Aging parents in the U.S.

[subbudu1]

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In this note speaking about it, I think things are much better for the retired people in USA than India. In India, if your children do not have the money power you are practically doomed. I do not foresee any improvement in that situation as far as India is concerned. Recently I incurred an expense of around 2.5 laKhs for medical bills n a heart attack situation. With inflation another attack in the family, we will have to sell off to pay by ourselves with insurance no longer getting applicable. Hope we all just pass off without the bills.

 

[sarang]

I agree. A profound statement. This must be added in the daily prayers. My father got up at 4 in the morning, finished all his nitya karmas and passed away without any symptom. My mother too, cooked, served us and had her late morning meal and then passed away without warning while talking to us. Both were 84 when they expired.

Hope and wish, my children will have a similar experience.

Hope we all just pass off without the bills.

 

[Raji Ram]

.............
I request you to kindly expose both possibilities, please. Thank you.

Dear Raghy Sir,

As I mentioned in my post # 13, my write up is the outcome of the lament of many parents in my circle of friends and relatives.

Girls take the upper hand now a days and THEIR parents are much better off.

In most of the families, children live abroad and not able to take their parents with them due to visa formalities. But old age is

comparatively better in India than in the US, IMHO! In the US, I felt very sad when I saw very old ladies who need walking stick

to support them while walking, go to the malls, buy stuff and carry them to their car and drive home. But servants help the old

people in India. This may not be possible in the US.

I strongly feel that parents should NEVER expect their children to support them always. They must let them live their life with

their spouse and children!

Regards............

 

[sangom]

sangom,

your post #17.

why are the parents not altering their will. all they need to tell the son and dil, that let us part. apparently since the dil does not want to take care of the fil and mil,

these two can buy the best care with their money, with a little bit of effort, and leave the money to charity after they are gone.

i know it itakes guts, but there is only so muc insult that one can put up with.

much as i take girls' sides, i cannot tolerate gross negligence and arrogance.

The reality is that as a doctor, the father with Parkinson's is still the core strength and lots of people still come to have treatment from "periya doctor"; if he parts ways with his son, the whole edifice will crumble in no time. Secondly, the news that the son has antagonized the father will make the son lose all credibility and recognition from most of the relatives and friends for all of whom the father is like Shri Ramachandra in many ways, a true son to his father, the crux of the prosperity of the wider family, a very kind-hearted, soft-spoken man who is a doctor with "kaippunyam" and so on.

Knowing all these realities, they don't want to undo their only son's future. I suggested to them to buy a bungalow in Ooty/Kodaikkanal settle down with servants and live peacefully. They have enough and more money for all that but they feel, the son's practice will be severely affected if the father goes away.

 

[Nara]

1. As poor, these new immigrants at age 65, will be covered by MEDICAID, not Medicare. For Medicaid to kick in, their sponsors must be poor also. Am I wrong?

For Medicare, Part A one should have paid into the system at work. For Part B, & D we must pay the premium.. the poor new immigrant is paid by the Medicaid. Am I wrong?

For recent immigrants, the eligibility criteria for Medicare does not include whether one paid into the system or not, the requirement is one has to be a citizen, not just a permanent-resident aka green-card holder.

Medicaid is not age related, the eligibility for it is poverty. This is a state program, but heavily subsidized by the federal government.

Now, if we have a citizen over 65 without any income or property, then he/she qualifies for both Medicaid and Medicare. Medicaid will pay for the out-of-pocket medical expenses and other expenses not covered by Medicare, the rest, Medicare pays.

The monthly subsistence is called SSI, and it is part of Social Security, i.e. a Federal program. All those who qualify for Medicaid (state program) automatically qualify for the federal SSI and rent subsidy.

3. If the sponsors - the children of this immigrant -make good money in high six-figures, how could they qualify for Medicaid? Here in TX, people say it is impossible to get Medicaid if you are a new immigrant. Am I wrong?

This restriction is only for Green-card holders. The sponsors must take care of the expenses. This is also a relatively recent requirement. Once you become a citizen, the sponsors are off the hook.

How does this work in your State?

My state had a very generous program, it was top notch. But it became a boondoggle, and the Republicans soon gutted the program. Now, it is still alright, but not as good.

Cheers!

 

[Nara]

In the US, I felt very sad when I saw very old ladies who need walking stick to support them while walking, go to the malls, buy stuff and carry them to their car and drive home.

Mrs RR, these old ladies, and men as well, don't want to have it any other way. They like their freedom. What they hate is when their children, out of "concern" try to talk them into assisted living group homes. This is what the Salon article I cited in the OP was talking about.

Sangom sir, I agree, there are many children in the US and UK who make only minimal efforts, if any, to look after their aged parents. My point was not that at all. What I was trying to do was expose the myth that West is materialistic and India is "spiritual" and that in India parents are looked after with love and affection, but in the west they are not cared for.

As the Salon article presents, aging children take caring for aged parents very seriously. For all the talk of Indian spirituality, Indian parents are not looked after any better than the American parents. You have presented a poignant case in point. All this talk of western materialism and Indian spirituality is just bunk, IMHO.

Cheers!

 

[Raji Ram]

........ these old ladies, and men as well, don't want to have it any other way. They like their freedom.....

:thumb:

 

[kunjuppu]

Ok, I don’t know why we don’t talk about this. here.

For starters, my own view – statistics wise, I will precede mrs K to the netherworld. I have told her, that when I am gone, not to spend any time weeping. Instead organize a good party and start looking for a replacement. Life is too short to be spend alone, especially for those among us, who enjoy company and shudder at the thought of being alone.

Recently, in Toronto, a tambram widow widower married, with the support of the children of both.

In india, it has always been the norm for the man to seek a new spouse, the minute after cremating the erstwhile one. not so for the woman, but times are changing.

Thanks to modern medicine, I think, my own relatives are into their 80s before they get these mind fading or body fading diseases. So there IS definitely life at 60s and 70s, and these need not be spent baby sitting the offspring’s offsprings. There are better things to do I think.

Here is a story about what is happening regarding this, outside of tamil nadu.

live in companions during our autumn years..

even atal behari vajpayee has a girl friend, the widow of one of a family friend. so why not the rest of us?

 

[prasad1]

How does this work in your State? I know Medicaid CA is very generous.

Medicaid:
People served by Medicaid are U.S. citizens or legal permanent residents, including low-income adults, their children, and people with certain disabilities. Poverty alone does not necessarily qualify someone for Medicaid.

Medicaid does not pay benefits to individuals directly; Medicaid sends benefit payments to health care providers. In some states Medicaid beneficiaries are required to pay a small fee (co-payment) for medical services.

Medicare:
They are 65 years or older and U.S. citizens or have been permanent legal residents for 5 continuous years, and they or their spouse has paid Medicare taxes for at least 10 years.
SS benefits:
You have enough Social Security credits at this time to qualify for benefits.

 

[Nara]

....Knowing how difficult it is to organize a Third Party (ask Perot who got almost 20% of popular votes, but zero electoral delegate in 1992), what do you suggest as the SOLUTION, if you hate the Democrats and Republicans?

Dear Y, perhaps the ongoing OWS movement may create the political environment for some solution to emerge. Who knows what shape it will take. One thing is certain, under the corporate controlled one-party system, the common man will continue to get screwed.

BHO turned out to be a sorry excuse of a leader. He turned out to be Bush-lite in domestic affairs and Bush-heavy on foreign policy. I know you will reject this out of hand, but I can back up every point with solid facts and data. According to polls taken during the time a majority of even the Republican voters supported the so called public option, but BHO couldn't deliver on even that, some leader!!!

The problem is, people are stuck in the two-party myth, they oppose or support the party, not the policy or principle. People need to wake up and hold these corrupt politicians beholden to big business accountable. But they have no chance of waking up because the big business controlled media has them by their throats, I can cite instance after instance when the major news media, both TV and print, act like stenographers for those in power, never ask one critical question for fear of losing access.

The independent media who dares to speak the truth is not broad enough to reach the ordinary folks who don't have the time to do the research on their own. Between multiple jobs, taking care of children, etc., they have time only for soundbites, and these politicians exploit this.

Personally, I am not much affected, I have a good life, but I don't have to pretend to like what I see in Washington and New York. I refuse to sing the praise of the dear leader just because he is the leader of the Democratic party and neither would I condemn the Republicans just because of their party affiliation. For example, why should I support politicians like Chris Dodd (mortgage corruption) or Tom Daschle (profiteering on influence peddling) -- both gone now -- just because they are Democrats any more than Newt Gingrich and other Republican hypocrites like him?

Wait & watch

You keep saying this, I don't know what to watch and how long to wait. At the present rate we will simply be waiting, there is not going to be whole lot to watch for.

best regards ...

 

[Raghy]

Dear Raghy:

Very nice post. I agree with you.

However, parents also shed "Aanatha Kaneer" when the kids achieve the unthinkable!

Cheers.

Dear Sri.Yamaka, Greetings.

I almost passed your post with a polite 'like'input. But you and your wife deserve much more than that. Kindly accept my congradualtions.

"Aanatha Kaneer" - Yes, indeed; I forgot about that. Thanks for reminding me. I shed some of that when our son 'graduated' from the army boot camp; when he graduated after his Bachelors degree... and last night! I didn't even know... he graduated from 'University of Newsoth Wales'.... I only learned it only when I saw him preparing to go to Sydney ( I live in Australia). I never thought I and my wife would get this honour to witness our son sponsored by his employer to get his higher studies and honour him with senior employment status. Honestly, I don't know I deserve this or not.

I understand you and your wife's input in the success of your children. It is very nice to read about you guys. Congradulations!

Cheers!

 

[Yamaka]

Dear Sri.Yamaka, Greetings.

I almost passed your post with a polite 'like'input. But you and your wife deserve much more than that. Kindly accept my congradualtions.

"Aanatha Kaneer" - Yes, indeed; I forgot about that. Thanks for reminding me. I shed some of that when our son 'graduated' from the army boot camp; when he graduated after his Bachelors degree... and last night! I didn't even know... he graduated from 'University of Newsoth Wales'.... I only learned it only when I saw him preparing to go to Sydney ( I live in Australia). I never thought I and my wife would get this honour to witness our son sponsored by his employer to get his higher studies and honour him with senior employment status. Honestly, I don't know I deserve this or not.

I understand you and your wife's input in the success of your children. It is very nice to read about you guys. Congradulations!

Cheers!

Dear Raghy:

Thanks for the kind words.

Congratulation to you and your family too..

As parents we all try to do the right thing for our kids, and hope they will be successful and happy in their own endeavor.

Kind regards.

Y

 

[kunjuppu]

further to my post #33,

it might be interesting to know that there are 'widow tours'. in the 50s through 70s, when the usa dollar was supreme, american widows used organized tours to see u.k. and to some extent other european countries, with the specific intention of finding a husband.

apparently the concept still is alive. per this url. the public, please read 'people' here as code word for eligible men.

best-trips-for-widows

wonder if indian widows or tambram widows would consider taking a tour together to maybe kasi or gaya to find new husbands, while disposing off the sentiments towards the departed one?

ps no intention to hurt any one. let us have a 'what if' attitude towards it.

women, just remember, the hubbies, no sooner than the wife's ashes are cooled, they dump it, and move on to look for another woman. true even to this day.