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Oh I see. Tnx for the clarification, shri vgane.
But I still don't see why the guy committed SUICIDE?Was it to save face? Nowadays, many marriages, even within the same caste and community (and even arranged marriages), don't work, but I've rarely heard of anyone taking their own life because of incompatibility/wrong step etc. Just shake hands and part amicably and get on with your lives- that's what I've seen most young people do! :-)
 
This guy obviously was under a lot of stress from all sides, parents pressuring him and the newly wed wife pushing back. He snapped, couldn't cope, a sad ending caused by sense of honor tied to tribal identity. Sad story for the kith and kin, talking point for conservatives, just another statistic for government data collectors. How many will learn the lesson, sadly not many, rather ostracize one's own child, or even death, than compromise jAti honor, so sad.
 
tbs said:
hi
anyway finally...she is the looser in her own life.......its by product of modern days independent/freedom of the womanfolk.....

MULLU SELALAI VIZGUBDHALUM....SELAI MULLULE VIZHUNDHALUM...NASHTAM SELAIKKU THAAN ...MULLUKKU ILLAI...these

are general saying....ultimately she paid the price....
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TBS garu,

She did not lose anything..she only lost a husband...which she can get a replacement after some time by remarriage.

He lost everything..he lost his life.

So dont think females only lose in life..men are the one who ultimately cant handle stress as well as woman.

Woman might cry etc but men just bottle up and die.

A man might talk about his first love till his last breath especially if he could not marry her but a woman eventually forgets any love in her life and moves on...you never hear a woman pining for her 1st love like how men do!

So my dear..never underestimate a female.
 
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A man who can not handle any pressure in life should not have married a girl against his parents' wish!

If he was so much afraid of his parents, why did he not wait for their permission before getting married?

According to me, he is a coward who can not face life with a positive attitude!
 
Raji Ram said:
A man who can not handle any pressure in life should not have married a girl against his parents' wish!

If he was so much afraid of his parents, why did he not wait for their permission before getting married?

According to me, he is a coward who can not face life with a positive attitude!
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Dear Mrs. RR. please do not be so hard on the poor stiff, how many of us can claim to be not a coward come what may? Yes, he should have known better, he should have withstood the pressure, he shouldn't have been afraid of his parents, all that is true, but, all that is easy to demand of the other, could be very difficult if the subject is self.
 
Nara said:
Dear Mrs. RR. please do not be so hard on the poor stiff, how many of us can claim to be not a coward come what may? Yes, he should have known better, he should have withstood the pressure, he shouldn't have been afraid of his parents, all that is true, but, all that is easy to demand of the other, could be very difficult if the subject is self.
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Dear Prof Sir,
Here is my million $ (!) answer: We guys did NOT have a love marriage since we know we are NOT brave! :decision:
 
Raji Ram said:
A man who can not handle any pressure in life should not have married a girl against his parents' wish!

If he was so much afraid of his parents, why did he not wait for their permission before getting married?

According to me, he is a coward who can not face life with a positive attitude!
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Dear RR ji,

The reason for this is not cowardice but failure to have an outlet for emotions.

Its all bottled up and no one to talk too.

I blame parents for expecting a male to not show his emotions and keep everything in himself.


I have seen this starts at infancy..when I inject male babies and they cry..the parents tell their male babies.."do not cry..you are a boy..only girls cry..be strong etc"

So I tell the parents "let the baby boy cry..he also needs love and affection and he needs emotional support and comfort too..dont stop any child male or female from sharing their feelings"

That is why I tell my son "if you are angry/sad/upset etc and you feel like crying..cry it out to the person you can trust..a true human being shared his emotions with close ones"


So you see RR ji..in this case..this guy has parents who did not think of their son and only thought of their pride and themselves.

The wife would have freaked out knowing that her inlaws were planning to get their son remarried.

So this guy was trapped between his parents and his wife and could not take the pressure.

For all you know he did not want to leave his wife..but he just did not want the pics on FB too so that his parents would think he is going along with it to buy time till the parents cooled down and accept his wife....cos if he really wanted to remarry he would not have committed suicide.

There is saying in Malay that goes "Two elephants are fighting and the mouse deer(a type of small deer) died in between"
 
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But somehow all this pressure from parents and guys succumbing to it are seen in cases of Intercaste/inter religion marriage of the Indian kind..that is both guy and girl are Indian by race.

But if the Indian male marries a girl from some other race like a White or some Chinese or South East Asian etc..the guys never succumb to anything..in fact they might make their parents commit suicide!
 
renuka said:
..... But if the Indian male marries a girl from some other race like a White or some Chinese or South East Asian etc..the guys never succumb to anything..in fact they might make their parents commit suicide!
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Dear Renu,

I know one guy who said, 'I shall marry this girl or stay single for my life!'.

Parents had no option other than to agree though the family opposed!

As usual, when the first child was born, everyone accepted the girl and the sweet looking kid! :grouphug:
 
Raji Ram said:
Dear Renu,

Moral of the episode: Don't go for love marriage if you don't have a strong mind!
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Dear RR ji,

Out here people mainly have love marriages..arranged marriage is the option only when the person cant find anyone to fall in love with or the family wants only same caste/community.

Here success rates of love marriages is very high.

In fact people are shy to tell they had arranged marriage cos other races will feel 'what?? you mean to say you could not find anyone to marry you that you had to go in for arranged marriage?"

So many hide the fact that their marriage is an arranged marriage and us words like Love Cum Arranged to avoid being made fun of.

I have no problems admitting that I had an arranged marriage cos for me I feel love or arranged does not make a difference..cos what matters is after marriage..true colors of anyone only show up when we stay with a person as spouse.
 
Dear Renu,

Yes! Love and trust after the wedding is very important. As I wrote earlier in another thread,

many successful marriages have some sad and untold stories too! :sad:
 
Also love marriages where there is instant love followed by a quick marriage are less successful than a long love (may be in months or years) followed by marriage!

It requires time to judge a person or a relationship!
 
Raji Ram said:
Moral of the episode: Don't go for love marriage if you don't have a strong mind!
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Dear Mrs. RR, what is the moral of this story for the boy's parents?

My own uncle, only son after a row of seven girls, one of them my mom, a brilliant boy, came to U.S., did Ph.D., found the love of his life, Filipino girl, and married her. Even had a child with her. But, his mother, i.e. my grandmother, never left him alone, pounded him relentlessly. Finally he gave in, divorced his love and married a honest to goodness Iyengar girl, found by my dearly departed grandmother. After a few years, the arranged Iyengar wife from good old Trichy threw him out, changed the lock on the door, and they got divorced. After a few years he hooked up with another one, a Punjabi, and she turned out to be after him to get a green card by marrying him. She also ditched him after she got what she wanted. My uncle's family life is pretty much ruined, he is now, in his mid-sixties, a lonely man. All because of ஜாதி வெறி.

If there is a moral in such stories it is one for all the parents, but they want their children to learn some lesson or another, not themselves. It is way easy to second guess the level of strong mind needed to stand up to relentless parents and the strength of one's own mind, a mind that is madly in love. The young ones are not going to take any moral from this tragic story, at least let us hope the parents who must be more matured are amenable enough to learn the right lesson.
 
Dear Prof Sir,

Sad to read about your uncle's life. But why did he yield to his mother's nagging?

Did he go back to India and did not settle in the U S of A? :confused:

Anyway, the moral of this episode for the parents is 'Live and let live'!
 
The Indian kids who grew up here will never agree to an arranged marriage. And you can't even tell your son or daughter "Don't marry a black/ white/Chinese" etc because they will immediately accuse you of being racist.
I've seen young people in India also behaving very freely with members of the opposite sex (a good thing) and even if they have an arranged marriage, they get to know each other for say six months or so before they decide on anything. In the States and Europe, there are live-in relationships (yes, even Indian boys and girls opt for this) to test out whether the marriage will work or not. All in all, it seems so short-sighted of parents to insist on their sons/daughters marrying whoever they choose, whether they feel comfortable or not with the person. I've known of some arranged marriages that have ended in divorce. (Smt RR, even after all the vijaarikardu business). Not that I'm proposing everyone has a love marriage. Some young people are too shy or too busy in their careers to "fall in love" and so an arranged match is very useful. But always give time and let them make up their minds without any pressure from the elders.
Yes, I agree with Shri Nara that a mere mortal can sometimes cave in to the pressure, like the tragic young man who took his life. I blame the parents totally.
 
padders said:
The Indian kids who grew up here will never agree to an arranged marriage. And you can't even tell your son or daughter "Don't marry a black/ white/Chinese" etc because they will immediately accuse you of being racist.
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Dear Padders ji,

If we tell the kids to marry only the opposite sex they might accuse us of being a sexist!LOL
 
Renuka:
Haha! Yes, nowadays the only thing we should be happy with is if our son marries a girl and our daughter a boy! :-))
 
padders said:
Renuka:
Haha! Yes, nowadays the only thing we should be happy with is if our son marries a girl and our daughter a boy! :-))
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hi
exactly...this is KAALATHIN KATTAYAM......payyanukku edho oru ponnu kadacha sari thaan.....ponnukku oru payyankadacha seri thaan

homosexual/lesbian aagama iruntha seri.....lol
 
padders said:
...........Yes, nowadays the only thing we should be happy with is if our son marries a girl and our daughter a boy...
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The two likes this post has received make me want to respond, what pray tell is wrong if our sons and daughters find love within the same gender? I am sorry, but I reject the prejudiced view expressed in the post and liked by two others unequivocally......
 
Dear Padmini,

I thought you would say 'yes' even to unisex marriages!
icon3.png


BTW, not all couples who had love marriages live happily ever after! Toleration is declining and ego is more prominent.

So, divorces happen in both the cases. Divorce is sought even after kids are born - sometimes when the in-laws are

brought to the same house to be taken care of!!

P.S: I know a man who divorced his wife at the age of 60 and put his profile in FB to find a new love!

The reason? Wife had brain tumor! :sad:
 
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