when the ties that bind unravels

[kunjuppu]

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When the Ties That Bind Unravel - Well Blog - NYTimes.com

this article from new york times. very touching.

not sure, if these situations are experienced in our society in india.

something to think and empathize.

 

[Raghy]

When the Ties That Bind Unravel - Well Blog - NYTimes.com

this article from new york times. very touching.

not sure, if these situations are experienced in our society in india.

something to think and empathize.

Sri.Kunjuppu,

Greetings. These situations are very common in our society. Children neglecting the parents is so common. We have tons and tons of stories and movies in that topic. We even have a curent discussion in our forum on this topic.

Or, there is something in your writing, that is completely escaping my mind such that, I am not even grasping the subject well!

Cheers!

 

[C RAVI]

Sri Kunjuppu ji,

I beleive, the news article that you have linked here, has not been so far highlighted in new papers/magazines in and for Indian society as a special/important flash report. But the happenings are the same.

Sri Raghy ji,

I don't think the article got anything more than what yourself and myself could make out of it.

Both parents and children have their own painful stories of dishonest/hard hearted/irresponsible children and abusing parents respectively.

 

[kunjuppu]

raghy,

i think ravi is right. maybe we don't talk about it so publicly and honestly like the americans?

not sure.

i am quite sure these things existed all along, except that people did not speak loud about it in our society. now things are coming out in the open. likely to be even more open in the future, judging by the way things are going.

 

[amala]

This subject is very close to my heart and anything I say will be only a repetition of the parents thread.

How the ladies in the article can cut off ties with their own mother, whatever the reason I can never ever get. As times get hard and competitive, sadly filial piety is sorely lacking.

 

[C RAVI]

This subject is very close to my heart and anything I say will be only a repetition of the parents thread.

How the ladies in the article can cut off ties with their own mother, whatever the reason I can never ever get. As times get hard and competitive, sadly filial piety is sorely lacking.

Dear Amala,

Couple of years before when I was in Chennai, I have read many such news in the news papers.

A teen age boy killed his poor father for not supporting him with sufficient pocket money

A married girl willingly in association with her husband ridiculed her own mother socially and legally to claim property, bequeathed to her mother by her illegal father.

A Canada settled mother chased and traced her daughter in New Delhi after couple of years with the sole motive of murdering her along with her husband, only for marrying a guy whom the girl loved, running away from her home in Canada. The girl married her lover against her mother’s wish of marrying a guy some how related to her mother.

A women killed her 10 years old son in order to escape eye witness of the boy who accidentally saw his mother having extra marital affair.

Both parents joined together to murder their 2 children one by one in due course of time as a step by step process of a black magic ritual, as per a fake tantric's remedy to over come couple's poverty.

A newly married guy was murdered by his wife as per her plans during their honeymoon trip to Ooty. The lady killed her husband with the help of her lover.

In Utter Pradesh, the village society supported filthy guys to rape and than kill a newly wedded girl who ran away from the village with her lover belonging to the same Gothra and married him. The boy was also killed.

There are lots of such gruesome incidents happening quite frequently and many are left unreported.

Cutting off ties are now a days a casual, reasonable and beneficial tactics of some human beings in their own terms, for which relationship and morality has no meaning and importance.

The impact is not only to parents-children relationship, but any relationship that is purely based on love, emotions and trust.

Humans are constantly and rapidly changing, doesn’t matter which society they belong to.

 

[kunjuppu]

ravi,

as a preamble to your note may i please state that for folks who have loving parents, deep attachments, happy households and above all a feeling of security and protection at home, the very concept of filial discord is not only an anethma, but something that flays in their face as a violation of all natural laws of nature.

i understand that very well, and it is not my intention to highlight differences here within a family and the ensuing cruelty.

to me, the best medicine is to speak out. keeping things under the carpet or within the closet is of no benefit to anyone. as a community i think, next to the arabs, we are intent on the loss of face.

my mother used to tell me that to her மானம் is worth more than life. on any perceived sense of this concept of maanam, her immediate reaction was extreme நாக்கை பிடுங்கி சாகணம்.

there was no via media compromise to these values, and she lived her entire life like that. hence, i think, many of the discords that people have within the family is never known outside.

on the contrary, to happily householded folks, they can never understand the extent of the discord, and how lucky they themselves are blessed with loving family. such a family is a gift. probably the most precious of any. i think so.

 

[C RAVI]

Well said, Sri Kunjuppu ji...

Such incidents per se, are the game of the fate beyond one's control.

The term "Maanam" and its importance of up holding in terms of your mother and many others in a relationship seem to be diminishing in today's modern environment. People at receiving end mostly take a chance to hit in return and only in few cases get aside themselves in silence.

Perhaps in most of the cases a person speaking loud of the betrayal/abuse caused to him/her, hardly serves any purpose to the victim. For the others on safer hands, it would be just news to realize how blessed they are and to thank God for their well being. The news articles on such domestic atrocities would help a person to value oneself and one's own fortunes doesn't matter how limited are they in comparison.

No doubt that happily related folks who all are blessed with loving family are the most lucky folks on this Earth, who all can not even realize the possibilities of awkward family discords.

Life teaches us many lessons and we consider them as our experiences. Both the bitter and sweet experiences are equally based on our own attitudes and luck. At the end of the game such experiences are bound to change our self and the change determines our destiny.

 

[kunjuppu]

thanks ravi.

here is a story from a family i know well.

the couple had two daughter. the older was plain looking, average and was shunned by the father for most of her young age. she clung to her mother and grew him in fear of her dad. not sure of any physical abuse, but the fear and awe of father was there.

the younger one was feisty, beautiful, outgoing and daddy's pet. enough said.

now comes old age, and dad is now a widower. through circumstances it so happens the older daughter willingly takes care of dad.

close to dying, she has to clean him up, including bed pans etc. at that time, the old man opened up and said he appreciated her.

too late. this statement just opened up a pandora's box of sorrows and tears, which had been held up for over 45 years - the first daughter with no love from her dad, and a word of thanks only when she cleans his shit.

 

[amala]

That story above is truly heart wrenching but like you and Ravi have stated one shall never truly know how it feels unless we ourselves are in the disadvantaged position.

As for me personally, I am truly lucky and blessed to be in a position of priviledge as far as love from my parents is concerned. Whether its my horoscope, fate, luck, circumstance or just my disposition, I don't know but I was (still am I'd like to think) always the favourite child. From my grandparents to my parents especially my mother. I never had to try as hard or be as earnest and got a way with so much more than my younger sister. It also helped that I was much more compliant and obedient than my sister. Some might argue that she perhaps had no incentive or morale to be as compliant anyway.

My sister and I had many an argument, quarrels, fights mostly about how my parents love me more than her. There has been many good things to come out of this for her. She always gives her 200% in everything to be better than me and I'm glad for it.

Now that I'm not living at home, my parents are much closer to her than if I had been there. And our relationship (sister and I) is much much more cordial now than ever before.

 

[renuka]

Dear all,

Coming to my family..I am the only daughter with one elder brother and one younger brother.When I was young..I used to do very well in school partly because I loved to study.My brother were intelligent but they never put in much effort to study so their marks used to be average only.
My dad used to scold them both using me as an example and I knew they used to get so pissed off with me thinking dad loved me more.Inside I used to be so scared whenever my dad started scolding them thinking "O My God..poor things..they are going to feel so bad and might start hating me"
I did tell my dad dont compare and contrast but encourage them to study instead but he would just say it was his way of encouraging them.

Even my mum used to tell me that she loved me the most...but I used to tell her I am not flattered because as a mother she should be equal in love to all children.

Now all of us have grown up..me a doctor,elder bro a MBA and younger bro a lawyer..
I have noticed that things have changed in the relationships....

My parents seem very fond of my younger brother now...
My elder brother is a very reserved person..he does not talk much to any one..so he wont bother if my parents showed him affection too.

For me...they are still nice to me..but I can see that they are partial now..
May be its just human nature to be a little partial in different phases in our lifes..
Its not that i am feeling jealous or anything but I have seen partiality in most homes..
Its really weird to see this sometimes..
Well coming to me..I dont know if I would be partial...I only have one child and one husband..so no scope for comparison.

After all even the great Draupadi was partial..she loved Arjuna the most..

 

[Iyest]

thanks ravi.

here is a story from a family i know well.


close to dying, she has to clean him up, including bed pans etc. at that time, the old man opened up and said he appreciated her.

too late. this statement just opened up a pandora's box of sorrows and tears, which had been held up for over 45 years - the first daughter with no love from her dad, and a word of thanks only when she cleans his shit.

This is not such a bad story in the sense it had a good ending. Had this opportunity not presented itself neither the father nor the daughter would have come together. It would have been really terrible if either the daughter refused to take care of her father as some kind of retaliation, or if the father did not confess his mistakes of the past.

 

[C RAVI]

thanks ravi.

here is a story from a family i know well.

the couple had two daughter. the older was plain looking, average and was shunned by the father for most of her young age. she clung to her mother and grew him in fear of her dad. not sure of any physical abuse, but the fear and awe of father was there.

the younger one was feisty, beautiful, outgoing and daddy's pet. enough said.

now comes old age, and dad is now a widower. through circumstances it so happens the older daughter willingly takes care of dad.

close to dying, she has to clean him up, including bed pans etc. at that time, the old man opened up and said he appreciated her.

too late. this statement just opened up a pandora's box of sorrows and tears, which had been held up for over 45 years - the first daughter with no love from her dad, and a word of thanks only when she cleans his shit.

Sri Kunjuppu ji,

Yes, you have highlighted a very perfect story as a paradigm of humans selfishness in majority.

People go out of their conscious dealing with their own people and do what ever they want to keep themselves happy unmindful of others sufferings.

The abusing father appreciated his daughter only for helping him in his acute ailment and sufferings. The father was happy when he use to criticize and neglect his first daughter and today as well he is happy and enjoying her nursing. Though he has his own pains of the ailment, he is been taken care of.

He can be pardoned off only if he would have apologized to his daughter whole heartily and to the best, if he would have committed suicide to put an end to the sufferings of his nursing daughter, as the best possible representation of his love and sense of caring towards his daughter… Though this sounds harsh and cruel, I personally feel, this can be the only perfect remorse of the father.

Sri Kunjuppu ji,

We all know the saying - "As you sow, so you reap". Here I could not understand as how and to what extent the saying stands valid. We may validate this saying by associating it to the repercussions of our past and or present Karma. But, when we find an innocent suffering in this present life, we can not just accept the saying against that person and in favor of the selfish and heartless people, can not fully understand, what the saying is all about?