Hello Tamil Brahmins again :) after nearly 2 years!

[theblues]

Share:

Facebook X (Twitter) LinkedIn WhatsApp Email Share Link

In March, 2010, I found this website, signed up, then decided to post a thread named "Hi, I need your help" to ask questions about Brahmin and its sub-castes, and even told my love story behind those questions as being a non-Hindu, non-Indian girl falling in love with a Tamil Brahmin man. I felt warm receiving all the loving supports from people I just knew via their user names: C RAVI, Renuka, Raghy, Kunjuppu, and the list goes on... You guys gave me tips, recipes for South Indian food and thoughtful and sincere advices which I truly appreciated.

Things have changed a lot for these two years and am back here again to find the very same support that I used to get when posting here my queries n worries about not being approved by a Brahmin Iyengar Vadakalai family. This time it's not about love or differences between me and the gorgeous Brahmin man anymore since I've gained love from my Brahmin man after two years I've watched tons of Hindu n Tamil films n eaten lots of Indian vegetarian food (still learning to eat with my right hand as am used to eating with spoons n chopsticks ). I myself have somewhat become a vegetarian I wouldn't say I've thoroughly understood Indian culture and Brahmin society system n rituals, but hopefully my knowledge and understanding about it should be enough for me to move on to the more important next step.

I am going to fly to his place to meet his mother possibly this April, and seriously, I don't know what to expect there... His father has passed away... He is the eldest son, living with his mother to take care of her. This should be a stupid question, but what challenges should I expect to face when meeting a Brahmin mother who doesn't even want an Indian non-Hindu bride, not to mention me - a non-Hindu, non-Indian girl practising no religion n ignorant of cooking Indian food?

She was about to make him marry some girl from a family they have known for a long time, but he turned it down n told me to come n meet his mother. He's turning 33 now and it looks like he must get married soon... We don't really have arranged marriages in our society so I don't know what situation he really is in right now. Is it really like those Tamil films I have watched? I mean, turning down a proposal which his mother expected him to take is like displeasing n disobeying her, while loving n marrying a non-Indian, non-Brahmin girl is similar to betraying the society he's grown up in? Does he possibly have to face objections from his entire big family just because of my background?... I know he won't give us up but I really wish to know what a guy in his case is going to have to...suffer from his decision...in his society...

Thank you for reading!
And millions thanks for replying this!

With love,

theblues.

P/S: Below is just a love song I really enjoy listening to. Tamil is the next language I'm going to learn soon!!!

[video=youtube;Ok9mfO_MeRU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Ok9mfO_MeRU[/video]

 

[BostonSankara]

My suggestion is to stop identifying as a non-XYZ, embrace the culture, start learning Tamil now (it's not that hard), and when you bow to her... mean it. Show her that you are willing to change a little if you expect her to believe that you are not dead set on changing her son whether her fears are based on reality or not. Good luck. Tamil people are loving and compassionate. "Brahminism" / caste-ism may have it's downsides but from my experience "Tamilism" brings more common sense to the party than one might imagine. Your mileage may vary.

Sincerely (a fellow non-Indian but Tamilian @ heart),
Shankar

 

[Naina_Marbus]

My suggestion is to stop identifying as a non-XYZ, embrace the culture, start learning Tamil now (it's not that hard), and when you bow to her... mean it. Show her that you are willing to change a little if you expect her to believe that you are not dead set on changing her son whether her fears are based on reality or not. Good luck. Tamil people are loving and compassionate. "Brahminism" / caste-ism may have it's downsides but from my experience "Tamilism" brings more common sense to the party than one might imagine. Your mileage may vary.

Sincerely (a fellow non-Indian but Tamilian @ heart),
Shankar

Shankar:
Superb commonsense! None of us could have responded better than you.

 

[Naina_Marbus]

In March, 2010, I found this website, signed up, then decided to post a thread named "Hi, I need your help" to ask questions about Brahmin and its sub-castes, and even told my love story behind those questions as being a non-Hindu, non-Indian girl falling in love with a Tamil Brahmin man. I felt warm receiving all the loving supports from people I just knew via their user names: C RAVI, Renuka, Raghy, Kunjuppu, and the list goes on... You guys gave me tips, recipes for South Indian food and thoughtful and sincere advices which I truly appreciated.

Things have changed a lot for these two years and am back here again to find the very same support that I used to get when posting here my queries n worries about not being approved by a Brahmin Iyengar Vadakalai family. This time it's not about love or differences between me and the gorgeous Brahmin man anymore since I've gained love from my Brahmin man after two years I've watched tons of Hindu n Tamil films n eaten lots of Indian vegetarian food (still learning to eat with my right hand as am used to eating with spoons n chopsticks ). I myself have somewhat become a vegetarian I wouldn't say I've thoroughly understood Indian culture and Brahmin society system n rituals, but hopefully my knowledge and understanding about it should be enough for me to move on to the more important next step.

I am going to fly to his place to meet his mother possibly this April, and seriously, I don't know what to expect there... His father has passed away... He is the eldest son, living with his mother to take care of her. This should be a stupid question, but what challenges should I expect to face when meeting a Brahmin mother who doesn't even want an Indian non-Hindu bride, not to mention me - a non-Hindu, non-Indian girl practising no religion n ignorant of cooking Indian food?

She was about to make him marry some girl from a family they have known for a long time, but he turned it down n told me to come n meet his mother. He's turning 33 now and it looks like he must get married soon... We don't really have arranged marriages in our society so I don't know what situation he really is in right now. Is it really like those Tamil films I have watched? I mean, turning down a proposal which his mother expected him to take is like displeasing n disobeying her, while loving n marrying a non-Indian, non-Brahmin girl is similar to betraying the society he's grown up in? Does he possibly have to face objections from his entire big family just because of my background?... I know he won't give us up but I really wish to know what a guy in his case is going to have to...suffer from his decision...in his society...

Thank you for reading!
And millions thanks for replying this!

With love,

theblues.

P/S: Below is just a love song I really enjoy listening to. Tamil is the next language I'm going to learn soon!!!

If you would like to receive suggestions that are likely to prove sure-fire conquest[SUP]*[/SUP] techniques:
When you meet his mother:
1) Arrange your hair so that it is like what most Indian women display: pleated pony-tail like.
2) Wear Saree and Sport a red kumkum tilak (bindi) mark on the forehead.
3) Bow to her like how Indian women do - go down on the knees etc.
4) Ask your lover what his mother's most favoured Tamil slokam is. Usually it would be something like "Saanthaakaaram bhujagasayanam...." etc. Your lover is likely to know exactly what it is, try to learn it by heart before you go. And sing it to his mother.
5) Preferably learn some appropriate Tamil phrases to say at the first meeting.
If you have any Indian girl friends, they could tell you how to do all these.
This has worked before, and I am speaking from experience.
[SUP]*[/SUP] "she stoops to conquer"?
My apologies if I sound too didactic. But I know it has worked.

 

[renuka]

Hi theblues!!!


Glad to know you are happy and fine.Best of luck to you and your partner.
Most important do not forget to be yourself..I am sure your partners mother will like you as you are.

BTW this song is for you...have fun listening to it..
This line is for you..

enga amma unga amma
namma sethu veppala​

​

where they sing "will my mother and your mother get us married"


[video=youtube_share;Cz2dDTo-xRw]http://youtu.be/Cz2dDTo-xRw[/video]

 

[biswa]

Hi,
I am quite enthralled by your efforts to win over "your man's" family. I wish Indian women made as much effort as well.

However I am a little curious. You have listed the ways in which you have made lifestyle changes. How has your partner adjusted to accommodate you?

 

[Raghy]

Sowbagyavathy Blues, greetings.

I thought you would have been married by now. If you are my daughter, my suggestions would be in that following order (for now).

1. Different person - Your partner will transform into a completlely different person. Suddenly he would be keenly observing all the fine subtlities around him. Don't be alarmed. That happens to everyone when they go back to their motherland. He would look like he is in total control of everything; quite possibly he would be.Kindly assume the 'follower' role. He knows better in India.

2. Weather - Most cities and towns are hot in Tamil Nadu. In April, it is hotter. It is compouded due to smog cover over every town and city. It will be hot and humid. You will sweat as if no teomorrow. Drink fluids; plenty of them; when you think you had enough, drink more. If you don't, you will be dehydrated quite rapidly; will become disoriented, irritable, annoyed.... trust me, you need to be the sharpest now. So, in goes, clean, (preferably boiled and cooled) water to the tune of 3 to 4 litres per day.

3. Food hygeine - Don't consume anything remotely dubious. If it is very spicy, just a little to pay respect only. Try to drink as much as buttermilk as possible. Settle for lots of salads and vegetables. If you don't watch yourself very carefully, you will end up with diarrohea. It is very common, so common, terms like 'Madras belly, elhi Belly' are coined.

4. Power cuts - There are scheduled power cuts in every town and most cities. So, you can't depend upon fans for air circultion ( they hardly do any decent job anyway). So, be prepared to sweat. Any slight indication of headache means dehydration.

5. Flowers - You will be expected to adorn Jasmin flowers pinned to your hair ( it is considered auspicious. So, don't refuse if you are offered). Hope you are not allergic to the fragrance. If you are, kindly let them know well in advance. don't offer flowers to widows ( they could get offended). Better seek guidance in these matters.

6. Fruits - Take plenty of fruits, dry grapes ( Sultanas, if it is from Australia) when you go to see your partner's mother.

7. Dress - You don't have to wear sarees if you don't know how to do it properly. Make sure your dress in not too tight. Ask your partner to buy you couple of appropriate dresses now. You may buy plenty in Tamil Nadu, quite cheap too. So, don't fill your bag. Take an almost empty bag, get it filled in India (that's what my son & daughter do).

8. Temple - You may be asked to go to the temple. Please wear a saree, please look as closely possible as a Hindu girl. ( I have a very good reason to say this. One should not come across any of the self-appointed 'religion protectors' who would not hesitate to make an ugly scene to stay in brief period of lime light. Most often they would leave a psychologically battered person behind. You don't want to attract any such person).

9. Be smart - Kindly draft a very polite letter to your partner's mother now, please. request that lady, very politely to guide you through this rather delightful and at the same time anxious times. Request her to guide you; request her to bless you to happily marry her son.

His mother has asked to see you. That shows a lot of good signs. I whole heartedly wish you all the success and all the very best. Kindly look after your health. behave very safely.

Cheers!

 

[theblues]

@ Shankar: I agree with almost everything you said, except for the part "start learning Tamil now (it's not that hard)"!! I have serious problems with my pronunciation!! Whenever I try to utter some Tamil words, he always ends up rolling on the floor laughing n saying "I've not laughed this much for a long time, but this is seriously a Tamil disaster!!"

@ Naina_Marbus: Thanks for your "tips"!!! Just a really stupid question of mine: You touch her feet first, then you say Vanakkam or vice versa??

@ Renuka: Glad to see you here again I'm still my very own self, don't worry!!! And love the song!!

@ Biswa: Hi Biswa! He learns to say "I'm here to ask for your daughter's hand" in my language to speak to my father!!!! I think it's a really huge effort because speaking my language isn't easy at all!! He remains a vegetarian but adjusts to eat with my BIG family, who all are non-vegetarian, which I know is a really hard thing to do... I mean,... our non-vegetarian food includes certain things that even non-vegetarian Hindus don't eat. It means a lot to me when he willingly does it without me asking.
And when we're in love, I think such trivial changes do not matter much, so whether it's Indian women or others, they will still make the same efforts!!!

 

[theblues]

Dear Raghy,

Your saying "I thought you would have been married by now" did bring me a big smile
My sincerely high appreciation for your suggestions!!!! I didn't know I shouldn't offer flowers to widows!
"Madras belly, elhi Belly"??? It's exactly where am heading to! Madras, or now they call it Chennai!

Again, thank you for your thoughtful suggestions! I will definitely follow them!

Cheers

 

[C RAVI]

Dear theblues,

I am too glad to know this good news. You are certainly a dream girl of your man!! It is nice to note that you want to be atleast bit adaptive, convincing, pampering & respecting the culture of your Man's family too as a good gesture, along with maintaining your true self.

After all life is all about give and take, adjustment, compromises, mutual love and care. Especially when it's a Love marriage all such adjustments/flexibility should be much effortless and often out of true heart feelings without any grudges.

Loving and respecting your Man's mother would be the most delightful reciprocation to your man's honest and sincere love towards you.

With your posititive attitude, honesty, gracefulness and sense of respect, I am sure you will win your would be mother-in-law's heart for ever.

Have a great time ahead. Wish you all the best of good luck. God bless you.

You have been offered with many valuable suggestions and tips by the members here.

I just would like to tell you this -

Honor your Man's mother as shown in the picture below and say - "NAMASKAARAM MAAMI"

 

[C RAVI]

..... He's turning 33 now and it looks like he must get married soon... We don't really have arranged marriages in our society so I don't know what situation he really is in right now. Is it really like those Tamil films I have watched? I mean, turning down a proposal which his mother expected him to take is like displeasing n disobeying her, while loving n marrying a non-Indian, non-Brahmin girl is similar to betraying the society he's grown up in? Does he possibly have to face objections from his entire big family just because of my background?... I know he won't give us up but I really wish to know what a guy in his case is going to have to...suffer from his decision...in his society...

Dear theblues,

I don't think any one worries about the society one has grown up in, from the time immorial, in the cases of Love/Love marriages.

But, Yes, they have faced many challenges and heart attacks.

In your man's case, in this present social circumstances, I don't think he will have to face issues from the society. Atleast in matropolitan cities like Chennai, people mind their business and get along with any one who behaves properly and be friendly to each other.

One of my Ex CEO's couple of relative guys have fallen in Love and married US, Germen,French and Chinese girls, having been roaming around officially. Offcourse those guys were non-brahmins. Though your man is a brahmin, neither his neighbours nor the folks of his social circle would be a pain in his and your neck. This is what I could strongly believe, seeing things around me.


As far as issues within the family/relatives are concerned, I can't guess anything assertively. It all depends on how they feel about and their attitude. Generally in India, in present India, we face lots of issues from with in the family/relatives and almost nothing from the outsiders/society.

As long as your Man's mother and his siblings, if any, could accept you whole heartedly and could go ahead conducting marriage, neither your man nor you have to worry anything about the so called relatives reactions and actions.

In many Indian families folks are happy to conduct marriage even without the presence of their relatives or with selectively good/descent relatives, who don't poke their nose and stir the pond muddy, spoiling the atmosphere.

Your man is 33 years old. He must be truly a brave and determental man to face head on and tackle any challenges to hold his dream girl ever happily, in his arms....

 

[amala]

Hi theblues,

All the best in impressing his mum! I'm sure you can do it. Most importantly relax and don't worry and everything will be fine. In fact being a foreigner and trying so hard, I'm sure they will cut you some slack which they probably wouldn't if you were an Indian girl. Soon with the happy news you need to change your moniker and not be blue anymore!

 

[amala]

Hi,
I am quite enthralled by your efforts to win over "your man's" family. I wish Indian women made as much effort as well.

However I am a little curious. You have listed the ways in which you have made lifestyle changes. How has your partner adjusted to accommodate you?

I am sure many many do. But then Indian women making the effort is probably taken for granted and is not much of a novelty. The same way BostonSankara is very highly appreciable here, had he been a regular Indian bloke, how many of us would even bat an eyelid!

 

[prasad1]

I am sure many many do. But then Indian women making the effort is probably taken for granted and is not much of a novelty. The same way BostonSankara is very highly appreciable here, had he been a regular Indian bloke, how many of us would even bat an eyelid!

I am very ordinary man, but let me tell you my opinion of PIO boys. Generally they are mama's boys. They are very smart in using the girls and have very little compunction in dropping the girl if Mummy dearest does not approve. The girl must have absolute control of the boy before they waste their time.
In my experience (we mediate and officiate in relationship conflicts for PIO), the Indian girls are modern, independent, and aggressive but are still fragile and get hurt.

 

[amala]

Dear PrasadJi

This is theblues thread and I really wouldn't want it to get derailed but i cannot help responding to your post.

What you have said is so true. Until today I and many of my PIO female friends/relatives we do wonder why the Indian male has these double standards. If they are highly educated, rich etc and they want to settle for an Indian girl, she must be nothing less than Aishwarya Rai in beauty. They are not interested in pretty, normal girl-next-door types. They marry these Aishwarya Rai look alikes and then wonder why their wives are so vain/arrogant etc? Duh!

But when it comes to other ethnicities/races these Indian guys don't see the looks, don't have the same unreachably high standards for these girls. They say they see the heart, love etc.

My question to these guys is why when it comes to Indian girls only, they want it all. She must be pretty, well educated, job, same gothra, religion, virgin, horoscope must match, mother must like her, relatives must like her, boss at work must like her...hehe kidding..but you get my drift!?

When they get a Korean or white girl or Latina or Pakistani for example, all these don't matter anymore.

Why?

PS: At times like these I really wish Kunjuppu Sir was here

PSS: Theblues please don't mind my post and I'm very sorry to derail the thread away from you. But these questions have always been in my mind and never got a satisfactory answer.

 

[prasad1]

My two cent worth:
The parents, particularly the way they raise their boys. I know of a mother who travels 4 hours each way every month to just help her boy with laundry and food.

My daughter would kill me if I did that.

 

[ozone]

post #15
Are you sure u are speaking about the same person, or just clubbed them as PIO for sake of convenience?
You mean, you have examples of the same guy setting different standards?

 

[amala]

Not same guy. Generally Indian men/PIOs.

 

[amala]

PrasadJi,

I am not convinced that we can just blame the parents and also i dont think you are understanding my question. I was asking why when it comes to Indian girls the guys and family, but mostly the guys themselves have incredibly high standards for her. But when they date women of non-Indian background they are more willing to overlook many things.

 

[ozone]

My daughter would kill me if I did that.

that's a handy tip and a cool hint. thanks

 

[prasad1]

I do not have first hand experience, it is what I hear from young ladies. They feel that the PIO boys are scared of modern PIO Girls. The girls are so different from their mothers, but for non-indian girls the bars are lot lower, as the boys know that their parents would not approve of them anyway. So then these boys steel themselves and get a backbone.

 

[C RAVI]

Indian guys and Indian girls have the same Indian mentality. In most of the cases it leads to NEEYA-NANA???? situation.

Indian Girl - Indian Boy...

I have my priority-I have my priority too;

I am looking for a handsome and rich guy- so am looking for a beautiful and accomplished girl;

I want my parents to be with us after marriage-I want my parents to be with us after our marriage;

I am as a lady earning this much so you must earn more than me - I am earning a lot and dont want a girl just to enjoy my earning but to contribute finanacially to some extent or equally;

I will accumulate my salary and I well spend it the way I want. You as a man should not ask my money to run the family show - we are earning to jointly run the family show so you should contribute your earning for our family;

I can't go against my parents - I can't go against my parents too;

If you want me to continue with you, you should obey me - If you want to continue with me, you should obey me.

I know our Indian culture, so it should be like this only - I am Indian too and I know what's our culture better, so it should be like this only.

What if I married you as your wife, as a lady? I will follow my family traditions only-You are married to me and as a Man, I have to follow my family's/ancesstors traditions only.

etc..etc....etc...etc...etc...

But when the things are foreign, the mind set changes. Probably it helps broadning one's mentality.

I guess, the above are the reasons for an Indian guy/Indian girl to be adjustable with a foriegn partner.

 

[sarma-61]

In March, 2010, I found this website, signed up, then decided to post a thread named "Hi, I need your help" to ask questions about Brahmin and its sub-castes, and even told my love story behind those questions as being a non-Hindu, non-Indian girl falling in love with a Tamil Brahmin man. I felt warm receiving all the loving supports from people I just knew via their user names: C RAVI, Renuka, Raghy, Kunjuppu, and the list goes on... You guys gave me tips, recipes for South Indian food and thoughtful and sincere advices which I truly appreciated.

Things have changed a lot for these two years and am back here again to find the very same support that I used to get when posting here my queries n worries about not being approved by a Brahmin Iyengar Vadakalai family. This time it's not about love or differences between me and the gorgeous Brahmin man anymore since I've gained love from my Brahmin man after two years I've watched tons of Hindu n Tamil films n eaten lots of Indian vegetarian food (still learning to eat with my right hand as am used to eating with spoons n chopsticks ). I myself have somewhat become a vegetarian I wouldn't say I've thoroughly understood Indian culture and Brahmin society system n rituals, but hopefully my knowledge and understanding about it should be enough for me to move on to the more important next step.

I am going to fly to his place to meet his mother possibly this April, and seriously, I don't know what to expect there... His father has passed away... He is the eldest son, living with his mother to take care of her. This should be a stupid question, but what challenges should I expect to face when meeting a Brahmin mother who doesn't even want an Indian non-Hindu bride, not to mention me - a non-Hindu, non-Indian girl practising no religion n ignorant of cooking Indian food?

She was about to make him marry some girl from a family they have known for a long time, but he turned it down n told me to come n meet his mother. He's turning 33 now and it looks like he must get married soon... We don't really have arranged marriages in our society so I don't know what situation he really is in right now. Is it really like those Tamil films I have watched? I mean, turning down a proposal which his mother expected him to take is like displeasing n disobeying her, while loving n marrying a non-Indian, non-Brahmin girl is similar to betraying the society he's grown up in? Does he possibly have to face objections from his entire big family just because of my background?... I know he won't give us up but I really wish to know what a guy in his case is going to have to...suffer from his decision...in his society...

Thank you for reading!
And millions thanks for replying this!

With love,

theblues.

P/S: Below is just a love song I really enjoy listening to. Tamil is the next language I'm going to learn soon!!!

[video=youtube;Ok9mfO_MeRU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Ok9mfO_MeRU[/video]

kum. the blues,

As a somewhat conservative, traditional Brahmana, I find that you have decided to depend on this web forum to advise you on important aspects of your life. To me this looks bad and unnatural, to put it mildly.

I will suggest that you use your intelligence to deal with your lover's mother. If I know the mentality of women whose sons fall in love with any girl they like, your would-be mother-in-law may either accept you with an outwardly show of affection and all but hate you to her bones inwardly. There are some women, especially if they have some source of income to live by, and other children to take care of their after-death rites, who will show their dislike towards you openly.

It is for you and you alone to decide how you will react, tackle the situation and go forward. In my limited understanding your lover is an ungrateful son and he will suffer for his wayward act of falling in love, at some point in his life. That's all I can say.

BTW, your post is silent about that Vadakalai Iyengar boy loving you; is it all one-sided love?

 

[prasad1]

Indian guys and Indian girls have the same Indian mentality. In most of the cases it leads to NEEYA-NANA???? situation.

Indian Girl - Indian Boy...

I have my priority-I have my priority too;

I am looking for a handsome and rich guy- so am looking for a beautiful and accomplished girl;

I want my parents to be with us after marriage-I want my parents to be with us after our marriage;

I am as a lady earning this much so you must earn more than me - I am earning a lot and dont want a girl just to enjoy my earning but to contribute finanacially to some extent or equally;

I will accumulate my salary and I well spend it the way I want. You as a man should not ask my money to run the family show - we are earning to jointly run the family show so you should contribute your earning for our family;

I can't go against my parents - I can't go against my parents too;

If you want me to continue with you, you should obey me - If you want to continue with me, you should obey me.

I know our Indian culture, so it should be like this only - I am Indian too and I know what's our culture better, so it should be like this only.

What if I married you as your wife, as a lady? I will follow my family traditions only-You are married to me and as a Man, I have to follow my family's/ancesstors traditions only.

etc..etc....etc...etc...etc...

But when the things are foreign, the mind set changes. Probably it helps broadning one's mentality.

I guess, the above are the reasons for an Indian guy/Indian girl to be adjustable with a foriegn partner.

Ravi you are so right. Good observation.

 

[theblues]

Dear sarma-61,

In my humble opinions, listening to others' suggestions is always different from taking one's advice n acting upon it. It's never bad taking different suggestions into consideration, then making my own decision of how to react, manage n deal with certain matters in my life under certain circumstances

I don't know why you personally consider him as an ungrateful son but I think, his mother, just like any other mother in this universe, merely wants her son to be happily married for ever after. She, however, may b worried that her son won't look, act like an Indian or a Brahmin any more just because he's married to me... Changing him is something that I have never thought of, not to mention attempting to do it!!...

Making this decision has been arduous to him because there is no way on earth he would want to upset his dear mother. But I guess, as a human being, we must be wrong in some certain things even when we're parents, so, listening to our son for once in our life may be something worth trying?

I believe you sure know the saying in English "Love me, love my dog"... I've been in love with this guy for more than two years - a not very long period of time, but long enough for love to grow n strengthen to the extent where I naturally will love the woman he's loved all his life, the one who has overcome the excruciating pain of giving birth to a child to bring him to this life, brought him up in a perfect way, provided him everything he needs, loved him and taken care of him unconditionally for the long 33 years of his life. For that, I hope she will not accept me "with an outwardly show of affection and all" but hate me "to her bones inwardly" Apart from that, what is it that an Indian girl can do that I cannot do or learn how to do for my husband and my mother-in-law? Or is it just because I don't look Indian?

We do love n respect each other, so it surely is NOT a one-sided love.

I do highly appreciate your straightforward and honest post towards this

Best regards,

theblues.