Hello everyone,
I hope this message finds you all well. I am currently in the process of planning a wedding in our family and would greatly appreciate insights from the community here.
As a Tamil Brahmin family, we want to uphold the traditional rituals while balancing them with modern practicalities. However, given the various time constraints and expectations nowadays, I am unsure how to structure the ceremonies properly without compromising their cultural and spiritual significance.
Here are a few specific questions I need help with:
- Core Rituals: Which rituals are absolutely essential in a traditional Tamil Brahmin wedding? Could you list the most significant ones that we must not skip?
- Duration and Simplification: For certain long rituals like Oonjal or Kashi Yatra, is it acceptable to simplify or shorten them? If yes, how do families usually approach this while respecting traditions?
- Pre-Wedding Ceremonies: What is the role of rituals like Nischayathartham and Panda Kaal Muhurtham today? Are there any modern alternatives or simplified python certification versions?
- Community and Elders' Input: How can I involve elders and priests while making these adjustments, so they also feel included and respected?
If anyone here has recently organized a Tamil Brahmin wedding and navigated similar challenges, I would be grateful to hear your experience or advice. Any tips or references to helpful resources would also be highly appreciated.
Thank you in advance for your time and guidance. I look forward to hearing from the community and learning from your wisdom.
Not sure if your questions are answered from your searches. By googling and searching this site you can get some ideas but traditions are not static and the answers may not satisfy certain questions. Reasons are many why that may be so.
Are you planning a TB to TB wedding ?
What are your modern practicalities. That is open ended. Almost any ritual can be accommodated. The issues is what is the set of problems you are trying to solve. Is it money or time on rituals or what the bride and groom want.
The precent of veda mantras chanted only if you get a well trained priest trained for a decade in veda patashala would be 5%. There are about 20 percent or more of the mantras are smruthi related. Much of the time is spent on puranic or tradition based rituals that have evolved in the last few hundred years. They are evolving and a lot of customization made by people involved.
For a pure vedic wedding , someone told me that all you need is only 5 people - bride, groom , bride's parents and a priest. That is all. Can conclude in couple of hours. Or you can do three days. How much money you want to spend, how important is it that you have to do show off stuff. Every major relations have to be recognized with gift. If brother of bride puts rice puffs into fire, he has to be rewarded with something nice. It is endless set of traditions.
What is your basis to decide what are core rituals. Do you want mainly vedic mantra related, or traditions ? If so who will judge what constitutes that all traditions are followed. For example, is Nalangu important to you. Many do not have that. Many do not have janavasam anymore. But for some it cannot be omitted. Do you want to have reception before tying the knots. Many do this to save costs. So these traditions are changing. So what is your definition of core rituals based on above comments
You can reduce all those functions like oonjal etc . Ask only a few to do blessings with those red rice balls. Will that make you many other relatives angry? You dont need to do Kasi yatra - it is just a photo op.
There is no need to do Nischayatathrtham in a big way . It can be done in a small ceremony and skip all these completely or you can have it just to read the Tamil invitation. Who are trying to please
Including elders and priests depends on their personality. Some will complain but they are all saying without any real understanding of the significance for most part. But some are more understanding.
So think about all these. Decide what the bride and groom want and what the parents of both sides want and why. Make a list and share here. Then you can ask - am I missing anything significant. That would be a better question. Along the way try to understand the significance of each of the ritual. Do you know why Kasi yatra is done for example. If not and most do not , other than some silly made up explanation, who cares what is done.
The only suggestion I have is to not waste food and please give food for poor and hungry. Their blessings is worth lot more than all show off stuff that happens in our tradition these days. All the best
