Waking up Mamas Mamis, and Thathas & Pattis' with a controversial topic :-)

[tks]

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I was surprised by seemingly sudden lack of new posts in the General section in the last few days - so here is a strange topic to get you to comment on

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Source: New Study Reveals . . . Cheating Makes Your Marriage Stronger
[h=2]New Study Reveals . . . Cheating Makes Your Marriage Stronger[/h]

By MATT BETT

TURIN, Italy -- Thou shalt not commit adultery . . . unless you want a stronger marriage! According to a new study, husbands and wives who cheat on each other are more likely to stay together.

Dr. Lucielle Ostertag from the Italian Institute of Social Sciences conducted the controversial research.

"I started the analysis project to discover how damaging infidelity was to marriages," says Dr. Ostertag. "I was as surprised as everyone when the numbers proved that cheating on your spouse is actually good for your marriage."

According to the scientific survey, the more extramarital flings a couple enjoys, the more likely they are to remain together and the happier they will be.

"Some of the strongest unions I studied included spouses who each were involved in repeated extramarital affairs throughout the relationship," explains Dr. Ostertag. "My findings have turned our preconceived notion of the strength of monogamy on its head."

Christian psychologist and family values researcher Rob Hallidoy finds the study troubling. "This study is irresponsible and unsound," exclaims Hallidoy. "I don't care what her research shows, adultery simply is not good for families."

"Not every extramarital affair is good," admits Dr. Ostertag.

"Long-term relationships outside of marriage were found to be quite damaging. Also, test subjects who had flings with local townsfolk did not enjoy the marital benefits that were realized by those who had flings with people who lived far away."

Dr. Ostertag has developed a set of guidelines for those who want to try cheating as a way of making their marriage stronger.

The Long Distance Rule: Any time you are out of your own area code, it doesn't count as cheating. Even better is to be out of state. Dr. Ostertag notes the further you are away from home, the better off you are, as it increases the likelihood of not getting caught.

Don't Ask/Don't Tell: Never ask your spouse about their infidelities, and never say a word about yours. The less you both know, the better. Live guilt-free: As long as you and your spouse have an understanding that you can both cheat equally, neither of you ever has to feel any guilt about what you have done. Don't keep in touch with the people you cheat with: A one-night stand is supposed to be just that: One night of passion. Any time you try to extend it beyond that, you run the risk of hurt feelings and jealousy.

Dr. Ostertag notes that after many years of marriage, partners can grow tired of each other. "It's inevitable for some familiarity to set in. But by bringing a little variety in, with new short-term partners, you can help keep a relationship healthy and strong for many years to come."

 

[renuka]

To a great extent so called 'cheating' might actually have a Karmic reason.

Since we Hindus believe in Karma theory..may be the adultery is all about our purva janma Karmic link.

Ok now lets discuss.

Technically I wonder why the word CHEATING is used!(I seem to be loving to type in all CAPS LOCK TOO!LOL)

Cheating is when we cause a loss for someone....now in adultery..where is the loss?

The adulterer gets to gain more..he/she can have his/her cake and eat it both!

Now coming to the spouse that so called got "cheated" actually most of the while they gain!

I know a person who was cheating on his wife and to cover up his tracks he used to shower her with gifts..diamonds..holidays abroad and also extra attention in the bedroom.

So his wife had no idea that her husband was also seeing someone else and that person still manages life well.

Now if we note the human being is not really wired to be Monogamous..even in our Puranas etc we have noted that Kings just fall in love and have a liaison with any damsel in distress.

Too bad our Puranas did not have dragons that used to kidnap princesses!

Now even Arjuna the Mahabharat hero had taken many wives..wherever he went females were throwing themselves at him for example he married Ulupi when he met her and he even fell for Subhadra.

Arjuna never failed to display his skills in love and passion for women who loved him.

And the best part is he got the Bhagavad Geeta!LOL

No celibate person was given the Geeta!

So it seems that expressing ones sexuality isn't all that wrong as the saying goes.

So it might seem that 'cheating' does not actually mean.....Shot through the heart, and you're to blame, You give love a bad name



<font size="4"><strong>[video=youtube_share;KrZHPOeOxQQ]http://youtu.be/KrZHPOeOxQQ[/video]

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Sir,

Hope this column is more relevant to the topic:

The Shrinking Universe - State of affairs - by Vijay Nagasami – The Hindu

The best way to survive extra-marital affairs is not to have them.

It might seem extraordinary to you, but about a third of the couples who come to see me for couples therapy do so because one of them is having an extra-marital relationship. And every time I see the emotional pain and distress that accompany infidelity, I marvel at the amazing capacity of human beings to make their lives more difficult. For, affairs are not like illnesses. They don't just happen. We make them happen. And what's more, we actually go out of our way to make them happen.

When people ask me whether marital infidelity is a recent phenomenon, I am hard pressed to give them a clear answer. On the one hand, I know that I don't have any hard data, for, this is not the sort of information the Census Board collects (although sometimes I wish they would). However, I do know that when I started psychiatric practice over 27 years ago, people were blithely having affairs even then.

The most unlikely of people, really. People who, if you passed on the street, would give you absolutely no indication of the passion that lurked in their hearts and minds. Your average, conservative, middle-class men and, hold your breath, women, were breaking their marital vows with the same alacrity that their children and perhaps, grandchildren, are doing today.


Read more: The Shrinking Universe - State of affairs - The Hindu

 

[Raji Ram]

OP says ''According to a new study, husbands and wives who cheat on each other are more likely to stay together.''

If both are cheaters, they might live together for a long time.

But if one is sincere, that person will NEVER forgive the spouse! :nono:

Many divorces happen in India only because of adultery, imho! :nod:

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear TKS Sir,

Some of the members with fighting spirit have left the forum (to get peace of mind! :lol: )

Most of the topics happen to be 'arachcha mAvu' type. And within a few months, new members know what each veterans will write!

Some of the threads have materials not worth any discussion but are 'most viewed', because if one person views or even scrolls down
10 posts in a thread, Computer Ji adds ten views! opcorn:

It is a fact that the forum becomes a sort of boring after sometime. :yawn:

 

[renuka]

They don't just happen. We make them happen. And what's more, we actually go out of our way to make them happen.

This is not entirely true...in fact the writer is judgmental despite being a psychiatrist.

Somethings just happen..its just falling in love all over again.

Love Koi Jaane Na Limit.(Love Knows No Limit).

I have noted that many Psychiatrists actually see a patient totally from a doctor's point of view that too imposing cultural conditioning on to the patient.

I am no psychiatrist but in my general practice I do get patients who see me for many problems related to infidelity.

I never impose cultural believes on them but I do ask them how they manage a dual life.

Some say they function better when they have more than one partner and some say they find it hard to handle a dual life and then there are also the types that can compartmentalize and create 2 different worlds in their mind where at each time in their own world they manage to love each partner differently.

I do ask some if they feel guilty..some say yes and some say they dont know what is guilt cos they feel they are not hurting anyone.

So called extra marital affairs are actually complex and its not just lust gone out of control.

Some people genuinely lack the attention from a spouse and some are just addicted to the idea of a new relationship.

I once had a patient who was a nymphomaniac and would break off with any guy the moment she slept with him..she was shy to seek treatment and one fine day I found out that she was actually an orphan who lost both parents when she was a kid aged 4..so she grew up in houses of relatives..and felt that she had no one in life.

So when she liked a guy..she would also go all the way but then a fear grips her that she will lose them just like how she lost her parents..so she ditches the males after she had been with them so that she feels in control of the situation and not feel left alone.

I advised her how to get over her fear and now she is happily married.

So sometimes some people have deep childhood scars that make them insecure for many reasons..so infidelity isnt all about sex alone..sex is just an outlet obscuring an underlying problem.

So its very important for a doctor to not judge his/her patients if they want to know the full story of any situation.

 

[krish44]

not even extra marital relationships can wake up members of this forum. most have gone into deep slumber. many are

.over the hill generally. most are looking for old age homes , most unlikely place for a extra marital fling

I strongly believe you have to be young in mind to have a relationship .of course distance and discretion are called for to

make it work successfully.

the older generation had a better chance /oppurtunity to have an affair. this generation guys/gals are more transparent

and open in their relationships and marriages break at the first hint of infidelity by one mate

typical lifestyle of older generation was a pre marital affair or two before marriage and marrying the spouse parents

choose.then go thru life with a rare affair in case of most .but very few break up a marriage for an extra marital

affair.only one gets a little burnt.

only a fool would go to a doctor/priest to confess an affair.IMHO denial is the soundest policy. what say you old guys/girls?

 

[V.Balasubramani]

The best way to deal with extra marital affair is to prevent it, bcos it is considered a sin, repeat unforgiveable sin.

Here is the article which I would like to share with Members ‘on extra-marital affairs’.

An unhappy state of affairs – By Vijay Nagaswami – The Hindu.

Extra-marital affairs are as common today as they were 25 years ago. What is the best way to deal with them?

I am presently writing a series of books about different aspects of marriage and the one that seems to have aroused the largest interest and promises to be a bestseller even before it is written is the third book of the New Indian Marriage series, which will be about extra-marital relationships. The interest is sustained, even when I clarify that the book is not about how to have affairs, but how to survive them. In the last 25 years that I have worked with couples, I have seen an extraordinary variety of extra-marital relationships. And, believe me, even 25 years ago, they happened with the same intensity and frequency as they do today. The only difference is that there used to be a lot of clandestine skulking around then and paramours tended to be more discreet. Today, however, affairs are more in-your-face and more brazenly conducted. It’s easier to have an affair nowadays what with the kind of technology (mobile telephony, Internet chats and the like) available at one’s disposal, but interestingly enough, it’s the same technology that causes affairs to be exposed — the spouse accidentally stumbles across a particularly torrid text message or a carelessly mislaid chat transcript on the family computer and so on. Extra-marital affairs invariably get discovered and leave in their wake considerable emotional suffering and scarring in the minds of a whole lot of people. The amount of emotional energy that gets locked into the resolution of an affair is quite astronomical and one often wonders whether affairs are really worth the trouble. But apparently people seem to think they are, otherwise why would they be falling over themselves to have one of their own?

Read More: An unhappy state of affairs - The Hindu

BTW is the extra marital affairs are really worth the trouble????

 

[krish44]

vijai nagaswami can conduct a upanyasam on this subject for old TBs.

extra marital affairs are worth having . thats why people have them.

getting caught is just bad luck.

but what prevents one being discreet , I do not understand

TBs lack basically enterprise.

they deserve lectures from likes of vijai nagasami

 

[V.Balasubramani]

One can now understand why there are so many cases seeking divorce filed in the Court and more instances of break in marriages? Why there are so many suicides among the young couple?

One can be enterprising in business, career, profession, etc, but exhibition of quality of enterprising in married life by going in for extra marital affairs, will certainly see to the damages in personal life mostly irreparable.

After committing a marriage, a deliberate affair with someone else is considered as a 'sin' indeed and adultery is unforgivable.

Wise ones lead a disciplined life and enjoy happiness throughout and move from good to great!! No drifting from the well established principles of happy married life. While there are few who mostly turn deaf ear to wise upanyasams, lead a life driven by unbridled desire and land in trouble and destruction. We have been seeing such things in everyday life. May be, they are yet to learn lessons!!!

 

[tks]

OP says ''According to a new study, husbands and wives who cheat on each other are more likely to stay together.''

If both are cheaters, they might live together for a long time.

But if one is sincere, that person will NEVER forgive the spouse! :nono:

Many divorces happen in India only because of adultery, imho! :nod:

When I was growing up I never knew anyone who was divorced.
If affairs were going on in private no one knew. I suspect nothing was happening because there is limited privacy to begin with.
The most adultery that happened those days could have happened in one's imagination and fantasy only.

I guess the world in India has changed today.

I personally do not know anyone (in USA or India) who was or is cheating on their spouse .

I do know a few American friends who love to hang out with the 'boys' and sport in the pleasure of receiving lap dances now and then obviously without the knowledge of their spouse. I suspect the spouse (s) may be visiting similar joints which has male dancers

 

[tks]

not even extra marital relationships can wake up members of this forum. most have gone into deep slumber. many are

.over the hill generally. most are looking for old age homes , most unlikely place for a extra marital fling

I strongly believe you have to be young in mind to have a relationship .of course distance and discretion are called for to

make it work successfully.

the older generation had a better chance /oppurtunity to have an affair. this generation guys/gals are more transparent

and open in their relationships and marriages break at the first hint of infidelity by one mate

typical lifestyle of older generation was a pre marital affair or two before marriage and marrying the spouse parents

choose.then go thru life with a rare affair in case of most .but very few break up a marriage for an extra marital

affair.only one gets a little burnt.

only a fool would go to a doctor/priest to confess an affair.IMHO denial is the soundest policy. what say you old guys/girls?

In America, the second childhood is also seemingly time for second sexual revolution.

Here is some clipping from a recent article about aging Americans in nursing homes engaging in affairs and propagating STD in alarming numbers

========================

Source:
STDs, Sexually Transmitted Disease, Retirees, Senior Citizens - AARP



Copy and paste of just the first page
===========================

Seniors' Sex Lives Are Up — and So Are STD Cases Around the Country


Infections especially high in states with many retirees


by: Marni Jameson, from: Orlando Sentinel, May 17, 2011

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Across the nation, and especially in communities that attract a lot of older Americans, the free-love generation is continuing to enjoy an active — if not always healthy — sex life.

Sign-up for AARP's Health newsletter.

At a stage in life when many would expect sexually transmitted diseases to be waning, aging baby boomers are once again busting stereotypes, setting records and breaking rules.



Seniors, Sex & STDs

STD rates are climbing among people 55 and older. — Getty Images/ Flickr RF

AARP's Inside E Streetreports on the rise of STDs among older adults and visits with a group of Miami Beach retirees who produced a safe sex video.

• Sex and the Seniors.Watch

In the five years from 2005 to 2009, the number of reported cases ofsyphilis and chlamydia among those 55 and older increased 43 percent, according to an Orlando Sentinel analysis of data provided by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

In the Sunbelt where retirees have formed large communities, the rise was even more dramatic.

For instance, in Arizona's Maricopa and Pima counties — home to large retirement communities just outside Phoenix — the percent of reported cases of syphilis and chlamydia increased twice as fast as the national average from 2005 to 2009. Reported cases were up 87 percent among those 55 and older in those counties.

In Central Florida, where The Villages and other retirement communities sprawl across several counties, reported cases of syphilis and chlamydia increased 71 percent among those 55 and older in that same period. And South Florida saw a 60 percent rise in those two sexually transmitted infections among the same age group, according to the Florida Department of Health.




In the News


See "In the News" for more on current events, entertainment and how it all relates to you







In Riverside County, Calif., home to retirement mecca Palm Springs, reported cases were up 50 percent over the five-year span, according to data from that county's health department.

The reported cases of syphilis and chlamydia among older adults outpaced the nation's average, according to the analysis. Among all age groups nationwide, reported cases of syphilis increased 60 percent between 2005 and 2009, while in the 55 to 64 age group it increased 70 percent. Meanwhile, the incidences of chlamydia rose 27 percent among all ages, and double that among those age 55 to 64.

As a result of the national trend among seniors, Medicare is considering providing coverage for STD screenings for seniors. In March, the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid office announced that it was looking into adding STD exams to the national health-insurance program, which already pays for HIV screenings. Medicare also is weighing the benefits of paying for behavioral counseling for sexually active seniors.

Next: Why STD rates are on the rise. >>

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[renuka]

only a fool would go to a doctor/priest to confess an affair.IMHO denial is the soundest policy. what say you old guys/girls?

????

I get so many patients confessing their extra marital affairs and come for a regular STD and HIV profile blood screening.

It is worth while letting your doctor know everything relevant cos a doctors advise can help save lives.

For those woman who are having extra marital affairs..I usually advise them regular twice a year pap smear screening to detect cervical cancer and screening and immunization (if still young) against human papilloma virus.

So in this case denial is not really the best policy.

Now coming to main topic..only a fool would break up his/her marriage for an extra marital affair..cos a smart person will know how to multitask so that he/she keeps the spouse and the lover happy.

Partly the extra marital affair is more arousing cos we are not committed to the lover in legal way..we dont stay with the lover..so we never get to see the "true" side of a lover..but we stay with a spouse..have kids..stress of work..stress of marriage..and dealing with each others tantrums ..even though we might actually love our spouses but there is much more to deal with when we are married.

But with a part time lover..that hassle is not there..its just quality time to spend in love.

So that way relatively an extra marital affair seems like an outlet for a married life.

But if we were to divorce our spouse and marry our lover..then the whole relationship is back to square one again..that is its back to marriage.

One needs to be very clear from the start that an affair will remain an affair and not escalate into marriage..if the feelings of marriage arise..then its time to break off with lover..go home spend time with spouse and then after a recovery phase..look for a new lover again!LOL

"Moral" of the story if any! LOL (pun intended)..Marriage is for the keeps and extra marital flings are for fun.


Just to add..these days the Universal trend seems to be married people are having affairs with another married person..for example a married man has an affair with another married woman..and not with a single person who is unmarried or divorced...cos the problem starts when one partner is single..the single person would be looking for a commitment and if things go wrong black mail/revenge takes place and it might actually break up the marriage of the married person.

So in cases where both adulterers are married..both do not have the desire to get married cos they are already in a marriage with their respective spouse and both can't take revenge or blackmail each other cos than the cat will be out of the bag for both..its a "If you tell..I will tell" situation.

Disclaimer:This Post is just for fun's sake and I would not be responsible if anyone were to actually follow this!LOL

Enjoy this song:..Part Time Lover.

[video=youtube_share;rCBGKzpxsBU]http://youtu.be/rCBGKzpxsBU[/video]

 

[krish44]

????

I get so many patients confessing their extra marital affairs and come for a regular STD and HIV profile blood screening.

It is worth while letting your doctor know everything relevant cos a doctors advise can help save lives.

For those woman who are having extra marital affairs..I usually advise them regular twice a year pap smear screening to detect cervical cancer and screening and immunization (if still young) against human papilloma virus.

So in this case denial is not really the best policy.

Now coming to main topic..only a fool would break up his/her marriage for an extra marital affair..cos a smart person will know how to multitask so that he/she keeps the spouse and the lover happy.

Partly the extra marital affair is more arousing cos we are not committed to the lover in legal way..we dont stay with the lover..so we never get to see the "true" side of a lover..but we stay with a spouse..have kids..stress of work..stress of marriage..and dealing with each others tantrums ..even though we might actually love our spouses but there is much more to deal with when we are married.

But with a part time lover..that hassle is not there..its just quality time to spend in love.

So that way relatively an extra marital affair seems like an outlet for a married life.

But if we were to divorce our spouse and marry our lover..then the whole relationship is back to square one again..that is its back to marriage.

One needs to be very clear from the start that an affair will remain an affair and not escalate into marriage..if the feelings of marriage arise..then its time to break off with lover..go home spend time with spouse and then after a recovery phase..look for a new lover again!LOL

"Moral" of the story if any! LOL (pun intended)..Marriage is for the keeps and extra marital flings are for fun.


Just to add..these days the Universal trend seems to be married people are having affairs with another married person..for example a married man has an affair with another married woman..and not with a single person who is unmarried or divorced...cos the problem starts when one partner is single..the single person would be looking for a commitment and if things go wrong black mail/revenge takes place and it might actually break up the marriage of the married person.

So in cases where both adulterers are married..both do not have the desire to get married cos they are already in a marriage with their respective spouse and both can't take revenge or blackmail each other cos than the cat will be out of the bag for both..its a "If you tell..I will tell" situation.

Disclaimer:This Post is just for fun's sake and I would not be responsible if anyone were to actually follow this!LOL

Enjoy this song:..Part Time Lover.

[video=youtube_share;rCBGKzpxsBU]http://youtu.be/rCBGKzpxsBU[/video]

Itmight be wise to have a test for STD or HIV before getting married.unprotected sex is always a hazard.post marriage, it is only a rare event to have a one night stand.may be once or so.one has to be careful about it.

one does not use too much brains while having an affair.ifboth are married , perhaps one does not get deeply involved.
affairs are a matter of chance. not plotted really.

advise see sharukh khan in kank. he gives up the wife for the other woman breaking up two marriages

 

[renuka]

Dear Krish ji,

Those who are systematic plan their lives.

I even plan my daily menu one weekends and follow that planned menu for the whole week.

I also plan almost everything in life like a time table...and also have a back up plan!(note: I am talking about day to day life within the codes of moral conduct)

So you see some are expert planners and if Plan A does not work there is always Plan B!LOL

BTW movies have to show 2 people getting together or 2 people dying becos of love..otherwise the movie wont sell.

No one will make a movie about a hardcore planning freak planning all his/her affairs and marriage!LOL

 

[V.Balasubramani]

The worst thing one can do in the world is to lie or cheat someone you love for ever.

Seeking extra material affairs is something like yearning for Kamarkat while you have ladhu!!

I fail to understand why some are unwilling to maintain discipline in personal life knowing fully the serious consequences such acts.

While we talk about Sharukh khan, it is right time to mention about M.R. Radha’s ‘Ratta Kanneer’. Let it be an eye opener for those who yearn or advocate extra marital affairs, either for fun, luck, chance, fortune, enterprising, etc The ultimate result is, one with wicked thoughts for lechery, need to pay the penalty.

I just remember the quote :
English Translation of Sanskrit Quote:

"Irrigators direct the water, Fletchers fashion the shaft, Carpenters bend the wood,
The wise control themselves".

 

[krish44]

Dear Krish ji,

Those who are systematic plan their lives.

I even plan my daily menu one weekends and follow that planned menu for the whole week.

I also plan almost everything in life like a time table...and also have a back up plan!(note: I am talking about day to day life within the codes of moral conduct)

So you see some are expert planners and if Plan A does not work there is always Plan B!LOL

BTW movies have to show 2 people getting together or 2 people dying becos of love..otherwise the movie wont sell.

No one will make a movie about a hardcore planning freak planning all his/her affairs and marriage!LOL

dear renukaji
God how can you plan an affair

one plans only married life day today routine with planA and B and moral codes of conduct

Affairs are not pre meditated. There is no morality or binding . only two individuals getting away from the rut of

disciplined living and be liberated souls in company of another fora few hours/days of happiness. sex is one part of the

togetherness. as long as the relationship is a mutual need , it is good for both. this is all one night stands are all about


movies only reflect actual living only.. a bit exaggerated .

modern living has got very harsh and compilicated .there is a need for escape routes for all. one night stands are only

that and nothing more

moral of the story- have a planned marriage and unplanned affair to be healthy , wealthy and wise.LOL

 

[Vaagmi]

There is nothing hard and fast about being faithful to a partner. It varies for individual cases. If both have promised to each other at the time of marriage that they would stay together through thick and thin and sick and sin then they should not renege on that promise. If they had promised to stay together through thick and thin whenever convenient and go their own way when they wanted, it is ok to have a fling outside marriage. I agree with RR's views on this. Most of these extramarital affairs just happen. They are not planned expeditions. They just happen when you are swept off your feet. No need for any guilt feeling if your spouse is also a free soul. Marriage and loyalty to the spouse are all societal imperatives and are not basic to human living. If you want to avoid bastard children and frivolous claims to your property which can lead to anarchy, stick to your spouse and live within the society. You can even go for a chinnaveedu and maintain it if you can living within the society. After all as Jayakanthan once said, our sastras instruct us to offer tharpanam to "unknown" ancestors too and we do that on every tharpanam day. If you have the age and resources on your side go about picking as many relationships as you want. Only be careful about STD including HIV. LOL.

 

[Raji Ram]

....... If you have the age and resources on your side go about picking as many relationships as you want. Only be careful about STD including HIV. LOL.

idhenna kOdumai, Vaagmi Sir!

What an advice in Tamilbrahmin forum!! :dizzy:

 

[renuka]

dear renukaji
God how can you plan an affair

one plans only married life day today routine with planA and B and moral codes of conduct

Affairs are not pre meditated. There is no morality or binding . only two individuals getting away from the rut of

disciplined living and be liberated souls in company of another fora few hours/days of happiness. sex is one part of the

togetherness. as long as the relationship is a mutual need , it is good for both. this is all one night stands are all about

Dear Krish ji,

Let me explain a little bit more...Ok you are right that affairs happen..thats no doubt about that..there is no planning there but after the affair starts that is where planning begins so that one can balance both worlds.That is the planning I was talking about.I hope its clearer now.

Usually males are not that good at multitasking and end up being caught!LOL

cos partly the male has an ego that makes him feel that he is entitled to sow his seeds in a suitable field(Kshetra) and he feels he is the knower of each field (Kshetrajna)

Further more society does not really label males that much and a cheating male is still considered a stud and people might actually blame the wife for not being a good enough wife or a nagging wife and that lead her "poor" husband have an affair...or a wife who does not share his passion or interest in life or who is not his intellectual equal.. what I call the Sindhu Bhairavi Syndrome.

All these makes a male sort of lax in maintaining proper firewall and security in his marriage and extra marital liaisons and he ends up getting caught and faces consequences.

Now coming to females..females are expert at multitasking cos a female is wired to be a mother too.

A female also knows that society will view her harshly if she is caught having an extra marital affair and she knows that she will be called a B***h.

A husband will never be blamed if a wife has an affair..everyone will only blame a woman.

So becos of this females are extra careful when having extra marital affairs and take all precautions to prevent an unwanted pregnancy and STD/HIV.

So far among the adulterer patients I have treated for STD..mostly they are males cos as I mentioned earlier they tend to take things lightly cos of lack of society pressure on males when it comes to code of morals.

The female adulterers on the other hand are discreet and manage well and can even ditch their part time lovers anytime if they fear their husbands might get a whiff.

So you see somehow females are better in planning than males!LOL

 

[krish44]

Dear Krish ji,

Let me explain a little bit more...Ok you are right that affairs happen..thats no doubt about that..there is no planning there but after the affair starts that is where planning begins so that one can balance both worlds.That is the planning I was talking about.I hope its clearer now.

Usually males are not that good at multitasking and end up being caught!LOL

cos partly the male has an ego that makes him feel that he is entitled to sow his seeds in a suitable field(Kshetra) and he feels he is the knower of each field (Kshetrajna)

Further more society does not really label males that much and a cheating male is still considered a stud and people might actually blame the wife for not being a good enough wife or a nagging wife and that lead her "poor" husband have an affair...or a wife who does not share his passion or interest in life or who is not his intellectual equal.. what I call the Sindhu Bhairavi Syndrome.

All these makes a male sort of lax in maintaining proper firewall and security in his marriage and extra marital liaisons and he ends up getting caught and faces consequences.

Now coming to females..females are expert at multitasking cos a female is wired to be a mother too.

A female also knows that society will view her harshly if she is caught having an extra marital affair and she knows that she will be called a B***h.

A husband will never be blamed if a wife has an affair..everyone will only blame a woman.

So becos of this females are extra careful when having extra marital affairs and take all precautions to prevent an unwanted pregnancy and STD/HIV.

So far among the adulterer patients I have treated for STD..mostly they are males cos as I mentioned earlier they tend to take things lightly cos of lack of society pressure on males when it comes to code of morals.

The female adulterers on the other hand are discreet and manage well and can even ditch their part time lovers anytime if they fear their husbands might get a whiff.

So you see somehow females are better in planning than males!LOL

you are wasting too much time analysing and need for planning in extra marital affair

something amateurish.

affairs are casually had. no one including ladies .

really plans. it is only a one night stand. it is a relationship without a future.

after a couple of transactions one normally lays off unless on wants to get hurt or cause damage to oneself or the lady

in a relationship. it is only a friendship with a bit of sex thrown in.usually it is protected sex.it is as harmless as flirting

it is sensible to be casual about it and move on in life. even here it is give and take like every relationship.In this

relationship both parties know. there is no future. it is only a temporary need.

most of TBs are conventional .they will not accept a casual relationship.

lifestyles are changing . so are views on monogamous marriages and extra marital relationships.

with materialism and high pressure iiving ideas of tight and stifllng relationships are giving place to escape mechanisms

of various sorts. extra marital escapade planned or unplanned is one avenue for easy pleasure and some happiness.

it is anyway not conventional TB cup of coffee. they are ok with tamil brahmin ladies of high virtues who will strictlly keep them in check talking of morality and religion.LOL

 

[biswa]

The forum now has a banner ad right in the middle saying "Did your wife cheat? 7 deadly mistakes men make when the wife cheats."

Sounds kind of sinister.

 

[renuka]

Answers in blue.

most of TBs are conventional .they will not accept a casual relationship.

Never underestimate anyone TB or not TB.
Testosterone & Estrogen is like "Maya"..none of us really know how it works.

it is anyway not conventional TB cup of coffee. they are ok with tamil brahmin ladies of high virtues who will strictlly keep them in check talking of morality and religion.LOL

That is for wife material..everyone wants a wife with high moral virtues.BTW I dont 100% trust a person who keeps talking about virtues..sometimes its a good cover up job!LOL
Just like some closet gays actually become very anti gay outwardly cos they cant deal with their feelings and also try to cover up their tracks.




BTW I guess you havent come across people who having extra marital affairs..cos its not as casual at it seems at times..its a cool calculated situation at times and some actually do fall on love too and maintain a dual life..loving 2 people in their lives.

 

[krish44]

Answers in blue.

dear renukaji
My opinion of TBs might be coloured due to my background and my views on brahmins are based on what TB ladies and

men project themselves as.Some may be engaging in double talk and painting the town red .

I have a north indian brahmin friend who is in a relationship with tamil widow with married daughters and who was lonely after her husband passed away.

She is his companion in all his business trips out of station. He has according to him found a perfect match. It has

lasted three years. he has maintained a good family life. he is a decent family man.


He got his son married recently. A decent dual life. He loves his wife also. you are correct. he says he loves both ladies.LOL

 

[Raji Ram]

The forum now has a banner ad right in the middle saying "Did your wife cheat? 7 deadly mistakes men make when the wife cheats."

Sounds kind of sinister.

May be you are using Google chrome!

I searched for flights from Chennai to Coimbatore a few days back.

Now whenever I open forum, an ad appears for cheap flights from Chennai to Coimbatore!!