Good ones!!

[Vaagmi]

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Husband was sipping his whisky,while sitting in the balconywith wife and he said, "I love you so much, I do not know how I could ever live without you".

Wife asked, "Is that you, or the whisky talking?"

Husband replies, "It is me........talking to the whisky"

Men will be alwaya men.




Some oneliners to make you laugh:

Q: Can February march?
A: Donno. But April may.

Q:Why was the painter hospitalized?
A: Reports say it was due to many strokes.

Q:How do you know that carrots aregood for your eye sight?
A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glaSSES?

Q: Music Teacher: what is your favourite musical instrument?
A: Kid: The lunch bell.

Q: What did the triangle say to the circle?
A: You're pointless.

Q: What do you call a person who chops up cereal?
A: A cereal killer.

Q: What is easy to get into but difficult to get out of?
A: Trouble.

Q: Why can't a leopard hide?
A: Because he will be spotted.

Q: Why did the barber win the race?
A: Because he took a short cut.

Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: He did not want to wake the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.

Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.

Q: Why was the math book so sad?
A: Because it had too many problems!!

Q: Why Mylapore will win the war with Triplicane?
A: Because Mylapore has two tanks while Triplicane has just one!!

 

[vgane]

Really good ones!! I enjoyed these!!

 

[rgurus]

Nice

 

[Vaagmi]

Conversation between a journalist and a doctor in a "Mental Hospital" :

Journalist: How do you determine whether to admit a mental patient or not?

Dr.: Well we fill a bathtub with water and then give the patient a) a teaspoon b) a glass and c)a bucket and ask him to empty the bathtub.

Journalist: Oh! obviously, a normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger.

Dr.: No. A normal person would pull the drain plug. Please go to Bed No. 11. We will start further investigationds on you in another five minutes.

You also thought of the bucket, didn't you? Please go to bed no. 12.

 

[Vaagmi]

Usually when a person is dead, the spirit leaves and the body is left behind.

But something unique happened in India!!

Vijay Mallya's body has left India and the his Spirits are left behind.

 

[Vaagmi]

For a cool life important mantras:

1. Money is not everything. There is also Master and Visa cards.

2. One should love animals. They are tasty too.

3. Save water. Drink on the Rocks.

4. Fruit salads are healthy. So leave them for the sick.

5. Books are holy. So dont touch them.

6. Don't shout when in office. It disturbs those who are sleeping.

7. Love thy neighbour. But do not get caught.

8. Hard work never killed anyone. But why take chances?

9. Why do something today when it can be done tomorrow by someone else!

10. Everyone should marry. Afterall Happiness is not the only thing in life.

 

[Vaagmi]

When I called an old friend and asked what he was doing these days. He replied he was currently working on

Aqua thermal treatment of ceramics, steel and aluminium under a constrained invironment.

I was impressed.

On further enquiry I learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.

The advantage of speaking in English language.

 

[Vaagmi]

1)இட்லி மாவை வச்சு இட்லி போடலாம்......
சப்பாத்தி மாவை வச்சு சப்பாத்தி போடலாம்....
கடலை மாவை வச்சு கடலை போட முடியுமா?

2)என்னதான் மனுஷனுக்கு வீடு வாசல், காடு கரைன்னு இருந்தாலும் ரயில் ஏறணும்னா பிளாட்பாரத்துக்கு வந்து தான் ஆகணும். அதுதான் வாழ்க்கை.

3) என்னதான் பொண்ணுங்க பைக் ஓட்டினாலும் ஹீரோ ஹோண்டா ஹீரொயின் ஹோண்டா ஆகாது.

4) பஸ் ஸ்டாண்டுல பஸ் நிற்கும். ஆட்டோ ஸ்டாண்டுல ஆட்டோ நிற்கும். சைக்கிள் ஸ்டாண்டுல சைக்கிள் நிற்கும். ஆனா கொசுவத்தி ஸ்டாண்டுல கொசு நிற்குமா? யோசிக்கவேண்டிய விஷயம்.

5)இஞ்சினீரிங்க் காலேஜில படிச்சா இஞ்சினீயராகலாம், ஆனால் பிரஸிடன்சி காலேஜில படிச்சா பிரஸிடன்ட் ஆகமுடியுமா.

6) தூக்க மருந்து சாப்பிட்டால் தூக்கம் வரும். சரி. ஆனால் இருமல் மருந்து சாப்பிட்டால் இருமல் வராதே.

அட ராம ராமா. இவங்ககிட்டேருந்து காப்பாத்துப்பா!!

 

[Vaagmi]

Three great confusions that remains unsolved for ever:

1. At a movie theatre, which arms rest is yours?

2. In the word scent is S silent or C?

3. If people evolved from monkeys why are monkeys still around?

Why is there a D in a fridge while it is not there in a refrigerator.

Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?

English and fun with it:

Ever wondered why the word funeral starts with FUN?

If money does not grow on tree, how come banks have branches?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables what does a humanitarian eat?

How do you get off a non stop flight?

Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO while those sent by truck SHIPMENT?

Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the cupboard?

What are you vacating when you go on a vacation?

Enjoy the fun and pun of the language LOL.

 

[rgurus]

really good