Brahmin Girls Marrying (Attracted towards) NB Boys

[rprasad79]

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Dear All,
These days I am seeing a huge change in the trend in which the Brahmin girls used to think and act. They are much interested towards NB boys and they want to marry them irrespective of any problems that occur from their parents side.

Last week I was shocked as I get the news from my wife that my sister in law is going to marry a NB boy. She has fought with her parents and shouted them saying that I wont come and stand in front of you after this. Poor parents without any way to go they agreed and the Boys family has never rised any red flag on this and they are happy to accept the Brahmin girl and Brahmins as their sambhandi. I was shocked to hear this as she is jus finishing the college and I dont know how much courage these days people get. Her parents have given them a BE degree and with in a matter of second she ditched all of them.

Poor father he is very orthodox and his roots are from Chidambaram who has seen 6 kala poojais of Lord Nataraja. He was pained to death and he was speechless while telling this info to me as his mootha mappilai.

This girl is asking questions like this to his father
You are seeing horoscope and doing my kalyanam in big range. Whats the probability that I wont come weeping again to you so better do in this way which I like

I was shocked by this. I was not against love but this is too much going and doing a intercaste marriage is not a crime but its against our mythological things which is having roots from 1000 and 100 of years in india.

This way our Brahmin community will get lost its identity as the offsprings of them will have the tag of Dravidians.

I hope many people would have encountered the same and I just want the thread to have some useful discussion in regards of the following matter
1.How come now a days Brahmin Girls are not interested towards our guys
2.How come these girls are getting courage. On seeing these kind of girls, I am astonished on how our amma, patti, chithi and athai had lead a peaceful life without having much of conflicts and even though they have conflicts how they have digested those. That’s the power of Brahmin women which is getting lost these days.


Thanks,
Ram

 

[malgova.mango]

Dear Ram!

You will be more shocked , with replies you get from here. So be prepared, and expect the very worst.

May God bless you with a shock absorber heart.

Good luck
malgova.mango

 

[rprasad79]

Lets expect the worst if i am asking or fighting for a good causee

Dear Sir/madam,
I know i will get some harsh replies on this. But i cannot keep this thing in the mind. i just want to share and check the details of the ratio in which this is happenning. Lets fight for a good cause so that people will get change.

If they are not listening, then lets GOD decide the fate and future of the people who are behaving like this.

Thanks,
Ram

 

[Nacchinarkiniyan]

This problem of inter-caste and marriages in general in the community has been discussed in an earlier thread.

http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/showthread.php?t=1267

 

[KRS]

Dear Sri rprasad79 Ji,

This is a heart wrenching situation. Unfortunately our community in India will see more and more of this as we send our boys and girls to the same schools/colleges and more and more of our daughters go to work. We are placing opposite sexes together in an age when they are harmone driven - it is like placing the fuel next to the fire.

As more and more of our children get high education, especially the girls, they think that they can live on their own. And so the usual reticense that comes with needing the family to get protected is eroded. And as parents nowadays we all want our children to be smart and independent and make their own decisions in their lives. But then sometimes that backfires. Last year alone, I have been invited to several weddings in India, involving intercaste unions. And this is a growing trend.

I wrote some time ago that one way to stem the tide is to copy what the Jews who are similar to our community in numbers in USA have done. They encourage supervised dating of youngsters from the teenage years and they have built cutural halls where they can meet.

We can perhaps do a similar thing.

This issue will not just go away by just wishing it away. Unless our community takes some drastic steps, it will continue.

In the meanwhile let me offer you and your in laws, my heartfelt solace. Hope things work out there.

Pranams,
KRS

 

[Brahmanyan]

Brahmin Girls Marrying (Attracted towards) NB.

It is true that many Brahmin Girls marry boys from other Castes (and religions) nowadays. This trend started among the rich families first and now spreading to other strata of Brahmin families too. But I don't thing it has expanded to alarming proportions as some feel. When there is a change in the Social and economic values due to increase in earning capacity of girls these type of inter mixing take place. More economic independence among the employed girls is the primary reason for this change. But the attitude of Parents are also responsible for this situation. Parents who have primary responsibility to get proper match for their daughters when they attain eligibility to get married, postpone the same for some reason or other. When the boys and girls at marriageable age are left alone in far off places to mix without control, nature takes over the responsibility of the parents and tie them into wedlock. Many times this infatuation triggered by age, is mistaken for ( instant) love and has no religious, caste or community barriers. If these marriages are out of true love between the two, our Scriptures have nothing against them, and many of these marriages are also successful, but the children out of this wedlock are the worst sufferers. Our society is not ready to accept "asavarna Prathiloma" marriages yet.

This is a serious subject and I wish it is discussed by the learned members with equal seriousness.

Regards,
Brahmanyan.

 

[ramanathkrishnan]

Hello Ram,

Your concern on this issue is understandable and to be debated in right sprits. I understand that you father in law is very religious. He has educated his daughters and might have sacrificed a lot. After her tech education, your father in law will start hunting for prospective grooms, negotiating varadakshnai, mandapam, nadhaswaram, cook, tuni, nahai, patram..........seer varisu........on a guarentee that her life will be happy ? Now as a matured 21 st centuary humans... see that if their love is not infatuation...talk to the boy on his future plans.....explain to your SIL on the praticle aspects, his and her adjustments.....
With Best Wishes,

 

[rprasad79]

This is a very-very sensitive topic. Hope I don't offend anyone.

Wud like to tell Ram that sometimes caste alone is not the driving factor. Recently a young man we know has been wallowing in suicidal depression and all sorts of those things because his folks did not accept his brahmin girlfriend. Reason: they want a wealthy sambandhi ("irrespective of caste" according to some elders) to pay for a lavish wedding ceremony, and i don't dare mention the horrible modernized system of "untold but expected" katnam (dowry) (otherwise maa status aimaiyedi, otherwise what will happen to our status) - sic.

Even if they marry, am not sure the girl will be treated kindly by the guy's folks; atleast the first few years will be tuf for them. But then not all such marriages turn out failures. We knew a maharashtrian brahmin lady married to a muslim man with 2 fine daughters, one of them was my friend and they were a happy family. Ofcourse such cases are very-very rare (the kind one comes across once in a lifetime) but they exist nevertheless. In my family there are quite a few brahmin-nonbrahmin marriages - have realized that culture conflict cud mainly come from regional differences rather than caste. Strangely there have been divorces in same caste marriage cases but not in inter-caste marriages (perhaps they live more for 'proving to the world' that their doomsday predictions did not come true instead of asking themselves if they are truly happy).

Do give your SIL an idea of the cultural differences and associated adjustment troubles that she will come across (gently with examples) - esp those that persist for a lifetime. But despite everything, if she does eventually marry the guy, hope no one ruins her marriage with interference of any sort.

HappyHindu u r right... caste is not everything, but to preserve the culture caste is the agent. some old People as u mentioned look for some wealthy sambhandi and all will end up in trouble. This is really bad from their side also. infact i would blame them as they are over expecting and it is back firing them... hmm GOD can alone help.

 

[Mythreye]

Sorry to interfere in this thread... May i Know y is that always women are pointed here?? Are brahmin guys not marrying NB gals... if you SIL is marrying a NB guy, now please dont point to most of the community gals on the same...

i would like to comment on what u have said...

2.How come these girls are getting courage. On seeing these kind of girls, I am astonished on how our amma, patti, chithi and athai had lead a peaceful life without having much of conflicts and even though they have conflicts how they have digested those. That’s the power of Brahmin women which is getting lost these days.


Thanks,
Ram

Do u think that we should always digest whatever is being done to us??? Now we are "Sold" to men as "slaves" by a marriage... please refrain from such comments ... if you want us to serve the way the older generation has served, i am sorry you have entered a wrong era... :mad2:

 

[vijisesh]

Hi! Everyone ,
A food for thought!
While we need to depend on the FOOD ( Rice, wheat etc) which the so-called NB's
sows , harvests and markets , while we need to depend on NB's to help cover up our bodies ,
Is marrying a NB , a criminal act to be condemned ?? pl enlighten me !

And the sacrifice that people are talking about done by them in Growing up their kids , doesn't all these come under the category of duties towards " My Family " ??

I feel a Dad who has understood his daughter well enough throughout their lifetimes should not have any difficulty in seeing her happy !! and the daughter on the other hand wouldn't do anything against the interest of their parents ! - Logical ??

 

[Saab]

Dear Vijisesh,

No one can and should prevent an adult male or female from making the choice for the spouse. What we are talking about is the advantage of carrying on the responsiblility for the 'pithrus' and 'puthras' that a Brahmin grihastha would have to carry on. Also how 'yowvana garvam' could change the direction of a person.

If you do not believe in the Vedic idea that the jeevathma has its sojourn in the three worlds viz. bhulokam, bhuvarlokam and suvarlokam cyclically on the basis of his/her karmas and in order to protect these abodes of these three lokas a grihastha brahmana performs karmas then on the basis of your non-belief of course, you automatically fall into the idea of Abrahamic religions of one birth and one life and many choices.

The question is would you like to be that grihastha brahmana as ordained in our Vedas or would you like to abandon it?

Regards,
Saab

 

[vijisesh]

Dear Saab , Pardon me as i have caused so much harm as a consequence of which you have begun retaliating in pure sanskrit !
Anyway I am making a genuine attempt to reply your queries in typical layman-muddlehead style !!

My answers in blue - pl.

Dear Vijisesh,

No one can and should prevent an adult male or female from making the choice for the spouse. What we are talking about is the advantage of carrying on the responsiblility for the 'pithrus' and 'puthras' that a Brahmin grihastha would have to carry on. Also how 'yowvana garvam' could change the direction of a person.

--> Don't take me for a non-believer of our shastras . But I have always been intrigued in deciphering the perfect " code of conduct " for a grihasta brahmana- applicable to the contemporary spaceage !. The " pithrus" should be taken "GOOD CARE " in the present janma and not only after their soul has ascended , way up !
And the puthras of any race do practice a self disciplined lifestyle , call it yoga, physical exercise , and capable of fetching more fruits than whatever prescribed in the duties of a "Brahmin grihasta ".
And i am trying to make a wild guess about the third word used -'yowvana garvam' and my only clue is garvam - may have been referred to the context of " Pride in association with the Brahmin culture " -- Yes , Sir , the pride is there ofcourse , but the pride is personified when i can co-exist with other " CREATIONS of GOD !!"

If you do not believe in the Vedic idea that the jeevathma has its sojourn in the three worlds viz. bhulokam, bhuvarlokam and suvarlokam cyclically on the basis of his/her karmas and in order to protect these abodes of these three lokas a grihastha brahmana performs karmas then on the basis of your non-belief of course, you automatically fall into the idea of Abrahamic religions of one birth and one life and many choices.

-- I do believe in the ideas expressed above about the jeevatma and Re-birth stuff , but I do not believe that the final journey for the soul is being born as a Brahmin ! Suvarkalokam - who has seen it ?? Any Eye witnesses ? Any mobile calls from those who have reached there ?? I feel Living this Life Happily and without causing much harm to others is more important , GOD shall take care of the rest !

The question is would you like to be that grihastha brahmana as ordained in our Vedas or would you like to abandon it?

-- As I am a believer of the fact that " Hinduism is a way of Life " rather than a religion and I am in the process of making an earnest attempt to understand about the Vedas with the assistance of forums such as these, I rather abstain from replying to your question above.

And I would love to hear from you about - What exactly a grihasta brahmana has been ordained to carry out , as per the Vedas ! to explore the adaptability factor of each of the enumerations that you provide , in today's world !

Thanks and Regards !!

 

[Saab]

Dear Sri Vijisesh,

Actually you are so funny that when I read it I laughed out loud! Thank you!

'Yowvana Garvam' means pride of the youth. It is not applicable just to the Brahmins but to all human beings. Yowvana garvam has 'vayasu kolaaru'. It indicates that one's manasu is more active than his/her intellect (buddhi) at this age.

Before I explain further on the Grihastha's responsibility to Pithrus and Puthras and the three lokas I would like to understood you better so I can communicate with you better. You are saying 'Hinduism is a way of Life'. Can you explain this to me and all our readers?

 

[KRS]

Dear Sri Brahmanyan Ji,
You have very well articulated the situation in our community regarding this issue. The only slight disagreement I have with your view is that I think that this problem will increse daily. This is not 'alarming' yet, but it surely will in the near future.

The reason is quite simple. The boys families are still looking for matches with financial implications and the girls families are looking to move up socially. As long as there is this artificial worldly success criteria being applied to the matches, our community will face this problem.

Someone has asked, why single out the girls, and not consider the boys. I really think that the employed daughters of our are feeling more pressure and they are voting with their voices to opt out of all the financial concerns of their families.

Of course we can cite the Purva Mimamsa aspect of our culture and say that these daughters of ours should not be doing this. God Himself through Shastras has given the edict that such daughters of us have strayed from the path of 'dharma' and therefore should be treated as outcastes.

But then what are we doing as a community to safeguard the happiness of our daughters (and for that matter our sons) today? We are adapting to a 'traditional' but yet 'modern' way of life. Believe me, I am getting proposals for one of my sons and this is what I am saying - 'so and so is a blend of traditional and modern values' (whatever that means!

We can not sentence anyone in our community to be not of the community irrespective of what their personal choices are. If we do that, more and more we will shrink as a community. So, let us not bury our collective heads in the sand, but find a practical solution. Otherwise as 'modernity' moves past us, we will be literally holding the bag!

Pranams,
KRS

It is true that many Brahmin Girls marry boys from other Castes (and religions) nowadays. This trend started among the rich families first and now spreading to other strata of Brahmin families too. But I don't thing it has expanded to alarming proportions as some feel. When there is a change in the Social and economic values due to increase in earning capacity of girls these type of inter mixing take place. More economic independence among the employed girls is the primary reason for this change. But the attitude of Parents are also responsible for this situation. Parents who have primary responsibility to get proper match for their daughters when they attain eligibility to get married, postpone the same for some reason or other. When the boys and girls at marriageable age are left alone in far off places to mix without control, nature takes over the responsibility of the parents and tie them into wedlock. Many times this infatuation triggered by age, is mistaken for ( instant) love and has no religious, caste or community barriers. If these marriages are out of true love between the two, our Scriptures have nothing against them, and many of these marriages are also successful, but the children out of this wedlock are the worst sufferers. Our society is not ready to accept "asavarna Prathiloma" marriages yet.

This is a serious subject and I wish it is discussed by the learned members with equal seriousness.

Regards,
Brahmanyan.

 

[ganeshsdn]

halo everybody the topic is very harsh,, it is common to know the system lost its charm instantly because, the people searching for the very modern means of civilization (expenses) will go and attracted towards the Nb boys.
The mistake is purely on the elders to teach the value of the system in a pleasant manner. I am sorry to say wandering of money make the community to this sort of acts and we have to bear the pain..

 

[Brahmanyan]

Re: Brahmin Girls Marrying (attracted towards) NB.

Dear Sri K.R.S.,

Thank you for responding to my post. I do understand your anguish in the change of attitude among the Brahmin girls in the selection of their partners in life from other communities. I need not tell you changes take place due to some reason. We have to question ourselves and try to find the root cause for this sudden deviation from the existing system. I have given a few reasons that came to my mind, in my post. They are only superficial. I consider this more of a Social problem than Religious one. Our Scriptures are very liberal in legitimizing all kinds of marriages. I wish other learned members can ponder over the issue and give their opinions on the root cause for this change.

The modern educated Brahmin girl is more enlightened and enjoy more freedom than girls from other communities. This may be due to strict enforcement of community control over the individuals . But this may also change in due course when the individuals attain economic freedom.

I am not against any caste or religious combination and permutation in the selection of their partners in life done by the boys and girls . I am more concerned about the stability of such wedlocks in the long run. Society is made up of individual groups and groups,( which my be religious or castes) develop their own way of life and structure of likes and dislikes. This you will find even among the same caste. People from one district and other district show variations in language, mode of living, food tastes etc. As the years pass by to accept such a change by the married persons from different strata of society is very difficult. End result is separation, and the casualty is innocent children.

Regards,
Brahmanyan.

 

[Brahmanyan]

Brahmin Girld Marrying (Attracted towards) NB Boys.

Dear Sri Vijisesh,

Nice to see your post in the forum again. I always enjoy reading your posts. Your queries are quite legitimate and nobody can say it is a "criminal act" to marry out side the caste. Nor do I talk about purity of race etc. Our scriptures are very liberal and understandably they have accepted and tried to legitimize all kinds of marriages.But we must understand that Life is not just marriage and begetting children, it is a continuous process of two individuals living together for years. It needs a lot of understanding and adjustments of give and take to lead a family life. I feel it is better to have least number of differences than more.

Well, I don't think you are so naive to accept all these marriages happen out of Love . Some of them "yes" but many of them happen due to some other reason, may be infatuation or even out of protest, don't you agree that parents have a duty to find out the reason before accepting this kind of wedlock ?

I have posted two more messages in this thread which I hope you might have read.

Best Wishes,
Brahmanyan.

 

[vijisesh]

Thanks and Regards !

Dear Sri Brahmanyan ji,

Thank you very much and i too have high regards for your postings, sir !
I had been busy with work and so i was ON and OFF for quite sometime. But this discussion has pulled me into it and so here I am voicing my opinion.

I totally agree to your statement that the chances of " Getting Along " are better if both the partners have been groomed in similar cultural , traditional , lifestyles as the action/ reaction can be predicted by the other partner to some extent and the personal differences that arise between the partners's will be fewer and resolvable during their lifetimes !
Most often you don't find people risking their lives , my parents too had been specific about a " vadama ", 10 long yrs ago , and they didn't even compromise a " "dosama" or " idlima" , when it came to my marriage and touch wood I am still a happy-go-lucky saggittarian !

i feel that there may just be " Stray occurrences " of such marriages between brahmins and NB's . I can imagine the plight of the NB , he may eventually lose his hair, hunting for hotels who have menu of Thayir saadham on their menu card !

And as clearly analyzed in your second para , you are absolutely right --
The boy and the girl coming from two different cults who have decided to enter into a wedlock should take time-off , and with a cool mind have one or more sittings of good consultancy as they couldn't have thought in their wildest imaginations , what married life could turn out to be !, under the adverse circumstances , they'll be in !

But Sri Brahmanyan ji, I am unable to understand one thing ! , If the parents have treated their kids like friends throughout their upbringing , and have taught them the best principles of Life known to them , some inherited and modified to suit the contemporary , have given away total love and affection , making it explicit ( some people have hidden love , which bursts off one day !) , have inculcated sufficient confidence in making them think rationally without compromising cultural values ,................. then , then , then ,
I really don't find a reason why the boy or a girl should decide on their lives on their own ! Their father will be their Best pal and will be consulted for making any important decision in their lives! May be the people who experience such things have some shortcomings and therefore have themselves to blame ! Pardon me if I am sounding harsh !!

Dear Sri Vijisesh,

Nice to see your post in the forum again. I always enjoy reading your posts. Your queries are quite legitimate and nobody can say it is a "criminal act" to marry out side the caste. Nor do I talk about purity of race etc. Our scriptures are very liberal and understandably they have accepted and tried to legitimize all kinds of marriages.But we must understand that Life is not just marriage and begetting children, it is a continuous process of two individuals living together for years. It needs a lot of understanding and adjustments of give and take to lead a family life. I feel it is better to have least number of differences than more.

Well, I don't think you are so naive to accept all these marriages happen out of Love . Some of them "yes" but many of them happen due to some other reason, may be infatuation or even out of protest, don't you agree that parents have a duty to find out the reason before accepting this kind of wedlock ?

I have posted two more messages in this thread which I hope you might have read.

Best Wishes,
Brahmanyan.

 

[Brahmanyan]

Brahmin Girls Marrying (attracted towards) NB.

Dear Sri Vijisesh,

You have given a good analysis of the situation arising out of such marriage and I fully appreciate your reasoning, especially the last para of your post.

It is my view that the bond between parents and children are much more intimate and different than that of friendship. This bond is created by love and affection without any expectation on either side. Normally parents spend their entire life for the protection and welfare of their children within available means. (Ofcourse there are exceptions too.) I would rather suggest, Instead of moving as friends, the parents should create a healthy atmosphere in the family to make the children comfortable to confide any personal problems freely to them and seek their guidance. Parents can examine the problem without any pre-conceived ideas and place the pros and cons before the children to arrive at a satisfactory decision. This process will avoid children taking drastic decision suddenly and surprise the family.
As an old timer I believe in discipline in life, especially in running families. This discipline should be created out of real bond of love and affection.

Best Wishes,
Brahminyan.

 

[vvmkantan]

Healthy discussion on this subject is welcome. Pity is that we should make clear 2 things
1) can they accept cultural change _ born in a brahmin family they might have practiced some thing in their daily life which may not be possible and cant do for their rest of their entire life.
Habits like vegetarian food attending family functions with traditional mindset has to be sacrificed
2) Parents should take them to families /cite examples who has done this in the past and now suffering or just continuing their life. It will help them to live their life normally after marriage. Sort of counselling will help them to change/accept as things as it is. My personal experience is that this marriages just dont work 90%. Success rate is very negligible. Even in that 10% most of the people in some situation or in some way in the middle regret for their act.

 

[Ramaa]

I just received a email from a friend connected with Kanchi Matam and I rerpoduce the same. All interested parents should attend this camp.

Here is an announcement:

Sri Chandramouleeswaraya Nama:
Sri Sankara Baghavadpadacharya Paramparagata Moolamnaya Saravjnapeeta
His Holiness Sri Kanchi Kamakoti Peetadhipathi
Jagatguru Sri Sankaracharya Swamigal Srimatam Samsthanam,
Kanchipuram

SANATANA SAMSKRUTI CAMP
9th May 2008 to 14th May 2008 at Sri Sankara College,
Enathur, Kanchipuram.

The Sanatana Dharma or the way of life enjoined by the Vedas, otherwise known as Hinduism in the modern contemporary world, is the only way to happiness. It seems that the society is slowly limping backward from the ethical values of life and moving fast towards a moral bankruptcy. The values of life are dwindling at the cost of peace and happiness.

We find no time to contemplate or mull over the real nature of our life in this computer age, or our culture, heritage or other values enshrined by the seers of yore. Three generations of free India have descended from the original values of life.

Their Holiness Sri Jayendra Saraswathi Swamigal and Sri Sankara Vijayendra Saraswathi Swamigal, always contemplating on the dreadful condition of life, are ever trying their best to place the society back on the wheels of Dharma through various religious and spiritual exercises.

In order to bring a religious and spiritual revolution among the younger generation of the society we have to train the parental generation first. Hence, it has been decided to conduct a week shibir , a residential camp, for parents from 9th May 2008 to 14th May 2008 at Kanchipuram. People of age group 40 year to 65 are requested to enroll along with their wife/husband and other members within the above age group.

This camp will help the participants to tune their mind, body and their attitude towards the society and reinforce their faith in the traditions of Sanathana Dharma. Practical demonstrations of Sandhyavandana, Japa, Yoga, Concentration, Meditation etc will be given. In addition lectures by famous Vidwans on various subjects of importance like Pancha Mahayagnas, Kasi Rameswara Yatra, Sri Sankara Vijayam, Srimad Bhagavad Gita, Acharya Stotras etc are proposed.

At the end of the camp, competitions will be held on various subjects and special prizes for winners and mementos and complementary prizes for all participants will be awarded.

There is no entrance or registration charges, the only request made is your total involvement in the programme. We request everybody to participate and also invite your relatives and friends to join together with their wives/husbands.

Please enroll yourselves by filling the form given separately and submit before 23rd April 2008 to any of the following persons.

All participants are requested to report for Registration after 6PM on Thursday, 8th May 2008 at Sri Matam Office at No.1 Salai Street along with their belongings.

1. Dr Rishikesh (Vengudi)
33, Vaikunda Perumal Koil Street Extension,
Kancheepuram - 631501
Phone: 27223476

2. N. Ramasarma,
C/o Sri Kanchi Kamakoti Peetam Samsthanam,
1. Salai Street, Kancheepuram - 631502
Phone: 37290060 Cell: 9443405965

Application Form
(Send before 23.4.08)


Name:

Age: Sex:

Educational Qualifications:

Profession:

Permanent Address:




Telephones: Landline: Cell:

Native Place:

Gotram: Vedam: Sutram:

Subsect: Brahacharanam/Vadamal/Vadhyamal/Ashtasastram/................

Kula Devata:

Mother Tongue:

Languages Known:
Hobby:


Why I want to join the training programme? (Write in five lines)




Signature:

Place:
Date:

(Please send this to one of the following persons)
1. Dr Rishikesh (Vengudi)
33, Vaikunda Perumal Koil Street Extension,
Kancheepuram - 631501
Phone: 27223476

2. N. Ramasarma,
C/o Sri Kanchi Kamakoti Peetam Samsthanam,
1. Salai Street, Kancheepuram - 631502
Phone: 37290060 Cell: 9443405965

Note: While reporting for camp on Thursday, 8th May 2008, please bring along with you necessary dresses which shall definitely include 9*5 yard Veshti and Towel for gents and 9 yards saris for ladies and other items like tooth brush, toothpaste, soap, hair oil etc along with ropes and clips for hanging the clothes for drying. Theertha pathram, Pancha pathram, Uththirini, brass plate, vibhuti, kumkum also may be brought.

 

[fire]

Its about how parents grow up their kids

The trend of going away from the cultural path, getting into other habits with friends etc etc happening because of their lack of knowledge and I squarely put blame on the parents. I have seen Brahmins , the one and only thing they had was poonal(I donno what respect they will give to it) to classify as him Brahmin nothing else.In todays world the perception is that people are not heroes if they dont speak bad words,dont mingle with others and behave equally,to open their hearts and express their feelings , commenting about girls and crack jokes.They will worry about others plight after marriage.If you dont know what your kids are doing and the social pressure is capable of overpowering your words , who can I blame?

One of the theory floating around is, love (read in love marriage) is pure and its above all.If you dont like your partner live would become hell.So know your partner , go for a love marriage.Stop worrying about the rest and they are immaterial.Though I am not going to get into positive and negative side of this argument, I really want to know how many people's life has become hell because they have a bad father, a bad mother, a bad sister?Did you choose them? How many of you desert them?Thousands of fights, can you tolerate others abusing them?Are you not willing to adjust according to them?I am not saying we should not provide options to choose one's life partner.But if you can adjust with your blood relationship and find faults with others , whose is the mistake?

I have seen some of my hypocrite relatives,whose girl has got married into some other religion who went on blaming todays Brahmin youth for their not performing their religious duties and saying there is no difference between an other religion boy and us.Fine. If they feel magnanimous, why should they search a girl for his boy in Brahmin community? Why not can they look for all communities?

 

[fire]

Its about how parents grow up their kids

The trend of going away from the cultural path, getting into other habits with friends etc etc happening because of their lack of knowledge and I squarely put blame on the parents. I have seen Brahmins , the one and only thing they had was poonal(I donno what respect they will give to it) to classify as him Brahmin nothing else.In todays world the perception is that people are not heroes if they dont speak bad words,dont mingle with others and behave equally,to open their hearts and express their feelings , commenting about girls and crack jokes.They will worry about others plight after marriage.If you dont know what your kids are doing and the social pressure is capable of overpowering your words , who can I blame?

One of the theory floating around is, love (read in love marriage) is pure and its above all.If you dont like your partner live would become hell.So know your partner , go for a love marriage.Stop worrying about the rest and they are immaterial.Though I am not going to get into positive and negative side of this argument, I really want to know how many people's life has become hell because they have a bad father, a bad mother, a bad sister?Did you choose them? How many of you desert them?Thousands of fights, can you tolerate others abusing them?Are you not willing to adjust according to them?I am not saying we should not provide options to choose one's life partner.But if you can adjust with your blood relationship and find faults with others , whose is the mistake?

I have seen some of my hypocrite relatives,whose girl has got married into some other religion who went on blaming todays Brahmin youth for their not performing their religious duties and saying there is no difference between an other religion boy and us.Fine. If they feel magnanimous, why should they search a girl for his boy in Brahmin community? Why not can they look for all communities?

 

[kunjuppu]

it is often said that offence is the best form of defence.

i may be mistaken, but the theme in these topics centers around preserving something in an ever shrinking world. preservation is for museums and for tourists. i think different. i dream of growth and proliferation.

here is an alternate view. instead of feeling beseiged or threatened by intercaste marriages, why not welcome them. on our terms. after all, we need new blood to supplement our gradual shrinking numbers. we ourselves, for mainly economic reasons & for convenience, decided to limit our family to one or two kids. how can we then blame the next generation? why did we not follow our grand parents' example of having double digit progeny?

selfishness? or enlightenment? there is no right answer. it is up to you.

if we turn our backs to our children marrying outside of our caste, we in turn, cause one less of our own to identify as us. on the other hand, why don't we welcome them to our fold and familiarize them, to the extent, that we ourselves practice our traditions, whatever level it may be. the level of comfort to which we adhere our traditions, is our way of coping with these fast changes, trying to maintain an identity, while at the same time, flowing with the times. the best of all survival skills.

why don't we bend backwards to welcome our children's paramours of other castes or creeds or religions? they are not familiar with our traditions, and it is easy to mistake or find fault with them. instead if we have an open approach, and show them the way we do things, there is a quid pro quo relationship established. trust is built.

an immediate effect, is that it wins the admiration of our child. we can also set the stage for analysis to the suitability as partners, as opposed to being only friends, through serious honest talk about their relationship. for this to happen, trust has to be built and this takes time.

also, we then get to influence in how THEIR children are brought up. some of us, blessed with only daughters, have now a chance of extending our lineage through grandsons adopting our gothrams.

and the most important of all.. it immediately relieves tension. tension is the cause of nervous breakdowns and strokes. we need to live a tension free life.

personally, i think, if the brahmin welcomes someone to his fold, there is a lot of goodwill built and there is an increase in respect and our image. retro thinking, ie going back to educating the parents, i feel, may not be effective in dealing with our children's choice of spouses. they are flowing with the times, and we as parents, are trying to educate ourselves in the values of the past, fervently believing, that we have lost our bearings. not so.
that may look like an act of desperation, but we are all inherently resilient, and all we need is a mild deflection of our mindsets.

let us not survive, but grow. nobody grows by shrinking. i view our community like the palm trees, which sway to the winds and cyclones, but eventually retains its straightness, and not like a aala maram, which is strong and stout, but breaks under the attack of a strong wind.

God Bless.

 

[ganeshsdn]

dear sri brahmanyanji,
read your message. i would like to present and approach in a deep as well and different way. The first one is the innocence as you rightly pointed at the same time the lack of security which ought to be provided by the males!

I am ready to point out similar cases, the marriages went wrong are fixed up or axed up in the sense of security. The family which denied to give the adequate security and to safeguard them from the other person's eyes and to identify the correct life partner in view of not only wealth they are easily made as fair victims. once the female of our community decided a matter they never look back..... only at the last which they failed to yield the fruits.. They themselves spoil the whole. they are the easy prey to the animals of the others.
the