Marriage of brahmin boys - why late or no?

[biswa]

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OMG PSBB, IIT, MIT, epitome of TB achievement! Congrats Raji Ma'am!

Now will you be able to find a similar match for your grand-daughter as well?

 

[sarang]

In 20212 I received 26 wedding invitations from tambram relations and friends; in all cases the bride and the groom are tambrams, and about 25% - 7, iyer-iyengar combination.

Asking it in another way - what percentage of tambrams marry outside tambram community? I think it will be less than 10%.

 

[indianassault]

oNNE oNNu; kaNNE kaNNu! Happily married and has a three year old daughter!

Study in PSBB, IIT (M), MIT (US) are good enough to find a nice bride, right?

OMG...Too much padips family i think

 

[Raji Ram]

What to do friends!? With all the reservations and quotas prevailing in TN, only 'padips' helps the tambrams!

 

[Raji Ram]

OMG PSBB, IIT, MIT, epitome of TB achievement! Congrats Raji Ma'am!

Now will you be able to find a similar match for your grand-daughter as well?

She is only three years old now, Biswa Sir!

So, no plans now!

 

[SANDHYAV]

price break-up in INR

Dear Mrs. Raji Ram,

Well said. I agree with every word of yours. Recently one Girl rejected the alliance just before two months of the Muhurtham date,( for which "nichyathaartham" 200k

took place an year back). The alleged reason is that the boy's job may not be permanent in US. The boy, (only son for his parents ) is well qualified and holding good position and living in US for five years. This is inspite of the fact she had gone to US 50k

with her brother to meet the boy in person and to find out his position etc 100k.

The boy's parents were shell shocked by this sudden turn of events, since they had distributed the invitations to all the relatives and friends 10k.

They had to contact all those invitees apologetically over phone to inform the cancellation of the wedding.5k

Parents of the girl had to face equally worse situation and financial loss as well.
Both the parents have to face "loss of face" in their families due to this event.

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[vgane]

In 20212 I received 26 wedding invitations from tambram relations and friends; in all cases the bride and the groom are tambrams, and about 25% - 7, iyer-iyengar combination.

Asking it in another way - what percentage of tambrams marry outside tambram community? I think it will be less than 10%.

Such marriages involving Tambrahm with non brahmin or inter religion , IMHO, all India is about 40%...Most of the cases where there is B/NB or inter religion, you will not get the invitation...One of my close relatives married a Christian...The invitation was not given to many close relatives as they were considered orthodox and would feel bad...There was another marriage in which there was no invitation from bride side as none from their side attended the wedding ....In many instances these are conducted hush-hush....No questions asked...No peeping toms..It is much later that we come to know

In places like Bangalore it may be about 50%...There are many marriages with Keralites, esp Christians ...Bombay side is better...May be around 10-15%...Delhi side it is more than 60%...Marriages with Sikhs, Punjabis are quite common...My colony Iyer friend gave his daughter to a Sikh..Now his grandson is sporting a turban...When you feel ashamed of wearing Hindu symbols, now your own grandson is sporting a turban, kangha , kara , kaccha & kirpan

Pl note that these are my guesstimates based on the invitations we get & also based on what we see as a third person!

 

[kunjuppu]

In 20212 I received 26 wedding invitations from tambram relations and friends; in all cases the bride and the groom are tambrams, and about 25% - 7, iyer-iyengar combination.

Asking it in another way - what percentage of tambrams marry outside tambram community? I think it will be less than 10%.

i tend to agree with this post. all the weddings from chennai have been iyer/iyer weddings in my case, almost all love marriages. IC marriages, when i asked the views of the youngsters, either they or their parents were dead set against it. even where the parents did not mind, the kids wanted same caste.

did not mean these did not party, booze or eat non veg. these belonged to the upper middle class and had their own cars or scooties and went away as couples to vacation spots in india and sri lanka before the wedding. the parents apparently did not mind. i did not ask if the couples shared the rooms, as there were usually 3 or 4 couples, enough boys and girls to share rooms by genders.

times have changed. though i have middle middle class relations, 3 boys, no girls found, all moving through to 30s.

 

[Raji Ram]

Many of our N B friends got brahmin son in law / daughter in law!

And, there was a grand gAlA Madwa - Iyer wedding on 2nd Feb.

 

[Raji Ram]

............ times have changed. though i have middle middle class relations, 3 boys, no girls found, all moving through to 30s.

Dear Kunjuppu Sir,

I too have observed that those boys not in the higher bracket income (75 K p. m), even though handsome, find it difficult to get a

match in the our community. For those who earn very well, even the abnormal height comes as a hindrance to get a good match.

 

[krish44]

Dear Kunjuppu Sir,

I too have observed that those boys not in the higher bracket income (75 K p. m), even though handsome, find it difficult to get a

match in the our community. For those who earn very well, even the abnormal height comes as a hindrance to get a good match.

Have our children grown taller as compared to our generation. I find it is common place to find girls 5'6-5'8 and boys 5'11 and 6'1.in matrimonial sites. If one parent is a non Tamil brahmin ,it is difficult to find an arranged match in tamil brahmin community. They do not mind a brahmin from other states with a different mother tonguea but NB is taboo TBs intermarry easily now between iyers and iyengars .and thank the stars that it is not a NB

 

[krish44]

In 20212 I received 26 wedding invitations from tambram relations and friends; in all cases the bride and the groom are tambrams, and about 25% - 7, iyer-iyengar combination.

Asking it in another way - what percentage of tambrams marry outside tambram community? I think it will be less than 10%.

IMHO you are close to the mark When you guess TBs marrying outside brahmin community is less than 10 percent.TBs cannnot put up with anyone other than TBs,Casteism is at its worst in Tamilnadu. Thats why Tamil brahmin girls all over india other than Tamilnadu avoid TN brahmin boys and prefer boys bangalore and other metropolitan towns. These girls want boys with a liberal mindset which is lacking in TN grooms

 

[krish44]

i tend to agree with this post. all the weddings from chennai have been iyer/iyer weddings in my case, almost all love marriages. IC marriages, when i asked the views of the youngsters, either they or their parents were dead set against it. even where the parents did not mind, the kids wanted same caste.

did not mean these did not party, booze or eat non veg. these belonged to the upper middle class and had their own cars or scooties and went away as couples to vacation spots in india and sri lanka before the wedding. the parents apparently did not mind. i did not ask if the couples shared the rooms, as there were usually 3 or 4 couples, enough boys and girls to share rooms by genders.

times have changed. though i have middle middle class relations, 3 boys, no girls found, all moving through to 30s.

celebrations have to do with status namely upper middle class and it is not caste based . IC marriages go thru a rocky phase before and after the wedding in most cases . if the marriages last it is mostly due to the wisdom and sacrifice of the so called lower caste who put up with a lot of humiliation and insensitive remarks about their so called inferior caste. this is more in tamilnadu than other states

 

[krish44]

Such marriages involving Tambrahm with non brahmin or inter religion , IMHO, all India is about 40%...Most of the cases where there is B/NB or inter religion, you will not get the invitation...One of my close relatives married a Christian...The invitation was not given to many close relatives as they were considered orthodox and would feel bad...There was another marriage in which there was no invitation from bride side as none from their side attended the wedding ....In many instances these are conducted hush-hush....No questions asked...No peeping toms..It is much later that we come

In places like Bangalore it may be about 50%...There are many marriages with Keralites, esp Christians ...Bombay side is better...May be around 10-15%...Delhi side it is more than 60%...Marriages with Sikhs, Punjabis are quite common...My colony Iyer friend gave his daughter to a Sikh..Now his grandson is sporting a turban...When you feel ashamed of wearing Hindu symbols, now your own grandson is sporting a turban, kangha , kara , kaccha & kirpan

Pl note that these are my guesstimates based on the invitations we get & also based on what we see as a third person!

YVgane ji your figures appear a bit exaggerated. IC/IR marriages are mostly low key with limited invites to close relations and friends with a liberal mindset. Punjabi hindus with their fair colour and smartness are a fatal attaction for tamil brahmin girls. Sikh-tamil weddings are uncommon

 

[vgane]

YVgane ji your figures appear a bit exaggerated. IC/IR marriages are mostly low key with limited invites to close relations and friends with a liberal mindset. Punjabi hindus with their fair colour and smartness are a fatal attaction for tamil brahmin girls. Sikh-tamil weddings are uncommon

In our family , both my side and mrs side there were about 12 marriages in last 5 years....5 are IC/IR...1 is Same caste but different mother tongue...The cities where these IC/IR marriages happened are Chennai, Bangalore & Kochi

 

[sarang]

True, no invitation for IR weddings.

Most of the cases where there is B/NB or inter religion, you will not get the invitation.

 

[krish44]

In our family , both my side and mrs side there were about 12 marriages in last 5 years....5 are IC/IR...1 is Same caste but different mother tongue...The cities where these IC/IR marriages happened are Chennai, Bangalore & Kochi

vgane ji your family will be treated as one with a liberal mindset. are you pardon me for my curiosity from tamilnadu?

 

[P.J.]

Recently i came across this write up by Mrs.Meera Raghavan

தற்போது பிராமின் community இல் ஒற்றுமை இல்லை.தன் பெண்ணை பெரிய இடத்தில் கல்யாண் செய்து கொடுக்க எண்ணி நல்ல வரன்களை (நல்ல family back round)ஒதுக்கிவிட்டு பெண் சம்பாத்யத்தில் காலம் ஓட்டுகின்றனர்.(very sorry to say, it happens )பிறகு அந்தப் பெண் வேறு ஜாதிப் பையனை கல்யாணம் செய்துகொள்ளும் நிலை(பிடிவாதமாக)ஏற்படுகிறது.வேறு வழி இல்லாமல் (upper middle class-ஆக இருந்தால்தான்)ஒத்துகொள்வர்.

பிறகு என்ன குப்பற விழுந்தாலும் மீசையில் மண் ஒட்டாத case தான்.அதனால் please பெண்ணைப் பெற்றவர்களே நல்ல வரன் பார்த்து கல்யாணம் பண்ணுங்கள்.பணம் என்னைக்கு வேண்டுமானாலும் சம்பாதிக்கலாம்.வேற்று மதக்காரர்கள் brahmin பெண்களை குறி வைத்து love propose செய்கிறார்கள்.Be Ware.நாம் ஒரு உறுதி மொழி எடுத்துக்கொண்டு நம் குழந்தைகளை அதன்படி நடக்கும்படிச் செய்யவேண்டும்.

வெகு நாட்களாக என்னை உருத்திக்கொண்டு இருக்கும் விஷயம் இது.

(சில குடும்பங்களில் நடக்கும் விஷயம்தான் இது)


I think many will agree with this view.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear P J Sir,

In many families, it is the mom of the girl who sets the rules. Did you not read earlier in our forum that one lady, mom of a 5 year old,
told her friend that she will demand 'varadhakshiNai' from the groom, when her daughter grows up to marriageable age! opcorn:

 

[krish44]

Recently i came across this write up by Mrs.Meera Raghavan

தற்போது பிராமின் community இல் ஒற்றுமை இல்லை.தன் பெண்ணை பெரிய இடத்தில் கல்யாண் செய்து கொடுக்க எண்ணி நல்ல வரன்களை (நல்ல family back round)ஒதுக்கிவிட்டு பெண் சம்பாத்யத்தில் காலம் ஓட்டுகின்றனர்.(very sorry to say, it happens )பிறகு அந்தப் பெண் வேறு ஜாதிப் பையனை கல்யாணம் செய்துகொள்ளும் நிலை(பிடிவாதமாக)ஏற்படுகிறது.வேறு வழி இல்லாமல் (upper middle class-ஆக இருந்தால்தான்)ஒத்துகொள்வர்.

பிறகு என்ன குப்பற விழுந்தாலும் மீசையில் மண் ஒட்டாத case தான்.அதனால் please பெண்ணைப் பெற்றவர்களே நல்ல வரன் பார்த்து கல்யாணம் பண்ணுங்கள்.பணம் என்னைக்கு வேண்டுமானாலும் சம்பாதிக்கலாம்.வேற்று மதக்காரர்கள் brahmin பெண்களை குறி வைத்து love propose செய்கிறார்கள்.Be Ware.நாம் ஒரு உறுதி மொழி எடுத்துக்கொண்டு நம் குழந்தைகளை அதன்படி நடக்கும்படிச் செய்யவேண்டும்.

வெகு நாட்களாக என்னை உருத்திக்கொண்டு இருக்கும் விஷயம் இது.

(சில குடும்பங்களில் நடக்கும் விஷயம்தான் இது)


I think many will agree with this view.

In arranged marriages ,there have to be some compromises. there is nothing like the best match . IMHO,there can be no compromises on high education of boys and girls . both should be economically self sufficient . one of them should have the capabilty to take charge and run the household with the help of he other. there needs to be proper division of work and capability to run the family as a unit . there can be compromises on horoscopes and subcastes . any brahmin should be able to accept any other if not other caste or religion. language should not be a barrier. parents should accept childrens choice as they are the ones getting into the relationship. post marriage roles of parents on both sides should be clear to both families. marriage should not be ostentatious with minimum spending. dowry can be avoided .if the relationship is based on healthy respect and is equitable between boys and girls it will be a success .else it is misery for both

 

[vgane]

vgane ji your family will be treated as one with a liberal mindset. are you pardon me for my curiosity from tamilnadu?

Yes..We are Iyers from Tamil Nadu..The families are not liberal..When children go liberal what will happen to parents....Out of the 5, there was this girl who studied in PSBB but when she went berserk (she decided to marry on her own accord) without informing, the entire family was crying.. inconsolable...I have seen the agony from close quarters in IC/IR marriages

Out of the above 5 cases, 4 are girls..In the 5th one, the guy (parents are from Palghat) who is based out of Kochi chose a Christian partner..Now the orthodox parents are forced to live with their son's family..They have 2 young boys....The parents were forced to reconcile...Each is a separate story...When there is an inter religion marriage, the contacts with rest of the family members wither away...

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Ganesh Sir,

Marriage without parent's consent do happen in quite a few families. Invariably, it is the orthodox parents who get the news of

the marriage after it is OVER!! Liberal parents are 'told' about the choice and they reluctantly attend the wedding. There are
many IC and IR weddings in my family and in-laws families! If the couple are settled abroad the problems are less! eace:

 

[Raji Ram]

The usual consolation is this: 'nAma enna sambandhi veettukku dhinamumA pOgappOROm?' :car: . . . :nono:

 

[tbs]

The usual consolation is this: 'nAma enna sambandhi veettukku dhinamumA pOgappOROm?' :car: . . . :nono:

hi

sometimes like this too......ENNA AANALUM THAAYUM SEYUM ONTRU THAANE.....ATHUKUNNU NAAMA VITTU KUDUKKAVA MUDIYUM....

ENNA AANAALUM AVA NAMMA PONNU THAANE.....ENGE IRUNTHAKKUM SANTHOSHAMA IRUNTHA PODUM.....likw this i heard

from orthodox TB families in USA..here the case....the tb gal married a white boy...in another case..very orthodox tb boy married

a white gal.... i heard fron both families.....AVA RENDU ROMBA SANTHOSHAMAGA THAAN IRUKKARAANGA...these words from

mamis of 2 families....but both mamas are silent...no comments abt white boy/white gal...

 

[krish44]

Yes..We are Iyers from Tamil Nadu..The families are not liberal..When children go liberal what will happen to parents....Out of the 5, there was this girl who studied in PSBB but when she went berserk (she decided to marry on her own accord) without informing, the entire family was crying.. inconsolable...I have seen the agony from close quarters in IC/IR marriages

Out of the above 5 cases, 4 are girls..In the 5th one, the guy (parents are from Palghat) who is based out of Kochi chose a Christian partner..Now the orthodox parents are forced to live with their son's family..They have 2 young boys....The parents were forced to reconcile...Each is a separate story...When there is an inter religion marriage, the contacts with rest of the family members wither away...

you know something interesting when two members in my inlaws family married- girl different caste,boy different religion christian ,both got disowned for almost a lifetime. interestingly when my father in law was seriously ill with dementia, in his last year before passing away both looked after him . Disowned daughter arranged to live with her father for one year and the son financed it-probably due to guilt complex. the boy also performed the last rites with christian daughter in law in madisar and thali participating in full. life can be stranger than fiction.