Brahmin Girls Marrying (Attracted towards) NB Boys

[ganeshsdn]

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dear sri brahmanyanji,
read your message. i would like to present and approach in a deep as well and different way. The first one is the innocence as you rightly pointed at the same time the lack of security which ought to be provided by the males!
I am ready to point out similar cases, the marriages went wrong are fixed up or axed up in the sense of security. The family which denied to give the adequate security and to safeguard them from the other person's eyes and to identify the correct life partner in view of not only wealth they are easily made as fair victims. once the female of our community decided a matter they never look back..... only at the last which they failed to yield the fruits.. They themselves spoil the whole. they are the easy prey to the animals of the others.
the need of the hour is to give security as a whole, they need to be counselled and given adequate protection and clarity towards life. No protection in mass is provided to our girls as compared to others. that is the main problem. Thatswhy we are made as scapegoats. sorry to say unmai sudum...

 

[ganeshsdn]

brahmin girls the growing concern!

dear sri brahmanyanji,
read your message. i would like to present and approach in a deep as well and different way. The first one is the innocence as you rightly pointed at the same time the lack of security which ought to be provided by the males!
I am ready to point out similar cases, the marriages went wrong are fixed up or axed up in the sense of security. The family which denied to give the adequate security and to safeguard them from the other person's eyes and to identify the correct life partner in view of not only wealth they are easily made as fair victims. once the female of our community decided a matter they never look back..... only at the last which they failed to yield the fruits.. They themselves spoil the whole. they are the easy prey to the animals of the others.
the need of the hour is to give security as a whole, they need to be counselled and given adequate protection and clarity towards life. No protection in mass is provided to our girls as compared to others. that is the main problem. Thatswhy we are made as scapegoats. sorry to say unmai sudum...

...........

 

[appaiah]

In another thread in this forum, Sri Brahmam had given a link to his web blog.

http://kichu.cyberbrahma.com/

He had given a link to the You Tube clipping on Vijay TV's "Neeya Naana" program on what the young girls and boys look forward to in respect of the future spouse.

From there I could get to the You Tube link to this clipping. It is as under:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0DB3LlleFE

Just see this clipping to get an idea of what the girls look forward to as requisites of the spouse. It need not refer only to the Brahmins. Two girls in this clipping seem to be Brahmins, but that is only presumption on the basis of the accent and looks.

 

[appaiah]

Here is the link to the full episode of the above program "Neeya Naana" dealing with the views of young boys and girls with regard to marriage, sampradayams, dress, selection of the spouse and the like.

There are two girls who appear to be Tamil Brahmins and are quite vocal about their views. One argues against the sampradayams including wearing of Thali. The other openly asserts that she would marry only a brahmin, giving the reason as 'superiority of the caste'. Both the girls get disapproval from the elders present in the program. But the first one says she wants a variety and would marry out of caste, which is not met with the same amount of resistance by those present.

http://www.tubetamil.com/view_video.php?viewkey=a8fef4af5e35709ecca1&page=1&viewtype=&category=

 

[vanam9394]

10 conditions

Appaiah,
Thanks for the youtube video. After I saw that I have lost the desire to get married.

In another thread in this forum, Sri Brahmam had given a link to his web blog.

http://kichu.cyberbrahma.com/

He had given a link to the You Tube clipping on Vijay TV's "Neeya Naana" program on what the young girls and boys look forward to in respect of the future spouse.

From there I could get to the You Tube link to this clipping. It is as under:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0DB3LlleFE

Just see this clipping to get an idea of what the girls look forward to as requisites of the spouse. It need not refer only to the Brahmins. Two girls in this clipping seem to be Brahmins, but that is only presumption on the basis of the accent and looks.

 

[appaiah]

Dear vanam9394-ji

Please donot base your decision of a life time on the basis of a few minutes' TV show.

Regards

Appaiah

 

[Saab]

Dear Vanamji,

All that you see are not real. When the right person comes he/she will fall in love unconditionally.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=i7jG91sPvf0&feature=related

 

[kunjuppu]

http://www.tubetamil.com/view_video.php?viewkey=a8fef4af5e35709ecca1&page=1&viewtype=&category

a most entertaining show. thank you appai for introducing this to me.

i have been out of india for over 34 years, and am in my late 50s. to me, this show was an eye opener for sheer entertainment value.

here in the west, for all public entertainment participation shows, they go through an elaborate ritual of vetting out the participants. only participants who have been perceived as entertainment value are selected. this to the best of my knowledge. not sure, if the participants here in this show, went through a similar selection process.

the youth in question may have been selected on the basis of their beliefs, and need not necessarily represent the majority view of the populace. just imagine if all of the participants said that they will follow tradition, marry the partner chosen by the parent, and undergo traditional ceremonies.

no story of interest there. then there is no show. only when there is discord, there is some interest. this is a public t.v. show made for entertainment.

it looked like all the participants were educated and urbanized. i could not differentiate the caste of the participants except the girl who identified herself as an iyengar.

my own perception is that as we get more prosperous, the kaLai automatically affixes to us, and bedevils those of us who try to define an individual by his supposed aura. it is a good thing for our society at large for this to happen.

from viewing the show, it appears that jaathi is a universal reality in india. assuming that the audience in the show came from a cross section, it was almost universal that all parents decided to stick to their jaathis when it came to spouses for their children.

thus, i think, that marriage in india, is still considered a union of families within the same community, with the two individuals concerned, relegated to 'significant participants', but not necessarily the defining ones. family compatibility and social acceptance and loss of face, appear to be the reigning values. i may be out of date here.

when there is two competing communities involved in the participation of the life of the couple, it is indeed much easier to live when both are from the same background. less stress. less tension. otherwise, it is a recipe for disaster. as was borne out by the police guy's testimony on the show.

maybe we need to talk more with our children, and provide them with the skillset to find their spouses, if they ever show a sign of restlessness or independent view as to selection of a spouse. absence of this, results in them falling head over heals with the first encounter. this is all they know. the movies and tv shows being their teaching resources for this knowledge.

we as parents, probably maintain a noble silence on this topic. again, times may have changed, and i may be wrong. gaining our children's confidence, is probably our biggest gift. it does not come easy, and involves a lot of hard work and patience and an extra ordinary latitude for discord.

for any intercaste marriage to even have a chance of success, considering the prevailing indian attitudes, it is best the young elope and move out of the country. at the least move to a different state. the couple could probably make a go of it, if the families do not intrude. and religion. and food. adjustments are the order of the day, but the ensuing happiness would be worth it. i think.

such of us here, who anguish over intermingling, would do well, to win the confidence of their children, and to step through the possible scenarios, in a calm and polite way, so that the message gets across. point blank disapproval is not always effective.

others of us, who have no such restrictions over intermingling, would do well, to let the young find their own equilibrium in their lives, and ensure that their right to explore and achieve contentment at whatever state it may be, is respected.

apart from the shell shock of the price of those displayed saris, once again, i am confirming my faith, that the sari is a truly socialistic attire, when elegantly draped, would bring tun tun on par with aishwarya rai.

socialism in all its shades has been proved to be an absolute zero. except when it comes to the sari. the same sari looks good across the board and enhances the attired one, if properly done. good stuff.

 

[appaiah]

As Sri Kunjuppu says it is quite possible "to prepare" the participants before the show, in order to bring more entertainment value. However, the way in which the two girls spoke of their conviction in what they were saying. Similarly the one who spoke against the theory of superiority by birth was very involved with what he was saying. He spoke with conviction and assertiveness.

As Sri Kunjuppu says the parents across the board want to maintain the marriages within their caste. This may be because it gives them the right to choose, the security for the boy/ girl, retention of their respective social and relative circle happy and intact.

In a case involving a friend of mine, he was in favour of inter-caste marriages when he was of an eligible bachelor, married only in accrodance with his parents choice as he didnot want to upset his parents (since his elder brother had not given much pleasure to his parents), but now when his children are growing up, he is very much in favour of marriage within caste and is against inter-caste marriage.

In a second case, a brahmin friend of mine married a reddiar girl. He has two daughters and a son. His first daughter was convinced by him not to marry a Chettiar girl, and he chose a brahmin boy and condcted the marriage according to Brahmin sampradayams. He tried to get his second daughter married to a brahmin, but was finding it difficult to get a suitable match. She chose a Christian Nadar and married him. The parents had to bless them and
conducted the marriage according to Christian sampradayams with conversion of course. He tried with great efforts for an alliance for his son within brahmins, could not get so far. He told me last week that his son may marry a Malayali Theeya girl as they are friendly now. So goes the "ageing" process. Times and age do change people.

One may have some views in one's 20s, but one need not hold the same view in one's 50s and 60s. Over the years, by experience and what one goes through in life, one takes a decision. Those in the 50s and 60s might take solace in saying that the decision taken by those in their age group is an "informed decision" based on experience in life.

 

[veekay]

This is definitely a very important topic for analysis and discussions. Before I set to write my first opinion on this site, I would like to invoke the solka.
“Asathoma Satgamaya - Lead me from untruth to truth
Tamasoma Jothirgamaya - Lead me darkness to light
Mrithyorma Amirthamgamaya – Lead me from death to immortality.”

When we ask the right questions, we shall get the right answers.
The following questions could be applied to all discussions of this site.
What is it to be a Brahman and are we living the way a Brahman should live?
Is there a worse form of Sin than Hypocrisy?
Manu says – a Brahman be punished twice for his mistakes – do you think today’s Brahmins make the ideal candidates for such a punishment?
My views/answers as under:
A Brahman is the embodiment of compassion and wisdom working to gain in the non-materialistic world- we hardly pursue true knowledge anymore.
I know many Brahmins who have started consuming meat, indulge in alcohol and women (one night stands/whores). To name a comment – the tender cow meat is like jackfruit. However, they proudly call themselves Brahmins and want to wear the punal (sacred thread) for show. This is height of hypocrisy –the worst form of sin.
The great words of Manu has come to be true – we need to be punished

Now, I would be very happy if the Brahmin girl chooses to marry a non-Brahmin instead of a Brahmin hypocrite. But she should inspire her non-Brahmin husband to work towards becoming a Brahmin- this will serve the interest of society.
She does’t do it either. Instead she makes things worse by indulging in live-in relationships. It is failure from all sides.
I am a strong believer in the fact the women drive society. Certainly, I not only observe but also can debate that Brahmin women are driving on the wrong side of the road. She is driving us towards materialism that leads to ignorance and suffering.

 

[veekay]

Sorry to interfere in this thread... May i Know y is that always women are pointed here?? Are brahmin guys not marrying NB gals... if you SIL is marrying a NB guy, now please dont point to most of the community gals on the same...

i would like to comment on what u have said...



Do u think that we should always digest whatever is being done to us??? Now we are "Sold" to men as "slaves" by a marriage... please refrain from such comments ... if you want us to serve the way the older generation has served, i am sorry you have entered a wrong era... :mad2:

This is definitely a very important topic for analysis and discussions. Before I set to write my first opinion on this site, I would like to invoke the solka.
“Asathoma Satgamaya - Lead me from untruth to truth
Tamasoma Jothirgamaya - Lead me darkness to light
Mrithyorma Amirthamgamaya – Lead me from death to immortality.”

When we ask the right questions, we shall get the right answers.
The following questions could be applied to all discussions of this site.
What is it to be a Brahman and are we living the way a Brahman should live?
Is there a worse form of Sin than Hypocrisy?
Manu says – a Brahman be punished twice for his mistakes – do you think today’s Brahmins make the ideal candidates for such a punishment?
My views/answers as under:
A Brahman is the embodiment of compassion and wisdom working to gain in the non-materialistic world- we hardly pursue true knowledge anymore.
I know many Brahmins who have started consuming meat, indulge in alcohol and women (one night stands/whores). To name a comment – the tender cow meat is like jackfruit. However, they proudly call themselves Brahmins and want to wear the punal (sacred thread) for show. This is height of hypocrisy –the worst form of sin.
The great words of Manu has come to be true – we need to be punished

Now, I would be very happy if the Brahmin girl chooses to marry a non-Brahmin instead of a Brahmin hypocrite. But she should inspire her non-Brahmin husband to work towards becoming a Brahmin- this will serve the interest of society.
She does’t do it either. Instead she makes things worse by indulging in live-in relationships. It is failure from all sides.
I am a strong believer in the fact the women drive society. Certainly, I not only observe but also can debate that Brahmin women are driving on the wrong side of the road. She is driving us towards materialism that leads to ignorance and suffering.

AUM

 

[Saab]

Dear Friends,

The video posted was quite interesting to watch. From the angle of our own community let me venture to make the following observations:

First of all the participants were organized by the T.V. people and their selection was not based on random sampling technique and therefore, prima facie, it is unscientific. Given the political persuasions that pervades all mass media in Tamilnadu I would say that the bias factor to be much more pronounced;

Secondly, the participants constituted mostly Hindus of all castes and not Brahmins alone. In fact I recon that the Brahmin(s) were a visible minority! Therefore it is not representative of the Brahmin outlook;

Thirdly, there was discernibly one Brahmin girl who asserted that she would marry only a Brahmin boy and she gave out her reasons with conviction;

Fourthly, the police officer gave out the testimony that the intercaste and inter-religious marriage have almost totally failed to survive (in 9 out of 10 cases)

So from the above observation my conclusion is that the young Brahmins of both sexes who attempt this cross marriage are more of an exception than as a rule. The exception is therefore the point of our discussion here - to some it is terrible because they have pride in their culture and heritage and to others it is a welcome trend for reasons of their own.

Lastly, there was one girl who vigourously advocated not only intercaste and inter-religious marriage but also the abandonment of all customs held sacred by Hindus as a whole and not necessarily the Brahmins. She is just a rebel.

I have studied physiognomy and have very successfully understood the characters I have confronted. From my point of view this girl for all that she made noise would be one of those most willing conformists! God willing we could discuss this some five years down the road to find out what happened to her!

I may not be politically correct in saying this! Women do change their opinion much faster! And they have greater persuasion skills on men!! It is this that made Ramayana the most celebrated epic!!

So in conclusion, my dear friends, have faith and teach your children, siblings and friends to hold on to their culture (irrespective of what caste the friends belong to) and goad them to do their mite to enrich their culture by getting involved. Bhagavan helps everyone. I have no doubt about it.

 

[KRS]

Dear Brahmanyan Ji,

I am in 100% agreement with you. As usual, you have hit the issue nail on it's head.

The concern should always be the welfare of all our children. Even the ones that seemed to speak out of turn on the Tamiltube video.

One thing I noticed is that the parents did not give out logical answers to the questions raised - they were hanging their hat on 'sambradhayam'. I also noticed that some of the youngsters stances seem to have been taken because they have come to realize the hypocrisy of the system. May be they have found some couples having a traditionsl marriage that are sham. Youngsters almost always take a contrarian position when they feel that the ideals they expect in society just shows them hypocrisy. These children are not the first ones to raise a revolutionary stance.

I totally agree with you that the main reason we should be concerned about these inter caste (or inter religion) unions is that it takes an enormous amount of effort to overcome all the difficulties placed before our youngsters life. Love may overcome a lot, but even love can not overcome everything. And what then about infatuation?

Like you, my thoughts are about the welfare of our youngsters, even when they make a mistake. I give a hoot about other peripheral reasons.

Pranams,
KRS

Dear Sri K.R.S.,

Thank you for responding to my post. I do understand you anguish in the change of attitude among the Brahmin girls in the selection of their partners in life from other communities. I need not tell you changes take place due to some reason. We have to question ourselves and try to find the root cause for this sudden deviation from the existing system. I have given a few reasons that came to my mind, in my post. They are only superficial. I consider this more of a Social problem than Religious one. Our Scriptures are very liberal in legitimizing all kinds of marriages. I wish other learned members can ponder over the issue and give their opinions on the root cause for this change.

The modern educated Brahmin girl is more enlightened and enjoy more freedom than girls from other communities. This may be due to strict enforcement of community control over the individuals . But this may also change in due course when the individuals attain economic freedom.

I am not against any caste or religious combination and permutation in the selection of their partners in life done by the boys and girls . I am more concerned about the stability of such wedlocks in the long run. Society is made up of individual groups and groups,( which my be religious or castes) develop their own way of life and structure of likes and dislikes. This you will find even among the same caste. People from one district and other district show variations in language, mode of living, food tastes etc. As the years pass by to accept such a change by the married persons from different strata of society is very difficult. End result is separation, and the casualty is innocent children.

Regards,
Brahmanyan.

 

[Saab]

Dear Appaiahji,

You singled out a gentleman for his views as follows:

Similarly the one who spoke against the theory of superiority by birth was very involved with what he was saying. He spoke with conviction and assertiveness.

Won't you admit that the girl had equal conviction, if we set aside our judgement?

Given the fact that the girl happened to be a Brahmin and the gentleman obviously not so, his arguments got delineated in saying that his children are educated and well placed in this mundane world whereas the girl's assertions were supramundane (even though she was equally if not more accomplished in this mundane stuff), it is easily discernible to me that his arguments were 'kama' (desire) driven as opposed to the 'karma' driven argument of the girl. So each one is talking of apples and oranges respectively!

 

[vanam9394]

Those days

I totally agree with Veekay. There may be few brahmins who eat meat and drink now but the number is growing pretty fast. Western culture is taking over India rapidly. So, it will not be surprising if young generation brahmins take to meat eating and drinking in a large scale. Those days will definitely come.

Brahmins who eat meat and drink should be formally outcasted from the community. That is a general practice in other caste esp. in villages.

This is definitely a very important topic for analysis and discussions. Before I set to write my first opinion on this site, I would like to invoke the solka.
“Asathoma Satgamaya - Lead me from untruth to truth
Tamasoma Jothirgamaya - Lead me darkness to light
Mrithyorma Amirthamgamaya – Lead me from death to immortality.”

When we ask the right questions, we shall get the right answers.
The following questions could be applied to all discussions of this site.
What is it to be a Brahman and are we living the way a Brahman should live?
Is there a worse form of Sin than Hypocrisy?
Manu says – a Brahman be punished twice for his mistakes – do you think today’s Brahmins make the ideal candidates for such a punishment?
My views/answers as under:
A Brahman is the embodiment of compassion and wisdom working to gain in the non-materialistic world- we hardly pursue true knowledge anymore.
I know many Brahmins who have started consuming meat, indulge in alcohol and women (one night stands/whores). To name a comment – the tender cow meat is like jackfruit. However, they proudly call themselves Brahmins and want to wear the punal (sacred thread) for show. This is height of hypocrisy –the worst form of sin.
The great words of Manu has come to be true – we need to be punished

Now, I would be very happy if the Brahmin girl chooses to marry a non-Brahmin instead of a Brahmin hypocrite. But she should inspire her non-Brahmin husband to work towards becoming a Brahmin- this will serve the interest of society.
She does’t do it either. Instead she makes things worse by indulging in live-in relationships. It is failure from all sides.
I am a strong believer in the fact the women drive society. Certainly, I not only observe but also can debate that Brahmin women are driving on the wrong side of the road. She is driving us towards materialism that leads to ignorance and suffering.

 

[appaiah]

Dear Sri Saab

You had stated

You singled out a gentleman for his views as follows:


Quote:
Similarly the one who spoke against the theory of superiority by birth was very involved with what he was saying. He spoke with conviction and assertiveness.
Won't you admit that the girl had equal conviction, if we set aside our judgement?

Just read the previous sentence (in my post) to the ones that you had highlighted. I had stated that both the girls spoke with conviction. May be it escaped your notice.

Regards

Appaiah

 

[Saab]

Thanks Appaiahji for the clarification.

 

[rprasad79]

Sorry to interfere in this thread... May i Know y is that always women are pointed here?? Are brahmin guys not marrying NB gals... if you SIL is marrying a NB guy, now please dont point to most of the community gals on the same...

i would like to comment on what u have said...



Do u think that we should always digest whatever is being done to us??? Now we are "Sold" to men as "slaves" by a marriage... please refrain from such comments ... if you want us to serve the way the older generation has served, i am sorry you have entered a wrong era... :mad2:

Mythreye,
I too agree ur concerns...I am not blaming just our coimmunity girls. If u look at my statement it is very evident that i mentioned that how come these girls getting courage. Just not i am against the girls evolutions. It is a welcoming one for good society. But for that matter we should lose our core cultural responsibilities. Sorry if you have mistaken my statement or my ststement has mistook the core point which i want to mention.

I am not against ladies coming and creating our greater society along with the boys...but for that matter, people shouldn't lose our tradition and culture. The same applies to guys as well who marry NB girls.

Thanks,
Ram

 

[rprasad79]

http://kichu.cyberbrahma.com/archives/233

Sorry to interfere in this thread... May i Know y is that always women are pointed here?? Are brahmin guys not marrying NB gals... if you SIL is marrying a NB guy, now please dont point to most of the community gals on the same...

i would like to comment on what u have said...



Do u think that we should always digest whatever is being done to us??? Now we are "Sold" to men as "slaves" by a marriage... please refrain from such comments ... if you want us to serve the way the older generation has served, i am sorry you have entered a wrong era... :mad2:

Hi Mythreye,
Please check this link then you will come to know what i meant

http://kichu.cyberbrahma.com/archives/233

 

[Saab]

Dear Sri Vijisesh,

In my last post to you I wrote:

Before I explain further on the Grihastha's responsibility to Pithrus and Puthras and the three lokas I would like to understood you better so I can communicate with you better. You are saying 'Hinduism is a way of Life'. Can you explain this to me and all our readers?

Since you feel shy of explaining to me, may I suggest the following article:

A primer on Hinduism and Hindu way of life
http://newstodaynet.com/col.php?section=20&catid=33&id=6418

 

[sriniranga]

Dear Prasad.. malgova for this malgova mango

Dont worry prasad.. These times NB girls also attract by the bramin boys.. my opposit house guy got married with nb girl.. So these are happening common now a days..

Thanks
Sriniranga

Dear Ram!

You will be more shocked , with replies you get from here. So be prepared, and expect the very worst.

May God bless you with a shock absorber heart.

Good luck
malgova.mango

 

[sriniranga]

I am late for this ..This clipings are very commedy

I can not belive these tamil girls.. Unimaginable talks in the public show.. i shown to my few of friend they are laughing about these girls and the program..

Hi Mythreye,
Please check this link then you will come to know what i meant

http://kichu.cyberbrahma.com/archives/233

 

[sriniranga]

People must see

http://www.archive.org/details/gov.doj.ncj.212664.v1.7


Here People are attracted towards our culture and traditions, Those tamil girls are not attracted towards western or europian or african ,Just they are talking like with out having zero knowledge..

 

[sriniranga]

Vij
Logically it might be ok but pratically it will end up bad result..

Hi! Everyone ,
A food for thought!
While we need to depend on the FOOD ( Rice, wheat etc) which the so-called NB's
sows , harvests and markets , while we need to depend on NB's to help cover up our bodies ,
Is marrying a NB , a criminal act to be condemned ?? pl enlighten me !

And the sacrifice that people are talking about done by them in Growing up their kids , doesn't all these come under the category of duties towards " My Family " ??

I feel a Dad who has understood his daughter well enough throughout their lifetimes should not have any difficulty in seeing her happy !! and the daughter on the other hand wouldn't do anything against the interest of their parents ! - Logical ??

 

[sriniranga]

pls write for this

Can any Devar or nadar or chettar or any other community guyes marry sc/st girls or guyes.. I bet it wont happen.. Those people always see them as untouchable. still in modern days. I saw in jaya tv one time , in one village where field workers should not wear slippers in the streets where devar/nadar are living..

http://www.archive.org/details/gov.doj.ncj.212664.v1.7


Here People are attracted towards our culture and traditions, Those tamil girls are not attracted towards western or europian or african ,Just they are talking like with out having zero knowledge..