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Just to laugh........!!!!!!

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A little boy was doing his maths homework.
He said to himself, "Two plus five, the son of a b!tch is seven.

Three plus six, the son of a b!tch is nine..."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my maths homework, Mom."
" And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in maths?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the Son Of a b!tch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,

"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."



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The top marketing director of Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.

After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers, 'Your Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church. If you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee'."

The Pope looks outraged and thunders, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the word of the Lord, It must not be changed. " Well," says the Nescafe man somewhat chastened, "We anticipated your reluctance.

For this reason, and the importance of the Lord's Prayer to all Catholics, we will increase our offer to $300 million. All we require is that you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to Give us this day our daily coffee'."

Again, even more sternly, the Pope replies, "That, my son is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."

Finally, the Nescafe director says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your adherence to your faith, we realise that tradition is essential to your beliefs, we fully understand the importance of the word of the Lord .............. but we do have one final offer. Please discuss it with your cardinals. We will donate $500 million to the great Catholic church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee'. Please, please consider it." And he leaves.

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.

"There is some Good news," he announces, "and some bad news...... The good news is, he continues to a hushed assembly, ' that the Church will get $ 500 million."

"And what is the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.

"Sadly" says the Pope,.

.
We would have to lose the Britannia Account...... .............and take on with the Nestle!
 

Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.


Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.


Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.


Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.


Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.


Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.


Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.


Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that You actually look forward to the trip.


Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/enjoythemasti
​
 
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A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady - "Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks - "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied - "We just love the chocolate around them."

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=147838635311135&set=o.169615133118294&type=1
 
[h=6]A window salesman phoned up a customer.
“Hello, Mr. Brown,” said the sales rep. “I’m calling because our company replaced all the windows in your house with our triple-glazed weather-tight windows over a year ago, and you still haven’t sent us a single payment.”
Mr. Brown replied, “But you said they’d pay for THEMSELVES in 12 months!”[/h]
 
A Well educated pandit at his early sixties was moving around places for making Upanyasams and teachings to people.
Of course because of his high level literacy was having little head weight too. That too when he sees illitrate people he used to tease them.
It so happened he was travelling along River Ganges and made upanyasams , Hari katha in various places.
He at a particular point want to cross the river to reach another place.
The localaites arranged a seperate boat for the Pandit.
The pandit after accepting all the honor boarded the boat.
The boat was carrying only the pandit.
After a breif the pandit started chatting with the Boat man.
First he asked him have you read Ramyan.
The boat man replied 'No sir "
The next question was what is your Age.
The boat man replied am 40 years.
Immediatly the pandit said Oh you have lost 10 years of living
The next question was about Mahabharat and the reply was no.
Pandit said ada ada you have lost another 10 years from your age.
Next the question was on Bhagavatha and the reply was in same line.
Now the boat man asked pandit
Sir You told me that i have lost 30 years of life from my age of 40 years, what is the meaning of this sir.
The pandit promptly replied that your Age may be 40 years but your living of 30 years in that 40 years is a mere waste.
After few moments Boat man asked the Pandit , Sir What is your age.
The pandit with a proud , anticipating similar questions which he threw on the boat man, replied that am 60 years old.
Boat man asked the pandit , Sir do you know swimming.
The pandit replied No, bcoz I did not find time to learn swimming as was busy in reading Ramayan and other such books.
Boat man with a smile said Sir as you said I have lost 30 years from my age of 40 years, but you are going to loose all the 60 years from your age.
The pandit with a confused face asked why ?
The boat man cooly said there is a hole in the boat and we are slowly sinking.
Bye bye and will meet in the next Janmam , hope fully not wasting my life sir and dis appeared.

 
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A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident I would make a good sales pitch, as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters......


First poster: A man lying in the hot desert sand.... totally exhausted and fainting.
Second poster: The man is drinking our Cola.
Third poster: Our man is now totally refreshed.
And then these posters were pasted all over the place
"Then that should have worked!" said the friend.
"The hell it should had......." said the salesman.......

I didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left!"

 
Omg its really hilarious. TR is riduclously unbearably hilarious. I laughed sooo much, my sides are aching!. And the comments below are even worse "Dai karuppu panda"! omg :D :D
 
Side effects of working.... working...... and working.......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I once left home to go to the market wearing my ID card
and did not realize till my friend asked me why I was wearing it !!!!

Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the house door with
keys.


Few days back I slept at 12:00 in the night and woke up in the morning
at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 8 hours and
laughed at myself when I realized that I am at home.


Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around.
I went on to ask, "Why is she not attending the status call?"

I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc..
at my personal internet connection at home...
thinking it will be blocked any way.
Till I realize - I am at home.

Yeah sometimes it do happens with me also.
keeping hands in front of tap for waiting
water to drop by itself is very frequent with me.
I just forget that we have to turn on and off the tap....

Once after talking to one of my friends
I ended the conversation saying,
" Ok bye...in case of any issues will call u back"

Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message
from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe it’s in the recycle bin

I gave my office mail id and password to access Gmail and
wondered when they became invalid???

Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....
pharmacist asked whether I want 250mg or 500mg.....
I replied 256mb....thank god he didn't notice.

Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching
from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV.

I, after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder,
decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie,
when I wanted to check the time,
I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the theatre
screen!

 
Income Tax problem

This conversation took between a new entrant and an old occupant in a cell of a Jail.
The new entrant was little rich and decent in his outlook.
Old occupant was looking like a regular criminal.
The old occupant ( we will name him as OO and new entrant as NE ) started the chat .
OO :what brought you here.
The NE couldnot understand the question.
OO : What is the crime you did ? NE :It is the Income Tax problem.
OO :This cells are for low class criminals like me and not for you people.
The NE could not understand what the OO is telling. OO : Why you didnot pay your Tax is it ?
NE: No I paid it.
OO : Then sure that you must have paid yr Tax by cheque and it got bounced rite
NE : No I paid every thing in cash.
The O.O was confused and asked then what is the crime you did
NE : I own a shop. 1 st year a team of people from IT dept came to my shop and they asked me to file my returns and asked me to pay the TAX, which I did.
2 nd year one more team came to my shop and the saw big development and asked me to pay more Tax which I promptly did.
3 rd year one more team came , by this time the shop had a grand look , and asked me to pay a bigger sum as TAX.
I was not having so much money with me , I requested them to bring papers and print whatever amount they want to print from my Note printing machine and the result is am here.
 
Getting Marriedhttp://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/enjoythemasti



Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Devon , are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a chemist. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds "

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about suppositories?"

Pharmacist: "You bet!"

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely.."

Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "We sure do."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "Adult incontinence pants?"

Pharmacist: "Sure."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store for our wedding presents list..."http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/enjoythemasti
 
Senior Jokes

A group of Canadians were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of making cheese, explaining that goats’ milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, “What do you do in Canada with your old goats?”
A spry old Lady answered, " Oh,We send them on bus tours".

Cheers,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.
 
Brahmanyan said:
A group of Canadians were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of making cheese, explaining that goats’ milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, “What do you do in Canada with your old goats?”
A spry old Lady answered, " Oh,We send them on bus tours".

Cheers,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.
Click to expand...

B,

thank you for your kind thoughts about us canadians :)
 
kunjuppu said:
B,

thank you for your kind thoughts about us canadians :)
Click to expand...


My Dear "Kunjuppu",

No offense meant. Ha Ha. All old people are treated in the same way around the world.

By the way, last week I met Nadu (SSE Muthy) with family in the Party organised to celebrate my Eightieth birthday here and I mentioned about you.

Warm Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.
 
WELCOME TO LALOO'S WORLD

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see the defeat of Bill Clinton." >God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.


Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan." God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts crying and goes away.

Laloo Yadav visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state." Hearing this, God starts crying. Laaloo is astounded and asks: " God, why are you crying? "

God replies: "Son, I will not see it in my lifetime "


 
Origin of your joke

Dr. Anandi Ramakrishnan said:
WELCOME TO LALOO'S WORLD

Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see the defeat of Bill Clinton." >God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.


Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan." God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts crying and goes away.

Laloo Yadav visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state." Hearing this, God starts crying. Laaloo is astounded and asks: " God, why are you crying? "

God replies: "Son, I will not see it in my lifetime "
Click to expand...

There was an happening in Brahma logam.
Brahma was going for peeing.
One gentleman came in front of him and told that Sir Ravanan is born.
Brahma replied him that am going for peeing let me come back and see.
It is beleived that Ravanan ruled for 50,000 years.
Brahma came back after peeing, the same gentleman informed him that Sir Ravanan was killed in the War by Rama.
Brahma cooly replied that '' Avan kedakkan alpayusu "
Now the real joke.
Mr. Bill Clinton, Putin and Mr. Manmohan singh ( Ofcourse original joke was Mr. Reagan, Breshnev and Indiramma )
went to Brahma and asked him the following question.
1. Bill Clinton : Sir when my country will become self sufficient and one and only Super power in the World.
Brahma replied , It will take anothe 10 to 20 years and you will not be there in Power.
Clinton cried and walked back.
For same Question from Putin the answer was sorry it will take another 50 yrs and you will not be alive .
Putin also cried and walked back.
Now it was MMS turn and the result was Brahma started crying and told MMS that I will not be alive then.
 
It so happened when Mr. Rajiv was driving a charted flight and the 2 passengers were Indiramma and Mr. Sanjay Gandhi.
Indramma asked Sanjay ' suppose I give you 100 rs now what you will do with that "
Sanjay replied I will throw it out of window so that some body who picks that note will bless me.
Indiramma told him that instead of throwing out 100 rs , I will change that to 100 one re coin and throw it so that 100 People will bless me.
It was the turn of Mr. Rajiv and both Indiramma and Sanjay were looking at Rajiv's face .
Rajiv said " I will put that 100 Rs into my pocket and throw you people out so that 100 crore people will bless me.
( A joke during Emergency Period )
 
இந்த ஜோக் நடந்தது 1945 ல.
2 வது உலக போர் முடிஞ்சவுடனே.
அப்ப இங்கிலான்ட்ல ஒரு ஒரு வீக் எண்டும் சர்ச்சில் ஸ்பீச் குறிப்பிட்ட பார்க் ல ரேடியோ மூலமாக transmit ஆகும்.
ஜனங்களும் கூட்டம் கூட்டமா நின்னு ரசிப்பாங்க. அப்ப டிவி கிடையாது என் எல்லார் வீட்லேயும் ரேடியோ இருந்துதா தெரியாது.
இதோட பாப்புலாரிட்டி பத்தி தெரிஞ்சுக்க சர்ச்சில் க்கு ஆசை வந்துது..
ஒரு வீக் எண்டு ல கூடிய மட்டும் தன்னோட ஐடென்டிடி யா மாத்திண்டு தன வீட்லேருந்து கொஞ்சம் தூரம் போய் ரோடு சைடு ல டாக்ஸி க்காக நின்னரு.
அப்போ ஒரு டாக்ஸி வந்துது இவர் கை காமிச்சதும் ஒரு டாக்ஸி வந்துது எங்கே போகணும் நு டிரைவர் கேட்டதும் சர்ச்சில் இவன் கிட்டேயே தன்னோட பாப்புலாரிட்டி யா செக் பண்ணலாம் நு நெனச்சுண்டு வேணும்னே சர்ச்சில் ஸ்பீச் transmit அர பார்க் குக்கு எதிர் பக்கமா ஒரு எடாத சொன்னாரு.
ஒடனே டாக்ஸி டிரைவர் ஐயா நான் சர்ச்சில் ஸ்பீச் கேக்கணும் அதுனாலே முடியாது ன்னு சொன்னான்.
சர்சில்லும் விடாம 5 பவுண்ட் தரேன் வரியான்னு கேட்டாராம்.
டிரைவர் முடியாது ன்னு சொன்னானாம் .
சர்சில்லும் விடமே சரி 10 பவுண்ட் வங்கிக்கோ ன்னு சொன்னாரம்.
டிரைவர் கொஞ்சம் தயக்கமா 1 பவுண்ட் distance க்கு 5 பவுண்டே அதிகம் நீங்க 10 பவுண்ட் ன்னு சொல்றீங்க ஆனாலும் சர்ச்சில் ஸ்பீச் அதை விட முக்கியம் னு சொன்னானாம்.
சர்சில்லுக்கு ஒரே குஷி சரி இது எவ்வளவு தூரம் போறுது ன்னு பாக்க சரி 20 பவுண்ட தரேன் ன்னு சொன்னாரம்.
ஒடனே டிரைவர் கதவை தெறந்து விட்டு நீங்க ஏறுங்க சார் 20 பவுண்ட் யாரு தருவாங்க இந்த சர்ச்சில் லுக்கு வேற வேலை இல்லை இந்த வாரம் இல்லே அடுத்த வாரம் அவன் ஸ்பீச் கேட்டுக்கலாம்னு சொன்னானாம்

 
[h=6][/h][h=6]A Japanese came to India. He took a AUTO to go to the airport.
On d way a HONDA overtakes,
Japanese: HONDA made in JAPAN very fast.....
Next a TOYOTA overtakes, he said TOYOTA made in JAPAN, very fast.
Airport came he asked how much?
... Driver: 8000Rs
Japanese: y so expensive?

Driver: METER made in INDIA very fast... :P[/h]
 
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