amala]

Smt Visalakshi,

And what about the concerned boy? Or does this guilt/sorry only apply to the bride? To be honest i dont know nor will i pretend to know the answers to the questions.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Boys should also feel guilty and sorry if they do not follow

brammacharyam. But they escape since they do not bear the brunt of

the mischief they may do. Natures leaves an indelible mark on the

girls-unless she is Kunti and automatically becomes a virgin once

again! Since when have you stopped calling me aunty my dear???

Smt Visalakshi,

And what about the concerned boy? Or does this guilt/sorry only apply to the bride? To be honest i dont know nor will i pretend to know the answers to the questions.

 

[amala]

Not aunty. You mean mami!

 

[renuka]

Can the concerned girl tell her husband that she had slept around with others-without feeling guilty or sorry or both???
She should be, if it is really a personal choice with no other consequence!

Dear Visa Ji,

Most people do not feel guilty about pre marital sex cos it was with consent and at that time they felt it was they wanted to do.

I feel may be most of us still view sex before marriage as lust and sex after marriage as love.

Its not always true.Some people just wait to get married and be uncontrollable after marriage...thats also lust.
Some even have sex addiction after marriage.

Uncontrolled desire whether its before marriage or after marriage is no different.

There is no reason to feel guilty or sorry if we are sure what we are doing.
Guilt and regret only comes in if we had done harm to someone.

I feel girls and boys these days should be careful of their sexual partners so that they dont get blackmailed(some guys/girls record their act these days) and dont land up with some STD/HIV or any unwanted pregnancy.

In my clinical practice i sometimes meet boys and girls who are indulging in pre marital sex and I advise them how to prevent STD/HIV/Unwanted pregnancy.I do not comment on their choice to have pre marital sex.

Some of my female doctor friends scold them instead and tell them not to indulge in pre marital sex but in that process leaving out the preventing STD/HIV/Unwanted pregnancy facts.

I feel sometimes preaching about morals to patients wont safe their life but preaching to them about safe sex does safe lives.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Dear Renu!

The choices left to us now are...

to save the lives killing the morals or

to save the morals killing the lives.

It is a tough choice for anyone to make!

Morals???:decision: Lives???

Yet I will rather say "Don't play with fire" :nono:

than "Play with fire safely!" :flame:

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

ya! ya! Since Mami = aunty!!!

Not aunty. You mean mami!

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu!

The choices left to us now are...

to save the lives killing the morals or

to save the morals killing the lives.

It is a tough choice for anyone to make!

Morals???:decision: Lives???

Yet I will rather say "Don't play with fire" :nono:

than "Play with fire safely!" :flame:

Dear Visa Ji,

But if we tell a person do not indulge in pre marital sex thats being judgemental on their personal choice of lifestyle.
What is right for one is wrong for another and vice versa.
Its like advising a Non Veg person to become Veg and a Veg person to become Non Veg..dont you think so?

 

[C RAVI]

Can the concerned girl tell her husband that she had slept around with others-without feeling guilty or sorry or both???
She should be, if it is really a personal choice with no other consequence!

Well said Smt. Visalakshi..

But the trend has changed now. Now a days girls are in par with guys in all the aspects. Hats off to revolution of equality in all the aspects?? In present era non virgin girls are bold and open to declare their virgin status to a guy, before marriage. Since no guy can prove their virgin or non-virgin status, their pre marital activities are out of question as their statement can not be taken for granted. So, a non-virgin girls does not hesitate to express her non virginity and are looking for a guy who either have slept around with many girls and have no botheration about his future wife's virgin status OR the guys is a "great philosopher", "gem of a person", "fair mainded", "feminist" and open minded guy who can graciously LISTEN to all the fantasies of the girl and marry her happily for ever, though he is a virgin guy.

Since the girl opts to tell her non virginity before marriage itself, to a guy, on the above grounds, there would be nothing for her to feel guilty or sorry or both, I suppose.

I only wonder as how many guys (atleast virgin guys) would be comfortable to listen to the girl, narrating her fantasies with others and losing her virginity, and still would feel happy to marry her? :noidea:

What I personally feel is, it's better for a guy to request the girl neither to narate anything about her sex life (indulged or not) nor expect him to tell her about his story, before marrying each other. It is good for them to be mindful of their married life, never bother the viriginity clues, live happily and never cheat on each other.

 

[tbs]

hi renuka,
personally i feel that many boys/girls loose their virginity emotionally in their teen age....may not be physically....thanks to tv/movies/

internet....majority of our teen age kids....manathal karpu illai,,,,i saw a billboard in USA.....VIRGIN IS NOT A SIN,,,,,same thing india,,,, we are in global village.......

 

[renuka]

Well said Smt. Visalakshi..

But the trend has changed now. Now a days girls are in par with guys in all the aspects. Hats off to revolution of equality in all the aspects?? In present era non virgin girls are bold and open to declare their virgin status to a guy, before marriage. Since no guy can prove their virgin or non-virgin status, their pre marital activities are out of question as their statement can not be taken for granted. So, a non-virgin girls does not hesitate to express her non virginity and are looking for a guy who either have slept around with many girls and have no botheration about his future wife's virgin status OR the guys is a "great philosopher", "gem of a person", "fair mainded", "feminist" and open minded guy who can graciously LISTEN to all the fantasies of the girl and marry her happily for ever, though he is a virgin guy.

Since the girl opts to tell her non virginity before marriage itself, to a guy, on the above grounds, there would be nothing for her to feel guilty or sorry or both, I suppose.

I only wonder as how many guys (atleast virgin guys) would be comfortable to listen to the girl, narrating her fantasies with others and losing her virginity, and still would feel happy to marry her? :noidea:

What I personally feel is, it's better for a guy to request the girl neither to narate anything about her sex life (indulged or not) nor expect him to tell her about his story, before marrying each other. It is good for them to be mindful of their married life, never bother the viriginity clues, live happily and never cheat on each other.

Dear Ravi,

There is no law that makes it compulsory for a girl or guy to disclose their past history to their spouses becos when all those per marital stuff happened the spouse was not yet in the picture.
Therefore it does not account to "cheating" anyone here.

No one is under oath to reveal all past history to anyone..its not as if we have to make a statutory declaration and state that this is the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Do we keep a record and tell our spouses of all the food and dishes we ate through out our life? No isnt it?
So just let all those pre marital stuff be like side dishes and forget about it and concentrate on the main dish now..thats our present spouse.

 

[ozone]

Not aunty.
You mean mami!

??
wondering how to intepret this in the absence of a punctuation?
you mean, mami!
you, mean mami!

 

[renuka]

hi renuka,
personally i feel that many boys/girls loose their virginity emotionally in their teen age....may not be physically....thanks to tv/movies/

internet....majority of our teen age kids....manathal karpu illai,,,,i saw a billboard in USA.....VIRGIN IS NOT A SIN,,,,,same thing india,,,, we are in global village.......

Dear TBS,

Losing virginity is not a new phenomenon..its was there even before.Its just that its more out in the open.

 

[sarang]

Start of a new era, BM (before marriage) and AM (after marriage).

As the behaviour of gases contradict in subsonic and supersonic conditions, actions which seemed right before marriage will appear to be wrong after marriage.

As we rush aping the west in everything, we have to go through their tribulations before we realise where we went wrong!

What I personally feel is, it's better for a guy to request the girl neither to narate anything about her sex life (indulged or not) nor expect him to tell her about his story, before marrying each other. It is good for them to be mindful of their married life, never bother the viriginity clues, live happily and never cheat on each other.

 

[C RAVI]

Dear Visa Ji,


1) I feel may be most of us still view sex before marriage as lust and sex after marriage as love.

2) Its not always true.Some people just wait to get married and be uncontrollable after marriage...thats also lust.

3) Some even have sex addiction after marriage.

4) Uncontrolled desire whether its before marriage or after marriage is no different.


5) I feel girls and boys these days should be careful of their sexual partners so that they dont get blackmailed(some guys/girls record their act these days) and dont land up with some STD/HIV or any unwanted pregnancy.

6) In my clinical practice i sometimes meet boys and girls who are indulging in pre marital sex and I advise them how to prevent STD/HIV/Unwanted pregnancy.I do not comment on their choice to have pre marital sex.

Dear Renuka,

Please corelate my replies below, with the listing 1-6, above.

1) LOVE and LUST are two different feelings. The only relationship between these two is, to see, if the LUST is due to LOVE OR LOVE is due to LUST. If LUST generates through LOVE and induces one to indulge in sexual act, the person would have the firm determination/absolute possibility of marrying his/her partner. But still its good, if they refrain from SEX, before marriage. If LOVE is due to LUST, the person would have the firm determination/courage to indulge in Sex, unmindful of marriage possibilities.


The values that each individual holds, matters in both of the above cases.


2) A LUST with one partner as one's spouse is no wrong. It can not be considered immoral. It may disturb the partner, may make the person hate the other due to over indulgence etc. But if both the espouse love each other, they can work out on it as feasible.


3) Sex addiction after marraige - The same goes, as I have explained above under no.2.


4) Uncontrolled desires before marriage is certainly different than after marriage with one's spouse. Before marriage it's unmindful of one's & furture spouse's values and natural uneassyness. Uncontrolled desires after marriage with one's legal/loving spouse is not against values and culture.

You seem to have pointed out things based on human anatomy/medical grounds and not on cultural grounds. Your explanations are perfectly fine to justify western culture....May be!!


5) & 6) Your thinking and approach is great to generate good income for you. Not only the income, the thing is, we can never preach others. That way I am with you. My only doubt is, do you have any clients here in this forum? OR the most confusing thing for me is, do you honestly advocate safe sex games before marriage and stand for it as a social cause to bring about uniformity and justice to females, atleast to the females of some what conservative India or you are just stuck with your professional thoughts here as well as Pazhakka Dosham??

 

[renuka]

Dear Renuka,

Please corelate my replies below, with the listing 1-6, above.

1) LOVE and LUST are two different feelings. The only relationship between these two is, to see, if the LUST is due to LOVE OR LOVE is due to LUST. If LUST generates through LOVE and induces one to indulge in sexual act, the person would have the firm determination/absolute possibility of marrying his/her partner. But still its good, if they refrain from SEX, before marriage. If LOVE is due to LUST, the person would have the firm determination/courage to indulge in Sex, unmindful of marriage possibilities.


The values that each individual holds, matters in both of the above cases.


2) A LUST with one partner as one's spouse is no wrong. It can not be considered immoral. It may disturb the partner, may make the person hate the other due to over indulgence etc. But if both th espouse love each other, they can work out on it as feasible.


3) Sex addiction after marraige - The same goes, as I have explained above under no.2.


4) Uncontrolled desires before marriage is certainly different than after marriage with one's spouse. Before marriage it's unmindful of one's & furture spouse's values and natural uneassyness. Uncontrolled desires after marriage with one's lega/loving spouse is not against values and culture.

You seem to have pointed out things based on human anatomy/medical grounds and not on cultural grounds. Your explanations are perfectly fine to justify western culture....May be!!


5) & 6) Your thinking and approach is great to generate good income for you. Not only the income, the thing is, we can never preach other's. That way I am with you. My only doubt is, do you have any clients here in this forum? OR the most confusing thing for me is, do you honestly advocate safe sex games before marriage and stand for it as a social cause to bring about uniformity and justice to females, atleast to the females of some what conservative India or you are just stuck with your professional thoughts here as well as Pazhakka Dosham??

Dear Ravi,

Only your point No 6 is surprising to me cos I am a doctor who keeps interest of patients first and income is just part of my job.
Money has never been the motivating factor for me even once in my life.

I dont have clients in forum but some members do send me PM's to ask about their health sometimes which I answer.

I am no feminist and I am not fighting for equal rights for females in the pre marital sex field.
I believe its a personal right of anyone and my work as a doctor is to be non judgemental and to prevent spread of disease.