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City girls vs village girls.
- Thread starter cg027h
- Start date
- Status
I did not see the program you are talking about.
But I could not hold back this comment
Your user name looks like a chemical formula -
nice to look at but difficult to remember!
But I could not hold back this comment
Your user name looks like a chemical formula -
nice to look at but difficult to remember!
Last edited:
Brahmanyan
Active member
Many of us would not have seen the program mentioned, just like me. Could you please give a gist of the points where the city girls have confused state of mind.
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.
Raji Ram
Active member
Dear Sir,
The whole program is uploaded in the youtube and here is one of the parts:
Neeya Naana Why Men Reject to Marry City Women Part5 (15-01-2012) - YouTube
All the boys who participated in the programme were from the south of tamilnadu. Their attitude is like that and they are not able to cope up with the city girls. They want their wives to be just cooking and sexual slaves of men
no chemical formula...
No chemical or physics... i just added my dob in between my name...
No chemical or physics... i just added my dob in between my name...
I did not see the program you are talking about.
But I could not hold back this comment
Your user name looks like a chemical formula -
nice to look at but difficult to remember!
S
Servall
Guest
Dear cg027h:
I happened to catch the program in its entirety and I was appaled to see the mindset of the boys in general except one. These guys came from the city, most of them I think they worked for IT, yet when it came to the type of girls they were looking for, they expressed very shallow perception of the city girls. In a nut shell, some of the comments they made of the city girls were as follows:
1. They cannot multi-task such as cannot do kolam, cook in the morning
2. Had issues with attitude for e.g. one guy thought calling someone by name was indecent (the girl called the moderator by name 'Gopi') which I and many others thought was no big deal and totally appropriate
3. Some boys had double standards, what they will allow their own sisters to do, will not let the prospective wives to do
4. About 95% of the boys looked for girls who would take care of the boys' parents, and NOT A SINGLE BOY expressed courtesy that he would be ok to take care of the girl's parents!!
5. One guy had the nerve to compare city girls to 'karumbu', they are sweet to chew but a burden to carry
6. About all of them preferred their wives to wear only saree or chudidhar, one guy went to the extent of saying he would allow his wife to wear jeans only within the four walls and not outside
7. Most of them had issues with their wives socializing with other men and neighbours, remember these are the educated guys wokring in IT, where they see the city girls working in teams and having to socialize with other members of the team
8. Some guys said these girls spend too much money on make-up and generally spend too much
9. Many guys said they feel threatened of girls being more educated than the guys, their independence and attitude.
Many more things were said. As the OP post said, they were really looking for spouses to take care of the boys' parents and them as velakari and not real partners. I wish one guy had said that he would marry a city girl for what she is, and he was looking for a partner. None of them said anything about how the girls have lot of more responsibilities to having to work outside to earn a second salary, and being a mom, husband, sister, brother, and to having to take care of the boys' parents and all the stresses that they need to take.
I was totally disappointed with our boys....as Gopi finally said, none of the girls in the other side would marry even one of them in the boys' side.
I agree 100% with servall’s summary, and would like to add a couple of comments on my own, reflecting more, the opinion of the 3 experts, including charu nivedita.
Charu, pointed out, that this obsession re taking care of parents, from the boys’ angle, is the fault more often of the boy’s mother. Whether it is realistic or not, these boys, are very sincere, when they expect such a behaviour of a nurse caretaker from their wives. I myself forget, the number of times, when my own mom, used to make offhand comments, about the fate to hear ‘words’ from the daughter in law, or being forced out of the house, and such.
The boys in tamil culture, from their young age, are programmed re being the old age insurance of their parents, and much as they can express those in terms of love and duty, it is almost, I think, a situation from which even if they want, they are unable to rid themselves, due to social and family expectations. I think there is still a stigma attached, to both the parents and the sons, if they live apart, after the father retires. No? atleast majority of families?
Another point noted, was none of the boys spoke about their future children, and the desire of the girl to have children, and the ability to be a good mother. When chosing a wife, would they not atleast give some importance to what is perhaps, the most important byproduct of a marriage?
Lack of கற்பு and disrespect of traditions, the boys threw in conveniently, through indirect and suggestive remarks, and when challenged, waffled as to what they meant. Also, the most rude and idiotic boys, came from boys’ only schools. This might say something about, what same sex educational institutions do, in terms of understanding the other gender, particularly for boys, whose head has been filled with all sorts of imagery of them being heroes, and girls falling at their feet. Atleast I think so.
While all of them wanted village girls, I don’t know how many really knew one. in these days of TV and 101 channels, and the internet, I would think that the girls, whether they be rural or urban, would be familiar, thanks to the media, with the norms of the world, the world wise ways & their own potential in the 21st century. So, the expectation, that a village girl, is a பத்தாம் பசலி , who would be docile and willing to be a second fiddle, is perhaps unrealistic.
It is interesting that these attitudes cut across social and economic strata, and shades of the same attitude have been, I recollect, have been echoed here in this very forum, by many bachelors.
Many a times, the boys in the tv show, expressed themselves to be ‘liberal’, but would enforce conformism on their wives, in the name of family ‘honour’ and ‘decency’. It appears, நாலு பேரு என்ன சொல்லுவாங்க rules! social pressure appears to be a big factor in many of their behaviour, when it came to how the wives were portrayed and seen.
The girls in yesterday’s show, deep inside, were not ‘modern’, as understood by western culture, where the concept of absolute equality, is acepted by the society at large. In my opinion, the girls in the tv show were still traditional indian, and were hoping, for a kind, sympathetic, equality minded partner. i got the feeling, that they did not bring this out with clarity. talking to a few boys, or wearing lipstick, is not essentially liberating. it is much more than that, i think.
None of them, bar one, challenged the validity of the boys’ attitudes and the built in double standards and unrealism in it.
My wife or daughter, would have trashed these guys’ arguments as rubbish, and would not have taken on the rather defensive tone, which these girls did.
Taking account of their accomplishments, the tamil girls certainly need to have a higher opinion of themselves – or may be due to the society in which they live, and the high profile of this show, they were reluctant to swing out in the open to the extent they would have wished. Only the girls know!
I do follow the ssmatri.net regularly, and judging by the notes of the girls there, cannot but wonder, and the seemingly ocean wide chasm between the life expectations of the two genders, from our community. After yesterday’s show, I am convinced, that this chasm, exists across entire tamil society of today.
thank you.
Charu, pointed out, that this obsession re taking care of parents, from the boys’ angle, is the fault more often of the boy’s mother. Whether it is realistic or not, these boys, are very sincere, when they expect such a behaviour of a nurse caretaker from their wives. I myself forget, the number of times, when my own mom, used to make offhand comments, about the fate to hear ‘words’ from the daughter in law, or being forced out of the house, and such.
The boys in tamil culture, from their young age, are programmed re being the old age insurance of their parents, and much as they can express those in terms of love and duty, it is almost, I think, a situation from which even if they want, they are unable to rid themselves, due to social and family expectations. I think there is still a stigma attached, to both the parents and the sons, if they live apart, after the father retires. No? atleast majority of families?
Another point noted, was none of the boys spoke about their future children, and the desire of the girl to have children, and the ability to be a good mother. When chosing a wife, would they not atleast give some importance to what is perhaps, the most important byproduct of a marriage?
Lack of கற்பு and disrespect of traditions, the boys threw in conveniently, through indirect and suggestive remarks, and when challenged, waffled as to what they meant. Also, the most rude and idiotic boys, came from boys’ only schools. This might say something about, what same sex educational institutions do, in terms of understanding the other gender, particularly for boys, whose head has been filled with all sorts of imagery of them being heroes, and girls falling at their feet. Atleast I think so.
While all of them wanted village girls, I don’t know how many really knew one. in these days of TV and 101 channels, and the internet, I would think that the girls, whether they be rural or urban, would be familiar, thanks to the media, with the norms of the world, the world wise ways & their own potential in the 21st century. So, the expectation, that a village girl, is a பத்தாம் பசலி , who would be docile and willing to be a second fiddle, is perhaps unrealistic.
It is interesting that these attitudes cut across social and economic strata, and shades of the same attitude have been, I recollect, have been echoed here in this very forum, by many bachelors.
Many a times, the boys in the tv show, expressed themselves to be ‘liberal’, but would enforce conformism on their wives, in the name of family ‘honour’ and ‘decency’. It appears, நாலு பேரு என்ன சொல்லுவாங்க rules! social pressure appears to be a big factor in many of their behaviour, when it came to how the wives were portrayed and seen.
The girls in yesterday’s show, deep inside, were not ‘modern’, as understood by western culture, where the concept of absolute equality, is acepted by the society at large. In my opinion, the girls in the tv show were still traditional indian, and were hoping, for a kind, sympathetic, equality minded partner. i got the feeling, that they did not bring this out with clarity. talking to a few boys, or wearing lipstick, is not essentially liberating. it is much more than that, i think.
None of them, bar one, challenged the validity of the boys’ attitudes and the built in double standards and unrealism in it.
My wife or daughter, would have trashed these guys’ arguments as rubbish, and would not have taken on the rather defensive tone, which these girls did.
Taking account of their accomplishments, the tamil girls certainly need to have a higher opinion of themselves – or may be due to the society in which they live, and the high profile of this show, they were reluctant to swing out in the open to the extent they would have wished. Only the girls know!
I do follow the ssmatri.net regularly, and judging by the notes of the girls there, cannot but wonder, and the seemingly ocean wide chasm between the life expectations of the two genders, from our community. After yesterday’s show, I am convinced, that this chasm, exists across entire tamil society of today.
thank you.
Last edited:
Comparing the urban and rural girls, one can say this much that a village girl can adapt herself in city, albeit gradually, without giving up her native talents. But a city girl can hardly make herself up in the countryside.
we cant generalise as city- village girl, it depends on individual girl's perception about life.
The way they look and learn things from experience decides their attitude and behaviour . If a girl is really strong in her mindset , situations(brought up conditions) have little to do with them.
The way they look and learn things from experience decides their attitude and behaviour . If a girl is really strong in her mindset , situations(brought up conditions) have little to do with them.
This is true story.
My elder sister in law (a practising doctor) wished her son to turn out like her husband - more attached to his mother.
One caution about neeya naana; the participants (at least some) are coached and rehearsed; this was said by two participants in a magazine interview.
How to sift what they say for show and what they feel/ accept in life?
My elder sister in law (a practising doctor) wished her son to turn out like her husband - more attached to his mother.
One caution about neeya naana; the participants (at least some) are coached and rehearsed; this was said by two participants in a magazine interview.
How to sift what they say for show and what they feel/ accept in life?
Brahmanyan
Active member
Given the opportunity, liberty and education any girl from rural back ground will accomplish all that the Girl brought up City could do with perseverance. This I am writing from personal experience. The participants especially boys in the program seem to exaggerate their preferences to suit the program.
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.
renuka
Well-known member
I always feel marriage need to take place among equals..equals in upbringing,family background,financial status,education status and mind set.
Mind set of a village girl might differ from a city girl and there is a risk of the village girl becoming a Rusi Kanda Poonai once in the town.
Seen that lots here..girls from rural areas once they taste modern life might just
break free form the chains that bound her before and can be almost impossible to deal with.
Mostly become too materialistic.
Mind set of a village girl might differ from a city girl and there is a risk of the village girl becoming a Rusi Kanda Poonai once in the town.
Seen that lots here..girls from rural areas once they taste modern life might just
break free form the chains that bound her before and can be almost impossible to deal with.
Mostly become too materialistic.
Last edited:
sarang, brahmanyan,
i am with you guys, re 'setting up' the participants.
i hope to thrown my ring into the neeya naana participant group, and would not mind a visit to india, if selected if this ever happens, i will share my experiences with the forum, as legality permits, as i am quite sure, there will be an initial questionnaire, and many legal disclaimers, prior to being put in front of the camera.
the show is entertainment, and as a moderator, gopinath, i find, does a good job, and sometimes, like moderators everywhere, he too takes a sharp stand, which appears to favour one side (krs i am just joking here).
no seriously, in this show, he came hard on the boys for certain comments, and really hard too. a few weeks ago, between students and teachers, he pulled up publicly a male teacher for inappropriate behaviour towards a female student, just prior to the show, when she announced this publcly.
most of the topics are titillating and, of current interest. ofcourse, the success of a show, also depends on the participating groups, and as they did in this show, they selected a perfect bunch of morons, to represent the guys. these guys were so much narrow minded, that even their mothers, sometimes may be embarassed by the way, they carried themselves in public.
the girls, i think, were a little more indicative of city brought up girls, and i could see my several chennai nieces fitting into that crowd. outwardly they indulge in dressing up, tanglish, group fun mostly movies and eatouts, and group study. with guys and if nieces were any indication, mostly within the caste or socio-economic equals. a good number picked their future spouse from within the group, and when it was announced, was a relief to most parents, as they knew the boys from high school onwards.
sarang, i do not quite understand, re your doctor sil and her son. was she bringing up her son as அம்மையொட்டி? how old is he and how successful was she? nowadays, with one child as the norm in many families, especially when there is only one son, i have son the mothers literally smothering their sons, to an extent, that i know, a few of my relatives, will not give their daughters to 'only child son' family for fear of the protective mother in law.
neeya naana, is the only tamil entertainment serial that i watch. this interest was precipitated, a few years ago, about thaali chain and value of it, and the indignation mentioned here in this forum, not only over the topic, but also, a supposedly 'tambram looking' girl's vehemance against the thaali concept. as one who has always subscribed to the concept, that தாலி ஒரு முள்வேலி, my interest perked up, and i have shared a few outstanding episodes here.
what i have found, interestingly enough, that many of the prejudices here, are reflected in the tamil society at large. i figure, any society wishes to hold on to its 'morals', long after there is any rational reason for doing so, mostly out of practice, a reluctance to change, lethargy, fear of the society and above fear of ostracism and mockery.
just one instance - i think an overwhelming number of members here, would like, and have advocated, to do away with subcaste restrictions, and marry within other brahmin sects or even language groups. if you see the ads in the websites, you dont see too many of such willingness to go beyond your own vadamal or brahacharanam or thenkalai or mulakanadu.
so too, in this episode. to look for compatibility between the city employed village minded boys and the city employed girls, was somewhat comparing apples to oranges. just getting a boy and girl, no matter, how many filterations one has gone through, and passed, is just not enough to encourage or induce them to make a couple, mate and produce a family. even 50 years ago, after all the porutham paarkkal, the ultimate test of compatability, was the பொண் பார்க்கல், which always made or broke a prospective wedding.
to that extent, grabbing a bunch of guys and girls, off the streets, putting them through a questionnaire filter, which was probably biased enough to reflect, the two conflicting views which the program director wished to clash, is not, in any way, intended to find mates. it was meant solely, to jack up the ratings, provide entertainment, and a topic of discussion in forums like these. to that extent, i think, neena naana is a success, and ofcourse, if in the process, we pick up a gem or two, insight into the societal attitudes, we should be lucky.
thank you.
i am with you guys, re 'setting up' the participants.
i hope to thrown my ring into the neeya naana participant group, and would not mind a visit to india, if selected
if this ever happens, i will share my experiences with the forum, as legality permits, as i am quite sure, there will be an initial questionnaire, and many legal disclaimers, prior to being put in front of the camera.the show is entertainment, and as a moderator, gopinath, i find, does a good job, and sometimes, like moderators everywhere, he too takes a sharp stand, which appears to favour one side (krs i am just joking here
). no seriously, in this show, he came hard on the boys for certain comments, and really hard too. a few weeks ago, between students and teachers, he pulled up publicly a male teacher for inappropriate behaviour towards a female student, just prior to the show, when she announced this publcly.
most of the topics are titillating and, of current interest. ofcourse, the success of a show, also depends on the participating groups, and as they did in this show, they selected a perfect bunch of morons, to represent the guys. these guys were so much narrow minded, that even their mothers, sometimes may be embarassed by the way, they carried themselves in public.
the girls, i think, were a little more indicative of city brought up girls, and i could see my several chennai nieces fitting into that crowd. outwardly they indulge in dressing up, tanglish, group fun mostly movies and eatouts, and group study. with guys and if nieces were any indication, mostly within the caste or socio-economic equals. a good number picked their future spouse from within the group, and when it was announced, was a relief to most parents, as they knew the boys from high school onwards.
sarang, i do not quite understand, re your doctor sil and her son. was she bringing up her son as அம்மையொட்டி? how old is he and how successful was she? nowadays, with one child as the norm in many families, especially when there is only one son, i have son the mothers literally smothering their sons, to an extent, that i know, a few of my relatives, will not give their daughters to 'only child son' family for fear of the protective mother in law.
neeya naana, is the only tamil entertainment serial that i watch. this interest was precipitated, a few years ago, about thaali chain and value of it, and the indignation mentioned here in this forum, not only over the topic, but also, a supposedly 'tambram looking' girl's vehemance against the thaali concept. as one who has always subscribed to the concept, that தாலி ஒரு முள்வேலி, my interest perked up, and i have shared a few outstanding episodes here.
what i have found, interestingly enough, that many of the prejudices here, are reflected in the tamil society at large. i figure, any society wishes to hold on to its 'morals', long after there is any rational reason for doing so, mostly out of practice, a reluctance to change, lethargy, fear of the society and above fear of ostracism and mockery.
just one instance - i think an overwhelming number of members here, would like, and have advocated, to do away with subcaste restrictions, and marry within other brahmin sects or even language groups. if you see the ads in the websites, you dont see too many of such willingness to go beyond your own vadamal or brahacharanam or thenkalai or mulakanadu.
so too, in this episode. to look for compatibility between the city employed village minded boys and the city employed girls, was somewhat comparing apples to oranges. just getting a boy and girl, no matter, how many filterations one has gone through, and passed, is just not enough to encourage or induce them to make a couple, mate and produce a family. even 50 years ago, after all the porutham paarkkal, the ultimate test of compatability, was the பொண் பார்க்கல், which always made or broke a prospective wedding.
to that extent, grabbing a bunch of guys and girls, off the streets, putting them through a questionnaire filter, which was probably biased enough to reflect, the two conflicting views which the program director wished to clash, is not, in any way, intended to find mates. it was meant solely, to jack up the ratings, provide entertainment, and a topic of discussion in forums like these. to that extent, i think, neena naana is a success, and ofcourse, if in the process, we pick up a gem or two, insight into the societal attitudes, we should be lucky.
thank you.
renus,
i dont know about current norms, but when i was growing up, the process of arranged marriages, always conformed to the criteria that you mentioned.
as a rule, even before horoscope matching, அழகு அந்தஸ்து பணம் should match. under normal circumstances ofcourse. where there was something lacking, then the folks went a little beyond the norm prescribed barriers. for example, if an extremely fair, pretty girl is to be married to a dark chubby balding short guy, the tongues would wag, to find out, what it is was the 'minus' factor with the girl, that made the match possible.
it could be anything, from lack of funds on the girl's side and hence marrying up by trading the looks for wealth and comfortable life, or could be the guy had a great job (IAS was the ultimate when i was a kid) or the girl simply was too wild or had some dark secrets, and the parents passed her on to the first guy available (!). since there was no 'love' involved, the cold hard scales of evaluation, ensured that the needle of the thraasu attained the perfect 90 degrees, by giving up some, for gaining others.
ofcourse, all these rules go to the dogs, when love is involved. love is blind laa
no?
Brahmanyan
Active member
Dear Doctor,
This is what Srimath Bhagavatam prescribes for friendship and Marriage. Sudden exposure to City life will tempt the person to indulge in excess. without knowing the depth of the danger.
Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.
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