When My Indian Mom Divorced My Dad, She Became an Outcast. It Also Saved Her Life.

[prasad1]

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Eight years ago, my mom divorced my dad. But we're Indian, and that never happens. It just isn't something we do -- not in India, not in America and especially not initiated by a woman.


My parents had an arranged marriage. She was young when they wed, and he was ten years her senior. She earned a law degree from UCLA at 21 and took (and passed) the bar exam a week after having me. For years, my mom was a dutiful Indian wife -- providing all domestic services, raising me and my two brothers and taking care of my dad's parents and brother, who all lived with us. On top of it all, she held down a full-time job as an attorney.

My mom was very unhappy in the marriage, for personal reasons that will remain unnamed. And yet still, for years, she did everything in her power to save the marriage. Finally, my senior year of high school, she moved out. And while I know divorce has become quite common, it really isn't in the Indian community. It's like signing up to be a leper. Everyone shunned her (and us) because only a "dishonorable" family couldn't keep its house in order. At temple, parties and family functions, people would gawk and whisper. Any chances of me having an arranged marriage were shot. (Thank goodness, I prefer a love marriage, thank you very much.)

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My mom was a broken shell of a woman when she was married. Had she "done the right thing" and stayed married, she surely would have lost her mind by now. By standing up for her right to happiness, she opened up a world of possibility that I never knew existed. She showed me that my thoughts and feelings mattered. She showed me that we can't live for other people. She showed me that we are in control of our lives, and we have the power to make changes.
When My Indian Mom Divorced My Dad, She Became an Outcast. It Also Saved Her Life. | Gursimran Sandhu


I know some people in this site would be offended, as they have heard of "divorce" only in foreign land, and this episode is in America. But this is a PIO issue.

 

[biswa]

Tsk, tsk, just shows the corruption affecting NRIs.

/sarcasm

 

[renuka]

The article is hanging..the reason for the divorce is not mentioned.

The writer could have chosen to remain anonymous without the need for a picture of her mum and her and written the full story.

Also the father's version of the story is not mentioned..so we are only hearing one side of a story.

I believe in equality of sexes(even if it may not exist)..so unless we hear both sides of the story why it lead to a divorce the writer cant hope for anyone of us to think that her mum took a correct decision.

Not every woman is innocent and not every man is guilty and vice versa.

Recently I witnessed a true case of a wife who did not have the best interest for her husband when he suddenly became critically ill.

Many people claim that they want a better quality of life ...sometimes its purely selfish.

So too bad this story above sucks cos its a one sided story.

 

[krish44]

It is not a NRI story alone.

courts are full of divorce cases from youngsters walking out of marriages.

while some are genuine victims of domestic abuse and dowry- mostly not well educated and housewives,

many more are results of incompatibilty , temperamental issues and stresses of living with career oriented women

who like to defy tradition and call the shots home. many women would not like to compromise and would prefer to

break up to live a life fulfilling their career aspirations and other needs. men who have the old mindset not treating

educated ,career oriented girls as their friends and equals often have to face the prospect of girls walking off from

them .

many who do not want to face the trauma of divorce simply live separately in another town if possible and let the

relationship wither away. there are many children facing the prospect of managing such dysfunctional parents ,

they are the real victims of breakups