Indian Obsession With Marriage

[krish44]

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Most guys and girls when they are in twenties face this question in most unlikely places from all kinds of people

Why are you not married or marrying?

If you play cricket in the lanes , and hit the ball into neighbours veranda , the senior citizen will not only confiscate the ball and ask why you are not married.

He will not return the ball but tell you that if you get married you will be more responsible.

Go house hunting, the owner will verify if you are married before considering you for renting you his flat.

Mother will ring you up and tell you when you depressed that you are career is going downhill that marriage will resolve all issues.

Girls in the office will keep an eye on you while working to assess if this fellow can be made to say 'I love you' .

Girls since childhood are made to believe , marriage is the only thing in life to look forward to.

Mothers start collecting gold for the event when the girls are babies.

Grades in school, college , job are all with the idea of marriage later -If girls do not do well in studies , get them hooked early. If they are capable to get good

earning jobs, use their money to get more jewellery and silk sarees etc- objective marriage.

Girls are forced into kitchen telling them who will marry you if you do not know cooking.

Most girls dread to meet a boy outside even casually for coffee as some nosy neighbour/relative will see them and carry tales to spoil their marriage chances.

movies, dinners, eat outs if there is a boy in the group are a strict no-no.

Then this fair and lovely syndrome.

Any ad advertising creams, powder etc will stress that a fair skin will make them look lovely and help them to hook their prince charming.

All this crazy thinking and obsession with marriage as end all of life happens only in our country.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Most guys and girls when they are in twenties face this question in most unlikely places from all kinds of people

Why are you not married or marrying?

If you play cricket in the lanes , and hit the ball into neighbours veranda , the senior citizen will not only confiscate the ball and ask why you are not married.

He will not return the ball but tell you that if you get married you will be more responsible.

Go house hunting, the owner will verify if you are married before considering you for renting you his flat.

Mother will ring you up and tell you when you depressed that you are career is going downhill that marriage will resolve all issues.

Girls in the office will keep an eye on you while working to assess if this fellow can be made to say 'I love you' .

Girls since childhood are made to believe , marriage is the only thing in life to look forward to.

Mothers start collecting gold for the event when the girls are babies.

Grades in school, college , job are all with the idea of marriage later -If girls do not do well in studies , get them hooked early. If they are capable to get good

earning jobs, use their money to get more jewellery and silk sarees etc- objective marriage.

Girls are forced into kitchen telling them who will marry you if you do not know cooking.

Most girls dread to meet a boy outside even casually for coffee as some nosy neighbour/relative will see them and carry tales to spoil their marriage chances.

movies, dinners, eat outs if there is a boy in the group are a strict no-no.

Then this fair and lovely syndrome.

Any ad advertising creams, powder etc will stress that a fair skin will make them look lovely and help them to hook their prince charming.

All this crazy thinking and obsession with marriage as end all of life happens only in our country.

You have captioned the thread as 'Indian Obsession with marriage'.

Does it mean that it deals only with Indian Obsessioion of marriage and not about American or other country's boys and girls Obsession with marriage

And you have concluded the posting that 'All this crazy thinking and obsession with marriage as end all of life happens only in our country'.

So your journey started from Brahmin bashing, is now passing through Indian cuture bashing today and tomorrow..it will be.....??

I think the marriage and the related cutural events are universal phenomenon.

It happens everywhere under the son whereever there is a boy and girl nnd defintely not only in India.

It speaks about the relationship which happens only once for boys and girls of our country.

Indian ladies mostly marry only once hence their expereince the obsesion once.

Whereas in America for example, women and men marry several times.

Elizabeth Taylor married 8 times. You may discuss about this.

Indian ladies are not that much fortunate to have such expereince of shopping jewellery, sarees, dining, etc, etc several times in their life unlike their counterparts at USA.


To be contd...

 

[prasad1]

There is a difference.
Relationship between two gender is universal. It is almost required for preservation of the species. Even Animals do it.
But this thread is talking about Religious, cultural, pomp, and ceremony of marriage.
In other cultures the marriage itself is loosing its influence. In tribal societies and some western cultures the couple live together, without marriage. The family involvement in marriage in India and some of the eastern cultures is almost an obsession.
In west the new phenomena is the same sex marriages. LOL

 

[Raji Ram]

Parents talk about marriage even to the kids.

Here is a scene from 'avvai shanmukhi': AVVAI SHANMUKHI

 

[renuka]

An obsession of any kind is unhealthy.

In India when girls get married..their brothers are literally bled to death paying for their sisters weddings and the story does not end there...post marriage too the Thai Maman foots a lots of bills for his sisters children.

Then the cycle of extortion starts...that is the mother of a groom would demand dowry for her son cos her son had already spent a large amount of money for his sisters wedding and post marriage up keep.

I also do not understand how girls agree for a marriage when she can see for her self it might spell financial ruin for her brothers and father.

Yet they want to get married.

I have seen even some of my rich relatives still follow culture to the dot where the Thai Maman has to foot the bill for ear piercing of their daughters..coming of age rituals..have to buy gold for their children etc and some of these relatives have many daughters.

Dont they love their brothers and use logic not to live off another person?

BTW there is also another obsession..that is people will ask newly weds non stop when they will have kids...then for some who have only 1 child..there is the non stop bugging of "why only one child".

Humans are overall idiots and I think some races top the list of prying into others lives.

Krish ji..you brought up a very relevant topic..I expect good responses.

 

[krish44]

This child hang up is still worse.

Most mothers are in desperate hurry to become grandmothers.

Within months of marriage of a girl , they want performance .

It puts a lot of pressure on newly married couples.

both parents will look at peer groups and collect data how many of them have become grandparents.

They will raise a hysteria whenever they hear some one of the same age as their daughter becomes pregnant.

In more than one child families , if both children are married, they start a competition on who will conceive first.

Many will tell married youngsters to go to temples where praying guarantees children in shortest time. They will instruct pray for a male child to married couples.

Most men want grandson for carrying the family name and their own name if possible.

Astrological magazines thrive on this child mania, advising couples to light ghee diyas for seven or nine fridays [ or something which can be equally interesting ].

Every one cashes in on this child getting desire.

Poor young couple- they are driven mad by all around them

 

[V.Balasubramani]

[h=1]This father is capable of organizing such a lavish marriage in a poor country. A pomp and show his wealth 55 crores.[/h]
Why?? It is an event relating to a relationship. Does a poor country like India needs to witnes such a lavish marriage.

NRI Businessman Ravi Pillai Throws A Lavish 55 Crore Wedding For His Daughter In Kerala

NRI businessmen Ravi Pillai spent Rs 55 crores for his daughter's wedding, which took place in Kerala today. In an extravagant display of wealth, Pillai married his daughter, Dr Arathy to Dr Adithya Vishnu of Kochi, at the famous Asramam ground in Kollam.

Read more at: http://www.indiatimes.com/news/indi...edding-for-his-daughter-in-kerala-247750.html

 

[renuka]

This child hang up is still worse.

Most mothers are in desperate hurry to become grandmothers.

Within months of marriage of a girl , they want performance .

It puts a lot of pressure on newly married couples.

both parents will look at peer groups and collect data how many of them have become grandparents.

They will raise a hysteria whenever they hear some one of the same age as their daughter becomes pregnant.

In more than one child families , if both children are married, they start a competition on who will conceive first.

Many will tell married youngsters to go to temples where praying guarantees children in shortest time. They will instruct pray for a male child to married couples.

Most men want grandson for carrying the family name and their own name if possible.

Astrological magazines thrive on this child mania, advising couples to light ghee diyas for seven or nine fridays [ or something which can be equally interesting ].

Every one cashes in on this child getting desire.

Poor young couple- they are driven mad by all around them

Exactly!

Dont know why when everyone talks about God,Karma so much yet they want to dictate terms for lives of others.

I never ask any newly wed about having children etc.

When someone tells me they had a baby..I never even ask them the gender.

All I say is congratulations.

My mother feels I am too impersonal but I keep telling her I mind my own business.

I have seen females asking gender of the child..weight of the child..comparing milestones..some brag their kids started walking early.


But surprisingly when a child grows up and becomes adults..no one asks "hey when did you son/daughter started having sex?"LOL

That milestone alone no one talks about.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Our country is though geographically may be small, but population wise we are a big country with rich culture and traditions.

We are divided by religion, culture, region, language, caste, colour, creed, etc etc And each caste and every religion practicing a set of traditions and cultures.

In fact marriage is a dream of every one. The groom and the bride are the VIPs on that day. For young it is cherishing dream indeed and we love to talk about our marriage throughout our life.

My father use to describe how his marriage took place in those days when there was no much of communication and transport facility, besides money.

So we love to think about it, love to talk about our marriage, we love to ensure that it is a happy occasion though out.

In the circumstances, with various castes, customs, traditions followed at different region, various communities and all other religions are we going to discuss in this thread…??

It is will be certainly a ‘Sindubad - Kannittheevu’ story appearing in ‘Daily Thanthi’ till today from my childhood IMHO. lol

Anyway let us share our views on this evergreen topic.

 

[krish44]

I was seeing on youtube a young female stand up performer offspring of tamil father and north indian mother, in US

Her mother according to her was fair in complexion and she had inherited the dark complexion of father. In addition she was 5feet 8inches tall.Added to it very thin

Her mothers worry since the girls childhood was who will marry her.

Her mother used to tell all that her daughters complexion was brown when it came to matrimony. She also misrepresented her height and told her to remain seated when

someone had come to her home for alliance.She made good her escape from india and ended up as as a stand up comedy artist in US for want of better ability.lol

Her mother felt that she would have a better chance of getting married because she was in US and also has a job .

Another in delhi, was put into the orbit of manhunt for marriage by anxious parents and had to date three or four recommended by parents on compulsion from parents. She humorously has

described her encounters with these undesirable male species until she met an army type smart and socially savvy. She thoroughly enjoyed partying with him more than

once and developed cold feet when she found he was in forward area in infantry. She dropped him like a hot brick and told him that they could be friends .She thinks

marriage is too much of a nuisance and to

get stuck with a person looking for an unpaid cook, clothes washer was not very tempting .

She is of tamil origin , born and brought up in delhi.

Marriage is such a pain these days. It requires a lot of courage to venture into holy matrimony for most.

In these days of so many temporary jobs with varied demands for travel and movement and living out of suitcases for many boys and girls marriage can only be an added

responsibility and burden, not withstanding the desire of older generation

 

[renuka]

Actually marriage is not all that hard...at times I do not even feel I am married.

Nothing has changed for me..I am still the same person.

People get worked up thinking marriage demands change and compromise.

 

[krish44]

Mothers in india are special entities.

They have a way of saying things which make boys all the time guilty.

Like when they say looking at grown up boys in particular and saying ' for what I am being tested in this janma or poorva janma karma and wipe their eyes when darling

son returns little high from a party. Sometimes when boys cannot resist a bite outside before returning home and mother says 'I have cooked hoping my boy does not go

hungry and I am rewarded this way.'.Then finally ends , only way is marriage and that alone can make my boy responsible and talk about a pious god fearing girl she

met at the temple who did three rounds of the Goddess there .Must be a plump female whom nobody would die to be with .

Mothers also a have strange way of keeping a tab on their darling girls. When some boy manages to take a girl out after multiple failed attempts, within the first couple of

minutes of meeting , the girls mobile rings.An immediate transformation takes place in the girl who moves away from boy and in hush hush tone lies she is in pooja after telling

the boy to stay a little away for sometime.It really kills the romantic mood of both.And the nuisance of having to drop the girl a little farther away from homes of both girl

and boy if you are a boy.

How many boys have had experience of riding two wheeler in bachelor days with a girl in back seat which fail uphill on a flyover ?. Most enterprising girls normally are

quick to grab another lift or wave a public transport to stop and jump in leaving the boy to push the vehicle themselves. I know guys who do not find out if the pretty

pillion rider is intact when they drive. at signals some girls quietly get off if the boy is boring.Hence the best approach is have a car and date with girl in the back seat

with all doors on automatic lock. Good to ensure mobiles are switched off. This is modern romance.Probably loud music on stereo -not devotional can aid to the

atmosphere.

Of course ,most here are seniors . They may not appreciate what I say

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Krish Sir,

The youngsters know how to meet and have fun, without the knowledge of parents. Some are brave enough to register

their wedding and stay with their respective parents to save money on food and accommodation. :lol:

They disclose about their marriage ONLY when the frantic search by parents starts. I know two such girls.

Of course girls have the upper hand now a days and can go on rejecting boys several times. A girl, not very attractive

even to her parents got a fair and handsome groom soon after the search started! :thumb:

I agree that the mothers of girls are the most powerful humans in South India!!

 

[krish44]

I know one girl and her parents who rejected a boy more than once and the boy ultimately married that girl only.lol

Perseverance pays sometimes.

They belong to my family.

 

[Raji Ram]

The wedding ceremony shows the money power of the parents of the girl. They start buying jewellery right from her time of birth!

Though dowry in cash has vanished, dowry in kind is still ON! So 'siru thuLi; peru veLLam' funda is followed. The groom also gets

his share of gold and diamonds - Diamond ring; thick minor chain and bracelet.

Some parents agree to share 50% of the wedding expenses whereas some parents of girls feel below dignity to ask for sharing.

But, everyone wants a lavish wedding to be performed. I pity those parents who are forced to spend by taking loans. Others ...
Let them enjoy!! arty:

BTW, only because a marriage is considered important and holy, grihasthAsrama dharmA is followed to some extent. eace:

Otherwise, anyone will live with anyone for any number of days or years and quit when they wish! :bolt:

 

[Raji Ram]

OMG! I wrote about girls rejecting several boys!! :bump2:

 

[Raji Ram]

I know one girl and her parents who rejected a boy more than once and the boy ultimately married that girl only.lol

Perseverance pays sometimes.

They belong to my family.

In my friends circle, the father of a 4'10'' tall girl managed to get a 6' tall groom by visiting their house in Gajini style!! :thumb:

This happened in 90s.

 

[krish44]

In my friends circle, the father of a 4'10'' tall girl managed to get a 6' tall groom by visiting their house in Gajini style!! :thumb:

This happened in 90s.

Height is such a serious issue , tall or short.

My sister 4' 10 could not find a match for several years. Then a six footer opted for her. He was not finding a match because of his height. So it work both ways.

They have been married 56 years now, she is 86 plus and husband 93 years.

 

[krish44]

I will share a recent story.

A well educated bank officer in chennai -a distant relation was on girl hunt for a few years. His parents were particular about horoscope, subsect, adjusting with parents ,

educated,employed.They as a family kept rejecting a few alliances that came their way.Then one day I heard that the family was going to tirupathi for wedding.

Then I thought at last they found someone suitable . Nice.but I was mistaken .

The person who got married was his younger sister. She saw the difficulties her brother was going thru due to his parents. She opted to marry an office colleague from

NB community. She did not want an arranged match, She felt a known NB is better than than an arranged match from B community.The boy is still available 33 plus for

marriage.These types of parents do not realise what is happening in the community around them and they are living in a world of their own.

 

[krish44]

More I see the dismal scenario around in arranged marriages all over the country, I feel a generation of boys and girls are in for trouble on the marriage front.

The long hunts, then uncertainity and break up before or after engagement , before and after muhurtham and also a few years of marriage is scary.

Of course as Rajiramji says, religeous rituals at marriage and engagement makes some follow grihsthasrama dharma whatever it might signify.{ brawl inside home and do

not break up like the last generation ?}

Does it make sense if the marriage is painful for both entities?

If Last generation marriages were Halal union lasting a lifetime , this generation it is jhatka both going different ways in case it does not work out . Which is better

to opt for?

 

[Raji Ram]

Height is such a serious issue , tall or short.

My sister 4' 10 could not find a match for several years. Then a six footer opted for her. He was not finding a match because of his height. So it work both ways.

They have been married 56 years now, she is 86 plus and husband 93 years.

My maternal uncle and aunt are such a combo! They were 25 and 14 when they got married. We used to ask uncle why he

married such a short girl and he would reply with a big grin, 'ava 18 vayasu varaikkum vaLaruvAnnu nenachchEn!!'

BTW, perfect match of horoscopes was the reason for that wedding! :hug:

 

[krish44]

My maternal uncle and aunt are such a combo! They were 25 and 14 when they got married. We used to ask uncle why he

married such a short girl and he would reply with a big grin, 'ava 18 vayasu varaikkum vaLaruvAnnu nenachchEn!!'

BTW, perfect match of horoscopes was the reason for that wedding! :hug:

My neighbour got married to such a young girl when she was 14yrs. But she grew taller than him after marriage in a few years.

When they went outside for any errand , they would not go together,

He will go forward and she would follow a few feet behind.

Very funny and interesting.

 

[Raji Ram]

I have seen many military officers with short better halves! Big B and Jaya combo.

May be girls are scared to get married to them? :noidea:

 

[tbs]

I have seen many military officers with short better halves! Big B and Jaya combo.

May be girls are scared to get married to them? :noidea:

hi

i saw same in the military parties....many wives are short and sometimes bulky too....but generally military officers are very

tall and slim too...i had one army captain in my army regiment......the officer is more than 6 feet talll and wife is less 4 feet...

i used think always....how this match works....he is punjabi jatt....she is from haryana...

 

[Raji Ram]

Less than 4 feet? Not possible TBS Sir!

Might have been two or three inches short of 5 feet.