Matrimonial sites. Searching for truth.

[Ramacchandran]

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Now a days the so called leading matrimonialsites, which displays profiles of girls mentions that the girl's horoscope doesn't show/ indicates dosha and the boy's horoscope should be pure! But the profile quotes that the Girl and the parents of the girl doesn't mind the drinking habits and eating habits and what they want is only horoscope match and the boy should earn more than Rs100,000 per month. Is this a false ad or the really the parents of these girls wish? I have collected nearly 50 profiles like this and called one of them. One man said, my daughter too drinks but only for a sip! but she doesn't mind if her would be a social drinker but should not take in volumes. Further he added even our temple priest drinks ! then he asked me to send the horoscope of my son (When I said it has no dosha he rejected and said it is my astrologer to decide and not the groom's side!) But he never mentioned about his daughter in all the dialogues. Will any one come forward to explain this?

 

[maya36]

I agree with you, my ex husband he was drinking too much every night, I am now divorced

 

[Achitra]

yes, you are to some extent right........ girl's side demand is very much unreasonable - but i feel that nature is punishing the Male gender for the same acts (i.e. being unreasonable when seeking a bride 10 years back) the demands of the Groom were untolerable and many many ladies and their family shed tears and have to be a Vazhavetti because of the unreasonable expectation from the groom and his family members. Now the cycle has changed and I feel it this way and its my personal feeling - by writing like this I am not supporting today's trend and the activities of the bride's side......... but to say THIS WILL ALSO CHANGE -

 

[maya36]

Brahmin Men

yes, you are to some extent right........ girl's side demand is very much unreasonable - but i feel that nature is punishing the Male gender for the same acts (i.e. being unreasonable when seeking a bride 10 years back) the demands of the Groom were untolerable and many many ladies and their family shed tears and have to be a Vazhavetti because of the unreasonable expectation from the groom and his family members. Now the cycle has changed and I feel it this way and its my personal feeling - by writing like this I am not supporting today's trend and the activities of the bride's side......... but to say THIS WILL ALSO CHANGE -

I am now looking for a nice and strong non-brahmin man who knows how to fullfill womens needs

 

[Ramacchandran]

Dear Maya,

The Horoscopes never tell lies! We who fail to understand due to creed. If the horoscope says that the girl will not cross the city where she lives, only few astrologers tell the truth!, but the parents wish to perform prayachiththa and with their money power try to buy the astrologers and god. The problems start there only! The rich perform yaga and Yagna which will live shortly giving side effects. The girl or groom doesn't know this as it is above their knowledge.
A learned and experience astrologer can judge a man's activity and tell the star and horoscope.

Nothing is free in the society and we are to loose something to gain something!
Now the brahmin girls are marrying non brahmins and as the brought up of the girl is excellent in our society the people from other caste and religion are ready to marry the bride. But a brahmin boy prefers to wait as long as he can!

In our area there was a brahmin girl, who loved a non brahmin and married at the age of 20. The parents fought a lot but all went in deaf ears! After 4 or 5 years the girl got Cancer and boy unable to spend money vanished. The parents long ago vacated their house due to shame and their whereabouts unknown!

Now I don't know where the entire family is!

So the fate decides our life and not the horoscopes.

The parents of both groom and bride has a right to fight to get a good living but in the married life they should avoid telling lies as it is the livelihood of the next generation.

In our society there are brahmins in non brahmins and non brahmins in brahmins.

Wish you to get a right person a brahmin by his behavior and activity.

 

[Ramacchandran]

look for brides select age 22 to 25., look their expectations. They say what ever I quoted. Is it possible for a boy at the age of 25 to earn Rs100,000 per month? We are Brahmins who abide by rules of our own community , one of which is don't cheat and blame others for money. May be one a million may earn Rs100,000 per month!


How many engineers IT professionals we have whether all of them are earning the amount Rs100,000 P.M? Is the IT engineers are Happy?


Further the parents of the brides get lots of scholarships as their daughter is studying engineering. But a boy?


I know a boy Iyer, who distributed newspaper early in the morning then go to school and so on. Now he is working part time and doing his B.Com., and do cloth ironing. I wonder how his future would be? He is a B.com., a poor boy who will marry him?


When lot of Brahmin youth are waiting with higher qualification who will marry him?


The other day my wife spoke with a bride's mother and she said, Rs 40,000 a month?? No madam we expect the take home salary of the boy should be Rs 60,000.
After marriage my daughter will not go for employment!


We are seeing her profile at a famous matrimony even after 2 years No takers!


Only one in Million will ask for culture but they won't open the topic in public.


If you wish I will send the list of brides who doesn't bother about Smoking habits, Drinking Habits and eating habits, and others who want only Rs 1,200,000 per year



No where in their profile expectations they put they wish to have a boy who does sandhyavanthanam every day, Vishnu sahasranama Parayana, Rudram and chamakam parayana etc.



Will you show a single parent or a bride who married a brahmin boy because he did Santhyavanthanam every day, read Vishnu Sahasranama, Rudram chamakam etc.?



If any one show a family like this I am ready to fall at their feet to seek blessings.

 

[C RAVI]

look for brides select age 22 to 25., look their expectations. They say what ever I quoted. Is it possible for a boy at the age of 25 to earn Rs100,000 per month? We are Brahmins who abide by rules of our own community , one of which is don't cheat and blame others for money. May be one a million may earn Rs100,000 per month!


How many engineers IT professionals we have whether all of them are earning the amount Rs100,000 P.M? Is the IT engineers are Happy?


Further the parents of the brides get lots of scholarships as their daughter is studying engineering. But a boy?


I know a boy Iyer, who distributed newspaper early in the morning then go to school and so on. Now he is working part time and doing his B.Com., and do cloth ironing. I wonder how his future would be? He is a B.com., a poor boy who will marry him?


When lot of Brahmin youth are waiting with higher qualification who will marry him?


The other day my wife spoke with a bride's mother and she said, Rs 40,000 a month?? No madam we expect the take home salary of the boy should be Rs 60,000.
After marriage my daughter will not go for employment!


We are seeing her profile at a famous matrimony even after 2 years No takers!


Only one in Million will ask for culture but they won't open the topic in public.


If you wish I will send the list of brides who doesn't bother about Smoking habits, Drinking Habits and eating habits, and others who want only Rs 1,200,000 per year



No where in their profile expectations they put they wish to have a boy who does sandhyavanthanam every day, Vishnu sahasranama Parayana, Rudram and chamakam parayana etc.



Will you show a single parent or a bride who married a brahmin boy because he did Santhyavanthanam every day, read Vishnu Sahasranama, Rudram chamakam etc.?



If any one show a family like this I am ready to fall at their feet to seek blessings.

Shri Ramachandran,

Hardly I could find folks like you who tries to expose the ground reality with all honesty.

When ever I have attempted to highlight this issue of our community, I used to get lots of feedback to enlighten me that, my grievences are nonsense. And that, I am irresponsible or impractical though I used to agree that, as humans such girls have their right to look for what exactly they want for their life, in this dynamic Global environment.

I was told that girls are accomplishing a lot purly out of their hardwork and intelligence and obvisouly they would look for upword mobility. What I used to wonder is, when these girl's primary requirement is only upward mobility why are they perticular about marrying Brahmin boys? Why can't they specify - "Caste no Bar" and get married soon with Mr.Right?

The irony is, I used to get feedback that, people like me and you are blamming such girls ridiculously just because we are MEN. LOL.

Honestly I feel sorry for these girls and their parents who fail to get their daughters married off atleast before 30 years of age with guys earning Rs.1 Lakh or more than 60 Thousand a month, along with their expectation of not more than 3 years of age difference, irrespective of the caste the guys belongs to.

I doubt if the parents know about their daughter's Love affair with some guy belonging to different caste or religion OR the parents and girls are prepared to get married with such other guys BUT place such adds to justify to the society that, they could not get the guy of their choice from their same community and so the girl have decided on her own to marry a guy belonging to other caste/religion?

 

[renuka]

Just to add,frankly I am surprised to see such demands.

May be the situation here differs but out here when we marry none of us professional women are demanding.

We just make sure the family background matches us and the groom is also a professional and none of us even ask what he earns cos its we feel that once we get married combined income of husband and wife will be sufficient and we can build a home together.
Becos as proffesionals we also know that the groom must be earning around the same or more or slightly less than us depending on the field they are in.

What we look for in a fellow professional is good habits like non drinking,non smoker and a believe in God and not materialistic.

I feel the gunas of a person is more important than their salary cos salary will go up yearly but gunas might decline if they were never there to start with.

 

[renuka]

The irony is, I used to get feedback that, people like me and you are blamming such girls ridiculously just because we are MEN. LOL.

No Ravi..not anymore.
I remember you wrote one long post in some thread explaining the situation faced by TB boys in marriage and then I fully understood the situation.

I have to admit that with the torch of information,you opened my eyes that were previously blinded by the darkness of lack of information..unto that dear Ravi..I offer my salutations.

ajñāna-timirāndhasya jñānāñjana-śalākayā cakṣur-unmīlitaṁ yena tasmai śrī-ravaye namaḥ.

 

[C RAVI]

No Ravi..not anymore.
I remember you wrote one long post in some thread explaining the situation faced by TB boys in marriage and then I fully understood the situation.

I have to admit that with the torch of information,you opened my eyes that were previously blinded by the darkness of lack of information..unto that dear Ravi..I offer my salutations.

ajñāna-timirāndhasya jñānāñjana-śalākayā cakṣur-unmīlitaṁ yena tasmai śrī-ravaye namaḥ.

Dear Renuka,

Glad to note that, with my long post in the thread "Brahmin boys marrying Non Hindu/Non Indian girls", started by you, with the very purpose of questioning the support given to a Brahmin guy (only in the sense to question that, why such supports can not be expected if TB girls marry out of caste) of our dearest Vietnamese girl member - theblues, you could understand the real situation of TB guys in TN. And that you could some how realize - you can not dismiss the claims of the members here who voice their views pertaining to the ground reality in TN, just keeping in mind the prevailing environment in Malaysia, with only NRI's and PIO's.


I dunno if any other member like you could understand my post in that thread and could realize the gravity of the issue in real.

 

[Ramacchandran]

If the Brahmin grooms start like this marrying only for money, they can go for rich people irrespective caste and religion, What will happen?

Secondly the present generation prefers to do sratham etc., at a hall, Madam as they have little place to live and in flats. Where creating smoke is opposed by co occupants.Our prohihs also will help after accepting the dakshina that their parents knows the present day problems and they will bless.

Secondly the entire Brahmin community will be vanished if everyone go behind money and if there is no woman available in our own community. There are some suggestions that Brahmin boys and parents should approach the Anaathai Illam and if ask for a girl to marry they will give. If entire boys turn their eyes, and marry the orphan girl what will be the result?

 

[C RAVI]

There are some suggestions that Brahmin boys and parents should approach the Anaathai Illam and if ask for a girl to marry they will give. If entire boys turn their eyes, and marry the orphan girl what will be the result?

Shr Ramachandran,
.
The above is what is my opinion for the last 2 years and I used to tell to the people in my known circle, including those Mamas and Maamis in my neighbourhood. I am of the same opinion and used to discuss with my brother too. If all the parents of the boys decide to approach women welfare associations/Ashrams and seek orphan girls for their boys, that would be the most appreciable and sensible decission.

The boys can have a meaningful married life through such girls and these girls would also value the relationships. I would say that, it would just not be like offering a life for those girls by the boys BUT a mutual give and take for the fulfillment of both the boys and girls. These orphan girls once married to Brahmin guys would automatically come into Brahmins fold and many a chance of them respecting and following some of the traditions/customes that these boys could wish and could follow.

The attempts should be from parents side, for the orphanage heads & girls to feel safe and happy. Guys alone approaching them would not be conviencing and trusting to them, IMO.

Sadly, when I discuss such things with some of the parents of the guys, who all are seriously looking alliance for their boys working in India and US, these parents don't give any serious thought to it. Ironically, including my parents.

I think boys parents are emotionally influenced when it is about finding an alliance and getting their sons married.

 

[sugaz007]

Hi Mayi36,


I cant send PM's.

If you are vegetarian brahmin (language no bar) with no child then Please see my profile in tamilmatrimony.com [

M1537982​

]

I dont drink or smoke.


I currently work in London, but can relocate.


If interested please let us know with your contact details so that i can ask my parents /brother to get in touch with you.

Email: [email protected]

Regards,
Sugavaneswaran.S


Mobile : +447536583757

 

[Ramacchandran]

For the last few weeks, myself and an astrologer sat with a computer and started matching horoscope, and my astrologer selected six among 56 horoscope, and said 3 found above 80% and 4, 70%. Then I called up the bride's side and informed them and sent my son's horoscope. They didn't reply.


Then I again called one by one this day and asked them if they went for comparing the horoscope. The reply "Not Matching!" My astrologer took the phone from me and asked with whom they met, and argued he is ready for a debate, and who ever say that the horoscope they gave on the matrimonysite perfectly matches and who ever say that it is not coinciding might be fake, and asked them the name of the astrologer and his address so that he can meet him and study his views and in which angle he saw the matching. The reply came "Chapter Closed!"


So the horoscope matches well but the bride's side is not interested. We are seeing the profile in the same site for 2 years. Then went to temple. In the temple there were person's like me and most of them cursed the bride's side and as a brahmin they are not suppose to blame the horoscope and lie on horoscope, which is VEDA for us. These people will kill the parents of the groom form money and do anything for money! They are not brahmins at all!

 

[renuka]

For the last few weeks, myself and an astrologer sat with a computer and started matching horoscope, and my astrologer selected six among 56 horoscope, and said 3 found above 80% and 4, 70%. Then I called up the bride's side and informed them and sent my son's horoscope. They didn't reply.


Then I again called one by one this day and asked them if they went for comparing the horoscope. The reply "Not Matching!" My astrologer took the phone from me and asked with whom they met, and argued he is ready for a debate, and who ever say that the horoscope they gave on the matrimonysite perfectly matches and who ever say that it is not coinciding might be fake, and asked them the name of the astrologer and his address so that he can meet him and study his views and in which angle he saw the matching. The reply came "Chapter Closed!"


So the horoscope matches well but the bride's side is not interested. We are seeing the profile in the same site for 2 years. Then went to temple. In the temple there were person's like me and most of them cursed the bride's side and as a brahmin they are not suppose to blame the horoscope and lie on horoscope, which is VEDA for us. These people will kill the parents of the groom form money and do anything for money! They are not brahmins at all!

Dear sir,

Sometimes brides side have to decline politely when they are not keen for a match.
So may be they are saying no match in the horoscope cos they do not want to offend the groom in any other way.

I once had a proposal from a family who could not take no for an answer.
I had my own reasons to reject the proposal so we just used the excuse that I am not yet ready to settle down.

See I could not use the horoscope not matching excuse cos it was matching..so I thought of this excuse and even then the family was asking why why why etc.

So please dont get angry with brides side...you have to understand that its hard to find the excuse to reject a proposal without hurting anyones feelings.

 

[Ramacchandran]

The horoscope of a male or female is a Veda for us. My point is they must not tell lies on horoscope. When we visit temples, we do Archana on Star. In the name of star a Brahmin should not tell lie. We celebrate out aptha poorthy, birth star etc., and we praise the star.

So my advice do not blame horoscope. We are watched by the star 2hrs a day and all through our life. If the star get angry with us as we tell lie, and curse what will happen?
Secondly we believe in rebirth and karma. So please avoid telling lies on horoscope.

 

[Ramacchandran]

Further Nakshatra is the place where the devas live RV Mandala I, Sooktham 50, Ashtagam I Athyayam 4., Rig 2.(This is AApri Sooktham). In the name of nakshatra we have Nakshatra suktham.
So dear Brahmins please kindly avoid creating an excuses in the name of birth star and horoscope. The lie you tell to day may affect your daughter's future.

 

[Raji Ram]

There are different ways of matching the horoscopes! In my experience, generally the Kerala astrologer's matching differs from

a Tamil Nadu astrologer's matching.

Our astrologer from Kerala gave one horoscope as 'excellent' matching with that of my son's horoscope but it was not matching

for the girl's parents, since their astrologer is in Chennai. But as Renu says, if the girls have some reason for rejecting the

proposal (salary, skin colour, height, weight, number of siblings, place of work, joint family etc) the easiest way is to say that

horoscopes do not match!!

 

[renuka]

There are different ways of matching the horoscopes! In my experience, generally the Kerala astrologer's matching differs from

a Tamil Nadu astrologer's matching.

Our astrologer from Kerala gave one horoscope as 'excellent' matching with that of my son's horoscope but it was not matching

for the girl's parents, since their astrologer is in Chennai. But as Renu says, if the girls have some reason for rejecting the

proposal (salary, skin colour, height, weight, number of siblings, place of work, joint family etc) the easiest way is to say that

horoscopes do not match!!

Dear RR Ji,

Some grooms side do not take No for an answer and they feel as if its the boy who has the Veto power and not the girl.

One proposal I had..their family thought since the horoscope matched and their son was also a proffesional so what was the reason I didnt want the match?

See its hard to tell some one that you are rejecting them on the grounds of looks so we cook up some excuse or the other so that the guy wont feel hurt.

 

[Raji Ram]

.......Some grooms side do not take No for an answer and they feel as if its the boy who has the Veto power and not the girl. .......

You are absolutely right Renu! Only the bride is expected to be fair and beautiful and not the groom! There is a proverb to support them... 'UdhyOgam purusha lakshaNam'!! :high5: But times are changing.

 

[C RAVI]

Dear RR Ji,

Some grooms side do not take No for an answer and they feel as if its the boy who has the Veto power and not the girl.

One proposal I had..their family thought since the horoscope matched and their son was also a proffesional so what was the reason I didnt want the match?

See its hard to tell some one that you are rejecting them on the grounds of looks so we cook up some excuse or the other so that the guy wont feel hurt.

You are right dear Renuka,

Almost all the parents are only worried about marriage of their sons/daughters doesn't matter how they look like. Suppose, if bride/groom side rejects a matching horoscope falsely saying that their astrologer has rejected, since the girl/boy didn't like the others look, the parents of the boys/girls are getting upset, whereas the guys and gals can well understand.

Parents only think - What's wrong with my son/daughter? He/she has good education, good job and high salary as per the expectations of the girls/boys. Moreover horoscope is also matching. Then why should he/she be rejected? They fail to realize that may be their son's/daughter's look is not attractive to the girls/boys.

Kakaavukku thann kunju pon kunju...


What to do? Life is like that for guys and gals who have plain looks

 

[renuka]

What to do? Life is like that for guys and gals who have plain looks

Dear Ravi,

Its not about plain looks..its about the looks that attracts you.
That is where the personality of a person comes in..its not all about looks.

Sometimes a person's features might not be perfect but he/she might have a striking personality and have that wow factor.

Ok homework for today is this;

Compare Shah Rukh Khan and Abhishek Bachan.

SRK is only 5 feet 8 inches
He doesnt have perfect features.

Abhishek Bachan is some 6 feet 2 inches
Overall his features are good and balanced.

But its SRK who has a better personality and that wow factor and comes out a winner in appearance.
Get what I mean?

Its not all about being picture perfect but its all about the picture the prospective groom/bride paints in your heart.

 

[Raji Ram]

​Very well said, Renu!!

 

[sunkan]

lately my daughter's salary has become a problem as the boys feel she is earning more than them so what do you people say for that i have also never felt this way before....sunkan

 

[S.Ramanathan]

"but the parents wish to perform prayachiththa and with their money power try to buy the astrologers and god. The problems start there only! The rich perform yaga and Yagna which will live shortly giving side effects"

Ramachandran sir can we change our karma by above?