hypocasy

[amala]

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Sri.Kunjuppu,

"to be honest, i don't think i would have found a spouse in today's market,"

No spouse would have found me attractive in any day's market!:noidea: I knew that. So, I took a club and hit the first girl who did not run away from me and dragged her to my cave and made a wife out of her! :first:

Cheers!

Awww Bless you for that!. You made me laugh so much my sides are hurting! :thumb:

 

[kunjuppu]

No spouse would have found me attractive in any day's market!:noidea: I knew that. So, I took a club and hit the first girl who did not run away from me and dragged her to my cave and made a wife out of her! :first:

Cheers!

i wish i had said this line hahahahahaaaaaaaa

 

[Jambu]

Dear Ravi


I pray your idea that a sense of love and affection eolves later as time passes is fine and really works out that way . But some times it turns out to be wishful thinking. Havent you heard Muthal Konal Mutrum Konal Lets think of a solution which assures security (Emotionl) for old parents in the evening of their life Jambu

 

[C RAVI]

Dear Ravi


I pray your idea that a sense of love and affection eolves later as time passes is fine and really works out that way . But some times it turns out to be wishful thinking. Havent you heard Muthal Konal Mutrum Konal Lets think of a solution which assures security (Emotionl) for old parents in the evening of their life Jambu

Sri Jambu ji,

Parents are the first human companion for every child. Not only a companion but the most valuable relationship that helps a child to recognize himself/herself and learns everything from the scrap. In all the stages of life, parents are the only humans on this Earth to support their sons and daughter and wish for their well being. How can a son just ignore his parents during their old age just for the sake of his comfort? He should have the right mind set to manage his wife and his old parents if wife is not supportive. It is his duty to ensure that their parents are not harassed and to see that at any cost he is not ignoring them and offending them. He should be ready to sacrifice some of his comforts for the sake of his parents. When a guy can adjust with his wife [who has joined his hands (the guy being a wholesome valuable product) only after certain stage of life], than how he can not look after his parents who made him a man, fit to enjoy his family life?

Sri Jumbu ji,

I wish every son on this Earth should have love for heir parents. If he could not love his parents (due some odd circumstances), he should bear a moral responsibility to support them at least during the stage when they are totally dependent on the son(s).

After all, "Blood is thicker than the water"

There can not be any systematic mechanism as a solution to protect the unattended old parents. Old age homes can not be considered as a comfortable home for many unfortunates. It's only the own blood (son/daughter if possible) that can understand the needs of the old parents, love them and secure them.

"AMMA ENA AZHAIKAATHA UYIR ILLAYE, AMMA VAI VANANGAAMAL UYARVU ILLAYE"

"APPA ALSO TO BE CONSIDERED THE SAME WAY".

 

[Raghy]

Dear Ravi


I pray your idea that a sense of love and affection eolves later as time passes is fine and really works out that way . But some times it turns out to be wishful thinking. Havent you heard Muthal Konal Mutrum Konal Lets think of a solution which assures security (Emotionl) for old parents in the evening of their life Jambu

Sri.Jambu,

Although the question was asked to Sri.Ravi, I wish to add my experiences in addressing your concern from a different perspective, please.

I have narrated the way I married in this thread, few posts before. It was almost true (Of course, taking a club and hitting on the head part was added for fun). Her parents, naturally were not impressed; ditto with my parents too. (As of today, our marriage was not whole heartedly approved by either of the parents). Muthal konal? yes; it was. We spent about 5 to 6 years deluding ourselves that the parents would change. We always helped both the parents to the maximum of our capacity.
Then we agreed to disagree. I and my wife continued to help them without expecting as much a 'thank you'. My wife helpe her parents until they passe away; we continue to help my parents.
So, muthal konal need not be mutrum konal. We had a very tough time understanding each other; we fought on daily basis.. matter of fact we do that even now. The family life is good; gems of children.. What is konal in this? may be we are destined to live in a curved path! konal all the way!

Important thing is figure out a goal for the family and working towards the goal with regular review of the goal to suit the situations and advancements.

Cheers!

 

[C RAVI]

Sri.Jambu,

Although the question was asked to Sri.Ravi, I wish to add my experiences in addressing your concern from a different perspective, please.

I have narrated the way I married in this thread, few posts before. It was almost true (Of course, taking a club and hitting on the head part was added for fun). Her parents, naturally were not impressed; ditto with my parents too. (As of today, our marriage was not whole heartedly approved by either of the parents). Muthal konal? yes; it was. We spent about 5 to 6 years deluding ourselves that the parents would change. We always helped both the parents to the maximum of our capacity.
Then we agreed to disagree. I and my wife continued to help them without expecting as much a 'thank you'. My wife helpe her parents until they passe away; we continue to help my parents.
So, muthal konal need not be mutrum konal. We had a very tough time understanding each other; we fought on daily basis.. matter of fact we do that even now. The family life is good; gems of children.. What is konal in this? may be we are destined to live in a curved path! konal all the way!

Important thing is figure out a goal for the family and working towards the goal with regular review of the goal to suit the situations and advancements.

Cheers!

:clap2: :yo: :thumb:

 

[happyhindu]

Raghy, so very well put. I join Ravi in clapping for this. No child wud overlook a parent's discomfort or turn away from responsibilities. I suppose a lot of households run out the same scenario.

 

[kunjuppu]

personally, for those of us, who are wont to live with our children, i think, if we shed our inhibition about living with the மாப்பிள்ளை, then it is better to live with the daughter.

the mother daughter bond is said to be the strongest in the world between any two humans. they may fight cats and dogs, but it does not burn deep. very soon they make up and get on.

words between mil and dil, leave deep wounds, which are seldom healed, and the poor hubby is caught in between. the irony of it is, all these situations take place in marriages,where the jadghams has agreed to the nth planet. i guess there is no guarantee in life after all, even with jadhaga porutham!!

i know of families here in canada, and in india, where the elder folks live with their daughters. the sons in law do not appear to mind, especially if the in laws have been kind and understanding in the early days. otherwise it is a different matter.

when women fight, they get nasty. and petty. i think men, with a lot of exceptions, are easier going

 

[SuryaKasyapa]

I am sorry to say that nowadays ,in the forum, mountains are made out of molehills. Take the present case, probably those members living away from Indian shores ,especially, South Indian towns and village , are now far from realities. The present India is not the hilarious western bliss concept of No buses, panspitting ladies and sadhus, etc etc, good for award winning films.

Many families are staying as joint family with son& daughter-in-law ,daughter and Son-in-law. The Hindi serial Bahu-Saas fight is almost relegated to Hindi films and TV serials.

The present Indian Youth( and the elders and middle aged also) don,t bother about the dogmatics evermonging on caste-religion-language differences. They distinguished the clever exploiters.They know the real enemies are not as shown by the vested interest,but, the vested interest themselves.

Media still try to exaggerate , as if they are doing service to society.They will go on taking photos of dying man, but will not give him a drop of water.Next day they will blame authorities for the death and "expose".

For those who want to spend their leisure time not knowing what to do, these banters and baitings are OK. It is no more food for thought.

Greetings.S

 

[happyhindu]

sk,

i am sorry to say that nowadays ,in the forum, mountains are made out of molehills. Take the present case, probably those members living away from indian shores ,especially, south indian towns and village , are now far from realities. The present india is not the hilarious western bliss concept of no buses, panspitting ladies and sadhus, etc etc, good for award winning films.

very generalized statements. One cannot say members living in india are living in "reality". Members living in india may be looking at the selfish side of themselves for self-survival in a competitive atmosphere.

Those that live outside india, but visit very frequently, may be seeing a better pic of how socio-political atmospheres and people and their expectations are changing..

many families are staying as joint family with son& daughter-in-law ,daughter and son-in-law. The hindi serial bahu-saas fight is almost relegated to hindi films and tv serials.

not sure if you saying all who stay in joint families are happy {and all those staying in nuclear families are unhappy} - very generalized statement again.

the present indian youth( and the elders and middle aged also) don,t bother about the dogmatics evermonging on caste-religion-language differences. They distinguished the clever exploiters.they know the real enemies are not as shown by the vested interest,but, the vested interest themselves.

the present day youth is sensible and they are getting more sensible with time. Irrespective of age, there is the regular normal mainstream population that mingles, socializes, and does not care about divisive things.

However, no one can deny the existence of abnormals who live a 2nd life on the fringes - the ones with either rightist or leftist ideologies. Political violence exists, and a huge chunk of it comes from religious fanatism, and no one can deny its presence.

media still try to exaggerate , as if they are doing service to society.they will go on taking photos of dying man, but will not give him a drop of water.next day they will blame authorities for the death and "expose".

ah, that's the regular media. Not all mediamen are bad. Some try to give water and some also lose their lives filming in conflict zones. But their real objective of every mediaman is to bring the story to the world. And its good if they don't lose that focus.

for those who want to spend their leisure time not knowing what to do, these banters and baitings are ok. It is no more food for thought.

If one's mind understand things as banters and baitings, that's what it will be to them. If one's mind picks things as food for thought, that's what it will be to them. No point generalizing things for others based on how one feels - its about picking one's choice.

greetings.s
wish you a happy 2010

 

[kunjuppu]

sury,

i cannot but help a few chuckles, at the sight of your post #34 from which, i pick some signs that you are nettled?

ofcourse, whatever works for each. if the traditional model works for most, it is ok. it is infact, grrrrrreat!

but happy pointed out, many of us, belong to the fringe 10% on the ends. i am quite sure, that even in india, there are such, for any society, there is the fringe.

it is those, who are blessed with square pegs, when without thinking, and bowing to 'tradition', try to fit themselves into round holes, problems arise.

among my most relatives in india, the father only has to retire, before seeking out to live with the son. 'why spend the cost of two households?' is the most often excuse. i think the parents may be missing out on a second honeymoon with its very mature ஊடல் காதல் மோதல்s, all of which, they might not have had a chance in their first honey, precisely due to this joint family factor.

for this, the second son and those who follow get away scot free. it is the poor first born, and now a days, only born, who appear to be left with the hot potatoes

bantering is good, i think. so far, only one person has mocked me for my bantering, and that was sapthjhiva, if i remember right, and that was during my days as a moderator.

nowadays, i catch, saptha bantering too, and i am delighted. as they say, if you can't beat them, just join them.

 

[amala]

personally, for those of us, who are wont to live with our children, i think, if we shed our inhibition about living with the மாப்பிள்ளை, then it is better to live with the daughter.

the mother daughter bond is said to be the strongest in the world between any two humans. they may fight cats and dogs, but it does not burn deep. very soon they make up and get on.

i know of families here in canada, and in india, where the elder folks live with their daughters. the sons in law do not appear to mind, especially if the in laws have been kind and understanding in the early days. otherwise it is a different matter.

when women fight, they get nasty. and petty. i think men, with a lot of exceptions, are easier going

I too hope my own parents would in future not have any qualms living with the மாப்பிள்ளை as we are only two girls and I being the eldest would definitely want them to.

Many times I'm sure sons-in-law don't mind his wives parents living with them but cannot say the same for his side of the family. I've seen in Sri Lankan families many of them living with their daughters as they say they are treated far better than with their DILs.

 

[Nara]

......I've seen in Sri Lankan families many of them living with their daughters as they say they are treated far better than with their DILs.

Yes Amala and Kunjuppu, this is the case in my own family and the families around me.

While exceptions are there, husband's family and parents seem to demand a lot more and interfere a lot more than the wife's side. So, the age old norm of son taking care of the parents must be changed to daughters taking care of parents for sanity and happiness of all concerned.

Cheers!

 

[pvraman]

Dear Shri Nara sir,

That's how the majority of Indonesians live.

Cheers

 

[Nara]

That's how the majority of Indonesians live.

Dear PVR, Greetings,

Here is something the Satanana Dharmins of the Vedic tradition can learn from the Muslims of Indonesia.

I spent more than a month in Indonesia traveling at the peak of the tyrant Shukarto's regime. The people of Indonesia are very gentle and extremely nice. The recent Islamic radicalism is alien to the very nature of the people of Indonesia.

Cheers!

 

[pvraman]

Dear Shri Nara Sir,

Even today, they are humble and gentle. There are lot of things we can learn from them.They have lot of respects to Hindus too. .

As for as learning is concerned, there are lot of things to learn from them. And there are things which pulls them down, which is part and parcel of their good side. In General, they are unique and best service class people. In any level, they are excellent in their patience, presentation, respectful and excellent worker class. I am blessed with a job, which requires me to travel inside the Jawa Island extensively and interact with all levels of people. Though my post can run into pages about Indonesia, I contain myself to conclude that, we can not follow them entirely.

I only wish that our people learn

1. Their humbleness, Patience
2. The way the give respect to fellow human beings.
3. The way they keep themselves presentable at all times
4. The cool interactions.

I like their Marriage system. Mappilai has to give dowry to the girls house. After marriage Maapillai joins with Girl's family.

Regards,