I am posting an explanation to amplify some points as a follow up of my
post #9 in the context of Sri Prasad's messages.
I can resonate with Sri Prasad's view that women have been abused in the name of religion by people bearing the title of Hindus through centuries including even today. Before I explain my emphasis in post #9 let me discuss the reason for such abuse.
This abuse of women continues even today for the same reason it happened in past era and that is due to ignorance. Let me explain using the example of the OP subject matter itself.
In the case as to who should perform last rites a son is entrusted with that
duty if a son exists in a family. The keyword here is (sacred) duty which
is not a privilege. If it was a privilege legitimate questions can come as to why our tradition can choose favorites.
In practice this duty is viewed as a privilege due to ignorance of understanding the order imposed by the tradition.
A daughter often becomes the key person in the raising of her children and that becomes one of her most cherished duties. A husband and wife in union of Vedic wedding is viewed as one larger entity and the wife's duty is to support her husband and the husbands's duty is to support his wife. The husband of the daughter has his own parents and is entrusted with taking care of them including last rites and hence the daughter is associated with another home and Gotra. This does not mean she is supposed to abandon her own parents or that her husband is supposed to ignore his parents in laws.
All it means is that in the tradition the primary responsibility for conducting last rites is resolved to be done by the son if the son exists supported by his wife.
If one views this as duty with a goal to achieve a higher purpose in life there are no conflicts. But if this is viewed as privilege one can simply start arguing that the daughter is unfairly treated in this tradition. There could be ego driven issues as to who is considered more important.
The father and mother is mistakenly told that they will achieve 'greater after life' if son takes care of the last rites. They tend to abuse daughters who after all cannot be depended on and belongs to another house anyway. Therefore families in India including TB family desires boys and using latest technology they are ready to abort a female fetus.
Such is the ignorance. Then there are foolish and dangerous people the so called psedo intellectuals that legitimize putting down women by citing reference from scriptures out of context.
Men are insecure much more than women and tend to assert their ever fragile ego to no end. They want to ensure that a woman will only bear their children and no one else after their death. There are cruel practices of shaving the head of a young woman when she loses her husband.
None of these are sanctioned by any teaching except in the mind of the ignorant which is many.
Our key traditions when understood properly arise of out broad-mindedness and need for stability in a society.
When examining traditions and practices we have to resort to the original teaching which gave rise to a ritual.
If anyone reads translation of wedding mantras of a Vedic wedding the emphasis is in equality and mutual respect at all levels between bride and groom.
Our philosophical foundation asserts truth which is perfect equality of both male and female principles. There are as many temples devoted male forms as female forms. This is the glory of a tradition and way of life we call Hindusim and not found in many religions.
There are ignorant, mischievous and adharmic people who have misunderstood our teaching and commit crime against women and other human beings in the name of Hinduism.
All such people are criminals in my view.
My post # 9 is about the intent and rationale for various time tested traditions which when followed with right understanding leads to a more conflict free life.
My post #9 was not meant to condone atrocities committed by criminals using tradition as an excuse when in reality it is their ignorance that makes them do the crimes.
