What is enough? Can I stop dreaming?

[Servall]

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What is enough and can I stop dreaming?

I have been looking back at my life and sort of taking stock of my aspirations, struggles, accomplishments, and mile stones…..

It has been a long struggle but as a family unit both myself and my wife are very proud of what we have achieved in our life, wherever we live(d).

Lot of people have inspired me and my wife through the years, and wouldn’t be where I am today but for them…and I gratefully acknowledge their contribution to our well-being. I am at the cross roads of my life; not quite ready to retire, but as I look back, I can not help but think ‘isn’t this enough’? The kids are grown up, I and the spouse are still working, economically well off, “How much is enough”? What is next? What once was the ‘American dream’ isn’t all that rosy now.
Dreams shape all our lives; but this one got me this morning.

We are no longer happy as soon as we wish to be happier. Landor ​

We could be happy with what we have, why try being happier?

Am I being too unrealistic and naïve? Am I being sappy and inept to pursue what other prospects might otherwise be out there for me to enjoy? Or should I be contended and be happy with whatever I have?

நல்ல தாயும் தந்தையும் கொடுத்தாய்
நல்ல மனைவி மக்கள் கொடுத்தாய்
நோயின்றி வுடல் கொடுத்தாய்
எல்லாம் கொடுத்தாய் இறைவா
ஏன் போதுமென்ற மனம் கொடுக்கவில்லை

 

[Yamaka]

Hello Servall:

I assume that you are in the US since you talked about your "American Dream".

Probably, I am also in your State of Mind at the age of 60. Officially at 66 I can retire and "live happily thereafter"! Lol

Since my wife and I enjoy our professions, we may go on much longer than 66 till hit by a major health problem.

We work not for income sake at this stage of our life... even if the income stops today, we may continue to work till the health fails. The key is our EGO and what we can do to satisfy it in a good sense... I don't like being egomaniac. But, EGO is what's driving us to go to newer heights, I believe.

The bottomline is ARE we happy doing what we are doing now? I should say YES.

My suggestion to you is

1) If you enjoy what you do, keep doing till the health fails.
2) If not, retire and do full time volunteer job either in the US or in India in an area you love the most.
3) Or travel the world and watch how civilizations flourish in exotic places.
4) Or becoming a full time ACTIVIST in politics or whatever.

Love to hear from other 60 year olds....

ps. I am a very happy bloke always challenging myself... and getting into controversial problems for the heck of it! Lol

 

[Servall]

Dear Yamaka:

Thanks for the candid response.

My suggestion to you is

1) If you enjoy what you do, keep doing till the health fails.
2) If not, retire and do full time volunteer job either in the US or in India in an area you love the most.
3) Or travel the world and watch how civilizations flourish in exotic places.
4) Or becoming a full time ACTIVIST in politics or whatever.

Perhaps I was not explicit with my questions. I was not really concerned how I was going to spend time after retirement; I and my wife have some plans that includes some of your suggestions but I was more concerned with the state of our minds!! I wouldnt say both of us are terribly thrilled with what we are doing by way of profession; but the money is good and as the old adage goes 'why fix something if it aint broken'!!

But, EGO is what's driving us to go to newer heights, I believe.

So it is not our ego that would make us pursue with our careers but the uncertainty of the future. we could plan till we are blue but a phone call could put an end to all our dreams and plans, economically and everything else. My question is, if we are reasonably happy why bother trying to be happier not knowing what holds for all of us tomorrow. This question is age old but is there someone who can convince me that what we have today is all enough and they have been successful to have made decisions not to pursue trying to be 'happier'? Not sure if my question is clear, but hope it makes some sense.

 

[renuka]

Dear Yamaka:

Thanks for the candid response.



Perhaps I was not explicit with my questions. I was not really concerned how I was going to spend time after retirement; I and my wife have some plans that includes some of your suggestions but I was more concerned with the state of our minds!! I wouldnt say both of us are terribly thrilled with what we are doing by way of profession; but the money is good and as the old adage goes 'why fix something if it aint broken'!!



So it is not our ego that would make us pursue with our careers but the uncertainty of the future. we could plan till we are blue but a phone call could put an end to all our dreams and plans, economically and everything else. My question is, if we are reasonably happy why bother trying to be happier not knowing what holds for all of us tomorrow. This question is age old but is there someone who can convince me that what we have today is all enough and they have been successful to have made decisions not to pursue trying to be 'happier'? Not sure if my question is clear, but hope it makes some sense.

I have seen my dad post retirement plan..he started his own Human Resource Consultancy and ran his own training programmes for a while.
He keeps himself busy on weekends taking religious classes for kids and also adults.

I see he keeps himself busy reading and also writing books..he is into his 3rd book and he also watches football on TVregularly.

I never hear him talking about his state of mind..whenever he feels he needs to unwind he takes a flight to India for prayers.

I feel the trick is not to stop and think what our state of mind will be.
Just live for the day.None of us really know tomorrow.

BTW can we really measure Happiness? Happiness is a state of Mind I feel and there is no scale yet to measure happiness.

Sorrow is absence of Happiness.Happiness is the yardstick to measure sorrow but Happiness is our innate nature so I feel there is not state such as happy,happier and happiest unless we are measuring it in the material scale.

 

[Yamaka]

Dear Servall:

"I was more concerned with the state of our minds!! I wouldnt say both of us are terribly thrilled with what we are doing by way of profession; but the money is good and as the old adage goes 'why fix something if it aint broken'!!"

"Oh Our State of Minds".... our mind is a complicated beast, a Monkey.. it has the potential to worry about things that we don't have... even if we have what we wanted in our younger age, once we have it, then the "monkey of our mind" jumps to something else!

Again, I am coming back to "EGO"... this can be taken as positive attribute... you scale the mountain of desire as far as you can go.. until your health gives up.. when the energy and enthusiasm is not there anymore!

This is again an Individual's Ego, his/her Energy and Enthusiasm, which can vary widely among people.

I also like the old adage "Why fix something if it aint broken"!

Breaking point is your health, energy & enthusiasm, I would posit.


"My question is, if we are reasonably happy why bother trying to be happier not knowing what holds for all of us tomorrow. This question is age old but is there someone who can convince me that what we have today is all enough and they have been successful to have made decisions not to pursue trying to be 'happier'? Not sure if my question is clear, but hope it makes some sense."

If you don't want to be happier, then where's the need to change anything at all?

Yes, with all our knowledge and expertise, we just can't predict our future... our foresight is very very bad... accidents can, and will happen: Life will be lost tomorrow or any day.

The bottom line is "Are you enjoying the days you live?". In our case, I say "YES".

I say, "Life is short, and so play hard!",, whatever that means!

Enjoy your life to the fullest extend possible.

Cheers.

 

[B.Krishnamurthy]

When I was to retire in August 91 from Govt of India,I was not financially sound. Though I started earning from 1954,I had to finance the marriage of my four younger sisters and also give financial support to my first(eldest)sister who did not have a happy married life but had to bring up three kids without any regular income.I could start saving for my kids only from 1975.


In 1991,two of my daughters were to be married.My son was doing his Diploma in 'Electronics"(final year).My bosses were always very sympathetic to me.They really wanted to help me by recommending my name for good jobs on deputation.Every time,I could not accept the offer for some domestic reason.Finally at the time of retirement,they recommended my name for deputation as 'UN Specialist' at Rangoon.There was no competition and I could have got the assignment initially for 2 years (the remuneration offered was $4500 tax free with family or $3600 tax free without family.).I refused the offer as I was having two daughters unmarried.My bosses were very much annoyed with me.
Somehow I managed to get my two daughters married in 1993 and 1995.My son joined second year Engineering in 1992-1993 and was
finishing his final year B.E in May,1995.For my last daughter's marriage in 1995,I did not feel like disposing off my little investments,raised loan on the security of my house in Chennai paying interest at 21% as I was confidant that I will be able to pay back the loan within 18 months.To day when I look back,My decision not to accept the foreign assignment has not affected me financially or otherwise.All my children are well settled and I share my pension income with my Children and extend monetary help to those needy persons who happen to come into contact with me.I think 'contentment'is very much required at all times in our lives.
I have read that'Happiness" of the general public is taken into 'GDP' calculation in BHUTAN.

Once you become aged,it is not your or spouses happiness that matters.You are more affected by what happens to your children.

 

[subbudu1]

When I was to retire in August 91 from Govt of India,I was not financially sound. Though I started earning from 1954,I had to finance the marriage of my four younger sisters and also give financial support to my first(eldest)sister who did not have a happy married life but had to bring up three kids without any regular income.I could start saving for my kids only from 1975.


In 1991,two of my daughters were to be married.My son was doing his Diploma in 'Electronics"(final year).My bosses were always very sympathetic to me.They really wanted to help me by recommending my name for good jobs on deputation.Every time,I could not accept the offer for some domestic reason.Finally at the time of retirement,they recommended my name for deputation as 'UN Specialist' at Rangoon.There was no competition and I could have got the assignment initially for 2 years (the remuneration offered was $4500 tax free with family or $3600 tax free without family.).I refused the offer as I was having two daughters unmarried.My bosses were very much annoyed with me.
Somehow I managed to get my two daughters married in 1993 and 1995.My son joined second year Engineering in 1992-1993 and was
finishing his final year B.E in May,1995.For my last daughter's marriage in 1995,I did not feel like disposing off my little investments,raised loan on the security of my house in Chennai paying interest at 21% as I was confidant that I will be able to pay back the loan within 18 months.To day when I look back,My decision not to accept the foreign assignment has not affected me financially or otherwise.All my children are well settled and I share my pension income with my Children and extend monetary help to those needy persons who happen to come into contact with me.I think 'contentment'is very much required at all times in our lives.
I have read that'Happiness" of the general public is taken into 'GDP' calculation in BHUTAN.

Once you become aged,it is not your or spouses happiness that matters.You are more affected by what happens to your children.

Very well said , you have echoed my feelings here.

 

[N.R.Ranganathan]

Posts no.s 4 and 6 . I like these two.

Happiness is a state of mind, money or no money ,comforts or no comforts,

Do not bring the past to the present because the present will become the future
and the future will never be.

Live in the now.

 

[prasad1]

Kabir Das said:

Sayeen Itna Deejiye, Ja MeinKutumb Samaye
Main Bhi Bhookha Na Rahun, Sadhu Na Bhookha Jaye ​

Translation
God, give me so, so much wealth, that my community is fed
I don't remain hungry, the Sadhu does not go hungry ​

Meaning​

Kabir asks God for wealth, abundance. He asks that his community is fed, hedoes not starve and the visiting Sadhu (holy man) does not go hungry. He doesnot ask for a mansion, a mercedes or millions in a swiss bank account!

 

[kunjuppu]

When I was to retire in August 91 from Govt of India,I was not financially sound. Though I started earning from 1954,I had to finance the marriage of my four younger sisters and also give financial support to my first(eldest)sister who did not have a happy married life but had to bring up three kids without any regular income.I could start saving for my kids only from 1975.


In 1991,two of my daughters were to be married.My son was doing his Diploma in 'Electronics"(final year).My bosses were always very sympathetic to me.They really wanted to help me by recommending my name for good jobs on deputation.Every time,I could not accept the offer for some domestic reason.Finally at the time of retirement,they recommended my name for deputation as 'UN Specialist' at Rangoon.There was no competition and I could have got the assignment initially for 2 years (the remuneration offered was $4500 tax free with family or $3600 tax free without family.).I refused the offer as I was having two daughters unmarried.My bosses were very much annoyed with me.
Somehow I managed to get my two daughters married in 1993 and 1995.My son joined second year Engineering in 1992-1993 and was
finishing his final year B.E in May,1995.For my last daughter's marriage in 1995,I did not feel like disposing off my little investments,raised loan on the security of my house in Chennai paying interest at 21% as I was confidant that I will be able to pay back the loan within 18 months.To day when I look back,My decision not to accept the foreign assignment has not affected me financially or otherwise.All my children are well settled and I share my pension income with my Children and extend monetary help to those needy persons who happen to come into contact with me.I think 'contentment'is very much required at all times in our lives.
I have read that'Happiness" of the general public is taken into 'GDP' calculation in BHUTAN.

Once you become aged,it is not your or spouses happiness that matters.You are more affected by what happens to your children.

excellent BK. hats off to you.

i dont know if i would have done anywhere as well as you, considering all the responsibilities that you undertook.

i think, it is unrealistic even to expect our children to think of family and extend help the way the previous generation did. this is your grand children's generation i am talking about.

it is not that they are self centred. it is that the world has changed. today, one feel different, ie why not take up the job in rangoon, and get the money upfront for the weddiing. thanks to internet, easy flying i can hop on, off to chennai at 24 hours' notice.

one cannot fathom the changes that has been brought about - by internet, instant communication,cheap air travel and the shedding of inhibitions against trying something new.

BK, i bow before you.



ps. money self sufficiency beyond the necessities, i think, is more a state of the mind. one is only rich (or poor) as he thinks. a wisely managed 1000 rupees goes a longer way, than a squandered one crore.

 

[Servall]

Mr. B.K.

I could have got the assignment initially for 2 years (the remuneration offered was $4500 tax free with family or $3600 tax free without family.).I refused the offer as I was having two daughters unmarried.My bosses were very much annoyed with me.

well said Mr. B.K. This is the type of inspiration that I was looking for. When the opportunity knocked at your door step and the job was yours, you walked away from it because you had other priorities in your life!! I agree with Mr. K. as well, today you may have made that choice differently, you may have taken it and it would have been the right choice, but the fact that you walked away from it then, shows your courage.

I dont think there are not too many people out there like Mr. B.K.!!

 

[prasad1]

Gnana is true wealth

Sage Yajnavalkya had two wives — Maitreyi and Katyayani. The former was interested in scholarly matters and the latter was always pre-occupied with running the household. One day, the sage decided to renounce the worldly life and take to sanyasa.
As rules stipulate that a man who wishes to renounce the worldly life must seek the permission of his wife, the sage approached Maitreyi and asked her whether she had any objection to letting him become a sanyasi.
Yajnavalkya told her that he had decided to divide his property into two, to be shared equally by her and Katyayani.
Superior happiness
Maitreyi wanted to know what Yajnavalkya hoped to gain through sanyasa. Every man sought happiness. Would the state of renunciation give him more joy? If so, she too wanted that joy. She said she craved for that superior happiness.
Maitreyi further told him that she had no interest in his property whatsoever. Could his property help one attain moksha? It could not. All she wanted was gnana, which would lead her to moksha.
Thus, Maitreyi showed to the world that gnana is the only wealth a man should desire, said Goda Venkateswara Sastrigal.
Huge wealth

The sage then taught her atma tattva. Wealth may bring us friends and the attention of the public, but only knowledge about the Supreme One will help us. So, that is what we must aspire for, and that is what is made abundantly clear through Maitreyi.
We should stop seeking more and more material possessions and, like Maitreyi, we must realise that gnana is the only true wealth anyone can have.
All other wealth is impermanent, and we must not attach importance to such wealth.

The Hindu : Life & Style / Religion : Gnana is true wealth