Marriage Invitation - Another Version

[KRS]

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Dear Sri CLN Ji,

Your wife reminds me a cousin of mine. Her only daughter fell in love with a distant cousin of hers from her father's side, and my cousin insisted on matching the jathagams. Some stupid astrologer told her that the marriage will be disastrous.

She protested vigorously and spent a fortune traveling all over South India, offering puja and 'bribe' to various Gods to stop the wedding. The wedding was performed last year, without her presence.

She does not even today, a year after the wedding, reconciled and again traveling around temples to ask for the marriage to fail! Of course the only daughter and the mother are estranged.

There is some interesting things here. My cousin consults with an astrologer, obviously because she believes in fate, and when the wedding happened, which is of course fated, she could not accept it, and now believes that she can defeat fate by destroying the happiness of the very person she loves!

Very complex indeed!

Regards,
KRS

 

[CLN]

Dear CLN

As an elderly person I seek unto the Lord's blessings for marital bliss with health and wealth, everlasting happiness
and cheer throughout their lives. They look ideal couple made for each other . Congratulations.

with best wishes

PC RAMABADRAN

How nice of you Sir!

It is such wonderful sentiments expressed by members who have not even seen me or the couple which gives immense boost to the strained spirit!

(BTW, I am not sure whether spirit (essentially a christian expression), which I believe refers to Aatma (Sanaatanic), can really be strained at all! )

 

[CLN]

KRS: now believes that she can defeat fate

What an irony, indeed, Sir! I find the similarity very striking. Perhaps, the two ladies in question can acquaint themselves with each other to form a common 'front' (election time, you see, here in Tamilnadu! ) to grapple with the horns of Fate, the unseen Villain!

 

[kunjuppu]

krs,

going to temples and offering prayers? i had not heard of this till recently.

a girl cousin of mine did just that to prevent her daughter marrying a christian. the affair ended, and my cousin is doing another round offering thanks.

now back to jadhagam for this girl, who somehow appears to reject every filtered offer passed by her parents. one really wonders!!

here too it is an only daughter. the joke in our family is that this branch consults the family astrologer to find right timing even for ablutions!!

 

[sangom]

Dear Sri CLN Ji,

Your wife reminds me a cousin of mine. Her only daughter fell in love with a distant cousin of hers from her father's side, and my cousin insisted on matching the jathagams. Some stupid astrologer told her that the marriage will be disastrous.

She protested vigorously and spent a fortune traveling all over South India, offering puja and 'bribe' to various Gods to stop the wedding. The wedding was performed last year, without her presence.

She does not even today, a year after the wedding, reconciled and again traveling around temples to ask for the marriage to fail! Of course the only daughter and the mother are estranged.

There is some interesting things here. My cousin consults with an astrologer, obviously because she believes in fate, and when the wedding happened, which is of course fated, she could not accept it, and now believes that she can defeat fate by destroying the happiness of the very person she loves!

Very complex indeed!

Regards,
KRS

I am reminded of one of my colleagues (a Tabra lady). Her daughter chose (fell in love with) a Nair or Ezhava boy and the parents tried their best to dissuade their daughter and also call the gods to help by conducting several very costly poojas (running into tens of thousands of rupees expenses). The daughter went and had a registered marriage. The highly pragmatic parents immediately arranged for a very grand wedding reception. The daughter and son-in-law most probably are now in BGL and the family is united, no fissures!!

I admire the sagacity of that lady.

 

[sangom]

continued...

There is yet another case. Daughter loves a rich Nair boy, both in the same IT field. Parents performed "nischayataamboolam" in a grand manner. All invited people - including many died-in-the-wool orthodox tabras were reported to be highly approving of the alliance. Marriage is to take place, (Tabra fashion?) in May. The girl's father is very active in the Brahmin Association!

 

[CLN]

If LOVE is blind, GODS & GODDESSES seem (or, at least pretend) to be deaf, most of the times! In my son's case also, 'Karpagaambal' of Mylapore fame did just that!

 

[kunjuppu]

sangom,

i am continued to be amazed at how far we have come. to me, it appears that the pattars are more accommodating of IC marriages than their tamil nadu cousins. jsut a gut feeling from my own family experience, where i have extended branches on both sides of the ghats.

 

[CLN]

continued...

There is yet another case. Daughter loves a rich Nair boy, both in the same IT field. Parents performed "nischayataamboolam" in a grand manner. All invited people - including many died-in-the-wool orthodox tabras were reported to be highly approving of the alliance. Marriage is to take place, (Tabra fashion?) in May. The girl's father is very active in the Brahmin Association!

Great! It is almost the same story in my son's case too! 'Nischayataamboolam' was conducted in his case too - exactly a year and seven months before the date of marriage - in full TaBra orthodox style! (of course, in the same home atmosphere!) The unduly long time gap has been due to my son waiting in vain for possible changes in the home front!

 

[kunjuppu]

My nephew married a rajput girl, whom he met in the usa while studying. Both are phds. The nephew is an only son.

The parents held up the wedding for 2 years. The boy would not marry without the parents’ approval. The only sister was on his side. She appealed to me.

The boy’s father, and I are very close. I spend two hours shattering every possible argument that he had against the marriage. Within the hour after that he phoned his son and gave his blessings.

My only sorrow was that the children did not appeal to me earlier.

I visited them in the usa about a year ago, when the parents visited. The girl speaks now rudimentary tamil and also cooks tambram food. The two big gripes against the girl initially.

The wedding was conducted tambram style, in Chennai (girl is from Mumbai). The boy’s parents arranged everything as the girls’ family did not know the werwithals of a tambram wedding.

I cannot believe how silly sometimes parents are. Today they love the daughter in law as much as their daughter. Why cant this enlightenment come earlier? All the unnecessary pain these stupid parents put their kids through!!

 

[CLN]

kunjuppu: I cannot believe how silly sometimes parents are. Today they love the daughter in law as much as their daughter. Why cant this enlightenment come earlier? All the unnecessary pain these stupid parents put their kids through!!

What a nice and happy story! Blessed is the couple! Blessed are the parents too!!

 

[pcramabadran]

It is difficult to pry into the minds of educated children these children unless we know for sure that they would not overstep
the Lakshman Rekha and are well disposed towards arranged marriage. Invariably we see the children studying in the US
fix their partners themselves in advance and belatedly approach their parents for formal approval. Though the initial reaction
from the parents in case of intercaste or same cast love marriage would be of resentment, in the long run they end up
adapting themselves to the reality.

However there are instances in India where the parents do not approve of such marriages and are very obstinate till the
last with the result the children opting for their own partners in life are perforce required to stay out.

Adaptability in general develops universal love and gives immense strength and profound joy.

PC RAMABADRAN

 

[CLN]

PC RAMABADRAN: Invariably we see the children studying in the US fix their partners themselves in advance and belatedly approach their parents for formal approval.

I think the real reason for this is not so much as mistrust of their parents but of their own need to be doubly sure that they are making the right choice. Living in a country where marriages and divorces are equally frequent, our boys and girls are perhaps more weary of rushing into things. So, when they, at last, decide to communicate with their parents, there invariably well up shock, resentment and deep hurt in the minds of the poor parents, who, in their cocoon of Indian traditional safe ambiance, find it hard to stomach the fact that their 'infallible' children have also 'fallen' and failed them (the parents)! So, after the initial 'tremors' and 'eruptions' things settle down fast in the cases where "in the long run they end up adapting themselves to the reality". But, unfortunately, not all cases, end amicably this way. As mentioned, "there are instances in India where the parents do not approve of such marriages and are very obstinate till the last with the result the children opting for their own partners in life are perforce required to stay out".

Adaptability in general develops universal love and gives immense strength and profound joy.

Very true - the thing that is needed the most!