I also agree that we as the TB community members, should help the younger generation in some way to find a suitable match through this forum. Or organise small weekly match meet at some place in our locality and help. Some contribution from our side for the community which will go a long way.
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A Tamil Brahmin Dilemma
- Thread starter krish44
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I also agree that we as the TB community members, should help the younger generation in some way to find a suitable match through this forum. Or organise small weekly match meet at some place in our locality and help. Some contribution from our side for the community which will go a long way.
prasad1
Active member
Asaduji,
Generally the requirement of Jadagam match etc is a major hurdle for TB community.
So the weekly meet is probably out of question.
In TB community would the parents allow the boys and girls yo meet?
Then the logistic, cost, and space etc will have to be considered.
Here is USA the jain group and gujarati group arrange such meets. They are successful.
Generally the requirement of Jadagam match etc is a major hurdle for TB community.
So the weekly meet is probably out of question.
In TB community would the parents allow the boys and girls yo meet?
Then the logistic, cost, and space etc will have to be considered.
Here is USA the jain group and gujarati group arrange such meets. They are successful.
In Chennai, I understand that some meets for marriage are being organised every month in different areas by different brahmin groups. In all places the parents of boys are only heaving in for search of girls for their aged boys (mamas).
Boys and girls usually don't go to these meets. Only parents with horoscopes.
In practical experience, I understand Jadagam is used as a tool by brides' side to reject / say no to , many proposals.
Prasadji
Online sites are available where horoscope. matching can be done in minutes. Some are liberal enough to do away with matching.
After preliminery screening by parents normally, boy and girl do meet.Parents can be less selective and not have over ambitious expectations.
Boy and girl can meet online and becoming comfortable with each other can meet couple of times at least before deciding.
Even before face to face meeting our girls are wise enough to throw out the undesirables.
In most families children , parents have different conflicting specifications of match they desire which the main reason for not getting a match.
Online sites are available where horoscope. matching can be done in minutes. Some are liberal enough to do away with matching.
After preliminery screening by parents normally, boy and girl do meet.Parents can be less selective and not have over ambitious expectations.
Boy and girl can meet online and becoming comfortable with each other can meet couple of times at least before deciding.
Even before face to face meeting our girls are wise enough to throw out the undesirables.
In most families children , parents have different conflicting specifications of match they desire which the main reason for not getting a match.
tbs
0
hi
once upon a time.....same tool used by boy's parents too.......so lot of mamis waited....now its maamas turn......eligible boys will
become maama soon...
Janaki Jambunathan
Active member
This punch line caught my fancy - Now every one seems to be crazy with this line after DMK - going viral with this!
tks
0
Let me present a dilemma. What will TB members do for own family (children, grand-children etc) if presented with one of the two choices for a possible alliance
1. Brahmin by birth, well educated/ employed, limited knowledge of Brahmin culture whatever that means to you and a non-vegetarian outside home
2. Non-Brahmin by birth, well educated/employed, limited knowledge of family's own culture but vegetarian all his life due to focus on satvic lifestyle in the family
To make this concrete, let me suggest some caste names for the non-brahmin example though I do not know have good idea of caste names - let us assume the non-brahmin above could be Mudaliyar or Pillai or Nair or some such group or combination.
What will you recommend for your own family? Why?
There is a third option which is to reject both options and suggest the person in your family to stay unmarried even longer (and keep hoping).
1. Brahmin by birth, well educated/ employed, limited knowledge of Brahmin culture whatever that means to you and a non-vegetarian outside home
2. Non-Brahmin by birth, well educated/employed, limited knowledge of family's own culture but vegetarian all his life due to focus on satvic lifestyle in the family
To make this concrete, let me suggest some caste names for the non-brahmin example though I do not know have good idea of caste names - let us assume the non-brahmin above could be Mudaliyar or Pillai or Nair or some such group or combination.
What will you recommend for your own family? Why?
There is a third option which is to reject both options and suggest the person in your family to stay unmarried even longer (and keep hoping).
renuka
Well-known member
I am not a TB...but I would like to present my view.
I suppose your suggestions are for an arranged marriage.
Being a vegetarian or focusing on a sattva lifestyle isnt the only criteria I feel.
Its better for a person of any community to marry a person from his own community in cases of arranged marriage cos life is not about food or being Sattva.
A person just say from a TB community who might indulge in Non Veg food outside home might be wolfing down Non Veg but he would understand the lifestyle of his community better than a person who is a Non TB but Veg/Sattva etc.
Also there is no identity crisis. Loss of identity can spell ruin to a person's happiness and self respect.
No one has to force themselves to be what they are not..there is no need to 'Brahminize' a Non Brahmin spouse or to "Non Brahminize" a Brahmin spouse.
A person might not follow his community culture as much but his upbringing and hereditary influences would have shaped his subconscious mind to a great extent that would render him being able to adapt or even revert anytime to his original culture cos the apple does not fall too far from the tree.
This trait is shared by all humans.
We usually only judge a person with what we outwardly notice becos we have no access to their subconscious mind.
Personally I feel each should stick to their own community in cases of arranged marriages.
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tks
0
The situation I presented is based on a real case though I changed some parameters.
Almost everything in this forum is for chatter only and this is no exception.
However the value of discussion is not for anyone in a real dilemma, in my view.
The benefit is really for the one who provides a reasoned answer thereby clarifying their value system.
In the example, as it is in most affluent society the people involved in getting married have minimal knowledge of their culture.
So the choice is one of caste vs some other trait of a person.
In today's world people face all kinds of dilemmas due to lack of clarity of their own value system.
Raji Ram
Active member
Dear TKS Sir,
If the search is by the parents, they have a list of 10 conditions to be satisfied by the spouse to be. This includes a brahmin tag,
horoscope match (in many cases), education in a reputed institution, huge salary packet, slim, fair and tall, has one sibling only,
independent parents living separately etc. When they are unable to find (not possible with horoscope matching), they relax
their conditions one by one. Some ask the boy or girl to select on their own, after getting frustrated by the search! Then......
If a non-veg eating brahmin is selected, the parents are happy that the choice is a brahmin. :thumb:
If a vegetarian non-brahmin is selected, the parents will start bragging that the choice is the best!! :first:
Anyway, brahmin parents don't search in non-brahmin groups by themselves.
If the search is by the parents, they have a list of 10 conditions to be satisfied by the spouse to be. This includes a brahmin tag,
horoscope match (in many cases), education in a reputed institution, huge salary packet, slim, fair and tall, has one sibling only,
independent parents living separately etc. When they are unable to find (not possible with horoscope matching), they relax
their conditions one by one. Some ask the boy or girl to select on their own, after getting frustrated by the search! Then......
If a non-veg eating brahmin is selected, the parents are happy that the choice is a brahmin. :thumb:
If a vegetarian non-brahmin is selected, the parents will start bragging that the choice is the best!! :first:
Anyway, brahmin parents don't search in non-brahmin groups by themselves.
tks
0
Many people who are seriously vegetarian and cannot consider meat as food may not like to marry someone who is into them. They may have no issues with others eating meat but not necessarily want to marry them.
In the example, the people involved are not all that 'cultural' savvy. So couples end up making their own culture.
Does any brahmin become less brahmin if he consumes non veg outside his home?
Why all this hue and cry about it?
When varna system of classification started , all communities consumed meat.{Am I right when I say this?}
There are various grades fro veg to non veg.
What about those , who do not take meat but they relish egg and omelette.{I am one}.
I do not take meat but I sometimes take the gravvy in a meat dish in parties and I find it tastes nice.
Some non veg soups could be delicious without the meat pieces or bones.
I am a foodie and I take what tastes good.
Because of upbringing, I would not take pure meat with bones and flesh.
I think a born brahmin with decent education and little knowledge of brahmin customs or rituals[ I approach this forum for what is to be done for any religeous event
and implement what I find convenient and ignore some which I find distasteful} who is not totally satvik is prefarable in modern world.
One compromises with brahminism to make life worth living in modern times.
It should be good choice to be married to a brahmin like me. I will find out what my better half says. She has not walked out of marriage yet.lol
Why all this hue and cry about it?
When varna system of classification started , all communities consumed meat.{Am I right when I say this?}
There are various grades fro veg to non veg.
What about those , who do not take meat but they relish egg and omelette.{I am one}.
I do not take meat but I sometimes take the gravvy in a meat dish in parties and I find it tastes nice.
Some non veg soups could be delicious without the meat pieces or bones.
I am a foodie and I take what tastes good.
Because of upbringing, I would not take pure meat with bones and flesh.
I think a born brahmin with decent education and little knowledge of brahmin customs or rituals[ I approach this forum for what is to be done for any religeous event
and implement what I find convenient and ignore some which I find distasteful} who is not totally satvik is prefarable in modern world.
One compromises with brahminism to make life worth living in modern times.
It should be good choice to be married to a brahmin like me. I will find out what my better half says. She has not walked out of marriage yet.lol
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Brahmin is a label by birth. People of other castes however satvik can feel like counterfeit imposters in brahmin community.
They end up distorting their lives trying to follow brahmin customs, rituals and end up as disoriented individuals in brahmin set ups.
Though I am a brahmin by birth, I find many rituals, customs practised by conservative brahmins distasteful.
What a non brahmin will feel getting caught in brahmin community I can imagine.
Of course these days children decide what they want arranged marriage or not.
So this is an academic question by someone from a university abroad.
Hence pardonable
They end up distorting their lives trying to follow brahmin customs, rituals and end up as disoriented individuals in brahmin set ups.
Though I am a brahmin by birth, I find many rituals, customs practised by conservative brahmins distasteful.
What a non brahmin will feel getting caught in brahmin community I can imagine.
Of course these days children decide what they want arranged marriage or not.
So this is an academic question by someone from a university abroad.
Hence pardonable
renuka
Well-known member
Its not save to do this..from the medical point of view.
When we have been adhering to veg diet for a long time and then suddenly eat some gravy of non veg..the protein in the gravy can trigger a severe allergic reaction.
I had seen a case where a person used to be Non Veg....then turned Veg for many years..one day he unknowingly consumed some soup which had non veg stock and he had a severe allergic reaction with rashes and difficulty breathing.
renuka
Well-known member
I would not say counterfeit imposters but one might feel compelled to keep up with traditions that one might not identify with.
Its not about being Veg or Sattva...its not easy to cope with a different culture.
That is why best people stick to their own cultures unless they are willing to go beyond rituals and outward identification.
The right word is 'Put up with' and not compelled . It is choice imposed on you by others close to you. You would not like to hurt them by not following their traditions
and culture.
Though not easy, people do cope when they are married. The other alternative is worse.
renuka
Well-known member
From a Non TB point of view.
A Non Brahmin can practice Vegetarianism and a Sattva lifestyle but that does not mean one is following Brahmin Culture.
I have a Jaat friend whose whole family is vegetarian and Sattva..and still a hard core Jaat at heart.
Jaats do not really adhere to rituals of any kind.
A Non Brahmin can practice Vegetarianism and a Sattva lifestyle but that does not mean one is following Brahmin Culture.
I have a Jaat friend whose whole family is vegetarian and Sattva..and still a hard core Jaat at heart.
Jaats do not really adhere to rituals of any kind.
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renuka
Well-known member
Frankly speaking when it comes to arranged marriages..no community looks for alliances from others communities.
Everyone wants their own...be it Brahmin or Other Castes.
tks
0
Dear TKS Sir,
If the search is by the parents, they have a list of 10 conditions to be satisfied by the spouse to be. This includes a brahmin tag,
horoscope match (in many cases), education in a reputed institution, huge salary packet, slim, fair and tall, has one sibling only,
independent parents living separately etc. When they are unable to find (not possible with horoscope matching), they relax
their conditions one by one. Some ask the boy or girl to select on their own, after getting frustrated by the search! Then......
If a non-veg eating brahmin is selected, the parents are happy that the choice is a brahmin. :thumb:
If a vegetarian non-brahmin is selected, the parents will start bragging that the choice is the best!! :first:
Anyway, brahmin parents don't search in non-brahmin groups by themselves.
Smt RR, I think you understood my question.
In real world people everywhere in the world end up making compromises either overtly or by inaction.
When it comes to TB family marriages, the parents may start with a laundry list of requirements for a potential alliance . However, reality may not be aligned with their wishes.
The younger generation by and large especially of upper middle class and above are mostly clueless about TB culture . They may go to temples and be superstitious but that may not translate to any real 'preservation of culture'.
It seems from parent's perspective which of the following are non-negotiables?
1. Birth tag of Brahmana
2. Horoscopes and other related superstitions
3. No bad habits like gambling, womanizing etc (drinking these days seem to be accepted)
4. Eating vegetarian diet
5. Knowledge of "TB culture" whatever that may for a family
6. Following rituals
7. Ability to talk few meaningful sentences in Tamil, preferably read and write
8. Good career prospects
9. Bragging aspects of an alliance (how accomplished the family is, how rich they are etc)
Many may choose to compromise more readily the items 5,6,7 and 9 if pressed.
Of the remaining 5, if one can have only 3 what will they be?
Is caste identity one of them?
My sense is that
1. Indians and therefore TB families by and large are very caste id conscious and see divisions only- They want the brahmin tag regardless of what it means even if the alliance they are seeking is clueless to the TB culture
2. They are superstitious driven by horoscopes
The above are non-negotiable for most, which means they are prepared to negotiate on all other aspects including the possibility of their children staying single for life
I dont expect you to agree to my statement of course
I agree that
1. Brahmin tag matters even if it is konkan , andhra or UP brahmin.
2.Horoscope , I overlook being a non believer.
3. Drinking might accept. Diplomatically called social drinking .But womanising or gambling I would have second thoughts.
4. Veg diet inside home. Outside anything both boy and girl can agree on or tolerate.Smoking appears to be no for most. mostly fear of cancer.
8. Education and career prospects-highest priority. Nocompromises.
Others do not matter much.
Children staying single is a crime against children .
Parents who come in the way of childrens marriages deserve to be sent to senior citizen homes.
1. Brahmin tag matters even if it is konkan , andhra or UP brahmin.
2.Horoscope , I overlook being a non believer.
3. Drinking might accept. Diplomatically called social drinking .But womanising or gambling I would have second thoughts.
4. Veg diet inside home. Outside anything both boy and girl can agree on or tolerate.Smoking appears to be no for most. mostly fear of cancer.
8. Education and career prospects-highest priority. Nocompromises.
Others do not matter much.
Children staying single is a crime against children .
Parents who come in the way of childrens marriages deserve to be sent to senior citizen homes.
Raji Ram
Active member
Brahmin?? :lol:
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