Jan 20 Neeya Naana

[kunjuppu]

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Jan 20 Neeya Naanal

another one of the must see neeya naana shows - it deals with love marriages from a parents' view point.. and (not) surprisingly the ugly fact of caste comes out like the proverbial bootham out of the well...

no matter what your personal view on caste or love or love marriage may be, you will be enthralled. i think.

 

[tbs]

hi

இது எல்லோரும் பார்க்க வேண்டும் ....இது இன்றைய தமிழ் பிராமணர்கள் நிச்சயமாக பார்க்க வேண்டும்....ரொம்ப நன்றி ....

 

[Amirtha]

It is so sad to see people mind set. I really feel sadden for the kids who are brought up with these kind of mental attitude. Love marriage is still a taboo. I am so shocked to see in this day and age people are still like this. Parents, who are not supporting the love, are so selfish. There is no rationale for their attitude. I think they don’t even realise what they are saying. I think all Tamilnadu people should move to foreign country (like one guy said in that forum). Imo they all need stress relief. Unless the policy makers/politicians of Tamilnadu take away the jati/matham from the applications, it is going to be long tow to change societal mind set.

 

[P.J.]

It is so sad to see people mind set. I really feel sadden for the kids who are brought up with these kind of mental attitude. Love marriage is still a taboo. I am so shocked to see in this day and age people are still like this. Parents, who are not supporting the love, are so selfish. There is no rationale for their attitude. I think they don’t even realise what they are saying. I think all Tamilnadu people should move to foreign country (like one guy said in that forum). Imo they all need stress relief. Unless the policy makers/politicians of Tamilnadu take away the jati/matham from the applications, it is going to be long tow to change societal mind set.

Amirithaji

I too saw this episode in my lap top.
One male participant was saying that he will cut his daughter if ever she loves anyone!!
On the other hand , he says he will not give the same sort of punishment to to his son if ever he loves.
Not only caste Bhootham comes out, also Gender difference Bhootham

It is really a sad state of mind set exhibited by many parents who opposed love marriage.

 

[tbs]

hi

Love marriage is still a taboo. I am so shocked to see in this day and age people are still like this. Parents, who are not supporting the love, are so selfish...

even an iyer boy can't marry a iyengar girl...even i have my own experiences....in 70s/ 80s.....my mother was very adamant

abt iyer system....i was in love with a telugu brahmin gal.....somebody said in the show.....success in love....failure in life...

same i may succeed in love with a telugu brahmin gal...may be failure in life without mother....my mother was dead against

with telugu brahmin/iyengal gal....still she is the SAME WAY.... she never changed....any way she may be succceded....i may

be failed ....again destiny played in key role in marriage...

 

[Amirtha]

Amirithaji

I too saw this episode in my lap top.
One male participant was saying that he will cut his daughter if ever she loves anyone!!
On the other hand , he says he will not give the same sort of punishment to to his son if ever he loves.
Not only caste Bhootham comes out, also Gender difference Bhootham

It is really a sad state of mind set exhibited by many parents who opposed love marriage.

It is bhottham alright. I also noticed different kind of treatment to son and daughter. Some how in our society in certain areas girls are treated bit differently. Especially in marriage. If the girl get into love marriage, she looked down upon and family get ashamed of her action. Whereas if boy involved, boy wont get affected but the DIL get affected.

Kind Regards

 

[Amirtha]

hi

Love marriage is still a taboo. I am so shocked to see in this day and age people are still like this. Parents, who are not supporting the love, are so selfish...

even an iyer boy can't marry a iyengar girl...even i have my own experiences....in 70s/ 80s.....my mother was very adamant

abt iyer system....i was in love with a telugu brahmin gal.....somebody said in the show.....success in love....failure in life...

same i may succeed in love with a telugu brahmin gal...may be failure in life without mother....my mother was dead against

with telugu brahmin/iyengal gal....still she is the SAME WAY.... she never changed....any way she may be succceded....i may

be failed ....again destiny played in key role in marriage...

Me and my husband also went through similar problem. But in our case it is same caste and same sect (vadakalai Iyengar). When we asked for the reason, they didnt really come up with any solid good reason. So they have no other option except conduct the marriage. (We were not misbehaving before the marriage). We went through lot of stressful period in our life with both parents. But we never gave in to their ego and also our ego. We did whatever we could do to help them until now. Actually it strengthened our relationship.

Kind Regards

 

[tbs]

Me and my husband also went through similar problem. But in our case it is same caste and same sect (vadakalai Iyengar). When we asked for the reason, they didnt really come up with any solid good reason. So they have no other option except conduct the marriage. (We were not misbehaving before the marriage) Thats why I said "Love" is a taboo word.

Kind Regards

hi
generally in brahmin community ....LOVE MEANS SEX BEFORE MARRAGE.....so its still a taboo word...

 

[sangom]

I am not an anti-love marriage person. But lately I find that some of the so-called "love" is more like a 'crush' than mature 'love'. Younsters especially those from somewhat affluent families, seem to feel that it is the duty of their parents to satisfy their evry whim and that includes the newly found "attraction" for a person of the opposite sex with whom they get into physical intimacy also, rather easily. Marriages of this type more often than not end up as unsuccesful. Naturally, there is a divorce and later it may be a completely arranged marriage or another love marriage. I personally feel that such misuse of the freedom to "love" needs to be discouraged.

Any suggestions?

 

[Amirtha]

I am not an anti-love marriage person. But lately I find that some of the so-called "love" is more like a 'crush' than mature 'love'. Younsters especially those from somewhat affluent families, seem to feel that it is the duty of their parents to satisfy their evry whim and that includes the newly found "attraction" for a person of the opposite sex with whom they get into physical intimacy also, rather easily. Marriages of this type more often than not end up as unsuccesful. Naturally, there is a divorce and later it may be a completely arranged marriage or another love marriage. I personally feel that such misuse of the freedom to "love" needs to be discouraged.

Any suggestions?

Shri Sangom

[FONT=&quot] I think we have to trust our kids. Indian parents should stop smothering their children. Imo we do lot for our children. We have to arm them with good ethics, safety and advice. I don’t really know how else you can discourage their natural hormonal crush except arm them with knowledge i.e, good sexual education and hope for the best. Divorces also happen in arranged marriage too. I know of few arranged marriages ended up in divorces (after having kids).

Kind Regards [/FONT]

 

[P.J.]

Me and my husband also went through similar problem. But in our case it is same caste and same sect (vadakalai Iyengar). When we asked for the reason, they didnt really come up with any solid good reason. So they have no other option except conduct the marriage. (We were not misbehaving before the marriage). We went through lot of stressful period in our life with both parents. But we never gave in to their ego and also our ego. We did whatever we could do to help them until now. Actually it strengthened our relationship.

Kind Regards

Amirithaji

No Villian, no thrill in your case; Chubnnu irukku..

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Sangom Sir,

The 'so what' attitude in youngsters is the new danger! What I mean by this is, whatever they do - right or wrong - should be

accepted by the parents. They can drink, smoke, have relationship with many persons but the parents have to keep quite.

Nothing is considered 'wrong' now-a-days. So also the intimate relationships and live-in relationships!

 

[kunjuppu]

i think the saddest of all participants, was the dalit who was one of the four guests.

almost everyone in the show, showed their prejudice against the dalits, with the kongu nadu guy, insinuating what PMK party has been saying all along - that dalit guys in an organized manner go after upper caste girls. something like the love jihad of kerala, which i think was not true.

also, the guy, who found success in love and lost in life - there was an underlying story there with the guy opposite, who was an ME and an asst professor. i felt his daughter is in love with this ass proff, and gopinath could not say much more...

whatever it is, gopinath gets my kudos for 2 things - he steadfastly deplores violence publicly irrespecitive of who makes those statements. he is consistent in this in all of his shows. the other, is, he publcly stands against caste prejudices. and for women and women's empowerment.

8 out of 10 shows i watch. the other 2 i drop off midway.

 

[Acharya]

My Mother objected when my brother wanted to marry a girl who was also a brahmin but from another language group. My brother being more obedient to Mother, sacrificed his love and married the girl arranged by our parents.

However my Mother consented to my nephew (my sister's son) marrying a brahmin girl from a different language group.

Till date I could not understand the bias nor accept my Mother's explanations viz 'He is daughter's son. I have no say in this matter.'; 'His generation is different, my son's generation is different'.

could someone who agrees with my Mom, convince me that my Mother is right?

 

[Raghy]

Amirithaji

No Villian, no thrill in your case; Chubnnu irukku..

It is very unfortunate you could not identify the villans. Chappunu irukku?.... seem like a ( extra chilli ) hot case for me!.....

 

[renuka]

In the world besides Indians..other races hardly have arranged marriage system and life still goes on as usual.

Even though I had an arranged marriage I would prefer my son to choose his own partner when he becomes an adult.

Only if he does not really find anyone on his own I would consider an arranged marriage for him.

I hope my son will marry a Hindu in the future.

 

[Raji Ram]

..........However my Mother consented to my nephew (my sister's son) marrying a brahmin girl from a different language group.

Till date I could not understand the bias nor accept my Mother's explanations viz 'He is daughter's son. I have no say in this matter.'; 'His generation is different, my son's generation is different'........

Dear Sir,

The sons are carrying the gOthram of the family. When the daughter is married, she belongs to the gOthram of her husband.

Hence your mother did not worry much. It is said that once a girl, even from another varNa, gets married to a brahmin groom,

she will be considered a brahmin. Even then, some people want ONLY pure descendants and go about searching only for a girl

from the same subsect like vadamA! Too complicated, right?

 

[Raji Ram]

Here is something like 'Vikram - Bethal' story:

A couple got only four sons. All the sons married tambram girls.

First brother has only one son and others are daughters. His son married a tambram girl and has two sons.

But his first son got married to a girl who is not a brahmin. Second son is yet to be married.

Second brother has a son and a daughter but the son who married a tambram girl has only a daughter.

Third brother has only one daughter and no sons.

Fourth brother has two sons. The first son married a tambram girl but has only one daughter; Second son

married a girl who is not a brahmin.

NOW..... The 'pure descendant' of this gOthram depends on the unmarried second grandson of the first brother.

This will happen only if he marries a tambram girl and gets a son!

Howzzzzzzzzzat?? :dizzy:

 

[suraju06]

I too watched the programme. It turned out to be a neither here nor there kind of programme. It did not discuss the love marriage Vs. arranged marriage in any depth nor did it analyse the dynamics of caste prejudices fully. It ended up as a damp squib. I expected something more from Gopinath. In the luv marriage vs. arranged ones the arguments were all familiar ones. A majority of members were in favour of luv marriages shouting down or overwhelming the other group with the support of the anchor person. It was a nice programme only for those who had preconcieved ideas with a closed mind who had already trashed the arguments of the other side. Any way in today's world it is a blasphemy to say arranged marriages are better or that castes are a given situation and it is better to bypass it and carry on so that the prejudices and abuses vanish with time.

Over all it was a sleep inducing programme but for that fanatic guy who said he would cut his daughter if she eloped with some one from the lower caste. I thought the anchor instead of condemning the idea would encourage others with similar if not same (violent) attitude to come out with their views. If that had happened we could have got a peep into the mind set of them. He condemned and all said "oh. yeah. how can such utter nonsense be expressed here". Instead of taking a holier than thou moral stand the anchor in such programmes should encourage secretly preserved pet prejudices to come out in the open so that others get an opportunity to under stand the dynamics of such prejudices.

Any way I know that this is another cry in the wilderness, but do I care?

Cheers.

 

[suraju06]

Here is something like 'Vikram - Bethal' story:

A couple got only four sons. All the sons married tambram girls.

First brother has only one son and others are daughters. His son married a tambram girl and has two sons.

But his first son got married to a girl who is not a brahmin. Second son is yet to be married.

Second brother has a son and a daughter but the son who married a tambram girl has only a daughter.

Third brother has only one daughter and no sons.

Fourth brother has two sons. The first son married a tambram girl but has only one daughter; Second son

married a girl who is not a brahmin.

NOW..... The 'pure descendant' of this gOthram depends on the unmarried second grandson of the first brother.

This will happen only if he marries a tambram girl and gets a son!

Howzzzzzzzzzat?? :dizzy:

There is no problem if the gothram is not sustained in a family. There are other families from the same gothram in the society who will nurture and sustain it. The scriptures only say that the the lineage should be kept unbroken and it says nothing about the gothram. To quote "prajA tanthum mAvyavathchEtsi" is what is said in scripture. prajA tanthum is not equivalent to gothram.

Cheers.

 

[Raji Ram]

Thanks for your reply Raju Sir.

I know that many more families do exist in the same gOthram but it is a rare one!!

 

[swamiinathan]

I am not an anti-love marriage person. But lately I find that some of the so-called "love" is more like a 'crush' than mature 'love'.

Any suggestions?

I fully agree with Sangom sir. It is very difficult to differentiate between infatuation and mature love. Parents are afraid that initial 'love' may 'sour' after some time particularly in case of girls.

 

[P.J.]

I fully agree with Sangom sir. It is very difficult to differentiate between infatuation and mature love. Parents are afraid that initial 'love' may 'sour' after some time particularly in case of girls.

Swaminathan Sir

Nowadays , Girls are much more matured because of their education,various Media exposures, and their company.
Girls doing certain profession like Doctors fall in love with boys doing the same profession; in the same way it is very common in IT industry, Media field, and many more.

 

[renuka]

I fully agree with Sangom sir. It is very difficult to differentiate between infatuation and mature love. Parents are afraid that initial 'love' may 'sour' after some time particularly in case of girls.

Dear Sir,

Frankly speaking Mature Love does not exists.

Even Maturity is a term most widely abused without us knowing the meaning.

Maturity does not mean getting things right the first go itself... Maturity is a just a collection of experiences that has come about after years of trial and error.

When we learnt to walk..we faltered and walked..no baby walked without falling.

So why in love alone we are supposed to get it right the first time?
We need to give ourselves a chance to learn about love and its trials and tribulations.

Love is a feeling of attraction between 2 people and so is infatuation.

For most people after a while the initial high of love comes down and they hit plateau phase cos other responsibilities crop up.

Those in an arranged marriage can NOT claim right away that an arranged marriage is not based on attraction/hormonal play and it is a deeper understanding cos 99.999% of arranged marriage individuals gun in on the First Night itself..so tell me..how can anyone do it without actually even knowing the spouse well if the element of hormonal play was not there?

So at the beginning of any human relationship...initially there is attraction which is hormonal based and later hormones too go on decline as we age even though men might still claim to be ever green the fact remains that they are indeed ever green but the shade of green fades!LOL

Check out the various shades of green and choose your shade guys!

Then when we have all aged and finished our responsibilities we sit back and claim.."Oh mine was matured love"

The 1st cavemen who populated the world..never thought of mature or immature love..he took his club went to a woman and said " I caveman..you my woman..I want you..you fertile.." he gave her one hit on her head and dragged her to the cave and here we are today.

If the cave man waited to analyse what is mature and immature love..well none of us would be here.

 

[Acharya]

Most of the so-called love-affairs evolve consequent upon an attraction towards one or more superficial aspects or elements of the other person, which is misconstrued as Love.

It is common that most relationships follow after a lust of the eye or lust of the flesh or pride of life.

Most men fall for beauty of the face of a woman and hence are deluded and deceive themselves imagining a love.

Most women fall for money, jewellery, physique. Little do they realize that behind the mask of beauty, money etc is hidden a character, conduct and personality trait with a potential to influence relationship, which unfolds after marriage either causing friction or in rare cases strengthening the relationship.

Time tests true, genuine love which endures turbulence, storm, catastrophe, calamity and cataclysm.

Please recollect the story of the Tamil movie, 'Badrakali', which was released during the mid 70s, starring Sivakumar and the famous Rani Chandra who was killed in an air crash during the filming of the movie. The story of a brahmin family, where the wife falls sick and inactivated. The husband is compelled to marry again yet the husband attends to the first wife faithfully.