So, go ahead if you love the person and committed to spend the rest of your life with him/her...the couple maintains that this age gap has never been a matter of concern in their relationship and instead, has made them more committed and understanding towards each other.
Do our sasthras,(smartha) permit or approve the marriage where the bride is elder to the groom
Sita is not older than Rama - pls don’t post distorted facts.The Shastras or scriptures do not advocate anything as to age and difference between the groom and bride. It just explains that procreation, duty to provide for the family, and devotion to each other is key to happiness. Polygamy and polyandry were allowed to preserve the clan and ensure every woman was protected and could bear children.
I understand Yajnavalkya Smriti is considered authoritative, and it doesn’t give a particular age difference but says younger, but I have not studied it.
No such thing. Sita was older than Rama. Bhama has married already and older to Krishna.
Here is the story, I quote from Srimad Bhagavatham 9.23.34 - 9.23.38
9.23.34. The son of Usana was Rucaka , who had five sons — Purujit , Rukma ,Rukmesu, Pṛthu and Jyaamagha . I will now tell the stories about them.
9.23.35 Jyaamagha was a henpecked husband. Though he had no sons, he did not accept another wife, out of fear of his wife, Saibya.
9.23.36 Once, Jyaamagha, during an attack on an enemy country, took a girl for sexual gratification. Upon seeing her, Saibya was very angry and said to her husband, “You cheat, who is this girl sitting on my place in your chariot?” Jyaamagha replied,“ This girl will be your daughter-in-law. “
9.23 37 Saibya replied “ I am sterile and have no cowife. How can this girl be my daughter-in-law? Tell me ” Jyamagha replied “She will be a suitable wife for our future son"
9 23 38 Jyaamagha prayed to the Viswedevas and the Pithris and due to their blessings, Saibya later became pregnant. In due course she gave birth to a child named Vidarbha. Since the girl had been accepted as a daughter - in - law even before his birth, Vidarbha actually married her when he grew up.
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Is it acceptable in Hindu traditions to marry a girl elder than the boy?
Answer (1 of 23): 1. Sachin Tendulkar 2. Abhishek Bachchan 3. Raj Kundra 4. Dhanush These guys are younger than their respective wives. There may be many more names. My wife is about 1.5 years elder than me. And I am a Hindu and we got married in 2015. This is the beauty of Hinduism. It's not i...www.quora.com
Sita is not older than Rama - pls don’t post distorted facts.
As per Amish Tripathi’s latest book SITA-Warrior of Mithila, Ram’s age is 4 years less than that of Sita’s. This was validated by the writer in many instancs throughout the book.
Tha Smritis as far as I know are silent on this.Bt they say the groom should be thrice the age of the brideDo our sasthras,(smartha) permit or approve the marriage where the bride is elder to the groom
Tha Smritis as far as I know are silent on this.Bt they say the groom should be thrice the age of the bride
This is not a justification of manu smrti. manu smrti is an outdated text, not applicable to our lives at all.
Yet manu smrti has to be understood in context and also completely to figure out what it actually conveys.
manu smrti sec 9.88
utkṛṣṭāyābhi (eminent) rūpāya (form) varāya (groom) sadṛśāya ca (seen and) aprāptām (not fully grown) api (though/even) tāṃ tasmai kanyāṃ (that kanya) dadyād (think/offer) yatha avidhi (in case as exception)
As an exception, if not fully grown kanya has to be given, she has to be given to a groom who has eminent looks
kāmamāmaraṇāt tiṣṭhed gṛhe (endlessly be in the house by her own desire) kanyārtumatyapi (tll kanya's death) | na caivaināṃ prayacchet tu guṇahīnāya karhi cit (and anytime not even thought of being given to guna-hina)
But she cannot even be thought of to be given to a guna-hina and she by her own desire can stay in her house till her death.
trīṇi varṣāṇyudīkṣeta kumārya rtumatī (puberty) satī ūrdhvaṃ tu kālādet asmād vindeta sadṛśaṃ patim |
Three years the kumari can wait after puberty. After that she can find her own pati
adīyamānā (impure or unwise) bhartāram adhi gacched yadi svayam nainaḥ kiṃ cid avāpnoti na ca yaṃ sā'dhi gacchati
She does not become unwise/impure in case she does it, nor her companion
alaṅkāraṃ nādadīta pitryaṃ kanyā svayaṃvarā mātṛkaṃ bhrātṛdattaṃ vā stenā syād yadi taṃ haret
She does not take any ornaments/decorations from her father, mother, brother; else she is like a thief
pitre na dadyātśulkaṃ tu kanyāṃ ṛtumatīṃ haran sa ca svāmyādatikrāmed ṛtūnāṃ pratirodhanāt
In case of taking a kanya who has reached puberty, nothing is to be given, pitr falls off the ownership for keeping kanya (automaticaly).
triṃśadvarṣo vahet kanyāṃ hṛdyāṃ dvādaśavārṣikīm tryaṣṭavarṣa aṣṭavarṣāṃ vā (if in case or else) dharme sīdati satvaraḥ (his dharma suffers soon)
A thirty year old can carry a kanya with heart of 12 years or a 24 years of 8 years if in cases his dharma/duties suffer soon.
devadattāṃ patir bhāryāṃ vindate necchayā'tmanaḥ tāṃ sādhvīṃ bibhṛyān nityaṃ devānāṃ priyamācaran
A husband finds his wife as god-given, desire of his self; hennce he carries his wife always as the desire of gods.
prajanārthaṃ striyaḥ sṛṣṭāḥ santānārthaṃ ca mānavaḥ tasmāt sā dhāraṇo dharmaḥ śrutau patnyā sahoditaḥ
And man is for the purpose of offsprings, woman is for creating them; hence duties have to be borne together
kanyāyāṃ datta śulkāyāṃ (who gave dowry) mriyeta yadi śulkadaḥ devarāya (brother in law) pradātavyā yadi kanyā anumanyate
In case if a person has paid dowry for a kanya and he dies, if the kanya agrees, she is given to brother-in-law. (though giving such a dowry is totally prohibited)
Summary is this
Kanya is given only as an exception before puberty to one with great looks. A kanya can remain in parents house till her death as she desires, if there is no suitable groom.
A kanya can wait till 3 years after puberty to be married off. If not she can marry anyone she desires. In such cases she should not take anything from her family or else she is a thief.
If a kanya who has reached puberty is taken, no dowry should be given to her parents, as they don't have the ownership of kanya (after 3 years of her puberty).
A thirty year old can marry a 12 years or 24 years of 8 years, in case his duties/dharma suffers soon. (normally this is not the case. if in case a person has no other option and his duties suffer he does that as an exception).
For a husband, wife is god-given. Hence he carries her always. Man and woman both have to do duties together (hence marriage is important and hence the exception case above).
If the man who paid dowry to the kanya dies (before marriage), her brother can take her, if the kanya agrees.
**
The age difference mentioned here is more an exception in cases duties of a person suffers. In fact this should be taken as a upper limit of difference in age rather than the rule.
Not just in above case, but in general, manu smrti allows younger brothers to marry wife of elder brothers irrespective of age. So there is no specification of age.
Since duties of a couple are equal, the only expectation could be that pati-patni are in somewhat similar range of age (anyone's age can be higher or lower) with which they can do their household duties of creation of a family, its protection together.
This is ofcourse, my understanding.
This is not a justification of manu smrti. manu smrti is an outdated text, not applicable to our lives at all.
Yet manu smrti has to be understood in context and also completely to figure out what it actually conveys.
manu smrti sec 9.88
utkṛṣṭāyābhi (eminent) rūpāya (form) varāya (groom) sadṛśāya ca (seen and) aprāptām (not fully grown) api (though/even) tāṃ tasmai kanyāṃ (that kanya) dadyād (think/offer) yatha avidhi (in case as exception)
As an exception, if not fully grown kanya has to be given, she has to be given to a groom who has eminent looks
kāmamāmaraṇāt tiṣṭhed gṛhe (endlessly be in the house by her own desire) kanyārtumatyapi (tll kanya's death) | na caivaināṃ prayacchet tu guṇahīnāya karhi cit (and anytime not even thought of being given to guna-hina)
But she cannot even be thought of to be given to a guna-hina and she by her own desire can stay in her house till her death.
trīṇi varṣāṇyudīkṣeta kumārya rtumatī (puberty) satī ūrdhvaṃ tu kālādet asmād vindeta sadṛśaṃ patim |
Three years the kumari can wait after puberty. After that she can find her own pati
adīyamānā (impure or unwise) bhartāram adhi gacched yadi svayam nainaḥ kiṃ cid avāpnoti na ca yaṃ sā'dhi gacchati
She does not become unwise/impure in case she does it, nor her companion
alaṅkāraṃ nādadīta pitryaṃ kanyā svayaṃvarā mātṛkaṃ bhrātṛdattaṃ vā stenā syād yadi taṃ haret
She does not take any ornaments/decorations from her father, mother, brother; else she is like a thief
pitre na dadyātśulkaṃ tu kanyāṃ ṛtumatīṃ haran sa ca svāmyādatikrāmed ṛtūnāṃ pratirodhanāt
In case of taking a kanya who has reached puberty, nothing is to be given, pitr falls off the ownership for keeping kanya (automaticaly).
triṃśadvarṣo vahet kanyāṃ hṛdyāṃ dvādaśavārṣikīm tryaṣṭavarṣa aṣṭavarṣāṃ vā (if in case or else) dharme sīdati satvaraḥ (his dharma suffers soon)
A thirty year old can carry a kanya with heart of 12 years or a 24 years of 8 years if in cases his dharma/duties suffer soon.
devadattāṃ patir bhāryāṃ vindate necchayā'tmanaḥ tāṃ sādhvīṃ bibhṛyān nityaṃ devānāṃ priyamācaran
A husband finds his wife as god-given, desire of his self; hennce he carries his wife always as the desire of gods.
prajanārthaṃ striyaḥ sṛṣṭāḥ santānārthaṃ ca mānavaḥ tasmāt sā dhāraṇo dharmaḥ śrutau patnyā sahoditaḥ
And man is for the purpose of offsprings, woman is for creating them; hence duties have to be borne together
kanyāyāṃ datta śulkāyāṃ (who gave dowry) mriyeta yadi śulkadaḥ devarāya (brother in law) pradātavyā yadi kanyā anumanyate
In case if a person has paid dowry for a kanya and he dies, if the kanya agrees, she is given to brother-in-law. (though giving such a dowry is totally prohibited)
Summary is this
Kanya is given only as an exception before puberty to one with great looks. A kanya can remain in parents house till her death as she desires, if there is no suitable groom.
A kanya can wait till 3 years after puberty to be married off. If not she can marry anyone she desires. In such cases she should not take anything from her family or else she is a thief.
If a kanya who has reached puberty is taken, no dowry should be given to her parents, as they don't have the ownership of kanya (after 3 years of her puberty).
A thirty year old can marry a 12 years or 24 years of 8 years, in case his duties/dharma suffers soon. (normally this is not the case. if in case a person has no other option and his duties suffer he does that as an exception).
For a husband, wife is god-given. Hence he carries her always. Man and woman both have to do duties together (hence marriage is important and hence the exception case above).
If the man who paid dowry to the kanya dies (before marriage), her brother can take her, if the kanya agrees.
**
The age difference mentioned here is more an exception in cases duties of a person suffers. In fact this should be taken as a upper limit of difference in age rather than the rule.
Not just in above case, but in general, manu smrti allows younger brothers to marry wife of elder brothers irrespective of age. So there is no specification of age.
Since duties of a couple are equal, the only expectation could be that pati-patni are in somewhat similar range of age (anyone's age can be higher or lower) with which they can do their household duties of creation of a family, its protection together.
This is ofcourse, my understanding.
In anywayThis is not a justification of manu smrti. manu smrti is an outdated text, not applicable to our lives at all.
Yet manu smrti has to be understood in context and also completely to figure out what it actually conveys.
manu smrti sec 9.88
utkṛṣṭāyābhi (eminent) rūpāya (form) varāya (groom) sadṛśāya ca (seen and) aprāptām (not fully grown) api (though/even) tāṃ tasmai kanyāṃ (that kanya) dadyād (think/offer) yatha avidhi (in case as exception)
As an exception, if not fully grown kanya has to be given, she has to be given to a groom who has eminent looks
kāmamāmaraṇāt tiṣṭhed gṛhe (endlessly be in the house by her own desire) kanyārtumatyapi (tll kanya's death) | na caivaināṃ prayacchet tu guṇahīnāya karhi cit (and anytime not even thought of being given to guna-hina)
But she cannot even be thought of to be given to a guna-hina and she by her own desire can stay in her house till her death.
trīṇi varṣāṇyudīkṣeta kumārya rtumatī (puberty) satī ūrdhvaṃ tu kālādet asmād vindeta sadṛśaṃ patim |
Three years the kumari can wait after puberty. After that she can find her own pati
adīyamānā (impure or unwise) bhartāram adhi gacched yadi svayam nainaḥ kiṃ cid avāpnoti na ca yaṃ sā'dhi gacchati
She does not become unwise/impure in case she does it, nor her companion
alaṅkāraṃ nādadīta pitryaṃ kanyā svayaṃvarā mātṛkaṃ bhrātṛdattaṃ vā stenā syād yadi taṃ haret
She does not take any ornaments/decorations from her father, mother, brother; else she is like a thief
pitre na dadyātśulkaṃ tu kanyāṃ ṛtumatīṃ haran sa ca svāmyādatikrāmed ṛtūnāṃ pratirodhanāt
In case of taking a kanya who has reached puberty, nothing is to be given, pitr falls off the ownership for keeping kanya (automaticaly).
triṃśadvarṣo vahet kanyāṃ hṛdyāṃ dvādaśavārṣikīm tryaṣṭavarṣa aṣṭavarṣāṃ vā (if in case or else) dharme sīdati satvaraḥ (his dharma suffers soon)
A thirty year old can carry a kanya with heart of 12 years or a 24 years of 8 years if in cases his dharma/duties suffer soon.
devadattāṃ patir bhāryāṃ vindate necchayā'tmanaḥ tāṃ sādhvīṃ bibhṛyān nityaṃ devānāṃ priyamācaran
A husband finds his wife as god-given, desire of his self; hennce he carries his wife always as the desire of gods.
prajanārthaṃ striyaḥ sṛṣṭāḥ santānārthaṃ ca mānavaḥ tasmāt sā dhāraṇo dharmaḥ śrutau patnyā sahoditaḥ
And man is for the purpose of offsprings, woman is for creating them; hence duties have to be borne together
kanyāyāṃ datta śulkāyāṃ (who gave dowry) mriyeta yadi śulkadaḥ devarāya (brother in law) pradātavyā yadi kanyā anumanyate
In case if a person has paid dowry for a kanya and he dies, if the kanya agrees, she is given to brother-in-law. (though giving such a dowry is totally prohibited)
Summary is this
Kanya is given only as an exception before puberty to one with great looks. A kanya can remain in parents house till her death as she desires, if there is no suitable groom.
A kanya can wait till 3 years after puberty to be married off. If not she can marry anyone she desires. In such cases she should not take anything from her family or else she is a thief.
If a kanya who has reached puberty is taken, no dowry should be given to her parents, as they don't have the ownership of kanya (after 3 years of her puberty).
A thirty year old can marry a 12 years or 24 years of 8 years, in case his duties/dharma suffers soon. (normally this is not the case. if in case a person has no other option and his duties suffer he does that as an exception).
For a husband, wife is god-given. Hence he carries her always. Man and woman both have to do duties together (hence marriage is important and hence the exception case above).
If the man who paid dowry to the kanya dies (before marriage), her brother can take her, if the kanya agrees.
**
The age difference mentioned here is more an exception in cases duties of a person suffers. In fact this should be taken as a upper limit of difference in age rather than the rule.
Not just in above case, but in general, manu smrti allows younger brothers to marry wife of elder brothers irrespective of age. So there is no specification of age.
Since duties of a couple are equal, the only expectation could be that pati-patni are in somewhat similar range of age (anyone's age can be higher or lower) with which they can do their household duties of creation of a family, its protection together.
This is ofcourse, my understanding.
ManusmritiE irstly to make mysekf ckear there are no special ri=uled for "smarthas:
The main sutras thatbare now followed are Apastamba Bodhanya etc All of them derived from Manu Smriti
There is no expresss ban on the bride being older
he recommendation is that the groom should be thrice the age of the bride
As there is no ban a marraig can be done
hiYes
Bhagavadgita covers the whole text explained in long and short form in vedas .
It clears the ignorance to get smriti so it is above all smritis , upanishads and even Brahmaputra which are for high philosophies .
I feel it to be an divine scripture .
Regards
The question is bearing child. Marrying a 40 year old lady by a 20 year old boy is fine with biology. But since reproductive capacity diminishes in women (she is born with about 300 eggs, the reproduction may be a point) in historical times. Also, the frontal context for girls matures around 22 and for the boys around 27-29 according to research. With high death rate due to diseases until about 1945, there was an urge to get married earlier, reproduce and die on an average around about 40 years). Thus, young girls got married earlier. But sastra never entered into marriage. Marriage rituals, Janavasam etc., were social events with eye witness to the event in case a dispute arises. Now all those are not true. So, if the girl is about 5 years older than the boys and the boys are around about 24-25, it will work out as mature lady will take care of the husband better than a girl who has to learn all the marital tricks. So, we do not have any authority – Hinduism did not prescribe but social needs and norms dictated the tradition. With a small Brahmin population and isolated due to travel difficulties and poverty, in general, remarriage was discouraged. It is also true, that the rest of the family took possession of the property of the dead man and enjoyed the benefits, though they professed God fearing. All have now changed. So, what ever is convenient and not harmful to family relationship should be OK. Will I marry a older women? Yes, provided she is not a narcissist.The Shastras or scriptures do not advocate anything as to age and difference between the groom and bride. It just explains that procreation, duty to provide for the family, and devotion to each other is key to happiness. Polygamy and polyandry were allowed to preserve the clan and ensure every woman was protected and could bear children.
I understand Yajnavalkya Smriti is considered authoritative, and it doesn’t give a particular age difference but says younger, but I have not studied it.
No such thing. Sita was older than Rama. Bhama has married already and older to Krishna.
Here is the story, I quote from Srimad Bhagavatham 9.23.34 - 9.23.38
9.23.34. The son of Usana was Rucaka , who had five sons — Purujit , Rukma ,Rukmesu, Pṛthu and Jyaamagha . I will now tell the stories about them.
9.23.35 Jyaamagha was a henpecked husband. Though he had no sons, he did not accept another wife, out of fear of his wife, Saibya.
9.23.36 Once, Jyaamagha, during an attack on an enemy country, took a girl for sexual gratification. Upon seeing her, Saibya was very angry and said to her husband, “You cheat, who is this girl sitting on my place in your chariot?” Jyaamagha replied,“ This girl will be your daughter-in-law. “
9.23 37 Saibya replied “ I am sterile and have no cowife. How can this girl be my daughter-in-law? Tell me ” Jyamagha replied “She will be a suitable wife for our future son"
9 23 38 Jyaamagha prayed to the Viswedevas and the Pithris and due to their blessings, Saibya later became pregnant. In due course she gave birth to a child named Vidarbha. Since the girl had been accepted as a daughter - in - law even before his birth, Vidarbha actually married her when he grew up.
![]()
Is it acceptable in Hindu traditions to marry a girl elder than the boy?
Answer (1 of 23): 1. Sachin Tendulkar 2. Abhishek Bachchan 3. Raj Kundra 4. Dhanush These guys are younger than their respective wives. There may be many more names. My wife is about 1.5 years elder than me. And I am a Hindu and we got married in 2015. This is the beauty of Hinduism. It's not i...www.quora.com
Please don't get upset. Seetha will not object. People show their ignorance and when she got married the marriageale age were 7 for girls and 9-10 for boys. My great grandmother got married like that and she had cursed every one for that. Balyavivaha was the norm, thus if he means another 2nd older Seetha, I don't think first Seetha would have prevented it. Also, according to legen, Rama said Eka patni vrat - one woman policy and he knew the fate of 2+ wives in a males life, even though as a King he could have married. So, any thing posted is personal opinion and no one was there at that time, lives until now (Anjaneya may be an exception, but he too is running away from Bhkatas).Sita is not older than Rama - pls don’t post distorted facts.