Laugh daily

[manoharkumar]

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Good Laloo Jokes:

Man along with his friend orders in a Bar: "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."
And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR ?"
Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."

---

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite sometime,
Laloo proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT," Laloo brags.
"FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG." the friend exclaims. "YOU ARE A FOOL".
Laloo replies. "SEE THIS CARTOON, IT IS WRITTEN " FOR 4-7 YRS".

---

After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go modeling.
Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears on the front page of a newspaper.
GUESS THE CAPTION !! Laloo, third from left !

---

 

[manoharkumar]

Some Good Italian Jokes....

. Why is it that most Italian Men are called Tony?
A. When they boarded the boat to America, they stamped To NY [Tony] on their foreheads...


Q. What does FIAT stand for?
A. Frenzied Italian At Traffic-lights.

Q. How can you identify the Italian at the Cock fight?
A. He's the one who bets on the duck.


Q. How can you tell if the Mafia is involved in the Cock fight?
A. Well, if the Duck wins, you know they are!

 

[manoharkumar]

laugh With OSHO:

It is true that the sense of humor is a part of the mind. But, says Osho, that’s not the end of it. There is a sense of humor which even the body feels, there is a sense of humor that the mind feels, and there is a sense of humor that is only felt when one is beyond the mind. They all differ in qualities.

Osho brings out the difference with the help of a simple example that a small child whose mind has not grown at all, will burst out giggling if someone simply touched his sensitive, humorous parts of the body, for example his belly. Osho shares, “The body has its own giggling points -- "G-points." Mind always laughs at others. No-mind only laughs at one's own ridiculousness. But the sense of humor is spread over your whole being, from body, mind, and soul.”

All your so-called religions are too serious. To me seriousness is sickening. Laughter has a health, a beauty, a quality of grace and dance. I am in absolute favor of laughter and against sadness.

Sadness is sickness and is very close to death. Laughter is life and is very close to the universal life, to the very God that is spread all over.”
Now for a Joke By OSHO:

Wilbur Wallace II, a yuppie Wall Street broker, falls in love with a young actress.

He thinks he wants to marry her, but he decides that before proposing, he should get a private investigating agency to check out her background and activities.

"After all," thinks Wilbur to himself, "I have a growing fortune and a Wall Street reputation to protect."

Using a false name to conceal his identity, Wilbur employs Mr. E.T. Pickle from "Pickle and Pepper Private Investigators," and a couple of weeks later, receives a confidential report on the girl.

The report states that she has a flawless reputation, and friends and family of the best nature.

"The only shadow," adds the report, "is that currently she is often seen in the company of a third-rate Wall Street broker."

 

[mkrishna100]

There was a Tamil Teacher in our school who was very poor in English but always tries to speak in English .Once during class 3 guys in a row were talking and he told them to stand outside the class .After some time 2 out of the 3 guys were still talking there and actually he wanted to talk to those 2 guys as to why they were talking but wanted to investigate each of them by asking them to come to his desk one by one and this is what he said :
Both the three of you come together one by one .:laugh:

 

[Iyyarooraan]

A mourner called at a house making funeral arrangements and enquired whether the body has come. Somebody said not yet. But just about the body was being brought into. The mourner exclaimed unwittingly, " see 100 years for it"!!!

 

[nsmkrish]

Once a Tamil teacher wanted to send a boy out of the class and wanted to say that in English. He felt he should prove he could use English. So he told the boy 'get out' and the boy did so. The teacher felt proud and went on with the class. When the bell was about to ring, he wanted to ask the boy to get in. But he didnt know what to say for that in English. So when the bell rang the teacher went out of the class and asked the boy to get out (that is inside the class).

 

[nsmkrish]

Some more funny headlines which appeared in US newspapers
Enfield couple slain: Police suspect homicide
Red tape holds up new bridges
Man struck by lightning: faces battery charge
New study of obesity looks for larger test group
Astronaut takes blame for gas in spacecraft
Local high school dropouts cut in half
Hospitals are sued by 7 foot doctors
And the winner is.....
Typhoon rips through cemetery; hundreds dead.

 

[nsmkrish]

Why Americans are jobless

John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN
JAPAN) for 6 a.m.
While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his
electric razor (MADE IN PHILIPPINES).
He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN VIETNAM). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA), then he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today.
After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA),
he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) filled it with GAS (from Saudi
Arabia) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his
computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA), John decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN KOREA), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA.

 

[manoharkumar]

Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.


Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were sitting on a bench in the park one evening just at dusk. Without knowing that they were close by, a young man and his girl friend sat down at a bench on the other side of a hedge.

Almost immediately, the young man began to talk in the most loving manner imaginable.

"He does not know we are sitting here," Mulla Nasrudin's wife whispered to her husband.

"It sounds like he is going to propose to her. I think you should cough or something and warn him."

"WHY SHOULD I WARN HIM?" asked Nasrudin. "NOBODY WARNED ME."

 

[manoharkumar]

It was after the intermission at the theater, and Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were returning to their seats.

"Did I step on your feet as I went out?" the Mulla asked a man at the end of the row.

"You certainly did," said the man awaiting an apology.

Mulla Nasrudin turned to his wife, "IT'S ALL RIGHT, DARLING," he said. "THIS IS OUR ROW."

 

[manoharkumar]

A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer."
The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week."
The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer."
Once again the receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." "Excuse me sir," the receptionist says, "but this is third time I've had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy replies, "Because I love hearing it!"

 

[manoharkumar]

A doctor and a lawyer collided on a country road.
The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.
The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.
"Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor.
"Sure, after the police leave," answered the lawyer

 

[nsmkrish]

Once a man was travelling by train and as his station would arrive at 3 a.m. , he decided to tell someone to wake him up if he fell asleep. He found a man going beyond his station and requested him to alert him. 'Please wake me up when my station comes. You have the liberty to even throw me out of the train if I dont wake up, 'he told the other man who agreed.
Later, when the man woke up he saw that he had missed his station and hence started shouting at the other man. The other man patiently listened to him and offered no reply. The first man continued shouting at him: ''what are you thinking, dont you have an explanation to offer. '' Then the other man said: ''Ýou are so angry, I am wondering how angry the man I threw out at 3 a.m. would have been.''

 

[nsmkrish]

* I have not spoken to my wife in 25 years. ...... I am waiting for her to stop talking.
* My wife and I live happily for 30 years..... then we met.
* My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
* Once a man and wife were inside a zoo and when they came near monkeys, the man laughed. The woman asked: ''Are you happy to see your relatives?"' The man said: ''Yes, my in-laws''
-----------

 

[nsmkrish]

This is told as a joke, but there is a moral in it.
There were two friends: on Sundays, one visited a prostitute when the other went to the church. But when they died the first friend who went to a prostitute went to heaven while the one who went to the church went to hell. Puzzled at this, God's assistant asked for an explanation.
God said: The first man while with a prostitute thought how bad he was and thought of god, while the other friend, while at church thought of the pleasure his friend would be having.

 

[ozone]

A patient: Doctor, I don't feel hungry after taking meal.
Doctor: Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit.
(After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines).
Doctor: Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another
one before you get-up.

 

[manoharkumar]

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

"Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know", said the stranger, "How about nuclear power?"

"OK", she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

She replied, "Do you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know 'shit'?"

 

[nsmkrish]

Presence of mind
A boy studied hard for the exam about a coconut tree. But in the question paper he was asked to write about a cow. The boy didn't know what to write then suddenly struck upon an idea. He wrote about the coconut tree and then finished by saying, ''it is under this coconut tree that a cow is tied''.

 

[Iyyarooraan]

Men are like that! (smssed)

WHY MEN SHOULDN'T BE AGONY AUNTS:
"Dear Jack, I left home for work last week and after less than a mile, my car stalled and wouldn't start. I walked back to our home to find my husband in bed with our 19 year old babysitter. They announced that the affair had been going on for 2 yrs, and that they were in love. Can you help me? I'm desperate!" Linda (New York)...

"Dear Linda, the most common cause of vehicles breaking down in the first mile is dirt in the fuel lines. If this is not the cause, it's usually the Alternator. Hope my advice helps!

 

[deepaksharma20]

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "130." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."
Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him,
"What's your IQ?"
The man responded, "120." So the robot started talking about the super bowl, dirt bikes, and so on. The man thought to himself,
"Wow, this is really cool."
A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "80."
The robot then said, "So, how are things in Pakistan these days?"

This one is really funny..pakistani people really dont have brains...

 

[majorgeek]

"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

 

[csnk]

Here are a few husband and wife jokes:
Husband is like a split AC: He makes loud noise outside, but inside he is quiet.
Husband is the head of the family, but wife is the neck; he turns whichever way she wants him to.
A man in hell tells devil he wants to speak to his wife. Devil allows him to. After talking he asks the devil how much is the charge. The devil says: Hell to hell is free.
Battered husband: wife is the knife that cuts life.
Husband: I have not spoken to my wife in 20 years. I am waiting for her to stop.
Husband and wife go to a zoo. Husband gets excited when he sees monkeys. Wife asks, 'are you happy to see your relatives?' Husband says, 'yes my in-laws'.

do u know why women talk more and men walk more